need a little whine

[scubamom]

its nothing really, just cant talk to anyone else about it as sort of silly, but its bugging me. probably me just being oversensitive due to hormones

Basically there are 3 of us pregnant at work and all due within a month of each other (me first), and next sunday they are having a shower for the 2 first time moms. which is understandable as i had a great and generous shower for my first baby which i am very greatful for. I dont want a shower for gifts, as we have everthing we could possibly need, but it just makes me feel that my baby is not important to them.
It may be my 2nd but he deserves a celebration to, as a baby shower not for just gifts is it?, but about clebrating the imminent birth of a new life isnt it?

my feelings are making me uncomfortable about going, esp when i checked that if ok for ds to come was told that a no children event.

here comes the big whine: why couldnt someone have been thoughtful enough to include me even as a sideline with offers to bring freezer food to help soon to be mom of 2.


sorry for the rant, needed to tell someone, thanks forlistening
heather

[Mariposa]

:hugs i totally agree with you. a lot of times though, mainstream baby showers are more about the gifts and games for the grown-ups than to celebrate the baby. the offer for food would have been nice as well, since you will soon have 2! :hugs

[kellykins]

That just plain stinks.
I have to say that I would totally be feeling the same way you are if it were me in your shoes. :P

Bleh.

:hugs

[momto3g3b]

Boy, do I sympathize with you!!! When I was pregnant with baby #6, my twin brother & his wife were expecting baby #1. The hoopla that surrounded them was crazy ~ she had FOUR baby showers (one hosted by my mom and one hosted by her mom and one by co-workers and one by friends) and I was completely ignored. My mom has never hosted a baby shower for me, either, btw.

Anyhow, like you said, it would have been nice if *someone* had thought about how some freezer meals or gift cards for take-out would have helped *my* family once the baby was born, but no one gave it any consideration. I guess lots of people assume that mothers value help only after the first baby. Personally, I'd prefer to have help with every baby AFTER number 1. With the first, you've got no one else needing your attention or anything like that, so it's not nearly as difficult as when you're adding baby #2, #3 or more to the family.

((((( hugs ))))) I'm sorry your co-workers are ignoring your pregnancy in favor of the first-time moms. I would be hurt if I were in your shoes, too.

[Epiphany]

I completely feel you on this issue! I don't know why people are so insensitive to the second (or more) baby. I am throwing my own Blessingway celebration for this child since no one else seems to want to host anything. :p It will be just a get-together with close friends and family, and I am only asking them to bring a bead for my birthing necklet and a blessing for the new baby. I don't even care if its tacky to do it myself. I want this baby to have well wishes too. lol If anyone asks about presents I will tell them to bring a frozen meal, a gift cert for take out, or a promise to come over after baby is born to do laundry or dishes, or even just hold the baby and entertain my 2.5 yr old while I shower. hehe

[AppleCrisp]

Wow, so rude!! You totally deserve to whine about that! IMO it should be all or nothing....if they're having a shower, and its in honor of all three of you, then all three of you should be treated equally, even if its not your first and it is theirs. My guess is that most people, if they know you, will treat you all equally anyway. I would never go to a shower for three people and bring something for just 2 of them and neither would most people I know. I know it isn't about gifts for you, but you're right - its about saying how happy you are for someone, and is there anything we can do to help.

[CaliMomof5]

I know exactly how you feel! When we had baby #4, dh wasn't given a shower at work - it was the first baby for him while working this particular job. A co-worker (female) was pg too and was given a shower. Last year, dh was asked to organize a shower for a co-worker who's wife was expecting their first child - he didn't want to do it, but did because it was his bosses boss that asked him to do it. A couple of months ago, it was suggested that he organize another shower for another male co-worker (second child btw) and he said no. He said he wasn't given a shower when we were expecting our fourth and was given a lame excuse about it, so why should he organize another one? The subject was dropped. I know there will be nothing done for this baby either. We don't need gifts, but geez take the man out to lunch to celebrate the new baby! It royally pis@es me off that people are like this. Each baby deseves to be celebrated - not with gifts, but with recognition of a new life! Don't even get me started on my family and their views on showers after you've already had one!

[majorsky]

A couple of months ago, it was suggested that he organize another shower for another male co-worker (second child btw) and he said no. He said he wasn't given a shower when we were expecting our fourth and was given a lame excuse about it, so why should he organize another one?

So DHs have baby showers sometimes too??? My DH and I were wondering about that... I mean, my DH has male friends he's close to, why can't they be bothered to give something small in recognition of the baby's birth? None of them have done a thing to recognize our first baby, and it seems weird to me.

I'm not trying to be materialistic or ungrateful, but in my experience, female friends and family are *expected* to give gifts for new babies, but male friends and family members are not. Seems sexist to me.

My husband had a great idea -- why don't men hold baby showers for new fathers that include gifts like shelving kits, a drill kit, a level, etc. since a new baby usually means a lot of reorganization and hanging things on walls!

Kristin

[AppleCrisp]

My husband had a great idea -- why don't men hold baby showers for new fathers that include gifts like shelving kits, a drill kit, a level, etc. since a new baby usually means a lot of reorganization and hanging things on walls!

Kristin

It should be like some kind of bachelor party where they get together and the old hands help the new dads assemble baby stuff without driving their partners nuts!! :p It took us two weekends to get everything assembled so it wouldn't fall apart, get the carseat installed, re-arrange oodles of furniture, practice with the sling, and get all the cardboard out to the curb. By the end our nerves were shot, my husband was all mad, the dog was hiding, and there were tools and batteries and instruction manuals and mysterious extra parts all over the place! At my shower the girls were all laughing because they had the same experience. :)

[majorsky]

It took us two weekends to get everything assembled so it wouldn't fall apart, get the carseat installed, re-arrange oodles of furniture, practice with the sling, and get all the cardboard out to the curb.

See, there really is a need for a DH baby shower!! They could gather around all the baby equipment (swings, bouncy seats, cribs, strollers etc.) and assemble them at the party. And they can all agree to ignore the instructions together! :lol

Kristin