kosheng
03-07-2006, 10:31 PM
After lurking for a week, and grieving silently with some of you, I finally am ready to share my story.
I had a m/c in mid-July of 2004. I'm not sure of the exact date, but I'm pretty sure it started around the 16th, after spotting for a few days. I called the ob's office after bleeding rather heavily for 10 days with no signs of letting up. They told me to give it a few more days. Duh.
Went into the ER on the 28th as it progressed to near hemorrhaging at that point, and proceeded to bleed through a super-overnight pad within 5 minutes, passed 2 immense clots (they had been rather small up to this point), leaked before realizing it, and ended up as embarrassed as could be in the waiting room. The triage nurse was not too helpful prior to this, and fortunately another woman in a flight suit came in from the back(this isn't a military hospital- she was the med-evac helicopter pilot!) When I half-jokingly told her I was turning the place into a biohazard, and explained what happened, she immediately took me to the back for a change of clothes, and showed me the only humanity that was present that day. She hugged me, said a few kind words and found me a clean gown and another super-diaper from l&d. She found a nurse to re-check my vitals and found that I was losing too much blood and going into shock.
Anyway, the ob on duty determined that I had lost the baby (as if I needed more confirmation!) and the bleeding slowed up again. From the trans-vaginal u/s (uh, yuck!?!?!), they knew that there was tissue still present, and that I would need the d&c. I wanted to be home, as they wouldn't perform the surgery that night anyway. After waiting to make sure that I was stable enough to release, we left about 9 hours after arriving.
I went on the 29th for the d&c. It was our 7th anniversary that day. And it all just seemed surreal. The computer screen next to my bed showed that the baby would have been at 11.5 weeks gestation. I don't know why that bothered me so much... but it just didn't match with our dates, and I know when I conceived! And why do they have these things performed in labor and delivery? That was the most hurtful part. I could hear the babies crying from time to time. My heart hurts thinking about it. Noone else should have to go through that. Ever. I found it callous and insensitive, and let the hospital know about it later.
I remember bleeding very lightly for only a couple of days after this. I know that my body healed much faster than my heart. Our baby would have been one this past February. I still cry when I think about how much we both wanted this child. It amazes me how deep the pain runs after something like this happens, and how many reminders there can be for what was lost.
I am so glad to have found this forum to give validation to this heartbreak. I know that the only other person (aside from the love-of-my-life guy) who has understood what we've been through is my sil, who unfortuately went through the same thing. The support that should be there just seems to disappear when the baby doesn't make it to full-term. I heard it during my sil's post-mc days, and so didn't share much about what I felt at the time. I think it takes longer to heal this way.
Very soon we will try again. It's been a long time, and now I think I am finally ready to risk it one more time! :o
Thanks for letting me share.
I had a m/c in mid-July of 2004. I'm not sure of the exact date, but I'm pretty sure it started around the 16th, after spotting for a few days. I called the ob's office after bleeding rather heavily for 10 days with no signs of letting up. They told me to give it a few more days. Duh.
Went into the ER on the 28th as it progressed to near hemorrhaging at that point, and proceeded to bleed through a super-overnight pad within 5 minutes, passed 2 immense clots (they had been rather small up to this point), leaked before realizing it, and ended up as embarrassed as could be in the waiting room. The triage nurse was not too helpful prior to this, and fortunately another woman in a flight suit came in from the back(this isn't a military hospital- she was the med-evac helicopter pilot!) When I half-jokingly told her I was turning the place into a biohazard, and explained what happened, she immediately took me to the back for a change of clothes, and showed me the only humanity that was present that day. She hugged me, said a few kind words and found me a clean gown and another super-diaper from l&d. She found a nurse to re-check my vitals and found that I was losing too much blood and going into shock.
Anyway, the ob on duty determined that I had lost the baby (as if I needed more confirmation!) and the bleeding slowed up again. From the trans-vaginal u/s (uh, yuck!?!?!), they knew that there was tissue still present, and that I would need the d&c. I wanted to be home, as they wouldn't perform the surgery that night anyway. After waiting to make sure that I was stable enough to release, we left about 9 hours after arriving.
I went on the 29th for the d&c. It was our 7th anniversary that day. And it all just seemed surreal. The computer screen next to my bed showed that the baby would have been at 11.5 weeks gestation. I don't know why that bothered me so much... but it just didn't match with our dates, and I know when I conceived! And why do they have these things performed in labor and delivery? That was the most hurtful part. I could hear the babies crying from time to time. My heart hurts thinking about it. Noone else should have to go through that. Ever. I found it callous and insensitive, and let the hospital know about it later.
I remember bleeding very lightly for only a couple of days after this. I know that my body healed much faster than my heart. Our baby would have been one this past February. I still cry when I think about how much we both wanted this child. It amazes me how deep the pain runs after something like this happens, and how many reminders there can be for what was lost.
I am so glad to have found this forum to give validation to this heartbreak. I know that the only other person (aside from the love-of-my-life guy) who has understood what we've been through is my sil, who unfortuately went through the same thing. The support that should be there just seems to disappear when the baby doesn't make it to full-term. I heard it during my sil's post-mc days, and so didn't share much about what I felt at the time. I think it takes longer to heal this way.
Very soon we will try again. It's been a long time, and now I think I am finally ready to risk it one more time! :o
Thanks for letting me share.