I need to vent!!!

[surf mama]

I have an extended family member who just doesn't get it! She has been getting her feelings hurt that we haven't been keeping in touch lately but she knows that we have been going thru a m/c....3 1/2 weeks of waiting for it and then a week after of making sure it was done and feeling physically and emotionally spent from all that! I just thought everyone would support us and understand....and I guess most people have. I just talked to the one person a few minutes ago and dh is working so I can't vent to him and well it is just really bugging me. I guess I should just let it go and think about all the kind sweet people that have surrounded us thru this time. Thanks for letting me get this out.

[aileen]

i so understand surf mama - i would wander around beating myself up for being frustrated with people who i really loved. nothing made me more furious than the belly glances. what were those friends looking for? have i ever done that?
i wish i had a stack of thank you notes to send to everyone who ever revealed to me that they had had a miscarrige. "oh i'm so sorry, i had two before dd was born," brings so much strange peace to me. i feel so little about this, but i kinda don't want to talk about it with anyone who hasn't lost that "hope". hopefully this will subside.
geez - i was totally MIA for a week straight when i m/ced. it must have been so hard with your long wait. ease yourself back into the speeding world. ugh. losing a pregnancy is so like a live birth. after my dd ws born my dear midwife encouraged me to protect myself from the world for a bit. she said, "you are so open, so vulnerable after your baby comes. sometimes i leave a birth and i want to scream at the people around me, 'don't you know what just happened?' "
don't be upset with yourself simply because someone else can't quite understand what just happened.
you are allowed to be bugged.
be bugged.
be very bugged.
it will help you heal.

i think.
(i think i didn't allow myself anger and it sat and festered a wee bit - something i would encourage avoiding.)
anyway, i obviously need to go to bed.:)
i'll be thinking of you - take care, surf mama.

[surf mama]

aileen-thanks! That was just what I needed to hear! I do need time and even though I didn't get to have a live birth, I did have a baby and it was an amazing experience to birth that little one and get to hold her for a minute and then bury her in the flower bed. I am vulnerable just like you wrote. The day after I m/c-ed I went back to church because I missed everyone but I didn't realize I was still too open and vulnerable....I just sat in the back row crying thru much of the service and of course the sermon was talking about hard times and doubts. Since then I have stayed close to home for a week just resting and starting to feel better. It is so validating to read your post and hear that what I've felt and experienced is normal and okay. Thanks!

[BethanyB]

Hey surfmama,
That totally sucks! :hopmad .I went thru the same thing a few weeks ago while waiting for my m/c-with my SIL. She was bent out of shape that we didn't want to watch the superbowl at her house, and that we hadn't seen/talked to her as much since my first loss. Hello! She has two year olds! We didn't want to be hanging around babies too much. Gee, I wonder why. I was so mad I actually told my in-laws how hurt I was by her selfish, insensitive comments. It sure did make me feel better!
The bottom line is that you have been thru a traumatic experience. If people around you don't/won't cut you some slack, then you need to avoid those people right now. Don't waste any energy on mending fences. YOU and your dh are victims right now; if people don't understand that, screw 'em.