my dsil is having a mc, and they tried for 4 years.

[jtsmom]

I am so terribly sad about this. They tried for so long to get pg, they started when the rest of us did, and the rest of the family has at least 2 kids each already. It makes me feel so guilty, first of all, but during their infertility issues, I just didn't know what to say, because I'd never had that problem. I did have a mc at 13.5 wks before either of my kids were born, but it seems like such a cruel twist of fate for them to have gone through so much to get pg in the first place. I guess she went through 4 rounds of some sort of treatment:confused: I don't know much about it, but they announced it at Christmas and we were all so happy for them. I have been instructed that they don't want any phone calls, but I was thinking of sending an email with my love and support and an offer if she wants to talk. But I'm sure they just want to be alone in their grief right now. I just can't imagine what she's going through right now and I don't know what to say, and I feel so badly about the whole thing. :(

[karenpl]

So sorry for her loss. So unfair after all that waiting to conceive, the happiness she must have felt, and then this loss :-(

I think your idea of sending an email is great. Or maybe even an old fashioned letter or card. She can read it and re-read it and reply to it if and when she feels like it.

My thoughts will be with her!

Karen

[anythingelse]

You know even if they don't feel up to talking on the phone, I think a handwriten note saying simply, we are so sorry to hear the news, please know you are in our thoughts (or paryers) is nice. I have mcd and the nicest thing was someone bringing over food & just ringing the bell- not coming in or anything. Wait a few more weeks then just ask how she is doing and that will open the door if she is ready to talk about it.
I am so sorry to read your post and know how heartwrenching it is, I have a sil that had infertilty problems while we had our last two kids.
Peace to you,
mary

[KatherineinCA]

Please, please contact her with a note or e-mail. The instruction not to call might not even come from her. Sometimes well-meaning people make assumptions about what the grieving parents want.

This must be so devastating for them.

Love,
Katherine

[angeldmt]

I am so sorry for your sister-in-law's loss! I am sure that a lot of us here know somewhat of what she is feeling. Having lost my son at 20wks and my sister two years ago, I know that any little gesture of caring is appreciated. Send flowers, or at least a note. One of the things I have learned is that many people don't acknowledge the loss of a pregnancy as a "real" loss. But in many situations it totally is and can be a horrible thing to get through! So definitely send her something - I didn't answer the phone for weeks, but I appreciated all the cards and flowers that were sent. Good luck to you.

nicky
:angel ds dominic 1/9/03

[XM]

I would definitely send a card just saying that she is in your thoughts and you send your love and if there is anything you can do for them to let you know. That way, she can open the card when she is ready... and until that point she will still know that you are thinking of her.

XM