OT: Is this strange to you? DH's "sentimental value"

[peilover010202]

Okay, this is seriously bugging me. Dh and I have talked about getting a home phone since he's going over his minutes on his cell phone every month and he wants us to get his grandmother's old # (she passed away recently.) His mother won't disconnect the # in hopes that we'll "decide" we want it.

So, today we agreed to get a home phone and he wants that dang #.

It totally freaks me out. She had that number for 50 years. She's gone.

I suggested that we could either get a random # or get our old home # (from when we were first married and lived in another state.) He pouted and said he couldn't talk (we were talking over the phone.)

He said there's sentimental value to it and wants it. I told him that all of the "family" would still call that # and it just felt weird to me. And, I think it always will. Even thinking about it makes my skin crawl.

I want to be sensitive here, I've let him have his shrine to his grandmother in our freaking living room and let me tell you, having 4 pictures on our entertainment center of her already gives me the heebies, but I haven't said a word.

Do you think it's unusual to get attached to a phone #? Is it unreasonable of me to ask him to forgo it?

[Jish]

What I really think is strange is his mother not disconnecting the phone in case you decide you want that number. That is wierd. His family seems to have an unusual attachment to a number. I'm like you, I would want my own number. Not someone elses.

[peilover010202]

His entire family has strange attachments and boundary issues - so I have to tread carefully. Thankfully, he's not too bad - but death really freaks him out and that's when he wants to SAVE everything.

He has rolls of pennies that were in his grandmother's drawer and he refuses to give them up. They are just hanging out in a drawer taking up space.

[mamachandi]

why don't you get 2 land lines so he can have the number! the poor guy misses his grandma he'll never forgive you if you don't 'let' him. be nice and let hime have it! :love
I don't understand why you are being so mean about it?? :wink

[peilover010202]

I actually am not being mean about it. That seems like a harsh word to use. I've tried to explain my feelings to him rationally and he's the one who is choosing expletives in response. It's frustrating that, to me, this # has sentimental value and our past home number as a married couple and then new family doesn't mean as much to him. It actually hurts.

We cannot afford to have 2 land lines and it's really impractical - so that's really not a solution for us.

[mamachandi]

I actually am not being mean about it. That seems like a harsh word to use. I've tried to explain my feelings to him rationally and he's the one who is choosing expletives in response. It's frustrating that, to me, this # has sentimental value and our past home number as a married couple and then new family doesn't mean as much to him. It actually hurts.

We cannot afford to have 2 land lines and it's really impractical - so that's really not a solution for us.
your right 'mean' might be a harsh word, but it seemed appropriate in that context,sorry :o .
So did you care about your old number being the one you used before he brought up his grandmas?I mean who's idea was it in the first place to use an old number?
I think whoever brought up the idea first gets the number. :thumb seems fair anyway,because why is it ok for your old number to be important but not his grandmas,they both hold sentimental value right? but if you think its dumb to hold onto a number like that than it seems fair to just let him have it since you don't care,right? :D ;) :wink

[myhoneyswife]

I think the little wink guy after saying you were being mean was so that you wouldn't take her seriously. I was assuming that she thought he was being silly, not you being mean, and was joking.

Anyway, I'd just go ahead and let him get it. I aggree it's odd, but in the grand scheme of things it's not all that big of a deal. We moved about 10 boxes of old model rocket kits and dried up model paints across country a year ago because of one of those odd sentimental attachment things that my husband has. Yeah, not the same as a decreased's phone number, but just easier to go along than having it held against me for who knows how long.

Cara

[mamachandi]

I think the little wink guy after saying you were being mean was so that you wouldn't take her seriously. I was assuming that she thought he was being silly, not you being mean, and was joking.

Cara
exactly, thank you! :wink :lol

[Boobiemama]

6 years ago, my mom bought the house she lived in when she was 6. She called the people that had her old phone number, explained the number had special meaning to her and they let her have the number.
So i dont think its that odd....

[myhoneyswife]

exactly, thank you! :wink :lol

Oh, so now your Thank you with the :wink is so that I don't take that seriously? :irked:





I'm so totally joking :lol

Cara

[peilover010202]

exactly, thank you! :wink :lol

I apologize, but when dh and I argue - I hate it and loose my sense of humor. Didn't mean to attack you... :o

I called the phone company and got the price difference of ordering online vs. asking for a specific # and passed the info to dh. I'll let him decide.

[MelMel]

after my dad died i would call his old number and hope he would answer. I think its kinda loaded to get that same number, alot of strong emotions involved and having his family call that number and you answer may be kinda weird....but ultimately seems harmless, and i would save the arguement and go ahead and get it.

I know what its like to have Il's that seem to be overly involved with your lives and a dh very attached to his mom/family..you just feel like you dont wanna let them in any more than they already are on principal. I dread the horrible pain my dh will go through when he loses his parents (who are 70 compared to my mom who is not yet 50) and cant help that the more he seems 'attached' to them the more i want to rebel from their influence...but I would do what i could to make him feel better (hence getting the number)

did any of that make sense?

[LeosMama]

I would let him get it. I would be thrilled to get a number that had been in the family for so long. I think it would be super-cool! Unfortunately, we live in a different area than my grandparents, so that wouldn't work, and no other family really lives around here (a distant cousin I still haven't contacted). If there were something that came up like that, I would want the phone number! How cool!

[eightyferrettoes]

It sure it weird, but I'd probably humor him if it were my husband.

Unless you have REALLY strong feelings about it... after awhile, surely the number association will fade for you?

[mamacatsbaby]

Hmmm... I dunno. Doesn't seem that weird to me. :shrug I'm not sure what the specific boundary issues are with you guys so I can't say for sure what I would do if I was in your situation. But I think everyone grieves in thier own way and their own time and can relate to your DH's sentimentality over his loved one's things. I hope you guys end up with an agreement you can both be comfortable with. :)

[AntoninBeGonin]

I vote let him have his grandma's number.

After all, to you it's just a number but to him it reminds him of a person he loved dearly. Nothing wrong with that.

I didn't read the other replies, so I hope I this conversation is still going. ;)

~Nay

[mamasittingduck]

i'm going to agree with everyone and say keep the number. i still remember my grandparents number as it became ours for several years until i was 12! our family still brings it up from time to time. it feels kind of old fashioned and nice, somehow. i don't know where you live, but i grew up on the east coast. the numbers here in san diego where i now live are so fleeting...it's a whole different feel.

he has a lot of emotional connection to some of those things...let him have them. it's part of a good marriage; compromising even if we don't understand. it harms you none, and makes him happy!

[NocturnalDaze]

You could get a random phone number then have his g'mas # attached to it as a "distinctive ring" number. It costs something like $3.00 a month. It would be on the same phone line but when someone calls that number it will ring at your house differently. Your number would ring pattern would be "ring-silent-ring-silent" the pattern of the number he wants would be "ring-ring-silent-ring-ring-silent".

If the co. is Verizon his mom will need to call them first and give permission for the number to reused. Otherwise the # will be held for 60 days before it can be given out again.

[NaomiLorelie]

I'd let him have it too. In the grand scheme of things it is a small discomfort to you, but your husband might have a hard time getting over not getting it. He might even resent you for it. IMO, it's not worth the fight.

[the_lissa]

It wouldn't bother me too. IN fact, if my grandma died, and I lived in the same city again, I would try to get the number. Not only would it hold sentimental value for me, but I like the older exchanges in the city. The newer ones bug me. (I have some issues with number combos.)

[peilover010202]

Thank you everyone, we've figured it out :)

ETA: Oh, and I let him have it :down

[~Shanna~]

Peilover, you win for the most creative post I've read today!

I agree this is a little odd, but my DH and I have had a rule for our marriage that has never let us down: Whoever it matters to more, wins. If you think it's more important to him to have it than it is to you to NOT have it, then you'll be able to be at peace with it because you know that he felt more strongly than you do. And of course, vice versa. I know you already decided (and it sounds like you chose well!), but this is a rule of thumb that has helped me in a lot of situations, so I give it to you :Kiss

[lmonter]

I'm glad you guys worked it out. :)

Fwiw, after my grandma died suddenly and my papa had to be put into an assisted living place, I moved into their place for a few years and kept the same phone number (although it was more so I didn't have to cough up the $100+ Verizon wanted from me for a new number and "connecting" it and all that).
After I moved out, my cousin moved in, has been there 4 years, and she still has that same number as far as I know. But we all *loved* Grandma, so we might've had a little sentimentality there.
I only got 1 phone call for Grandma after she'd died - it was a pretty awkward conversation, but I survived. :)

eta: I just realized I have a few more things... another cousin and her family moved into my other grandparents' house after Grandma died, they've got the same phone number and address and all. An uncle and his new wife bought the other grandparents house (they had that house and the one I moved into) and kept the same phone number(s - one for the house, one for the family business). So it isn't that uncommon apparently in my families. And if someone calls for my grandparents, the people answering the phone actually have a clue; vs. the random but annoying "Sally Something" phone calls dh and I get every month, even though we've had our phone number for 2+ years.

[BethSLP]

Personally, I agree with the poster. I find the whole thing creepy. I prefer not to have a phone number thats connected to anyone. Who wants to field calls for someone who's no longer living. "I'm sorry, grandma's dead, but her grandson lives here. we got her number." Thats bizarre.

That said, I think its sweet you let him do it. I just hope its not you who has to break the news to some long lost friend. KWIM?

I am buddhist, and will readily admit that attachment is something I have to work on every day. My grandma died in Jan. and my dad sent me her little diamond ring from her first marriage. I will cherish it, and give it to my daughter if we have one, etc. But I would NOT hold on to rolls of pennies, or a phone number. So I see OP's point.

Again, marriage is about compromise, so I think you made the right call. I'm just surprised at how many people actually totally agreed that keeping sentimental phone numbers (or asking people for your old phone number...) is normal. I don't think it is. For the record, I'd be pretty pissed if someone called me asked me to give up my phone number for their sentimental stuff.....thats a hassle on my part and letting all my friends in on a new number, etc. I think its asking a lot.

I know my grandma would not give a rat's behind who got her phone number. But things like a ring, or one or two special things, are reasonable.

XOXOXO
Beth

[AmieV]

A *phone number* seems like a very bizarre thing to get attached to, IMO. When my FIL died a year and a half ago, they didn't disconnect his cell phone and his stepson had it. He accidentally dialed our house in the middle of the night one time a month or so after he died and it was VERY disconcerting. Honestly, he's still programmed in my cell phone because I haven't had the heart to delete him, and if someone called from that number it would be somewhat upsetting to me.

I do see getting attached to weird stuff like the pennies. I have the bfp nasty pee sticks from my daughter and had the ones from my miscarried baby until we moved cross country. I have my daughter's umbilical cord clamp even though our ped looked at us like we were keeping the nastiest thing ever when we said we wanted it. But a phone number is a bit much, especially because like Beth said, there are logistical issues as well. I do find it WAY weird that his mom was hanging onto it "just in case" you guys wanted it. And I'll admit to being awfully surprised at how many people think it's totally normal behavior.

That said, you're a good wife and I'm glad you guys made a decision that you both can be happy with.

[Epiphany]

The only experience I have had with something like this was a house DH and I rented a few years ago. The landlady wanted us to keep the same ph# because it had been her mother's; but we had to put it in our name. It was very akward and annoying. When we moved out we had our name taken off the number and notified the landlady to call them within a certain time to put it back in her name. She didn't and then lost the number and was pissed as all heck at us.

But I am glad the two of you worked out a solution you are both happy with.

[BethSLP]

I am totally amazed and fascinated by all these phone number attachment stories. Does anyone else have one?

XOXO
Beth

[Jessmcg]

I think OP did the right thing :)

We live in dh's families house. We are the 5th generation to live in it, and it has had the same phone number since it got a phone. We often get calls for ILs, but I just screen them and only pass on the correct number if it is someone they want to hear from. BTW, dh has only had 2 phone numbers in his life. The one we have now (and he had when he was little) and the one his family got when they moved to town when he was in grade school and still have now. I have had over 20 phone numbers in my life (and I can remember most of them) I have a number thing ;)