Worst Parent of the Year Award goes to... Me!!!

[makbear]

Does anyone ever just feel like a big failure? Today I feel like a GD failure, and just a failure as a parent in general. My two year old is attacking my 6 month old, and honestly, I am just sick of explaining to him why he shouldn't be doing this, so today I just had a breif meltdown (yelling :bag: )! DS is a pretty smart fellow and lately has just been rough with baby, so we've explained over and over again why this isn't acceptable, yet he gives me a big smile and pinches her little cheek. I ask him why and he says because he wanted to! She's was in tears from the pinch, he was in tears from my reaction and I was in tears from frustration. AGHHHH! I strive to be a kind parent who is gentle and loving, yet somedays I just feel soooooo frustrated and I just don't know what to do. Before baby was born, I never had days where I just felt like the worst parent ever, but latley I feel like it everyday!
I need suggestions! I think what I really need to hear is that I am not alone and other mama's get frustrated too. I love my children dearly, but today I just wanted to run away! Is this horrible? Does anyone else ever feel like this?
What do other mama's do when they feel like this? Anyone have any book suggestions? :help

[boongirl]

I only have one child and therefore no clue how to take care of two little ones. But, I wanted to tell you that it is perfectly human to loose it everyone once in a while. You are under a lot of stress. My nearly 3 year old is treating our dog the same way your ds is treating the baby. We all make mistakes. Don't give yourself such a hard time. Talk to your older son about what happened. Admitting you made a mistake is a hard thing to do but if he sees you doing it it will be easier for him to understand how to do it himself.

I hope you get some good advice from other mamas and I hope your partner gives you a much needed break tonite so you can have some relaxing "me" time. You deserve it.

[georgia]

Oh, yes!!! You are in good company ;) I find calling someone (usually dh can really help me gain perspective). Do you have anyone you can call at a moment's notice when you're feeling really yucky or about to lose it? A mothering mentor? Someone with a non-judgemental ear? Heck, call a movie theater's recording and just VENT!!!

I can't tell you how many times I've said, "I can't do this anymore." But, I regroup and figure it out. Sometimes it just feels good to get it out!! Usually, it's me who needs taking care of. My attitude, perceptions, emotions, etc. Making time for mommy is important. Recharging your battery can do wonders.

Hope you feel like you're not alone. We all have cruddy days. For me, they remind me how wonderful the good days are :) Here's to many good days to come!

A book suggestion? The phone book to call for take-out, have a huge, silly picnic on the floor and just enjoy yourselves and live in the moment :hug

[irinam]

You are NOT the worst parent! I do have two, but they are far apart and I still loose it sometimes! We all do.

We are humans learning how to be mommies (and I believe we are re-learning with every child, cuz they sure are different :lol ). And just like in learning anything, we make mistakes, loose patience, etc., I sometimes feel like I can not allow that because after all it's not the kid's fault we don't know everything. But that's not true. It's part of becoming a good parent and you have one of the harder tasks to be a mother of two little ones.

Don't be too harsh on yourself.

As for what I do when I feel like this... I talk to someone. Dh, or a friend, or just like you did - come to MDC :)

And big ditto to "me" time. Mine is after DD goes to bed and DH or DS are up to listen "just in case". I lock myself in a bathroom, light up candles, turn off the lights, get myself a nice bubble bath with anything that smells of lavender (relaxing) Then, of course, there is a good night sleep. I remember being more on the edge when I aways wanted to push myself a little harder "I better clean something rather than sleeping that extra hour". Wrong! I am way better "behaved" when I had enough sleep.

I know getting enough sleep must be hard with two little ones, but try. Hugs to you mama.

[zavierchick]

yep, me too! Peanut has been on a mode of PUSHING buttons this whole week- Little Man is cruising around the furniture now (walking while holding on) and she will "accidentally" run into him, or "hug" him hard enought to make him yell, or snatch things out of his hands, then throw them back at him if you catch her at it (usually bonking him in the head) It is super frustrating, and I have been on the "run screaming down the street" end of things a bunch this month. I don't have any good book suggestions, but we have been teaching Peanut for almost a year about "breathing" to calm herself down when she is upset, or getting too hyped out, and it is good advice for us mamas, too. We do two or three "breaths" together, blowing in each other's faces- sometimes it chills us all out, sometimes it just makes us laugh, but it usually takes the focus away from whatever irritant started the whole mess :innocent Hope that helps, and hang in there...you're doing fine!

[Soundhunter]

Oh, yes!!! You are in good company ;) I find calling someone (usually dh can really help me gain perspective). Do you have anyone you can call at a moment's notice when you're feeling really yucky or about to lose it? A mothering mentor? Someone with a non-judgemental ear? Heck, call a movie theater's recording and just VENT!!!

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: (what a freakin funny idea!!!!)

I had a moment today, I'm pregnant and VERY tired, and admittedly less patient than usual (grouchiness was my first symtom which prompted me to test :o ) Today my annoying yet lovable MIL was over to try and help with Emma so that I could nap, and Emma wouldn't listen to a thing she said (she bosses Emma around too much in Croatian/English, Emma tunes her out) I was in a blissful sleep and they where bickering all around me and I woke up and yelled at both of them!!!! I don't feel too bad, sometimes Emma is grouchy, sometimes Emil is grouchy, and sometimes I'm grouchy (much more often when I'm pregnant!) I think it's human. I personally don't feel that bad, I didn't attack Emma's character or insult her or put her down, I just let everyone know that I was trying to sleep and that waking me up was a treacherous prospect. I think there is room for a wide range of human emotions in the GD household, as long as you do your best to stay away from violent attacks, emotionally or physically, against your children. If you are yelling frequently, that's probably a good sign that you need a break or some help. If it's just something that happens sometimes because you are just frustrated and "can't take it anymore", I don't personally believe it harms anyone, as long as it's never personal, and as long as you apologize after and explain that you where just having a bad day and that everything is ok. (and of course, be understanding when it's DS's turn :wink )

[Piglet68]

Oh, gosh. I've had many moments where I felt I deserved the worst parent award.

But you know what I realized today - after going through those times, I'm feeling even more confident in myself as time goes by. Seems screwing up sometimes makes me appreciate how well I parent in the good times. :)

Here's a big ol' hug for you! :hug

[Storm Bride]

makbear: You can hide your head because you yelled at your toddler if you want. But...I actually smacked dd day before yesterday for the same reason. She wanted me to rinse her toothbrush (which she'd covered in Colgate), and I told her she had to wait until the baby finished nursing...so she whacked him in the head with her toothbrush. I was so angry at such an assault on my baby that I started to smack her before my brain kicked in and reminded me that she's my baby, too! I pulled it, but not in time...poor baby girl cried her eyes out, and I cried my eyes out and it was awful for everybody.

We're all sick, and none of us is at our best. I told her over and over how sorry I was, and I meant it. But, that doesn't take it away. I've felt like the worst parent ever more than once. But...you know what? Neither of us is the worst parent ever - we're just humans, trying to do our best by our precious children. It's hard when one child is being rough on another, because the mama bear comes rushing to the surface - but mama bear loves all the baby bears! This is a tremendously difficult job, and we all screw up sometimes. At least dd knows that what I did wasn't okay..

*sigh*
Why does it feel as though weeks/months of good parenting don't even count when we have one really bad day?

[angela&avery]

I love my children dearly, but today I just wanted to run away! Is this horrible? Does anyone else ever feel like this?
What do other mama's do when they feel like this? Anyone have any book suggestions? :help

Than do.... just run away!! LOL, no really, I have two children ages 2 and 4. Things get tough with two. Its hard to learn how to cope, but you will. I started doing major yelling with two kids, also, and doubting my parenting skills. The fact of the matter is, it is very hard. My second, my dd, she ended up being very strong willed. So, while things were ok when she was a baby and ds was 2, at 1 and 3 I was going nuts. I spend dd's whole second year from age 1 to 2 trying to fit this square child into a round hole!!

Now that she is two I have recognized she needs to be parented differently than ds did, and she is so much happier. Without giving up some authority, I have been able to empower her a lot of the time and give her the independance and autonomy she was craving. (but thats another story).

Your two year old is probably doing this bc he can, and he is two, and he doesnt know why, though it could be that he is upset with the change in his life, a little jealous, and simply bc he is two. What I would do? If ds is free to run around, dd could be..... in a sling, up high in a seat ( i know it may not be very ok, but i used to put dd in a bouncy seat on our kitchen island so that she could see me while i cooked, etc). If you need to let her stretch out on the floor, you could engage him adn keep him with you doing things busy. I think its ok to state very clear that pitching is not ok.... calm and firm "that hurts, no pinching", and leave it at that. Anything further is wasted breathe as he wont take it in.. and remember, yelling just sounds like loud "WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH" to kids. I yell, I hate that I yell, im working very hard not to , and its getting better. I read "How to talk so kids will listen........" and Im working on reading "kids are worth it" (which is nice bc its teaching me to respect them more).

oh, and the reason I said to run away is bc, maybe you need a break, and thats ok too. Sometimes its nice just to take one kid out to run errands with you, rather than both, I did that a lot when dd was little as it was a lot for dh to handle a babe and 2 year old. Sometimes I just did my errands at night by myself. Sometimes I go shopping at night just before bedtime and let dh handle the bedtime routine. For a while I did jazz class at 7pm every thursday. Sometimes Ill go out with a friend for a hot chocolate and to chat at 730-8pm till 9 or so.... .its so great. I didnt have the money, but you could also hire a teenager a couple afternoons a week to help you out. The teen plays with ds while you get things done, nap , or bathe the babe.... and the teen holds the babe while you spend some one on one time with your 2 year old.

It is hard, but you will figure it out, and dont beat yourself up over a little yelling. It happens, we get frusterated, we learn from it and move on. The fact that you are here and recognizing it is the first step to helping yourself.

[makbear]

Thanks Mama's for all of the support and suggestions! It's really nice to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I think I will slip out to a movie all alone this week, maybe I'll feel like a new person afterwards, we'll see. Thanks again!