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NorTweet
02-04-2003, 07:42 AM
Hi!
I would like to share my story to you.

October 22. this year I gave birth to a beautiful boy, Einar. He was born at home, as we had planned, with no complications. The L/D only lasted 2.5 hours, so everything went rather quickly.
My waters broke right before he crowned, and he was born with what we call a “victory hood”, the membranes still over his head and upper body. The expression “victory hood” seems quite ironic when thinking about what happened later in his short life.

Einar was perfectly healthy, and a beautiful baby boy who gave us, and his sister (2.5 years old) a lot of joy.

The night before the 12th day, he started screaming like he was in pain. This scream resembled the colic screams our daughter had had when she was a baby, and we thought he might be hurting because of colic as well. After screaming for less than an hour he calmed down, but did not want to breast feed, something that disturbed me a little, but I settled by him being too tired.

We slept for a couple of hours, him on top of me. Then I was woken by him making strange sounds, almost like whining, and he was also rather warm. We took his temperature, it was 40 Celcius (104 F). We got dressed, and Einar and I left for the hospital (a small hospital in our town). When we arrived, his skin had become blotchy, and the doctor on call was afraid of it being meningitis, and wanted to transport us to the larger hospital in a town only half an hour away, where they also have a children ward. He followed us in the ambulance. He was often feeling Einar’s fontanel, but I do not think it started bulging on the way to the hospital. His skin wasn’t blotchy anymore, either, so everyone was quite optimistic.

When we arrived to the hospital, he had started having difficulties with his breathing, his throat seemed to be full of mucus. The ped. in this hospital gave Einar antibiotics as soon as we arrived, and started taking blood samples. They also did an x-ray of his lunges, as they believed RS (?) might be the diagnosis, because of the mucus in his air passage. His lungs were fine, though.

We were given our own room. 5 minutes later the doctor came in to take another look at Einar, and just then Einar stopped breathing. They managed to get him breathing again pretty quickly, and rushed him off to the intensive care unit. From now on doctors and nurses were around him constantly, and I believe they did all they could do for him. The sepsis was too severe, the infection too hostile. Everything went so quickly. Only 12 hours after leaving home, he was gone.

I still can’t believe it happened. From being a beautiful, strong and healthy baby, he was dead within 12 hours. We were in total shock and disbelieve.
They had managed to do a blood culture, and it came back GBS+. I have also been tested, and I carry the same serotype that took Einar away from me.

I have been reading a lot about GBS lately, trying to find out as much as possible about it. We would like to have another baby one day, even though I am afraid of this happening again. I just wish there were some sort of guarantee for this not happening again.




Annais
02-04-2003, 08:50 AM
I am so sorry for your loss.
:hug
I know that you will find wonderful support here.

XM
02-04-2003, 08:55 AM
I am so sorry... I cannot imagine how devastating that would be. My heart hurts so much for you and leaves me at a loss for words.

XM

Quirky
02-04-2003, 08:59 AM
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby boy. I hope you find lots of support and perhaps some comfort here at Mothering.

:hug :hug :hug

mommybritt
02-04-2003, 12:28 PM
How awful for you - my heart goes out to you and your family. I hope that your time here at Mothering will be healing. I'm so sorry you lost your precious son.


Here's some GBS+ info if you'd like to read it:


I do not believe that you need to be overly concerned about a reoccurance. I tested GBS+ during my pregnancy and the standard of care here is to take 2 courses of antibiotics during labour. If you decide to have another baby, my understanding is that you could be tested during pregnancy and, if you're positive, you can be given antibiotics during labour or, if your labour is short, the antibiotics can be given to the baby as a preventative measure.

karenpl
02-04-2003, 11:38 PM
Awwwwww, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy! {{{ HUGS }}} to you and your family.

Karen

KatherineinCA
02-05-2003, 12:00 AM
My heart hurts for you.

I want to recommend "Ended Beginnings". It's a beautiful book about childbearing losses that was recommended to me by other moms here at MDC. It's been very helpful to me during the last few weeks.

Love, hugs, and tears,

Katherine

abimommy
02-05-2003, 01:11 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine going through something so painful and devastating my heart just aches reading your story...

I am not familiar with GBS..I looked it up and come up with this site...

http://www.guillain-barre.com/ there seems to be a forum and chat area..maybe they could help with more info regarding future pregnancies...

Please feel free to pm me if you need anything...

simonee
02-05-2003, 01:40 AM
Dear Nortweet, I absolutely don't know what to say. That's an unimaginable loss.

:grouphug

I hope the people here will help you carry a fraction of your pain. You have probably lurked a while, so you know that you can always post anything you want, any time.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

NorTweet
02-05-2003, 02:04 AM
Thank you all so much for your warm and kind words. I was having a pretty tough day yesterday, with lots of thoughts and feelings, and didn't really manage to concentrate at work. So I posted to you instead :)

It has been 3 months since he died now, some days are ok, others are not so good. People aren't asking so much anymore, not even our parents. But I still have a need to talk.

My husbund and I talked alot in the beginning, but now it's like we have returned to the daily round, and I feel we are keeping our feelings and thoughts more and more to ourselves. I don't really know how it became this way, cause we really have a good relationship. Afraid of ourselves and our own feelings, perhaps, or afraid of each others feelings and reactions? I don't really know.

I walked to the grave and lit a candle yesterday after putting Jenny to bed. Cried all the way, and a lot of thoughts popped into my head, thoughts and feelings I have been postponing for quite a while. It was good to "touch" them, and let them come. It was good to be on my own a little and allow myself to
feel .
When I got back home, a good friend of mine called, and I got to talk, talked about everything that popped into my head, and she asked questions, and somehow encouraged me to talk. That was really good.
Then my husband and I got to talk as well. He had been in the same room when I had been on the phone with my friend, and that was what triggered our conversation.

So yesterday actually turned out to be good, tough and good at the same time.

Jacque Savageau
02-05-2003, 06:39 AM
My heart is aching for you. Your love and adoration for your children is so strong in your words. Please know that Einar felt this love in his short life both inside of you and out.

I add my support and invite you to share as much as you need here.

Gently,

Jacque

MamaOui
02-05-2003, 06:57 AM
(((NorTweet))) I am sorry for your loss. I don't know what else to say except that I am so sorry that you are going through such a devastating loss.:hug

It is good to know that you have been able to let out some of what you are feeling.:hug

Jacque Savageau
02-08-2003, 08:32 AM
NorTweet, I was just thinking of you today and hoping all is well with you.

Gently,
Jacque