how is your partner coping?

[honeybeedreams]

my dh hasn't told his dad and dad's GF yet. or his grandfather. we told his mom because she called that night for something else.

i said to him yesterday, "when are you going to call your dad?" he just shrugged.

but then he complained that his dad and uncle took his grandfather out for his birthday and no-one ever called him about it. he doesn't seem to see a connection.

he is grumpy and moody too. sometimes he sems to remember that i am feeling sad, but then other times he seems to forgets and is a grouch to me.

[surf mama]

dh and I have processed our m/c so differently. My body was a constant reminder bleeding, aching, etc so I was almost always thinking about it and often talking about it. Dh did talk about it too but he wanted to process it in little bits and then escape to books or the computer or junk food. He couldn't handle processing it as much as I was. We stayed up after dd went to bed one night and talked about how we were doing and how hard it was to handle it differently. It was nice to verbalize everything.

[newcastlemama]

My dh cried the first 3 days. When we saw the baby laying motionless on the ultrasound, the next day when I had her at home, and the next day when we buried her. He has told me he feels sad but I know he is trying to be positive since I had so many physical problems this week and need his help. His family is also very real about everything...even his dad calls. He seems closer to me because he said he was really afraid I was going to die when my mom called him from the hosiptal (when I went into the bloodloss shock).

I hope we can all keep talking this out with our partners. Jennifer

[honeybeedreams]

my partner is really bad about talking about things. he's not much for the whole "warrior of the heart" thing. i thought he was, but he just hasn't had any practice doing it before he met me. silence is kind of the hallmark of this life.

it's really really sad.

once, he knocked down a nest that was in the barn over the lawn tractor. there were 3 baby birds in there and of course, they died. he was horrified and cried and was upset for weeks about it. we buried them and he lit candles and was so so sad that he did this mindless thing. it gave me a peek into his heart, which of course is very tender. but it's so hard for him to show it, ever.

i went to his grandmother's funeral last month and the only wet eyes in the whole place was me, his father's girlfriend and his uncle's wife. his whole family is like he is. me, i come from a family of loud emotional people and it's so shocking to him.

i wish he could just talk to me about how he is feeling rather than snapping at me about the dirty dishes on the counter.

:crying

[newcastlemama]

Honeybee,
:hug I don't know what to say:( ..I hope that your husband can open up and share his softer side soon. Jennifer

[lotusdebi]

My husband is having a harder time emotionally than I am. He feels alone. He feels like I'm getting all this support, and no one cares about him. He's having trouble grieving because he's worried that he won't be able to stop. I'm trying to be there for him, trying to be supportive, and help him talk about it.

[honeybeedreams]

it's hard to be supportive of someone when you are the one neededing support. it's what happened when my father died when i was 15. my mom was such a basket case that i ended up caring for her and no one was there for me. i still have a sore spot for her for that. (although she realized it years later and has apologized like a million times) so i think it's a thing that bothers me more than it should when it happens now.

last night my dh heard me speaking to my b-mom about people who have been ignoring what happened. when i went to bed later, he apologized for not talking to me about what happened. he admitted his way of coping is to pretend something hasn't happened. (yup, i know this) it made me feel minimally better.

hope you and your dh have some time together this week and weekend and can consol each other.


:hug

[ericaz]

My husband is having a harder time emotionally than I am. He feels alone. He feels like I'm getting all this support, and no one cares about him. He's having trouble grieving because he's worried that he won't be able to stop. I'm trying to be there for him, trying to be supportive, and help him talk about it.
:yeah:
We've also been mildly bickering lately because I can't bring myself to become really intimate/make love. I know he wants to fool around and he's grouchy because I haven't initiated anything or responded to his hints. It's even hard for me to fool around sans intercourse...I guess since I'm still spotting I don't even want to consider the possibility of it going further and that's usually what happens when we make out. Having a m/c is so hard on so many different levels.:(