How do you handle WOH and parenting?

[mama's sweetie]

:D Just wondering how those of you who WOH handle the stress of work and home. Right now, I am working between 30-35 hours a week. I went back to work when dd was 3 months old. Until recently, I was coming home every day to nurse dd (now 12 1/2 months old). Anyway, as I look back over the last 10 months, I feel that my work has totally slacked off. I come to work late (because I want to spend as much time with dd as I can in the morning); I leave work early (because I want to get home as fast as possible to dd); and I try to do as little work as possible while at work (because I am too busy running home to feed dd or spending time on boards, such as this, chatting with other parents). Basically, I have realized that although I like my job and am good at it, the fact is that anyone can step into my shoes at work. BUT, no one can replace me as mama at home! This has made me so resentful and bitter about my job lately. The thing is that this "job" is actually a career that I have chosen and worked really hard to acheive and be good at. So, it's not like I am doing something I totally hate. Nevertheless, since coming back to work from maternity leave (out of necessity!), I have grown to dislike my job. It no longer holds the interest it used to. That is, mostly, because I am preoccupied with thinking about dd, planning on how to get home quicker to dd and cutting as many corners as I can. Right now I am just frustrated because I feel that I need to get out of this slump and invest a little more effort at work, but at the same time, I really don't care all that much. At this time, quitting is not an option for us, but it is something dh and I are working towards in the future (possibly with #2) Anyway, I'm just wondering if any of you WOH mamas are experiencing the same thing? What kinds of jobs do you have? How do you handle the stresses? Thanks for listening! :) :(

Libby

[Piglet68]

I am actually a SAHM, but I could relate to alot of what you said as I will explain.

Before I had my DD, I had a career that was just beginning after years of specialized training and education. I had a fabulous new job that set me up for a great career ahead. I loved my job and the pregnancy initally did present some worries for me as to how I was going to give up working for a while to be with my DD.

After DD was born I realised I no longer felt as interested in my work. Suddenly the great career I had ahead of me didn't matter, what mattered was being with DD. I worked on several projects, some of which weren't finished by the time I left my job, but to make a long story short, I agreed to finish them at my own pace so that me and my boss could receive credit for the work I was paid to do. I am finding it very hard to motivate myself to do the work, although I am lucky that I'm not on a deadline and I need only devote as much time to it as I can...I'm planning to start up again soon and maybe devote an hour or so a few days a week. I am no longer concerned about getting credit for it myself, but I owe a debt of gratitude to my old boss and others who supported my work, and it is only that sense of loyalty and honour that keeps me motivated to do it.

So I can really relate to going from a job you love that seems so important, to being totally distracted by motherhood, losing interest in the job, and realizing that anybody else can have a career like that, but only YOU can be the mother to your child. My heart goes out to you and I hope you meet your dream soon of being a SAHM.

[owen&mama]

I could have written this post. I am in almost exactly the same situation. I went back to work at the same time and our babes are about the same age. Other than that, I'm still struggling with the same issues....the ever-elusive balance...on a daily basis. Right now, it is not financially feasible for me to quit my job, and on some days, I'm not sure I would if I could, although those days are few and far between. :rolleyes:

I think one thing that has saved me is DH and the constant communication we have about it. And a loving care-provider that I trust DS with. It also helps to know that there are others trying to find the balance, too, so thanks for sharing. I do feel valued at work and while, for the moment, my "career" has become a "job", I do find myself having glimmering moments of excitement about my contribution to the organization.

All that being said, I have to be honest that there are many days that I feel that I am about to burst with the frustration of the situation. Then there are days that I appreciate having an arrangement that gives DS an extended family and a lot of experiences outside of home. (At least that's my take.)

Good luck to all of us. :) I'd love to hear more of everyone's stories.

[mama's sweetie]

:eek It's nice to hear that others are out there as well, experiencing the same things. Today is a holiday (Lincoln's b-day) so I have the day off. I think yesterday was just a bad day all round. Today, I am going to enjoy the day with my dd and dh and take it one day at a time. I posted this question on the bbc board and received a number of responses from WOH moms who feel the same way. I guess we all have to find the right type of balance and it is an ongoing struggle. I'd love to hear from others who have either BTDT or are going through the same thing right now. We are all in this together......Good luck to all of you.

Libby
:) (b'fing, co-sleeping, sling-wearing mama to my sweetie!)

[Quirky]

I too could have written your post. Career I worked hard for, after lots of education (and I've got the loans to prove it), great job, working only 32 hours a week (plus 45 minutes commute each way), great colleagues.....and my heart just wasn't in it any more. Too much time on MDC during the day, coming in later and later, sneaking out early, just overall plain unmotivated.

I got to take 22 weeks off on maternity leave (not thanks to my job, but thanks to DC's Family and Medical Leave Act) and had only been back at work for 5 weeks, but decided I was miserable being away from ds for 10 hours a day, 4 days a week. And he's been pretty miserable too. DH has been home with him, and there are so many times I call home and DS is screaming his head off. Mind you, ds is definitely on the high needs end of the spectrum -- a calm and placid baby he is not -- but he's much, much happier when I'm there. He's 6 months old and is starting to do the reaching for me every time he's not in my arms.

After many, many hours of agonizing and discussing with dh, we decided that although we can't afford for me to be a SAHM forever - and quite frankly I don't want to be one, I like what I do and want to keep doing it - we can afford for me to take 6 or 8 more months off if we cut our expenses to the bone and use some savings.

So knowing I could quit if I needed to gave me the guts to pitch my boss on the idea of going half time for 6 months, which is the amount of time it'll take for them to find a replacement. He didn't agree, so I gave notice and my last day is Friday. I'm really sad to leave this job, and have no idea what I'll do next, but as it is I'm not doing my colleagues or my son any favors by staying.

I know where you're coming from, and I hope things work out for you! Big :hug s to you.

[mama's sweetie]

Jane,

Best of luck to you. I'm sure that things will work themselves out....like they usually do. I noticed in your profile that you are an attorney. like me. Like you, I also have only been putting in between 30-35 hours a week. I've been toying with the idea of approaching my boss and asking if I could have some flex time. My next step would be to go for part time. Unfortunately, right now, I am the principle breadwinner. DD just started working part time in the counseling field and we would never be able to survive if I quit. However, I would like to cut my hours even more than I cut them now, and part time would be ideal. For now, I need to sit tight and get my work done and see where were are in a few months.

For what it's worth, I think you are making the right decision. If you guys can financially handle it, even if its tight, you will gain so much for the temporary financial sacrifice. Plus, I think that all that money that you invested in your education (I too have the lovely loans to pay back!!), will pay off in the end. There are lots of other areas where a legal degree can come in handy. I've been looking into alternative areas that are more family friendly myself. I don't think that you will be worse off for taking off a few months, or even a few years, IMO. In fact, I know of a few good friends who did just that when they had their kids. I'm hoping to be one of those people myself, just not for a few more months. In fact, I envy you!! Good luck to you!!:thumb

Libby

[Marlena]

I also have been feeling significant ambivalence towards work. It's difficult, particularly when dd (21 months) would much rather spend time with me during the day than with her (excellent, loving, fun, trustworthy, experienced) caretaker, particularly if I'm working from my home. Fortunately, I still seem to be as or more productive than many of my colleagues, but I've definitely noticed slippage, particularly when the workload is light. The lighter it is, the more I slack off, and the worse I feel about working versus staying at home and taking care of my daughter during the day (which is not a financial option at the moment). I too have worked hard to get where I am, and I know that, if I quit now, I'd quite possibly never get back to where I presently am (we'd also lose our mortgage, etc., adding more urgency to the matter). So I continue being ambivalent. I think it simply comes with the territory. Good luck to you!

[Quirky]

Wow, there sure are a lot of lawyers kicking around these boards! Kinda like it is here in DC, where you can't swing a cat without hitting an attorney...:LOL

Marlena, I totally identify with your observation about slacking off with too little work to do. I think that was part of the problem at work, because it hadn't really picked up to pre-leave levels: I was cooling my heels (and spending a lot of time online) because I didn't have enough to do, and felt resentful of having to put in face time at work when I could have been home with my son.

I think part time would have been ideal - enough brain time to keep me sane and not so much that I'd be away all day. Oh well, maybe the next job.

Libby, I hope you can get down to part time some time soon. What kind of law do you practice? Is it amenable to part-time work?

I don't regret going to law school (even with the loans), but sometimes I think it might have been smarter to pick a more family friendly field, one that lends itself better to switching between part time and full time. One of my closest friends is a vet married to another vet, and they own their own practice, so they can set their own hours. Not that it's easy being a small business owner, but there's something to be said for being your own boss and choosing how many hours to work a week.

[somemama]

Yep, I cut corners at work, too, mostly because I'm SOOOOOOO tired now, and because pumping takes up time at work. But, it got better after my first one got a little older, and I'm sure it will get better when this child is older, as well.

[MamaDeLiana]

I'm in a stressful period juggling work and home right now. After a slack period at work (which I loved), we got a rush of projects on quick schedules. In the past, I'd deal with such crunches by putting in extra hours, but I have zero interest in doing that with DD at home waiting for me. And waiting she is--she lights up when she sees me and reaches for me when I hand her off to DH, and last night approached an all-night nursing marathon.

I deal with my dual roles by doing my best to compartmentalize--something I didn't used to think I was good at. Most days, when I'm at work, I'm at work. I try not to go to MDC (I've made an exception today!) or do much of anything that will take my focus away from work, because that just makes me sad and unproductive--and if I'm not productive during my normal hours, I'll feel pressure to work extra hours to get it all done. And, unlike in the past, when I'm at home, I'm at home. I rarely take work home with me anymore, or concerns about work.

It also helps a lot that DH brings DD to me in the middle of the day to nurse. It's always a joyful little reunion.

I don't think I'd do well as a SAHM (or even a WAHM), and we're financially dependent on my income (DH is a SAHD), so I just try to focus on what I like about my job--and my gratitude for understanding co-workers who help out when I'm about to burst.

[delighted.mama]

Looks like we are all trying to do our best to do the juggling act....SIGH!

Jane,

I am currently clerking for a supreme court justice so I do a little bit of everything, criminal and civil. This position is probably the most child-friendly environment in the legal field. Because the work that I do is so independent, I can pretty much set my own schedule.....which is a problem lately because I tend to leave it all for the last minute for "deadline time." Usually, like now, I am on MDC or babycenter or some other such online parenting board. I was probably better off before we got the internet at work!! :)


I work with only 4 other people in our chambers and they are excellent colleagues, but I am the only one that has children (besides our secretary). My judge is out of the office every other month for a few weeks when court is in session, so there is a lot of down time. Like one of the other posters wrote, it is during this down time that I realllllly resent being at work when I could be with dd. I drive into work every day and go home during lunch so I could see her and nurse her. This isn't a problem when we are slow, but it does cause a lot of stress when the pace picks up and I actually have work to do. Considering how my friends in the private sector are doing, I can't complain. To answer your question, yes, I think part time is an option, but I have to bide my time and present it to my judge. I don't feel comfortable doing that right now because I have been slacking off. He is really wonderful and supportive, but I would feel bad asking him for part time at a time when I am barely doing the stuff I need to do when I am here full time....KWIM. Also, because he's gone a lot , we all leave early quite often, so on average, I put in about 30 hours a week but still get a full time salary. However, if I can't get part time working here, my goal is to find another part-time job in the next year...once we stabilize our financial situation with DH.

Marlena,

How wonderful that dd can come to you during the day. I too don't regret going into the legal field, despite the loans, but it is so unforgiving sometimes with mothers, especially working mothers. I think, however, that it has come a long way from the "boys club" it used to be. At least that gives me some encouragement. Good luck to you and, for whatever it is worth, welcome to club of juggling moms!!

:p :p :eek

Libby

[nuggetsmom]

I am only now adjusting to being here (at work) part time. And DD is 18 mo. But I also have a career job, that pays a little. I look at it as "sequencing" and although I don't get much out of my job anymore, I will later, and only if I stay in it. Science is not very favorable to people leaving and coming back after several years as some of my friends have found out. Since it is unusual that a scientist even works part time, I have a really good situation here that I don't want o leave. Besides, after days like yesterday I don't know if I could stay home, but that is another story.

Oh, how do I handle it. Well, I try to stay in the moment while I am at work. Set achievable short term goals and review my progress frequently so I am aware of what I am doing since I don't have the continuity of a whole week. Then when I go home, I leave my work at work and try to give my full presence to DD (and I totally failed at that yesterday, but oh well). And I keep housework very organised and routine based. If I don't get that done~too bad.
I'm not sure if I make sense or even answered your question, but well, I am tired and need to get off the 'puter

On the upside my commute is 20 minutes by bike (15 by car) so I don't waste too much time driving etc.

[singermom]

Seems like a lot of ambivalence is going around...it gets worse for me whenever I've had a day like today (starting with a 3 hour meeting that completely threw off my pumping schedule). I am reasonably lucky compared to the lawyers on the board--I'm a corporate drone, but my work isn't measured in billable hours!

In terms of how to "handle" the balance, as someone else said, I do find that having a short commute makes all the difference--I can leave my office at 5:00 and be at the day care center by 5:05, and then home in another 10 minutes, even with traffic. This is one of the main things that has made it hard for me to start looking for another job.

Also, having a VERY helpful dh helps. He, too, has a short commute and is in business for himself, so can pretty much set his own hours (downside is that he works a lot of evenings and weekends, though...so it is always something).

Someone spoke about really living in the moment--I have found that that really helps me. Easier said than done, but I'm getting there...

Jane, good luck with your last day tomorrow.

Mia

[Ocean]

I find balancing family life and WOH to be very difficult. I guess my approach is to take it one day at a time, but I don't think I manage it very well. I work about 45 hours a week, and with a dd that still gets up about once an hour at night, it is totally exhausting. I'm in a very similar situation with everyone else where we are almost totally dependant on my income, so quitting is not an option. I am also a lawyer in private practice, so there aren't many part-time opportunites unless you first put a lot of years into a firm, and I had my dd just one year into my first job. My previous job (a judicial clerkship) had been much more flexible, but I'm the only mother with a child at home at my new firm, so there isn't as much understanding. Things get really tough when something happens. Like right now, dd has the chicken pox and can't go out of the house for 10 days and she's totally miserable. :crying At the same time, my husband finally landed a contract, so I had to somehow manage to take time off so that my dh could meet with clients during the day. I'd really like to go down to part-time, but right now that isn't an option at this job, and it isn't really a financial option right now, so I'm just trying to do what I can to reduce some of our debt so that hopefully in a few years when we might want to have a second child I could find another job that will be more flexible.

[singermom]

Ocean, I definitely hear you on the illness thing...we're in the middle of a week of illness in our house and it has just thrown any semblance of our schedule right out the window. Between illness and the unpredictable winter weather, I have taken to carrying my laptop home with me every night, since I never know from one day to the next if I will need to work from home (and working at home with one or two sick children is not exactly the easiest thing...).

Other thing that I'm having trouble dealing with now is doing errands--and I include in that nice extras such as getting my hair cut or going to the dentist, as well as the more necessary things like getting my car inspected (already overdue), and sometimes even going grocery shopping. Although I've already said that dh is helpful, I often feel like I have to ask permission to go food shopping--what's up with that?

[kofduke]

I am so shocked to see so many lawyers here...I thought I might be the on;y one! I have quite a bit of time before I have to worry about going backto work (DS is 3 weeks, and I took a 6-month leave of absence), but I'm starting to have these feelings already. I'm a second-year litigation associate in a boutique firm. Luckily, they are very amenable towards 4-day part-time schedules, several partners and associates do so -- I'm just trying to decide if I can afford to try and get a 3-day schedule. Time will soon tell...

Kristin
Proud mama to Aaron, 1/26/03

[mama's sweetie]

It's kind of nice to hear from other women around the country that are in the same field and facing some of the same trials (no pun intended!) with parenting as I am. Sometimes I really think that the legal field and AP are mutually exclusive....then, I see all of the other women that are doing the same thing and I have more hope. However, it is a struggle every day.

Ocean, I totally understand where you are coming from. Like you, I want to go to part time but have to wait till we are in a better financial position. When we decide to have baby #2, I would really, really, like to be ina position to either stay at home for a couple of years or just work part-time.

I also feel like I barely have time to do any errands, like grocery shopping and that I have to ask dh for permission. He's very helpful, but I still feel like I carry the majority of the weight on my shoulders....could be maternal instincts in overdrive....? That's why when I am at work, I end up taking time to do errands, things for myself and other things. But, then that leaves a lot of work undone, which I then scramble to do....ugly cycle.

Posting this thread, however, has been kind of cathartic. Just seeing that others are struggling with the same issues and handling them has actually motivated me to get my butt in gear and try a different approach. So, THANKS to all of you who responded. Please keep it coming! This is a wonderful place to vent, comment and simply let it all out!!

Libby
:p ---less stressed out mama to my sweet 12 month old dd; still bf and sling wearing (when dd wants to!)

[HollyBearsMom]

Libby as many other have posted I could have written what you did!!

I love(d) my job, am quite good at it, am well respected and fairly well paid. It is a career not just a job. But.....

since the birth of my son I too get to work late, leave work early and spend a lot of time on the net either here on mothering or crazy sites like the onion. Amazingly I still manage to get my job done and done well. But I can feel the apathy building, the excitment is gone and I resent any encrouchments on my personal time. I keep wondering when I will be "found out". Part of me just want to quit but I know the realityis I just can't right now.

However every day I am reminded that everyone can be replaced where you work but I can never truly be replaced as my sons mother. Our CEO was fired a few weeks ago. Happened in the middle of a meeting. She got called out and never came back. The announcement was made and then the meeting resumed like nothing happened! :eek Very bizarre. It just drove the point home.

How do I handle the stress?? A great DH, a good support group of friends and (trying) not be super mom with the perfect house, always cleaned up etc. I am really working on the last one :wink

[owen&mama]

While I am in the minority as not-an-attorney, I hope I can still come around :rolleyes: :)

Just wanted to pop in and relate to the "errand" thing. All I have time for is the office and home. It seems that I just don't get the other stuff done. I, too, feel like I have to ask permission. In fact, I am at the office today - just for an hour - and even on Saturday, I was headed out the door with DS when it hit DH to offer to take him for the hour. They went to Home Depot together. What a concept. And it isn't just errands, it's the "me" time. I'll admit to all of the things some of you talked about - the surfing, the coming in late, the leaving early...and then the scramble to catch up. But even adding in all of that cheating doesn't amount to any time for my Self. That's what I feel most - is it guilty? - about asking permission for. And is it permission from DH or permission from myself?

I think that much of the lack of equality is ingrained in me (and in DH). I don't think it will ever be 50-50, and I don't know if either of us would be comfortable with that anyway. I can relate to the "super mom" thing, but I sure am beat. If we decide to have another, I am sure I'll be found out, too!

Thanks for this thread!

[jingwen]

Thank you for posting this thread! i was just about to post the exact same thread when i came upon yours!
I'm a RN and work 20 hours. I work PT and its just as hard! I thought it would make a difference but i also come to work late, come back from lunch late and leave early. I call home about 4 times a day to check and see how everything is. Now i want to cut my hours to 8 a week. But here's my delimma:
I work 20 hours because that is the least amount of hours i can work and still have benefits. DH is a self employed contractor without a regular paycheck.
By dropping my hours i will lose my benefits, my senority, and get basically the crappiest shift at the clinic. So the decision is kind of hard.......I mean i work 20 hours which is nothing compared to some of my coworkers who work 12 hour shifts and have babies at home. Without the benefits we would have to pay $500 a month out of our own pocket plus i worked so hard at getting my senority....
so right now i am rationalizing that 20 hours is not that much time away from my ds. But my heart tells me otherwise. I miss him so much when i'm at work.

And i have to tell my boss by the end of this week what my decision is. :eek what to do??????

[singermom]

Well, I usually avoid offering advice blithely, and this is strictly in the FWIW category, but SINCE you asked, I would think long and hard about giving up the benefits for your family (I assume you cover your dh as well as yourself and son?). If it is even a half-way decent plan, you may have trouble finding equal benefits when/if you do decide to increase your hours. My dh is in business for himself too, and it is just not cost-effective for us to have him cover all of us on his plan.

The seniority question only you can answer for yourself. It's one I struggle with every day. On good days, I find I don't mind going to work. On bad days, I'm ready to chuck it about every 15 minutes.

Good luck making the decision.

[Marlena]

Originally posted by jingwen

And i have to tell my boss by the end of this week what my decision is. :eek what to do??????

You're the only one who can make that decision. However, do keep in mind that health insurance benefits are crucial to have. Also keep in mind that federal law preventing insurers from excluding you or your family members from coverage (or excluding certain conditions, or imposing horrendously long exclusion periods) will apply to you largely only if you have health insurance through a group health insurance plan (eg, through work). (There are some exceptions, but unless you're planning on electing COBRA coverage and plan to exhaust that coverage and then plan to obtain health insurance through the individual market, they're not really applicable.) You may not think this is a big deal for your family, but it will quickly become one if some disaster strikes. I know what my decision would be if I were in your shoes.

[somemama]

Personally I would keep the 20 hours; not only do you keep benefits but also better shifts, right?

[jingwen]

Thanks for the advice!!!!

I think i am leaning towards keeping my benefits at 20 hours but its darn hard when my son gets sad when i leave to work. kwim?
How do you all handle that?

I'm just afraid that not being there for him the first couple years of life will be detremental for him as he grows up. what's your thoughts? TIA.

[Quirky]

bump

[Lucky Charm]

How do you handle WOH and parenting?
I go to work so i can get some rest.
(i'm an ER nurse)

[jingwen]

Sweetbaby3,
I hear you! it definately much harder at home with baby then at work with a bunch of sick patients!:p
After the last post i ended up cutting my hours to 12 a week which includes every other sunday. of course i lost all my benefits and seniority but you can't have everything sometimes. :D

This is my first week working 12 hours. The hard part about working such little hours is 1. i feel like i'm left out of the loop with work related issues, policies etc. and
2. i'm treated like i'm a second class citizen or something just because i work part time! (i just got my vacation requests back and they were all denied, even my son's 1 year old birthday!)

At home i find my time flies to keep ds entertained. I joined a playgroup, we go out on walks all the time and i think we've gone to the grocery store 3 times already!

I still can't seem to manage keeping the house clean or cook even with my less hours but hopefully i'll get a routine down.

How do you manage the ER with 3 kids! What are your days like?

[maighdhlin]

I am so amazed that there are so many lawyer posters out there. I'm a 5th year assoc and am still paying back loans. There's currently a partner here who is PT, but the word on the street is that she is not profitable for the firm. And her situation is being "reviewed and discussed". I'm thinking I'm not going to be able to ask for that then anytime soon!

When I told my partner I'd be pumping he told me his wife (also a lawyer) nursed for "sport" when she was home, but didn't think she was efficient enough to work and pump at work (read: very big hint - don't pump at work). Another partner told me I'd better be damned sure my door was locked so he didn't walk in by accident. I've been pumping anyway for about 3 months, but I wonder if they'll be patient enough to wait out 6 more months?

This is a hard field I think for moms. If any of you come up with alternative uses for your degrees, I'd be intersted to hear what you decide.

Excuse typos - am pumping and typing...

[delighted.mama]

Maidhdhiglin (sp?)

OHHHH, it makes me so mad when I hear of a situation like yours at work re: pumping!:angry I'm sure that partner's wife was also working for "sport" too, since he was bringing in the big bucks as a partner! Good for you for continuing to pump. My only words of advice would be to keep it to yourself. The less the male partners know, the better. Unfortunate but true.....

I'm currently doing a judicial clerkship, which has worked out well with pumping. The office is super small and I only work with a few other people, who were very understading. I did it for 9 months at work. Now, I just nurse dd while at home, since she is 14 months old and doesn't take ebm during the day. My dilema now is that I feel that this work is something that I can do at home. Since it is work that is really slow paced, I feel like I am wasting time at work, when that time is flying by so fast at home with dd. She's growing, yet the work load here is the same, day in and day out. For that reason, I really would like to go to part-time. At least that way, I'm not spinning my wheels every day. If part-time doesn't work out, I am looking for something in the public sector. It is much more forgiving for family situations, I have found.

I think private practice is probably the worst for working mothers in the legal field. In my experience, public service has always been more accomodating for moms, but it is also the least paid positions. I'm currently looking to find something working part time. It is not a great move career-wise, but it will keep me in the field and it is a decent part time pay, compared to what other jobs are paying.

Teaching or other research jobs are also more flexible I think, but are hard to get into. I'd love to get into teaching, but I know that I need more experience.

A few women I know have gone to part time and do real-estate on the side. They actually make pretty good money. I'm thinking of looking into that.

Anyway, I'm sorry that you are getting so much grief from the partners. Keep doing what you are doing! When all is said and done, the job that you are doing is one that anyone can do; but, the time and effort you put into raising your child is totally unique! :thumb :D No one can do that except for you!! :)

Libby

mama to a little bobka:love :love :love :love
-trying to find a happy balance between work and home!!:confused:

[Marlena]

Teaching and research are much more flexible, but pay much less than private practice. I took quite a hit by not returning to private practice following my daughter's birth. As for loans, I've consolidated them and am therefore on the 30 year plan. It's worth it. Not only are the interest rates fabulous at the moment, comparatively speaking, but my daughter will be an infant and toddler only once in her life. If I miss that period of time, it's lost forever.

I'm sorry the partners are being such horses' a$$es re pumping. Interesting - I've oddly found men to be much more accomodating than the women in power re pumping, pregnancy and the like.

As for entering the research market, you'll likely need to establish a relationship with a well-placed academic, and/or publish at least one (if not several) papers in law reviews or peer-reviewed publications. Same goes with teaching, except that you'll also need to go to the Meat Market in D.C. in order to have any reasonable shot at getting interviews. (see http://www.aals.org/frs/jle/index.html for some useful information) If you specialize in a cross-over area of law (eg, health law), you can also try other departments or schools (eg, for health law, you might try medical schools, as well).

[maighdhlin]

Marlena: Thanks for the link. I will read through the article this weekend. Teaching is something I've considered.

[Lucky Charm]

How do you manage the ER with 3 kids! What are your days like?
jinwen....i really dont think its that hard! truthfully, i go in, do my thing and leave. the only time i really get stressed is when we have a pediatric demise in the ER, thats tough, and i have gone outside to the trashcan by the ambulance bay and thrown up in it.

all in all, i dont sweat the small stuff. my house is fairly neat, the laundrys done, and i cook a sit down dinner everynight except the days that i work. i also am in school pursuing my BSN. i pace myself. do one thing at a time, do "housework blitzes". i go to bed at 9pm. i study late after everyone has gone to bed. i use my crockpot. i work 2 days a week, 12 hr days, on the days my husband is home. he gets up and makes me coffee, does the laundry and runs any errand i havent (which is few, as i do it all).

it can get crazy! but mostly its ok. my very close friend has trouble haveing several balls in the air at once....i usually have 10 and dont sweat it. i think each individual woman has her own limits.

sorry so long in answering your question. i did open heart ICU for 7 years, so the ER is cake. once when i was in the ICU, i took care of a teenager that was hit by a train. for 3 days in a row, i cared for him, giving him over 100 units of blood. i woke monday and i could open my mouth....i had clenched so hard fri, sat sun, that my jaw locked.....and i had to have 5 teeth pulled! now thats stress!

by the way, the kid lived and is now in college. he called me at home after his release and thanked me! and so did his mama!