Small vent competative parents when there's no competition ;)

[Shiloh]

PPS pretentious parent syndrome

Dh and I are both well above average height, ds's are extremely tall for their ages. (ds1 was almost 24 inches at birth, which ws good as it stretched out his ten and a half pounds ;) When I say tall I mean real tall, which is good as maybe one of my boys will play basketball like mama ;) That height at 2 times two thing puts ds1 in the 6foot four range. (he could be a guard :)

But we have these friends both under five foot five respectively... and they are constantly bragging how tall their kid is and that they are in the 70th percentile, then 90th for height (and the number keeps rising)... our 1 year olds are the same age days apart and my kid towers TOWERS over theirs... they'll say this when the kids are standing together (theirs wearing my kids clothes he wore at 3 month old and this kid's over a year....) Then they willl tell me their kid was underweight when my kid's the same weight and still hiting 50%...

I don't care one iota how tall my kids are (as long as they are polite to their mama ;) but its such an issue for these people its driving me nuts, seriously my son is almost 5-6 inches taller at the same age..and my son was 4 weeks premature.

I hate people comparing the 'achievements' of babies with eachother it drives me nuts. Like how do you know that the child doesn't have special needs? One of my kids walked at 8 months, the other two over a year.

Or when they ask how many words lol do you really want to know that my son can say 'bullsh*t' , 'penis' and 'bum' at a year old (aren't older pretween siblings great?)

What do you say to parents who brag about stuff that just aint' so?
It is overcompensation?

[Rivka5]

Honestly, it sounds to me like *you're* being the competitive one here. If these are short parents from short families, their baby probably does seem very fine and big to them at the 70th or 90th percentile. Yeah, your kids are taller still. So what?

[NaomiLorelie]

Maybe they are self conscious about their size. Their child being that tall may make them very happy. I would just ignore it.

[Storm Bride]

Rivka: I don't know the people the OP is talking about, but I suspect she's right about them being hyper...something. Competitive may not be quite the right word, but it's close. My sister is the same way. She's got this huge emotional investment in her kids being bigger than everybody else's. Fair enough - her second son was huge - biggest kid I've ever seen from about a year to 2.5 (he was 60 pounds before his 2nd birthday). He's thinned out now - still big, but not so massive.

But, she's just weird about it. When I told her ds2 was 10lb.8oz at birth (when she asked), she immediately started in about how big her twins had been, and that, because they were twins, they were probably even bigger than ds2 (over 11lbs. of baby, plus two placentas - OUCH! - her tummy was soooo stretched). She ran out of disposables at our place one day (this was with the second boy) and I offered her a toddler-size cloth. She tried the cloth on over the disposable and told me that it wouldn't fit - he was too big. But, she'd managed to fasten it with the other diaper underneath! It's like her entire being is devoted to assuring everybody that her kids are the biggest kids who ever lived, and anybody who implies, in any way, that maybe they're not actually Andre the Giant is slamming her.

As I said, I don't know if the people the OP was talking about are quite that odd, but it does get a bit old when people go on and on and on about how big their babies are. Sometimes, I wonder if they think there's a prize, and they need to keep making sure everyone knows, so they don't miss out.

[Kristine233]

It does get annoying. No real advice I try to avoid situations like this at all costs because I start to get defensive without realizing it. Kids all grow and mature at different ages and speeds.. thats what I believe so thats what I tell parents who start to compare.

I have a SIL who has a DD thats two days older than mine. They actually have the same name and were born at the same hospital by the same dr if you can believe that, lol. She constantly tries to do the "My Mac this, is yours?" It is sooo irritating. But then Dh pointed out its probably more irratating to me because she is a first time parent and I am a mom of 3... I was more like her when I was a first time parent. He also pointed out she's probably looking for reassurance. So nows its not as annoying when I look at it that way. Although sometimes I cant help but silently roll my eyes when she's not looking.. hey arent we all guilty of that at some point? :)

[hookahgirl]

I think they just want reassurance. If the DH is 5'4", Im sure he is EXTREMELY excited his child is above 50% on the charts!! My DH is 5'4", and I know one of his worries was that if we had a son, he would be SUPER short because we are both tiny people.
Let them brag. You know your son is taller, just smile and knod when they talk about how "big" their kid is. They are prob. just surprised he isnt tiny!!

[Shiloh]

Honestly, it sounds to me like *you're* being the competitive one here. If these are short parents from short families, their baby probably does seem very fine and big to them at the 70th or 90th percentile. Yeah, your kids are taller still. So what?

I do let them brag its not that I am competative, I really don't care. Its just that when I tell them my ds was in a percentile lower than there's it seems odd for them to boast their kid is taller on the 'charts' when just looking at them you can see a big difference. I personally hate the one upmanship of it all, I only was emphasizing how big my kids were to show that its not an inch or two difference. But I guess I set myself up by answering what percentage he was so they one upped me!

I don't understand why people place a large value on big kids, personally I'd take a kid that stays in the same size for longer than a season! But then again I've never been short and I know as my bf is short that it can create issues.

But, she's just weird about it. When I told her ds2 was 10lb.8oz at birth (when she asked), she immediately started in about how big her twins had been, and that, because they were twins, they were probably even bigger than ds2 LOL my favorite line was from a woman who'd never birthed and wasn't pregnant at the time I could do 10 1/2 pounds like you tomorrow without drugs.

lol.

I just never know how to answer the questions like 'when did he start walking' as I know they are going to make judgments, compare etc. DS1 was way ahead of the curve and people used to make me almost appologize for him, or thought I was making him the way he was, forced him to walk etc, thought maybe I ate excessively and forcefed him (lol he's the one that eats practically nothing) People told me as a newborn to not feed him much (breastfed no gage on that boob sorry), and ask me if I did anything intentionally to get him that big, like what? I didn't like the attention but some people crave it for their kids and I really don't get it. Being tall, talking, walking early or even being a cute baby is great and heartwarming but really it doesn't have much bearing on much. One of the absolutely not attractive babies I ever knew is such a good looking little pretween today.

As I said, I don't know if the people the OP was talking about are quite that odd, but it does get a bit old when people go on and on and on about how big their babies are. Sometimes, I wonder if they think there's a prize, and they need to keep making sure everyone knows, so they don't miss out.
Amen, I think also too though my ds1 topped the list in terms of achievements walking at 8 months, crawling at 4, talking etc, I never kept track or answered when people asked when but it was kinda obvious I wonder if that has set up the well my kid's not as early as our first but better than your last one. I find it sad as ds2 was a few weeks prem and born oxygen deprived at birth I am just happy he's happy and whatever bench marks he hits or doesn't it matters so little to me, so I guess when people compare my little ones or ask me to compare the twoy boys I get a little annoyed.

[KaraBoo]

Another thing that disturbs me is when parents want to be competitive about things that are out of the child's control: like height.

[maya44]

I don't understand why people place a large value on big kids, personally I'd take a kid that stays in the same size for longer than a season! But then again I've never been short and I know as my bf is short that it can create issues.



Imagine you had some physical feature that made your childhood and even parts of your adulthood very rough. You got teased about it. People commented on it. It made you less likely to be picked for teams, less likely to be hired, less likely to be promoted.

Wouldn't you be overwhelmed with joy that your dc did not have to face the same thing? You would probably be obsessed with it and comment on dc's lack of that feature alot.

This is probably how it is for that dh.

[eilonwy]

Imagine you had some physical feature that made your childhood and even parts of your adulthood very rough. You got teased about it. People commented on it. It made you less likely to be picked for teams, less likely to be hired, less likely to be promoted.

Wouldn't you be overwhelmed with joy that your dc did not have to face the same thing? You would probably be obsessed with it and comment on dc's lack of that feature alot.

This is probably how it is for that dh.

:yeah: It's difficult to be short, especially to be a short guy. They're probably really hoping that their child will continue to be taller than average (and he may not... I really, really hope that they know that and aren't too disappointed if he doesn't :guilty) and very excited with each day that he grows.

I find a lot of competition in the other direction-- everyone vyying for the tiniest, sickest, saddest baby. :shake That really irritiates me! I've heard more about Mike's cousins "sick babies" and "tiny premies" than I can stand. These kids are perfectly fine, average sized (or bigger!), and not at all premature (one was born at 35 weeks, weighed 6 lbs 2 oz, and went home with her mother three days later-- how is that premature?!). That little girl, for example, was *bigger* when she was 8 months old than BeanBean at the same time (he was 13 months). I heard all about what a sick baby she was, how difficult the pregnancy and delivery were, it was all so scary and :blah :blah :blah from the kid's grandmother. I was terrified to open my mouth, I didn't want her to know that her "poor, sick granddaughter's" birth experience and first few days were ones I would have eagerly traded for BeanBean's (4.5 days of labor, followed by a week in NICU). Good lord, the biggest problem that child ever had was that when her mother put a fleece sweatshirt on her without an undershirt she got a rash. :shake

Anyway, at the playground people are always telling me how big my kids are if they're even close to the size of their kids... they all want to have the tiniest baby and it just sickens me. :( My goal in life is to give birth to a baby that weighs 8 pounds....

[GranoLLLy-girl]

I think sometimes questions like, "When did he start walking?" is just an ice breaker. I see this at moms groups all the time. One mom will see a child that looks too young to be walking and she will ask a question like that. Or, "how old is she? Oh, is she talking yet?" just as a way to open conversation. After all, with moms groups just about the only thing I ever have in common with many of the moms is the fact that we have children. And that's not a lot when you think about it. One of my children has special needs and has always been teeny tiny (due to one of the factors of her specialness) and people were always surprised to see her walk when she looked to be about six months old. That walking thing is a real competitive one. I always just replied: she's actually X months old--isn't that amazing?
With folks like that, you just chalk it up to insecurities or a way to strike up conversation and leave it at that. If those people really bother you so much that you want to write about it, it's probably time to move on from the relationship. Good luck!

[mamallama]

My cousin's family is like the one Storm Bride is talking about.

They're competative over how much their kid eats. I just heard the run-down three days ago, so it's fresh in my mind :wink At just barely six months, he eats two full jars of baby food (the standard size) and half a jar of dessert food twice a day. He eats 1/2 cup of baby cereal & 1 jar of fruit once a day. In addition, he drinks 36 ounces of formula and 6 ounces of juice.

So after the dietary update, my cousin says "Yours hadn't even started on solids at six months, had they?" in this shitty, snide way like her kid is so much more "advanced" than my b'fed babies. Whatever. She's in the habit of baiting me. I don't bite.
I just consider this an area in which we will never have meaningful dialogue & I change the subject.

My littlest weaned last year, btw. At 4 & 6, their eating habits are interesting to me, but I never talk about it b/c no one else cares!! :)

Ditto their height and weight!

But I do have grand adventures and embarassing moments to recount. I think my kids are hilarious, and I love to tell the stories. Most people like to hear them. Most of the time I can tell when they don't :wink

I bet your friends snap out of it when their kid is a little older and starts producing more interesting topics of conversation :)

[Shiloh]

I bet your friends snap out of it when their kid is a little older and starts producing more interesting topics of conversation

lol one can only hope, I mean I do feel a bit sorry for them I got three kids and a total of 16 years of kidlets, over 5 or is it 6 of breastfeeding ;) So I can be the killjoy I guess with the first time mom wants to know it all group, and coupled with the fact I really don't care, I think when you have had 3 or more you know that kids are kids, I breastfed them all the same, etc. I got one kid that has not had a virus/cold/flu since about 9 months old, the middle one is average and the baby has been very sick pnemonia/rsv/athmsa hospitalisations.

Kids are all different and that makes them great but...

Imagine you had some physical feature that made your childhood and even parts of your adulthood very rough. You got teased about it. People commented on it. It made you less likely to be picked for teams, less likely to be hired, less likely to be promoted.
lol I did I was very smart in a geeky math kinda way.

I guess I should feel sorry for them that they are so insecure still, and hope that whatever height their kid turns out to be that they don't pass on any height predjudice to them.

We had a woman at playgroup whose dd was slow, very slow. I cringed when people asked her when her dd did this or that as they were trying to be competative with the wrong person and would make her end up almost explaining and appologizing why her dd was so slow. Doesn't mama's groups remind you of highschool in some ways?

[blessed]

Sometimes I wonder if it's different for parents with adopted kids.

My little one was such a mess when we got her. Much less walk, she couldn't sit up or even roll over on her own at 13 months of age. She weighed 13 pounds and looked like a tiny little old man. I'd never seen a baby with a concave belly before. She had severe cradle cap and was partially bald. But man, she was a little firecracker, ready to take on the world.

Now, at her last 2 year developmental screening she literally aced every single category. At 24 months she has a vocabulary in the hundreds, knows alphabet, numbers, shapes, colors and can even 'read' a few words (sheer recognition from familiarity). And she's so beautiful. People literally stop us on the street to comment how pretty she is.

I am so, so proud of her. I just beam when I talk about her - which I do, a LOT :innocent . Although I can't say as to what it looks like to those who are listening, it never feels to me as though I'm bragging. Instead, it feels like I'm simply amazed and full of joy and wonder over what she's accomplished. I just can't imagine that everyone in the world wouldn't want to celebrate her as much as I do. But maybe that's just how parents feel :) .

[mamajama]

I am so, so proud of her. I just beam when I talk about her - which I do, a LOT :innocent . Although I can't say as to what it looks like to those who are listening, it never feels to me as though I'm bragging. Instead, it feels like I'm simply amazed and full of joy and wonder over what she's accomplished. I just can't imagine that everyone in the world wouldn't want to celebrate her as much as I do. But maybe that's just how parents feel :) .
Awww. This is so beautifully put. :)

[velochic]

Edited because I decided to not express my true opinion here.

[sunnysideup]

We had a woman at playgroup whose dd was slow, very slow. I cringed when people asked her when her dd did this or that as they were trying to be competative with the wrong person and would make her end up almost explaining and appologizing why her dd was so slow. Doesn't mama's groups remind you of highschool in some ways? I sometimes find myself asking these types of questions at moms' groups, and I am not at all competative. When my toddler has just started talking it's interesting to talk about language development. In a group where it's likely all we have in common is that we have kids, talking about your kids is natural and normal. It never occured to me that it would be interpreted as competetive. It's interesting, having older kids gives you another perspective too-- none of this stuff matters. There is a really wide range of normal and in a couple of years you cannot tell the difference between the kids that walked at 8 months or 22 months (really!).

[Shiloh]

In a group where it's likely all we have in common is that we have kids, talking about your kids is natural and normal. It never occured to me that it would be interpreted as competetive.

Part of it has to be the tone etc. Some people want to talk about their kids in general others have an accomplishment list. But personally I detest the competative or the trained seal stuff, all of our babies have talents or baby tricks my ds highfives.. But if he wasn't interested in showing it I wouldn't sit there and demand he show what he can do.

My ds1 was very advanced walking at 8 months old, in my old playgroup other mothers would use him to belittle other moms usually the braggy type. Oh your son (still just sitting up) is the same age as "joe"...and Joe would be tearing around the place the same size as the two year olds. I only once used it to 'my advantage' when some 2 1/2 year old slugged my son in the face my guy was his height at 10 months I said "your son just hit my baby ;)" lol like the two year old figured he wasn't a baby he was his size and grabbed his toys like 10 month olds do.

I think when the emphasis is on discussing what your kids are doing vs trying to find out what my kid does that yours doesn't. And you are so right it all evens out in the end. And sometimes even not so desireable traits aren't a hinderance who'd have thought Spud Webb would be dunking champ at his height?

I guess I just think my kids are themselves and I'd love to think that the things they do now will equate into smart, polite, physically coordinated, etc when they get older but its not really the case always.

I think I get my back up when people have expectations that their kids will be 'on top' like kids got enough to worry about without performing or pleasing their parents right out of the gate. I think we are not the sum of our kids achievements, they own those themselves. And the more people place value on things they pass those on to their kids.

And I think too we want our kids to be more than we were, taller, smarter, more sucessful than we were. But I find it ironic when you really are going to get a mix of who you and your partner are. (like that sienfeld episode when they meet the families only to find out they've all had plastic surgery :)

My dh does geneology research so far not a singer in the bunch, I'd love to see that! But none of us carry a tune even with handles! SSo I guess if one of my kids could sing I might be so excited I would talk about it!

I really cringe at the parents that want their kids to be geniuses. I grew up 'gifted' I wouldn't wish that on any child, but people think smart is good so smarter is better. I must say I was thrilled when dd enjoys school and is a solid B student and an A student when she tries. I love the fact that unlike me she owns her achievments where I was put through the trained seal, flash cards etc.

[lisalou]

Having had an infant who was always on the verge of being declared underweight whenever she'd not get that diagnosis I probably did sort of brag about her percentile or bragged about her height one (70%) to make up for having to answer under 3% for the weight one when asked. It's hard when you see what appears to be a happy healthy child and have a ped who's one step away from telling you your child is FTT. You learn as time goes on that the percentiles don't really mean that much except in a very specific relative way for that child.

What worries me are the parents like my sister she's determined that her dd who is 3 is a very independent and highly advanced child who can do things like help herself to food in the fridge late at night or take a bath by herself. Or my co-worker who determined before her dd was born that she was a highly advanced tom boy. Her child is never given the chance to like anything girly b/c it's assumed she wouldn't like it (not that you have to if you're a girl but I think you should be allowed to develop your own personality rather than conform to your mother's idea of your personality). She also insists that her child not be put into a toddler room at daycare that contains children younger than her child or the same age chronologically. Her child is too developed for that and needs to be with kids older than her in order to thrive. I can't imagine how she would feel about my dd's toddler room that contains 1-3 year olds and 3 special needs kids.

Both of these mothers consider their children far too special to be compared to your child. Their child wins hands down. I worry about these two girls as they get older and feel the only way they can win their mothers' love is by fulfilling their mothers' expectations for them. I had a roommate my freshman year of college whose father was a failed businessman and whose mother gave up her dreams of being a music teacher to become a mother. Guess what her major was? Business and music (one of these at my school would be hard to tackle alone). She was basically the instrument to fufill her parents' failed dreams.

[Rivka5]

Blessed, that's really beautiful. Congratulations, and thanks for your perspective.

I was visiting a mama friend yesterday, and both of us were ooh-ing and ahh-ing about her daughter's hair: "Oh my gosh, look at little Janie's[1] HAIR!" "Yeah, I know, she has so MUCH of it!" "It's really getting thick, isn't it?" She was so proud and happy, and I was happy to share in her pride.

Here's the thing: little Janie has been nearly bald for most of her life. Now, at nine months, she's finally enough of a little tuft of hair that you can see it from a few feet away. Meanwhile, my baby has thick red hair that falls all the way to her shoulder blades, and I'm going crazy trying to figure out a way to keep it out of her eyes. She's got fifty times as much hair as Janie.

My friend knows perfectly well that, compared to Alex, Janie doesn't have much hair at all. And she does compliment Alex's hair, often. But the two of us can also get very excited about Janie's hair, and how much of it there finally is now, even though it's not a lot *im comparison.*


[1] Not her real name.

[merpk]

First, yeah, agreeing with the PP who said it's really hard for a guy to be short. Am married to one. He stresses about our boys being short a lot. :shrug What can you do? Men.

Anyway, also, to the OP, are these people talking about an only child? Or their first? No disrespect intended to people with only one, but have found that many folks with one spend a lot of time on the details of when this or how that or when will the other ... is this advanced or normal or gifted or yaddayaddayadda ... and don't seem to quite get that everyone just is and to give the kids a break, as for the most part, we all get where we're supposed to go ... you know?

Just guessing.

[Shiloh]

Yeah there are huge selfesteem issues going on with the couple...they were both not popular socially, and haven't had a good go of things as of late...

Anyway, also, to the OP, are these people talking about an only child? Or their first? No disrespect intended to people with only one,
Totally my experience! I think that doting on a kid is great! Celebrating your kids achievements is wonderful but don't look for the fact my kid isn't doing that. I am a very laid back person give everyone else the spotlight and never really talk about myself/my kids unless asked to so I get a little offended when people get competative with me as I am noncompetative at heart.

But it does make me flirt with the oh you want to compete?
;)
my kid could beat yours up nana boo boo = JUST KIDDING.

I think part of it is we used to go off and play in the other room as kids now the kids are almost expected to be 'right there' with the adults.

Both of these mothers consider their children far too special to be compared to your child. LOL lucky them eh?

Its weird I have a family member that competes for the biggest illness, I am permanently disabled err I think I win no? lol nope never. I know its not about the topic at hand but the underlying issues and if you can't feel good about yourself you can feel good about your kids, but its just sad I mean to be middle age and still so much baggage.

I know a lot about short men my bf is 5-7, it used to freak him out when I wore heels as i am 5-7 too. He's gotten over it but it took a while and now its not an issue at all...guess when you replace height with a bmw and big arse house, platinium credit cards he feels taller ;)

Their child wins hands down. I worry about these two girls as they get older and feel the only way they can win their mothers' love is by fulfilling their mothers' expectations for them. doesn't that usually create the opposite? I had a friend who wanted her son to be a rockstar, she worked in music had him around all the famous bands, lessons, concerts, backstage passes = drum roll what did he turn out to be?

STRUCTURAL ENGINEER!!!!

[flapjack]

Also, some first-time parents can be completely clueless about what's "normal" and if WTE:TFY tells them their kids advanced, they'll believe it. I was talking to some friends of dh's, 7 months pregnant with their firstborn, who hadn't really taken on board the fact that babies can't sit upright at 2 months :O They're both extremely bright, high-earners and university-educated as well.

[Shiloh]

who hadn't really taken on board the fact that babies can't sit upright at 2 months

lol actually my ds1 (the 'turkey' as I nicknamed him as when my OB said I was over ten pounds and it was holiday time I said thats not an infant 11 pounds is a turkey) Well he came out of the womb the size of a three month old he actually was able to push his body up (pushup style) to which the nurse said 'holy sh*t' you don't see that often (big ego feed to dh) but he did sit up not propped at 2 months. We were out for dinner got him a highchair at two months the waitress brought over crayons and a menu we peed ourselves laughing. (but he was 28 inches tall at the time, full head of hair, and over 16 pounds in size 12 month clothing so he looked like he could eat)

For being so 'advanced' in his other physical milestones he didnt' toilet train until after three years old, dd who didn't really walk confidently until 14 months but was toilet trained at 18 months! The real milestone I will be proud of is when I stop paying their rent/car payments/bailing them out financially ect before they turn 30 ;)
sigh but my parents weren't as lucky with me!

It was funny as my bestfriends mom we all thought she was a freak as she would swear up and down that my bf was running at 8 months old, we didn't believe her that that was even possible until ds1 did the same at 8 months and less than a week. I don't mention IRL ds1's milestones as it sounds like I have postpartum amnesia and have really forgotten or am overly braggy.

But I've heard that its genetic programming for the most part that determines when you will do these things, that the pygmies of Africa reach milestones like walking around 8 months, and there are other cultures that reach things later whether all by genetics or customs.

[momtokay]

yup, the whole competitiveness/comparing thing drives me bonkers. my older dd is past the stage where people do this (for the most part), but my younger dd still has it happen frequently. and it drives me batty. dd2 usually does something that prompts the parents to ask me how old she is. when i tell them her age, they generally go on to tell me little janie is four and still not doing xyz. their dc is usally standing right there and i'm sure it makes them feel great. :rolleyes

like you said every child reaches their milestones at their own rate. my first dd didn't walk until nearly 15 mos. when she started gymnastics earlier this year her teacher didn't believe me she had never done it before. she said dd was a natural talent, so apparently walking late isn't having any long term effects on her. ;)

and it seems even sillier to compare things that are totally out of our control such as height. if i were you i would just shrug it off, and try to remember what it was like when you had your first. you said you were so happy that your dc wasn't as gifted as you and i'm guessing height carries similar "baggage" for the OP so they want to shout it from the rooftops that their dc is high on the charts. hopefully they won't be dissappointed if/when their dc starts dropping in the percentages.

wouldn't it be great if all children were loved for who they are insead of constantly being compared to each other by the adults in their lives?!?

[velochic]

And even here at MDC, we're not above the bragging and comparing. :innocent

I just ignore those that feel like they need to tell what their kids are capable of in comparison to mine. Physcial stature or abilities, it doesn't really matter. I just smile and nod and think, "And wouldn't you just love to know what my dd is able to do so you can compare." What a great way to frustrate those people who care about the numbers and statistics.

[Shiloh]

My personal favourite is people who brag about how much hair their kid has.

[sunnysideup]

My personal favourite is people who brag about how much hair their kid has. Maybe they are just amazed at the amount of hair and talking about it. What makes it bragging? I'm asking because it strikes me that some might interpret some of your posts ("he came out of the womb the size of a three month old he actually was able to push his body up...") as bragging. When a parent is amazed at something about their child (hair, size, developmental feet), sometimes they talk about it. Maybe those that interpret it as bragging are the ones that feel competative?

[Shiloh]

I meant with the hair or my son's size that those were things people really had no control over, so although one can be proud of their kids achievments, talents, gifts, size etc. - its another thing when its purposely set out to compare what your kid doesn't have.

I mentioned my middle child not to brag but to say that he was ahead, the yongest one is behind in terms of milestone bell curves. Kids are kids they do things at a certain time have certain attributes and those should be celebrated. I could really "brag" about the middle one as he was advanced but to what point? Would I make anyone around me feel good, would I set myself apart from the conversation? What message if I talked about those things in front of my children would I send to the kids? Its like the hair sure a kid with great hair is blessed, but if only one of your kids has 'great' hair what message does that send to the kids around them, to siblings? I think the things that we tell others, say infront of our kids they pick up on. Hence why if you were labeled 'the pretty one', 'the smart one' kids tend not to think of those things favourably, or they have an expectation they will always be that.

I wouldn't talk about things my kids did/have done if I thought the person talking to me would be made to feel or that I wanted them to feel my kid was superior to theirs. But I have friends and people we can discuss those things then I know there are people to which that is not a nice place to go, that they don't give a fart what my kids doing only to find out what theirs is doing better.

Its not what we say about our kids, etc its more the reasons why people point out differences.. So I get a little annoyed when people try to look for things that in essence put other children down to make thier kid look better or to feel that they are better parents.

I think its the differences in the reasons people sometimes talk about these things not talking about them. But I do find it funny when people so badly want to believe that their child is 'taller' which was my original beef when the kid isn't taller!

[mamakay]

Also, some first-time parents can be completely clueless about what's "normal" and if WTE:TFY tells them their kids advanced, they'll believe it. I was talking to some friends of dh's, 7 months pregnant with their firstborn, who hadn't really taken on board the fact that babies can't sit upright at 2 months :O They're both extremely bright, high-earners and university-educated as well.
That was me. :bag:
I was mainly wanting my son to be "normal" but according to the WTE charts he was so, so advanced.
It didn't take long, though, for me to figure out every baby I'd ever known qualified as "extremely advanced" according to those charts. :shrug

I'm thinking the people in the op prepared themselves for a kid who would be ranking 10-25%ish on height, and for him to be over 50% is just awsome for them.
Short guys have it hard. I'm by no means proud of this, but when I was in highschool I, for some reason, wanted to date guys that were taller than me.
I was always insecure about being too tall, though.
Short folks do tend to have short babies, so I totally understand their happiness.
When they say "He's so tall!" I think they might be considering it a given that a baby born to two tall parents will be taller.
They're probably just surprised and excited that their kid might not be as short as would be expected.

[Shiloh]

I'm thinking the people in the op prepared themselves for a kid who would be ranking 10-25%ish on height, and for him to be over 50% is just awsome for them.
If the kid was 50%.

But the child isn't, thats part of my frustration the child is smaller than average for their age (still in size 3-6 months at over 1 year) and a few inches shorter than my child who they keep telling me is taller percentage wise... I don't mind people boasting about their kids per se but when its not actually even correct and I know its overcompensation hence why the number their child got on the one year check up keeps going up and up every time.

When they say "He's so tall!" I think they might be considering it a given that a baby born to two tall parents will be taller.
They're probably just surprised and excited that their kid might not be as short as would be expected. True and that's great for them I just don't understand why they have this desperate need for their kid to be taller than mine when they aren't and if sight says my kids much taller then they end up being over mine on the charts as they are the same age? And I am expected to agree with them its like living in la la land, sure your kid is taller than mine in the world of the doctor's office but not in real life...I tell them whatever I think will make them feel good about themselves and their kid I point out the good qualities and stuff I see the child doing.

But can't you all see how weird it is that another parent is constantly saying their kid is taller or as tall as your child and is expecting you to agree, when that child comes up to your kid's nose? I am the person that lets everyone win I don't care to compete (unless I am playing euchure ;) oh a little background if you caught this post in TAO the one parent is also a compulsive liar...and I never point out the gross exaggerations, stretching the truth, plain old B.S. As I feel that people do that from an emmotional insecurity but I find it hard to play along with the fantasy, I can accept peoples needs, and that reality is realitive but it goes get to me sometimes.
(of course not my friends but dp's ;)

And my BS tolerance gets so high I just want to say you are full of it...
but I don't instead I ask for advice from you girls ;) who point out to me that this is insecurity and not personal to me or my child but I guess I got to get better at conversation switching!

[Irishmommy]

So how do you respond? I'd be so tempted to say something like "what charts does your doctor use, 'cos my doctor's charts has my dc at that percentile, and he's so much taller".

But I'm like that!!

[mamakay]

If the kid was 50%.

But the child isn't, thats part of my frustration the child is smaller than average for their age (still in size 3-6 months at over 1 year)

Oooohh...
I was totally misunderstanding.
That's just weird, then.

So how do you respond? I'd be so tempted to say something like "what charts does your doctor use, 'cos my doctor's charts has my dc at that percentile, and he's so much taller".

But I'm like that!!
I guess something like that is all you can do.