maisiedotes
02-24-2006, 09:21 AM
Thank goodness I found this board. I just wanted to share my story with the hopes of healing...
I was pregnant with my first child last year. I had a perfectly normal pregnancy, as far as I knew- everything was normal, normal ultrasounds, perfect weight gain, etc. I went into labor at 35w3d and gave birth to Doran Richard, born still on July 6, 2005. We knew when we got to the hospital and they could not find a heartbeat. I thought I would die of sadness that day and I still have days that I am suicidal, and I feel like if I don't kill myself then my sadness will. Trying again is what is getting me through each day, I think.
I am having lots of angry feelings- angry at body for letting me down. Angry at everyone at work- they should have not scheduled me so many hours. They should have helped me more, sent me home when there was not much to do, the midwife should have caught what was wrong... and I am so mad at all the people I asked if little movement was normal and they said yes.
Never in a million years did I think this would ever happen to me. We went to a specialist to plan for a future pregnancy and to find out the cause of Doran's passing- there was very little amniotic fluid and he was small- 3lb1oz, and the cord was wrapped tightly around his neck (god, I can't even stand to type it). They don't know why any of it happened, except that one thing caused another- the lack of amniotic fluid caused both the small birth weight and the cord accident).
Sorry to go on so long but I am having a difficult day and it helps to get it out.
Much love to you all
Maisie
I was pregnant with my first child last year. I had a perfectly normal pregnancy, as far as I knew- everything was normal, normal ultrasounds, perfect weight gain, etc. I went into labor at 35w3d and gave birth to Doran Richard, born still on July 6, 2005. We knew when we got to the hospital and they could not find a heartbeat. I thought I would die of sadness that day and I still have days that I am suicidal, and I feel like if I don't kill myself then my sadness will. Trying again is what is getting me through each day, I think.
I am having lots of angry feelings- angry at body for letting me down. Angry at everyone at work- they should have not scheduled me so many hours. They should have helped me more, sent me home when there was not much to do, the midwife should have caught what was wrong... and I am so mad at all the people I asked if little movement was normal and they said yes.
Never in a million years did I think this would ever happen to me. We went to a specialist to plan for a future pregnancy and to find out the cause of Doran's passing- there was very little amniotic fluid and he was small- 3lb1oz, and the cord was wrapped tightly around his neck (god, I can't even stand to type it). They don't know why any of it happened, except that one thing caused another- the lack of amniotic fluid caused both the small birth weight and the cord accident).
Sorry to go on so long but I am having a difficult day and it helps to get it out.
Much love to you all
Maisie