Anyone lie to family about HBAC?

[Phoebe]

Ok, not pregnant yet but we are going to ttc #2 this month :thumb (I'm pretty sure dh is on board anyway :lol )

I have been thinking alot about having a HBAC. We planned to have ds at home but after 36 hours, labor pretty much stopped and to make a long story short we headed to the hospital for some help, he was headed out in the LOT position and after 52 hours I said just take him out. Yeah, it was my idea. What a weird turn. But anyway, here I am and I still really don't want to have a VBAC at the hospital. I don't really feel like I will be nervous about birthing at home, even after last time. What I am nervous about is what my parents, in-laws, and friend (who works in labor and delivery) would say. I know they will all say that I am irresponsible blah blah blah. I know the facts and all but there will be no convincing these people. I could provide resourses until I'm blue in the face and no one would read a damn thing.

I have thought of out right lieing. Yup, gonna have it in the hospital, yes-sir-ree-bob.

Have any of you lied and only told the truth that you birthed at home after the fact?

amy

[Attached Mama]

I'm thinking about this one for next time too. I had an emergency c-section but had been planning a birth center birth. They thought I was crazy enough for that one. They'd joke to me about how much it was going to hurt and how they wished they could be a fly on the wall etc. But I gave them facts as did my wonderful supportive DH and they were ok with it. I don't want to use the same birth center next time because they will only do a VBAC in the hsptl due to insurance reasons. So I'm planning a home birth with a midwife who has a doctor backup. I think I'll just talk about my midwife etc and try to let them believe I'm just with the Birth Center again. Not sure tho what I'll say if they outright ask. So let me know what you figure out. :wink

[MuhajibahMama]

We didn't lie about it...but we just never mentioned our plans to DH's parents...they are super doctor happy and just assumed we'd be having the baby in the hospital...they found out afterwards, much to their suprise, that she was born at home.

[JayGee]

We haven't lied, but we haven't been totally upfront with either of our parents about our plans. After the baby is born, we'll just tell them we didn't make it to the hospital in time :).

[Phoebe]

I know my family and friends will ask out right. In fact, I can hear the exact tone that will be used. "You're going to the hospital for this one, RIGHT??!!" So I know they'll ask. I have thought about just telling them I'm going to use the midwives at the hospital, my mom will have enough issue with that I'm sure. My parents are old and I know they'll really stress over this.

But, then again I hate to lie because I want to hold my head up high. But then again, I really take to heart criticism like that. And it WILL come in the form of criticism... at least I will take it that way. I suppose I have plenty of time to think about this one....

THanks for your responses,
amy

[kittymac]

My mother freaked when she found out I was trying for a vbac. She is very worried I'm going to die. I assured her that I was at very little risk, and that I would be at a hospital in case anything went wrong.

A lie? Kind of, but I haven't totally decided where I cam giving birth yet, and I just don't want to worry her any more than she already is. IfI do have the baby home, I'll tell her after the fact. ;)

[JanetF]

I've seen lots of women just *ahem* "omit". Given how badly the illinformed react to VBAC, it's too hard to fight for your right to be heard about HBAC even though it's safer yada yada yada. Do what you need to do to allow yourself the space to birth as you wish. :hug I can't lie either LOL even to my father who thinks home birth is the soul of stupidity. And I run the Australian home birth network. I obviously need to do better publicity ;)

[Mooney]

I'm thinking about this one for next time too. I had an emergency c-section but had been planning a birth center birth. They thought I was crazy enough for that one. They'd joke to me about how much it was going to hurt and how they wished they could be a fly on the wall etc. But I gave them facts as did my wonderful supportive DH and they were ok with it. I don't want to use the same birth center next time because they will only do a VBAC in the hsptl due to insurance reasons. So I'm planning a home birth with a midwife who has a doctor backup. I think I'll just talk about my midwife etc and try to let them believe I'm just with the Birth Center again. Not sure tho what I'll say if they outright ask. So let me know what you figure out. :wink


I have the same story, and plans...I could have written Attached Mama's post! I'm not pg yet, but planning to start ttc in april or may.

I may have to lie by omission, just talk about how the birth center midwives will only attend a VBAC at the hospital...

Meanwhile I'll be planning a homebirth. I don't know what I'm going to do about my in-town inlaws--my MIL took serious convincing about the bc last time (kept giving me doc names, telling me how great the hosp where she works as a nurse is, had a co-worker with a "negative" bc experience talk to me, and finally had to go with me to a prenatal before she calmed down). I've told my sister (also intown) that I'm thinking of an HBAC, and she thinks I'm a little crazy (she'll be scheduling her 2nd c/s), but I think in the end she'll be more supportive. Either she or a good friend will be the ones I ask to take care of my son while I'm in labor.

I'm hoping to find some support in our local homebirth meetup group; maybe that will give me more confidence to speak up to more people.