no homebirth for me, sad and frustrated...

[Mariposa]

well, i am not going to have a homebirth. my blood pressures have been going up and up since january, my protein was negative, then trace, then 1+, 2+ and now 3+. my labs were all pretty normal, except the uric acid is in a range where docs start thinking PIH.

my MW thinks i am fine and that i can still birth at home. i wish i could trust like she does. i wish i knew WHAT to believe. i just want to stay home till at least 37 weeks if i can, that is next week. then i will go to the hospital and get more labs and see if they let me go home or not. i have a feeling they will induce, which freaks me out. freaks me out that i can't find an OB to see me anytime soon and i will just get whoever happens to be on call at the hospital. i can't imagine a male OB. was sexually abused as a child and i don't know how i will handle that...

i am terrified of what they will do to me at the hospital. mag sulfate, monitors, induction, i am afraid of epidurals, etc. i am just so sad that i have lost what i wanted and don't even want to go where i will have to.

my BPs have been 150s/90s-180s/90s (high 90s at that). baby seems to be doing okay. lots of movement. i listen with fetoscope and sounds good. i am trying to just rest a lot and stay in bed. it is 150s/90s when i am laying down, not sure when i am asleep. i bet lower because i am not thinking about it then.

anyway, needing some positive vibes and prayers that what i am doing is okay. that baby will be fine. that they won't torture me too bad at the hospital. thanks.

[Kam]

I'm so sorry you are going through all this stress, Mariposa, and the sadness at not getting the homebirth you hoped for.

My only thought was that if ever anyone should be slipped into a day otherwise fully booked it should be you. Is there a female OB with visiting rights at your hospital? Maybe it would be worth it to have your MW call, or to call yourself, and explain your situation and see whether a female OB might be able to see you. If you don't want to talk about your history, maybe your MW could call for you. I would push for it--it's worth it that you feel secure in the decision you make and supported at birth.

I wonder whether your MW might be willing to be present at the hospital birth as a doula? That might be worth talking with her about, too. I can't imagine she wouldn't support your decision to birth there if your HB and protein are rising and it's what YOU want.

Keep us posted. I hope things work out better than you're imagining right now.

warmly,
Kam, mamamama! to Meg and one more, EDD 3/20

[corhorvath]

Oh Mariposa, I'm so sorry to hear you have so much going on. Waiting is so hard in pregnancy when things are confusing and stressful. I wonder if your MW could help you find a trusted woman OB to work with you. Your comfort and feelings of safety are very important. It's hard to find someone when there's so much red tape surrounding insurances, hospital rights, time availability, but I'm sure there has to be someone able to become your OB.

With my last delivery, I delivered in a hospital. With this next baby, I'll deliver in a hospital again. Everything was fine with my last and I just did a tour yesterday and feel this next delivery will also be fine. Most hospital birthing centers at least try to make you feel comfortable and at home. I know it's no where near the same, but they do try so hopefully, you'll be able to be comfortable while you're there.

Good luck with everything. I'll definitely keep you and your baby in my prayers. I hope you can relax and find some peace right now. :Hug

[Tine]

:hug

[Mariposa]

i have tried the 2 docs that she likes and one can get me in, but she is pretty far away. not that my DD can visit me in the hospital anyway because it is RSV season and they don't allow kids in the hospital, but i would like my DH to be able to visit me. i don't think i want to be way far away and alone in the hospital. it is bad enough that DH won't be able to stay the night with me, etc. the other one said that she didn't feel comfortable taking me so late in the pregnancy. i don't really know of anyone else to call. i can't use the CNMs from last birth because of insurance reasons this time.

as long as me and baby come out okay, i will be okay with things. sure it makes me sad, but our safety is important. not that i know for sure we will be safe at the hospital either, but what can i do??

the way that things went, i don't want to ask for her help. i freaked, "broke up" with her and even stopped payment on the check i had just given her because i need the money to send in my COBRA premiums now that i know i will have to go to the hospital. not that i don't plan on paying her, but still. i feel like i have let her down and i can't ask for her help.

[InochiZo]

I hope things turn out well and you have the best hospital birth possible if thats your plan now. I really hope your DH can stay with you. My hospital would only let the baby stay in bed with me if someone else was in the room. He stayed latched on almost all night those first few nights.

[corhorvath]

So they may hospitalize you before the birth? I don't think I caught on to that the first time I read your post. Is that why your husband can't stay with you? It would be a weird policy to not let your husband room-in with you once the baby's born, so I'm wondering if I just understood that first part incorrectly.

I was thinking, by chance, did you take child birth classes with this pregnancy? I took Bradley classes and the instructor was involved in a chatline with other childbirth instructors in the area. She knew of good docs and if she coudln't answer a question about a person or issue, she would take it to this chatline with other connected women in the area. Maybe there's some sort of connection you may have like this to get a personal referral to someone that is respected by other women in your area.

Again, good luck!

[Attached Mama]

what you are describing - high protein counts and high blood pressure - are the symptoms of pre-eclampsia. I developed it on my due date which is incidentally when I went into labor. My protein was completely off the chart! Blood pressure was only slightly elevated. Not to be nosy, but is this DC with the same partner as your first? Supposedly if you have the same partner, you can't develop pre-eclampsia the second pregnancy....

Can you find another midwife to consult with at least? Maybe pay out of pocket for one visit with the ones your insurance doesn't cover just for a second opinion? I would also see if you can find some kind of naturopathic or nutritionist who might be able to help you get the protein counts lower. Due to mine being so high they were afraid I'd have a grand mal seizure and I ended up on that awful mag sulfate for 24 hours after DD was born.

I am so sorry that you are going through this and for all of the frightening insecurities of the situation. :Hug and:1praying: .

[Mariposa]

the reason DH wouldn't be able to stay with me is because he has to stay with DD at home. she is 3.5yo and there isn't anyone that can watch her and she hasn't ever been away from us.

i am emailing back and forth with my MW. she is still willing to take care of me, even though i have been a nut case. she really thinks i can still deliver at home, but i just think that i want to stay home for a bit longer, till babe is a bit over 37 weeks.

i really want to get some labs drawn out of the hospital, because i have a feeling they will just admit me and induce if i go to the hospital. being an RN, and having worked in postpartum, i know what they do. if my labs are still stable, i will feel more comfortable waiting a few more days.

not having DH there also means not being able to have baby with me all the time, hard for breastfeeding, especially if they have me on mag postpartum like i had with DD. i couldn't even hold DD when i was on mag. i ended up letting her have formula till i was off it. then we breastfed fine, for over 3 years, so i am not worried about that. i will just ask for a pump and feed her when they let me have the babe.

thanks for all the positive vibes and advice. i appreciate it.

attached mama, same daddy. but, i have an autoimmune disorder, which can increase pre-e chances and it seems like some women do get it twice. apparently i am one of them. lucky me. now DH doesn't want any more kids. not if i am gonna get like this.

[Jessmcg]

...Supposedly if you have the same partner, you can't develop pre-eclampsia the second pregnancy....


Do you have any research on this? I had pre-e with my second and PIH with my 3th, after a completly normal post- date preg with #1, all with my dh. My understanding is that it is more rare to have it with subsequent children after a normal preg, but not impossible.


To OP, I am so sorry. I hope you find a good doc and hospital. I am struggling with the idea of a homebirth with my not yet concieved #4. Con your MW order the labs out patient. I did that. My dr ordered the test and I went to the lab at the hospital and dropped off the 24 hour urine and had my blood drawn and they sent the results to him with in the hour (by the time I could get back to the office). I hope you MW will help you

[Mariposa]

jess,

there have been so many theories on pre-e and PIH. they really don't know why it happens.

my MW is wonderful, i really love her. i know she will help me if i ask her to. she still thinks i can have baby at home, but i just don't know. if my labs stay very stable or get better (the protein and uric acid) then i would feel comfortable having homebirth. i just want to watch them. we have been emailing and i hope she will help me get some lab work. if i go to hospital, just the pressures and protein will get me admitted and induced likely. that sucks.

i hope one day we understand pre-e/PIH. hopefully they will figure it out.

[Attached Mama]

My understanding is that it is more rare to have it with subsequent children after a normal preg, but not impossible.


yeah - i guess that's it - rare, but not impossible :(

Good luck mariposa!!!

[Mariposa]

well, it is official. hospital birth for me. my MW will resume care, but she won't do labs right away and that is huge for me. i really need labs to feel better. it is the nurse in me i guess.

i feel very sad. i feel like she thinks that this is what i want and it isn't. she says i don't trust the process or my body or her. i am just a scared mama that doesn't want to risk anything. i just wanted to keep following labs. oh well. there is nothing to do now, but pray that i get someone nice when i go to the hospital.

i have been avoiding going to the hospital where i used to work, but am considering it now because they might let me keep babe in the room more since they know me. that will help to reduce some anxiety. since DD can't visit me anyway. but then again, i don't think i will feel comfortable with people i know checking me, etc. i am weird that way. there is a hospital really close to me, same company i worked for before. probably will end up there. i am too nervous to wait until the 2nd to go see the OB that is far away. i will probably go in early next week to OB triage to get labs drawn and see what they say.

i am just going to keep resting and talking to the baby and telling baby that we might have to do things we don't want to, like come out early, but that it will be okay.

[Attached Mama]

me again - just checking in on you. I'm glad you have figured out what to do and will be praying that it all goes ok. I agree that you should have labs done. When my protein went that high they had me to the hsptl for a catheter and labs in a few hours. Ugh! I absolutely hate hsptls. I was supposed to have a natural birth at a free standing birth center with midwives.

I would caution you to be prepared to argue with them regarding a c-section. I mean if they check you in and then you refuse one, what can they do? Throw you out a window? But seriously, not to scare you more, but that seems to be what they want to do in every "risky" situation. I had to have one, but only because DD's heart rate had begun to dip and my water was pee soup thick with meconium at only 3 centimeters. Turns out the placenta was calcified - but those 3 issues were separate from the pre-eclampsia so not at all likely to happen to you at all. I think they would have wanted to do one anyway if my midwife (who has hsptl rights there) was not present tho. I know you are uneasy with this situation and I'm not trying to make it worse, I just want to prepare you so you aren't caught off guard and end up with a c that you could have avoided or that you didn't want.

Will be praying for you and your dear baby! Keep talking to that baby! Maybe baby will decide to come early and there will be no problems at all!!!! :thumb

[Mariposa]

thanks attached mama. i am a nurse and used to work postpartum. i know that i am going to have a fight on my hands. baby is doing fine, so i see no reason to push a c-section. i had an ultrasound a week ago and baby was great, placenta looked fine and cord was fat and lots of blood flow through it.

i am going to ask for a 24 hour urine, if possible to do at home, if my other labs are okay. i haven't had one of those yet. they will probably want to put me on mag sulfate and induce. that is pretty standard. my pressures have been a little better this week, though the diastolic doesn't ever go below 90 now. maybe my blood pressure will behave there and they will send me home for weekly NSTs or whatever. i would love to keep baby in there as long as possible and start labor naturally. but, i also know how serious PIH/pre-e can be and i don't want to wait around.

it is frustrating, mostly because i feel like i am all alone. no MW, though she says she will be my friend. i don't think a friend who could easily order some labs since she is my MW should let someone down. if she is so confident that i don't have pre-e, then why not order the labs???

also that she thinks that i WANT to go to the hospital. i had insurance when i worked. i could have easily gone the OB route had i wanted to, but i paid out of pocket to have MW care and planned a homebirth. it is really frustrating that she is putting it on me. and that part of her taking on my care again would be she won't do labs because we have labs that are normal. doesn't make any sense.

oh well. there is nothing i can do now. i am going to rest and focus on my baby and pray that nothing gets worse. i only had mild PIH with DD, no abnormal labs at delivery only proteinuria and high blood pressure. i am hoping that things will be the same, but i didn't have this much protein so early with DD or this high of BPs this early either.

thanks for checking up on me!

[monkeymimi]

:Hug

[Mariposa]

thanks!

i am feeling a lot better now. there is nothing i can do now, but make the best of what is going on. i am thinking positive and am hoping that my labs are good and they let me go home to do a 24 hour.

i have been cleaning and getting things ready for the baby just in case. maybe that will help have the opposite effect and they will listen to me and let me stay at home with weekly NSTs or something. who knows.

DH cleaned out our extra room completely and has made arrangements for his brother's family to come stay with us when i am at the hospital! (whenever that may be) so that he can stay the night with me to help with the baby. DD loves her cousin, so she will be less stressed i think, though i don't know where she will sleep, since she sleeps with us and they co-sleep as well with her 4 yo cousin. i might not have him stay all night, especially if they let me keep babe with me when i am alone. then he can be with DD.

i am going to just keep thinking positive. i am sad about how things ended with my MW, but we just didn't agree on the whole lab thing and i totally understand that. i am an RN and my experiences are part of me and my thinking. she is a MW and her experiences are part of her and her thinking. that is life and i will deal with it.