Bad news at the Dr today....

[birdwomyn]

Kathy here.

We had our 12w 4d U/S to check on the development of the twins. Sam (Baby 1) is doing fine, s/he is growing as is to be expected and we got to hear the heartbeat. Mica (Baby 2), however stopped growing at approx. 9w. and had no heartbeat.

As you might imagine, it was a really hard Dr visit and we are trying to figure out how to grieve the loss of Mica while still hope that Sam will be okay. The Dr was very hopefull with us that Sam will be okay. He said the loss of Mica was early enough that my body should not try and "abort" the lost baby (thereby aborting both), but should re-absorb the loss. There is some extra risk for complications, however according to the doctor, the risk is not as high now as it would be if this had happened later in the pregnancy.

I'm not sure what else to say. We knew this was a possibility, however we are still numb and grieving as we face the reality of the situation.

More later, maybe tomorrow.

kathy

[chellemarie]

Kathy,

Congratulations on a healthy baby Sam and my deepest condolences on the loss of baby Mica. Please do take care and take time to grieve your loss and allow yourself space to feel whatever comes naturally.

[XM]

Oh, mama, I am so sorry to hear that. I am hurting for you. Lots of love and strength to you, I can't imagine how hard this must be. I'm so sorry. Take the time you need and know that we are here for you when you are ready.

This is so heartbreaking.

XM

[Lucky Charm]

i am so sorry to hear about your baby.

i am also happy the other twin is doing well. i cant imagine what you are going through.

my step sister in law was in the same situation. twin # 2 died at about 8 wks, and the other twin, joseph is now a healthy happy 12 yr old.

[acystay]

What a strange sense of emotions you must be going through at this moment.

I hope that you and your partner overcome Mica's loss. Maybe you could do a special memorial for her to help you and your family?

I hope that Sam continues to grow and thrieve inside you.

:hugs

Stacy

[chfriend]

We lost our twin around the same time in the pregnancy. We found out at 13 weeks, but the little one's heart had stopped at 9 or 10 weeks. The other twin is now 27 months old, a climbing monkey, and a great joy.

The medical folks call this phenomenon a "disappearing twin." Our dc was breech, but the medical folks said it was unrelated. There were *no* other complications for the baby. The pregnancy proceeded incredibly normally from there.

The feeling of loss has not entirely gone away, but time and the joy of dc has eased it.

My dp and I will send you and Sam our prayers.

[JavaJerri]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear. My heart hurts for you. Please know that we're all here for you whenever you need us. I can't imagine how sad this must be. I'm thinking of you and your partner and sending thoughts of strength your way. Take care of yourselves and that little baby.

Jerri

[Mcaws]

Thank you for sharing your loss with us. I was earlier in the pg when the twin of my son *died* if you can even call it that...there was a growing sack, but no heart beat. We took a little time to morn, but they assured us it was never there in the first place...I wonder still though. One week, the nurse reading the us said "both of them look great!" and the next when dh came to see, she said "oh, it looks like one of them was just the empty sack..."

Sorry. I have not thought of this in a really long time. ds is beautifully nearly 4 now... I think I'll go morn a little also. Take care of yourself and know you are in our prayers...

[Annais]

I'm so sorry, Kathy...
Much love to you, your dp and a beautifully healthy Sam :hug
I'm thinking about you.

[wwhippetcrazy]

Hugs to you....

:grouphug

Jen

[peggy]

(((Kathy))) What a difficult time for you. We are all thinking of you and sending Blessings to Sam

Please take care of yourself..

[Bladestar5]

Oh, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My mil lost 1 twin, although I don't know the details, but the other twin is my healthy bil. Congrats on the healthy baby.

[kaje62]

so sorry. thoughts are with you.

[motionmama]

I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and yours.

I will relate this story though. A friend of mine had one of her twins die in utero. Her body DID abort the fetus. Her water sac broke and started bleeding and she immmediately went to the hospital. They did an ultrasound - the remaining baby was fine. She continued to bleed throughout most of her pregnancy, yet her remaining child was born healthy with no complications.

I share this only so that you don't panic if your body does try to move the fetus out. Your other child may still be just fine although I know this will be difficult for you either way.

[lexbeach]

(((Kathy))). I am so sorry about baby Mica. And I'm so glad that baby Sam is doing so well. Please know that my thoughts and love are with you and your DP.

Love,

Lex

[birdwomyn]

April and I just wanted to thank you for your support during this difficult time. We are hanging in there and taking it day by day.

What I need most is for people to keep hoping and trusting and praying for Sam to be okay -- in the midst of the grief and loss, I am having a really difficult time with trust and hope and find that I must rely on others for trust and hope right now...

April asked me to pass on to you that because of your support her experience in this loss, while difficult and painful, has been incredibly different than her experience of isolation, silence and invisibility in the stillbirth of her first born 23 years ago and how incredibly grateful she is for this difference.

Your note of support will be printed and included in our keepsake box for Mica and will be looked at repeatedly as we celebrate Mica's brief but powerful presence in our lives.


Kathy Bird

[emmaline]

kathy you may find CLIMB (The Centre for Loss In Multiple Birth)helpful in approaching this experience

I don't think they have a website but you can email them at climb@pobox.alaska.net

this is from their newsletter
"providing support for parents of twins, triplets or other higher ordrer multiple birth children who have experienced the death of one or more, both or all of them during pregnancy, at birth, in infancy or in childhood"

they are also affiliated with similar groups worldwide

I'm so sorry for your loss of Mica and hope Sam will be continue to be beautifully healthy

[TreeLove]

Thinking of you. :hug

[MamaSoleil]

Kathy, I'm so sorry. From what I've read on this thread, there is much hope for Sam.

Thinking of you, sending much healing energy,

Truly,

Mamasoleil :hug

[Cuddlebaby]

I'm SO sorry Kathy!!!

Huge hugs to you and your partner as you grieve Mica's loss.

Rebecca due Feb 7th.

[mamaley]

I'm so sorry. :hug