Caregiver crisis!

[mama's sweetie]

I, unfortunately, work ft (actually about 30-35 hours). DH works from out of our home. We have a caregiver that comes to our home and stays with dd during the day for about 7 hours. Anyway, she has been with us for 2 months and we are having some reservations. Our previous nanny was totally AP, loving to dd, responsive and very, very careful with her. Unfortunately, for us, she was pregnant and was only able to stay with us for 6 months. We still keep in touch wtih her. Our new nanny is a friend of hers but is not like her at all. She is much older, more of a grandmotherly type, than a motherly type. She much slower and seems to have a harder time keeping up with dd, who is 12 months old and is very active! Although she keeps dd entertained and well-fed, she seems overwhelmed. She worked part-time for her previous employer and I am beginning to think that everyday is just too much for her. There have been little things that have bothered us, but we have tried to be patient and allow for her to adjust to our family. Today, however, she told me that when she went to the library with dd, she left dd with the library security guard while she went to the bathroom!! I was too shocked to reply. Now I am furious! We live in a big city and I would NEVER think of leaving dd with ANYONE while I went to the bathroom (except for dh or if I was with a friend). This was a TOTAL Stranger! It terrifies me to think who else she has left dd with while she went to the bathroom. Am I being totally paranoid for thinking that this is completely unacceptable?!? Because I live in the city and also work in the criminal justice system, I am generally ultra-careful, erring on the side of caution rather than naivete. Just the fact that the public library needs a security guard, to me, raises red flags!! We live in a decent neighborhood, but it is still in the city. DH and I are both very disturbed by this and are going to discuss our options tonight.


I come home for lunch every day to nurse dd, and dh is usually in and out of the home all day, working in his office or meeting with clients, so it' s not like our caregiver is all alone with dd during the day. In fact, today I told her to be home at 12 because I would be coming home. She "forgot" and I started to realy worry when she wasn't home at that time. We have given her a cell phone to use which she also "forgot" to turn on. Hence, we couldn't reach her. Finally, she turned the phone on and called home. By this time, I was already searching the neighborhood for her. I had a feeling that she was just being absent-minded (like she has been in the past), but I was still distraught. Now I'm wondering if all of this warrants us looking for someone new.....She is really a very loving woman to dd and I hate to have to find another person, but, she seems to be so absent-minded that it scares me! Sorry this is so long, it was a very stressful day and I just thought I'd share.....


Libby


















































:crying :crying

[oceanmommy]

Libby, I think you should trust you gut and find someone new to take care of your dd. I think it is unacceptable that she left your daughter with a security guard to go to the bathroom. You will find someonme you like better I am sure. She sounds nice, but maybe a bit flaky... forgot to be home on time ? forgot to turn on the cell phone ? I think you are being given a sign that this isn't the care you intended for your dd.

If it were me I 'd ask her to stay at home (no outings or miniml outings) while you look for someone new, then give her notice. She sounds like she is well intentioned, but like I said, she doesn't meet the standard for the job does she ? Would she have given dd over to a stranger if she did meet the standards ? I personally would not be comfortable with her taking dd out at all, from your description. She doesn't sound like she makes the best decisions. Just cause she is a friend of your previous wonderful nanny doesn't mean she is the best for you and yours.

Good luck, this is such a hard thing, a HUGE reason why I am SAH right now, how to trust another with your prcious babe... very difficult. :hug

[Quirky]

What happened to my post?? I responded yesterday and got subscribed to the thread, but now my post doesn't show up - grrr.

ITA with oceanmommy - you need to trust your gut on this one. Your caregiver may not be really scary - ie she's not a kidnapper or child molester or someone who will open your house up to burglars - but if you can't trust her judgment, as evidenced by her leaving your baby with a stranger rather than taking her with her to the bathroom like any normal person would, and not turning on the cell phone that you gave her - then you can't trust her with your child. What if she "forgot" to do something really important, like put your baby in her carseat or give her medicine, or whatever?

I know it will be a pain but I think you'll be much, much happier in the long run if you put the time into finding someone you can trust 100%.

[mama's sweetie]

:confused:
Thanks for all of your responses. I posted my situation on a couple of other parenting boards and most of the parents had the same reaction and comments. OHHH, I wish I could be
SAH immediately, but that isn't an option right now. What
we will do is talk to her on Monday and see her reaction.....then we will tell her not to take dd out, unless it is in front of our building or something . Finally, we will start looking for another caregiver or we will try to work out our schedules so that one of us is home with dd. This has totally been on my mind ever since it happened and I am just going to go with my gut on this! It's too important not to. Thanks for listening!

Libby:rolleyes: