Decision on whether to find out the gender of the baby???

[vickin]

When my dh and I first found out that we were pregnant, we were so excited and wanted to be surprised about the gender when our dc was born. Now that I am into my 2nd trimester, I find that it is more difficult than I thought to really plan and purchase items for the baby unless you know the sex. I think I still want to hold out, but I need to make sure my reasons are legit. My mother and my husband's father really want us to find out. But, I want to be sure that I am not being swayed to find out by their pressure. Are any of you waiting? If so, why?

[Triciabn]

At this point...we are going to wait. HOWEVER, this is our 4th so we have all the baby stuff (for both genders) that we could need. But I can't imagine waiting with your first....it was way too much fun to buy the outifts and stuff. Way to fun to have the baby shower be gender specific. As someone who doesn't do nurserys, the one fun shopping thing I have is the clothing...
Everyone is different... and you didn't say what your reasons are... but that is how I played it out and I am very cool with how it worked out. Now just to try and hang in there with this one... we will see. lol
Tricia

[lovencloth]

I guess I thought for a few minutes about waiting to find out til the end. I can't stand it, I want to know so that I can shop. My thought is whether you find out at 20 weeks or 40, it is still a surprise. BTW, I can never wait for Christmas either! :)

[Glittergal]

Actually, I feel like I have to find out this time because I did last time! With my DD, we couldn't resist. We didn't end up with single non girly thing! So this time, I feel like I need to know if I'm having a boy, so he doesn't have to wear hot pink and purple all the time! I wouldn't mind being surprised this time though, the suspense doesn't seem as great this time. I had my girl, I'll be happy with whatever comes our way :)

[~Shanna~]

My DH and I are going to find out, but shopping was less a reason since most of our baby things will need to work for susequant kids because we're so, um, financially challanged. But I think the reason I did want to find out was because every little thing I've learned about our baby has made me able to bond with them that much stronger, making them much less abstract to me. I don' think there's any shame in wanting to know at all, it's quite a gift that technology gives us to make them so real to us so early.

[eleven]

Assuming the meatball cooperates at the ultrasound, we'll definitely be finding out! It was a wonderful moment finding out last time with DD and it proved that I have no maternal intuition! :lol

As it turned out, I had a very long labor that ended in a cesarean. I was in and out of consiousness after she was born, so I know that I wouldn't have appreciated the surprise at that point. I'm really glad I had the chance to find out when I was awake and actually cared. :)

[tatgurl]

We will be finding out this time as with our first two. I too find that it is a surprise whenever you find out. I also feel that I am much more able to bond with the baby once I know what it will be. We also find choosing a name a lot easier when you have to choose a boys or girls name. Yet another reason, is that it is nice to be able to start calling the baby by it's name when you're talking about it instead of "it" and "the baby".

I could see why one would want to wait, I just know that I couldn't.

A friend once said to me(long before I first got pg): "If you had guests comming to visit for a while, wouldn't you want to know as much as you could about them so that you could plan." This always stuck with me. And by the way, this friend DIDN'T find out what she was having when she ended up getting pg. :lol

[Ursula Rose]

We found out today.

It's a girl. :love

[CatskillMtnMama]

Congrats Ursula Rose ... another girl on the boards... three so far :)

Liz

[Melaya]

We waited to find out for the first baby. I have to say, it didn't make the moment any more special. In fact I really didn't care at the time that she was born. I was just glad that she was finally out! This time I will find out in advance (if I end up needing a u/s for anything), just to see if it makes a difference. I also had a hard time bonding because I didn't know the sex, felt odd to refer to the baby as "it" all of the time (we never came up with a nickname). Plus buying diapers and stuff was more difficult. So I guess I don't recommend waiting unless you avoid u/s anyways, or if you really think it would make things special for you.

[ibex67]

We found out with my son 7 years ago and I will definitely find out again if I can this time at my 20 week u/s.

For all the reasons mentioned above -- easier for me to bond, I hate waiting for anything!, and I am not one of those people who can wait to pick names until afterwards. Though, TBH, the shopping isn't really an issue for me. I found with the first August baby I didn't need anything but onesies and diapers for months.

[NewAtThis]

Definitely waiting. Why? Because we don't celebrate Christmas, and I love surprises, and and I can't imagine a bigger surprise! This is our first, and likely only, child, and I go back and forth imagining a perfect little girl or little boy. We're not buying too much before the birthday, and we're thinking of having a post-birth baby shower instead of a pre-birth baby shower to make it easier for friends and family. I can't wait to hear my DH say, "It's a ______!"

[KC in KS]

DH feels strongly about not spoiling the surprise, so we didn't find out. Kinda bugged me because I like to plan ahead (read: shopping), but it worked out okay.

First, all the gifts we were given at showers and such were gender-neutral. Carter's theme that year was ducklings, so we ended up with a lot of ducks by default. I kind of went with it and did the nursery in yellow, too. All of that works okay, because the tiny stuff will work for subsequent babies of either gender.

Once DD arrived (and we learned she was a she LOL), grandparents and friends showed up with a few frilly girly things for her, so I didn't miss any of that. Then I put out a call to friends I knew with little girls, and had four deliver boxes of girl stuff for the first year. So that worked out, too.

The only "problem" I had is that I do most all of my baby-shopping at garage sales, which makes it hard to fill in the gaps in the donations off-season. I've had to buy a few things retail (well, clearance) and that kind of bugged me. For this baby, I think I'll buy boy stuff during the garage sale season, because I can easily sell it again if we don't need it. A little more work and cash up front, but not a huge problem.

[taradt]

We aren't finding out, I like some sort of surprise after all that labor :lol
We have never found out with any of our pregnancies. Our newborn clothes are gender neutral and really within the first week so many people send stuff that we quickly have enough clothes.

tara

[Ary99]

I'm so on the fence about this. We didn't find out with DS and it was such a great surprise to meet him. But, I'd like to be able to plan and bond and all that stuff. I mean we have TONS of little boy stuff. It would be great fun to wash and fold all that stuff knowing it would be used again. Stuff these days is very gender oriented, the neutral stuff is hard to find!

[SlingWearin'Mama]

We didn't find out with our first and loved it. It was a wonderful surprise and nice not to know. We had a shower and got a lot of GN items and painted the nursery (haha we never used it) GN, which I wanted to do regardless to be all ready for subsequent children without having to buy more stuff. After she was born people brought a few girly outfits and it worked out fine. This time around, well with the two we decided we'd find out. We need to buy more stuff, and to hopefully help ease the transition for dd. Getting one new sibling is one thing but two! yikes! So we are hoping this will help.. Plus we need no more suprises. DH keeps saying wouldn't it be funny if they find out there are 3 babies at the u/s. Some how I don't laugh quite as hard as he does at that :irked:

[sarahkjack]

We will be finding out this time around...I didn't find out with my first 2 though and I enjoyed the surprise. I guess this time I just want to know so I can figure out which baby clothes to keep and get my house organized. :)

[magpiedee]

Oh, if we could find out today, i'd be knocking people out of the way to get onto that ultrasound bed! :lol We're the kind of people who call eachother on November 7 and say, "Hey, I got your Christmas present today! Want to know what it is?!?"

The only thing is, I don't want either a) a closet full of pink tutus and bows, or b) a block of blue with little brown mitts and basketballs... it would be fun to only have gender neutral clothing, lots of little chicks and ducks and pandas without all the "Drama Queen" and "Future MVP" stuff. Ah, well. We're just so thankful for people's kindness. Even this far in, folks are so generous and giving, from a donated crib that costs more than my car to a sweet gift of our first onesies (baby chicks!) from a shy student of mine yesterday. Pregancy really brings out the best in people.

Anyways, the gender revelation of April 4 seems as far away now as the first u/s did when I peed on the stick. Boy, is pregnancy the biggest waiting game ever!

[TechnoGranola]

Didn't find out with the first and we won't be finding out with this one. I am confused by people that say not knowing the sex inhibits your ability to bond, that just doesn't make any sense to me! Shopping is still easy, I've bought a ton of clothes in yellows, greens, browns, navy...mostly in smaller sizes and after the baby is born I can buy more "boyish" or "girlish" clothing in larger sizes.

When DD was born, I don't think we found out her sex for over 15 minutes. She was placed onto my chest and I held her and nobody had seen the sex yet. So the poster that said you don't care is absolutely right. I finally realized I didn't know so took a look and loved being surprised.

The one thing I agree with about knowing the sex beforehand is that at least you have to only decide on either a boy's or girl's name. But even this doesn't matter a darn to me because I'm don't name my child in the womb anyway. I picked out some names I was sure suited our first in-eutero, then once she was born I realized that none of the names I picked out suited her. I like to spend some time getting to know the baby and learning his/her personality before the name is selected. It annoyed our family last time that she didn't have a name for several days but I didn't care. This way she got a name that was absolutely hers rather than one of the names off my short list.

[Melaya]

I am confused by people that say not knowing the sex inhibits your ability to bond, that just doesn't make any sense to me!

I have a very hard time bonding with my babies before I meet them. Even then, I don't think that me and Zayla "bonded" until she was probably four months old. I don't get excited about being pregnant, heartbeats and ultrasounds don't make me weepy. I don't know why, maybe something is wrong with me. But I keep finding out slowly but surely, that I am not alone in this. Bonding doesn't always just happen for people. I guess maybe to a lot of moms here that makes me a terrible person or something. So last time we went "natural" and didn't find out the sex. This time I'll try it the other way (only if I end up needing an ultrasound, which I probably will for various issues) and see if it helps things.

[veganf]

I've never understood the desire to find out beforehand. I mean until quite recently people did not have the ability to find out and they did just fine.
I bought almost everything used for my first, and there was no lack of cute gender neutral clothing. Personally, I don't like most of the girly stuff, so I just bought blue for either gender. But I also got all of the hand-me-downs from the little girl I nannied for, so that was tons of clothing from 4 months to 4 years old and they also did not buy pink for their girl, so it was perfect. So I've got everything I need for a boy or a girl. I would just hate to take away what is for me the only bit of magic left in the pregnancy..that surprise that my husband and I get to check out for ourselves at birth. I wouldn't want anyone else announcing that to us.
But I can see the temptation that is there when someone is getting an ultrasound and a doctor says, Do you want to know? I would feel terribly knowing that someone else knows and I don't. That someone doesn't seem right to me either.

- Krista

[marymamma]

We found out with DD and loved knowing. We both couldn't wait to find out. This time, we are waiting to see if our insurance will pay for an ultrasound or not. If not, then we won't find out until the birth. If it does, then we will probably find out.

I could go either way this time. On one hand, it would be fun to be surprised. On the other hand, it would be useful to know since all of our baby clothes are girly and if it is a boy, I would like to get some gender neutral or boy stuff and clear out the girly stuff to make room. I would also like to tell DD that she is getting a baby sister or baby brother to make it more real and exciting for her.

[2 in August]

We are going to find out, if the baby cooperates. Our 4yo really wants a sister and if the baby is going to be a boy, I'd like her to have a little more time to adjust. Besides that I like to know too. I have tons of girl stuff to go through and get rid of if this little one is a boy. I have no feelings about this one, but I always thought dd was going to be a boy so I'm glad I found out ahead of time.

[carla72]

I didn't find out with my first nor will I with my 2nd. It was a great suprise and helped me through the labour. There are very few suprises left in life.

[rebeccalizzie]

I love knowing. I know it probably makes me sound bad, but it really helps me to bond with the baby being able to call him/her by the correct gender and calling them by name as soon as we decide on it :) I knew with DD and I can't imagine her birth being even a teeny bit more magical and wonderful than it already was. Meeting my new baby for the first time is still amazing whether I happen to know the gender or not. I think it's cute when people want to be surprised at the birth, it just isn't me.

It's funny...it has nothing to do with the planning for me :lol I prefer most of my stuff be gender neutral anyway!

It's still a surprise for me--it's just a surprise at 20 weeks instead of 40 :D

[Robynee]

I don't want to find out. Dh really did at first but he decided he could wait. I went with my sil to her 18 wk u/s on Wed. She is due the day before me. She found out she is having a girl and the tech actually offered to check me real quick. It was tempting but I declined. There are 4 people in my family that are pregnant right now and I'm the only one who doesn't know what she's having. The peer pressure is rough but I'd really like to find out at birth. Plus there is really no reason for me to have a u/s right now and I don't want to have one just to determine gender.

[Ary99]

I already responded to this but wanted to add a few things.

First Melaya, I don't think anything is "wrong" with you because it takes a while to bond. I can be an overwhelming this to go to the hospital as one person and leave as two.


I think so some people it *is* easier for to start the bonding process by finding out the gender. It creates the illusion of control, I guess, lol.

I was curious, isn't anyone afraid of being told they are having a girl, only to find out they have a shy baby boy? I know several people who were told they were having girls and ended up with surprise boys. They couldn't love their boys more, but I think it would be really strange to switch gears.

[rebeccalizzie]

Ary, for some reason I had a "gut" feeling that my DD was a boy, even though I actually had a *very* clear shot of girl parts. I was wrong, but I still kind of prepared myself for the eventuality! I try to go gender neutral anyway, so it's no big deal "stuff" wise. I think it would actually be kind of fun for the baby to "trick" me :) I know, I'm weird--I still want to know, but if the u/s is wrong I don't care! :lol

[Ursula Rose]

i'm a bit afraid the the u/s guy was wrong, but i won't care if he is.

we found out the gender b/c we truly don't care either way what the gender is.

our thought was why not find out?

[sal42]

we won't be finding out; we want to be surprised. :)

[gabry]

Didn't find out the first time, and I loved that, but definitely didn't bond a whole lot during pregnancy. Don't know if knowing the gender would change that, but we're considering finding out this time. Also, because like a pp, we imagine it might make it a little easier for ds to adjust to the thought of a new sibling. Anyone have experience with that?

[GriffinsMom]

We waited with our first and will with this baby too. I have to say, one of my favorite moments in all my life was hearing my dh say, "We had a BOY!!!" It was totally worth the wait.

We bought a lot of things in white with gender neutral decoration in a 0-3 month size. The truth is, that size lasts about 2 weeks for a lot of babies so it isn't really that much of a sacrifice to not be able to buy pink/blue. We have a lot of years to buy blue now so it didn't matter to us at all. We did buy a 'girl' outfit and a 'boy' outfit to have his picture taken in. I returned the girl outfit (well, my mother did...)

That said, if you (or your dh) are just dying to have a boy (or a girl), I really think it is best to find out ahead of time. If you aren't going to get the gender you were hoping for, I think it is best to have a few months to process the information.

[Glittergal]

Jen - just had to chime in my little one wore her 0-3 clothes for 4-5 months!!!!!!
I too was always told she'd wear them a month or less, not true. She has been very economical (in 12-18 m now at 2.5 yrs!)

[magpiedee]

Update! OB called me yesterday and had to cancel our April 4 ultrasound... so they moved it up to March 21!!!! I hope we'll be able to see the special area that early, 17w5d, but it's like finding out Christmas will be December 12. Yay for the vacationing sonographer!

[the_lissa]

Jen - just had to chime in my little one wore her 0-3 clothes for 4-5 months!!!!!!
I too was always told she'd wear them a month or less, not true. She has been very economical (in 12-18 m now at 2.5 yrs!)

Wow. My daughter only fit in 0-3 for a week or two and was in 6-12 month by 2 or 3 months. She is 2 and in a 2T or 3 now, so finally starting to level out.