I'm losing it!!!

[MotherWhimsey]

This is a pretty pathetic vent, so feel free to skip right over, I just need to bitch for a minute.

I need a break. I'm just about to have a mental break down. My husband has a job and goes to school full time, so he's really busy. I don't want to burden him anymore than he already is, so I don't feel that I can just ask him to watch her and take the day off.
I think a lot of my problem is that I don't have any friends. I have one, but he's a 21 year old single guy. So he sometimes just doesn't get it. That and he stood me up not once, but twice yesterday, and I'm tired of that bull crap so if anything, that friendship just takes more out of me than it's worth. Aside from that? I go to LLL once a month. There's my social life. Pathetic huh?
So my kid is almost two, still wakes up every 2 hours or more, so I never even get a full nights sleep. She's a great kid, but very needy and very strong willed. Both qualities are fine when I've had time to refuel, but right now I'm running on empty and sometimes I just want to run screaming from the house and never return.
I think if I had a friend who would hang out with me or I could hang out with it would be so much easier. Maybe not, I don't know. But I'm just so freaking lonely and I think that is what makes it so much harder for me.
If I did get a break what would I do? Go grocery shopping? there's nothing that's free that I would enjoy doing alone. except maybe pooping alone, I've heard that's great. :lol
I don't know, but I just feel so bad cause I catch myself thinking "I wish I could just be single and childless for one week" and I feel so guilty for thinking that. I know it's normal to think that when you need a break, but it doesn't make me feel any better for thinking it. She won't even go to bed and let me stay up late. she screams if I leave the bed. Then she drives me even more crazy.
Sorry for rambling, but I just need to say all that to someone. Thanks for listening.

[sweetpea333]

sometimes i find myself missing the days befor i had babies, and had alot of freedom, even tho i love my girls more than anything, and wouldn't never change a thing, but there are times when i miss my freedom, i have a 3 month old and an 18 month old and am a sahm and barely get a second to myself (i hate taking a poop with dd on my lap :lol ) as long as the majority of the time your not thinking about running away i think your ok... i feel guilty alot for these types of thoughts also..

[phathui5]

Is there an API group in your area that you could go to? Could you ask one of the LLL moms over or out to lunch? Make a point to find people you can hang out with. People need people and you shouldn't have to be lonely and frustrated.

Heck, go to the Finding Your Tribe forum for your area and start a "Be my friend" thread.

[mamaduck]

Here is another way to think about it. No matter how busy he is, he needs to spend time with his daughter. He is missing out on a lot. She is missing a lot. Taking a couple hours off and leaving them together is not "burdening" him. Its providing something that ought to be a priority to him already. She is never going to be a 2 yo. again. He needs to make some time for her.

[TEAK's Mom]

I have been where you are. My dh has 3 or 4 months a year when he works almost around the clock and comes home only to eat something and crash. I feel so worn and dragged out by the time they are over. And, I feel he misses so much. It has gotten better, though, he has learned to come home and see the girls before bed and then go back to the office after they are asleep. That way they do see each other awake every day.

Hugs! I wish you lived in Alaska so that we could hang out.

[Slabobbin]

I've been there and finding friends DID help tremoundsly. Do you "click" with anyone at LLL? Could you just step outside of your comfort zone and asked someone to get together for lunch?

[Shiloh]

lol its not pathetic but you do need to get out by yourself, grocery shopping alone is a great idea.

But back to the time to sleep, could you rent a hotel room just yourself one weekend night? Ask for it as a birthday present, check points etc if money is tight.

Do you have family outside of your town? You could go stay with one relative and leave dh and child there and go to a cousin's to sleep.

I don't want to burden him anymore than he already is, so I don't feel that I can just ask him to watch her and take the day off.
well look at it from the other end you are burdening him now as you are stressed out and not happy. If taking one day off going to make you happy he'll do it and besides one day out of his life is much easier than you taking 2 weeks in the psych ward for breaking down.

or finding some hot 18 year old pool boy with some sexy name...

I think if I had a friend who would hang out with me or I could hang out with it would be so much easier. Maybe not, I don't know. But I'm just so freaking lonely and I think that is what makes it so much harder for me. Well then find that friend.

If I did get a break what would I do? Go grocery shopping? there's nothing that's free that I would enjoy doing alone. except maybe pooping alone, I've heard that's great. lol it is! pooing alone is not overrated.

DH and I used to do this when he got home after dinner I bathed the baby and he put him to bed, I could stay in the tub for 2 minutes, 20 whatever and I knew getting out that bedtime was his 'special time' to read a story etc.

I don't know, but I just feel so bad cause I catch myself thinking "I wish I could just be single and childless for one week" and I feel so guilty for thinking that. lol when my dd ws 2 we went to Hawaii, it was boring and dull but I was about to loose my mind at home (relationship ending, health going down the tubes and a high needs 2 year old).

It was great cause I knew after being away I wanted to be home, I belonged there I was needed and I chose to go home.

I know it's normal to think that when you need a break, but it doesn't make me feel any better for thinking it. She won't even go to bed and let me stay up late. she screams if I leave the bed. Then she drives me even more crazy.well the inmate is running the assylum then, your child needs to listen to your needs as well as you listening to hers. That is why dh does bedtimes as I am so soft when my kids cry for me I go. And for him they are angels that go to bed happily most nights.

Seriously get out, go grocery shopping, go to the book store, library something 'free' window shop you'll find out how truly boring it was and wonder how you ever enjoyed 4 hours of jean shopping, or talking about nothing with yoru friends until 2 am!

I suggest buying the bad girls guide to the open road.
Its a hoot but has a great way of making you look at life differently.

hang in there I wish I had more friends to hang out with.