Question about my academic life and my life in general...

[tigress]

okay well, though this was a pretty planned pregnancy, i wasn't expecting it to happen so fast and am right smack in the middle of coursework for my MA, and still having some difficulty accepting the idea of taking some time off--like thinking, "it can't be that bad, i'm sure i could just pop this baby out at the end of july and then take a couple of courses by september." alright, so i know a couple of courses is probably not reasonable, but i haven't had a baby before and i still don't know what to expect and have a hard time believing how much everybody says my life will change--i'm a bit of a liver in the moment in that it is hard for me to imagine my life any way other than how it is right now! but for those of you experienced mamas who have had babies before, and especially those of you who did it while in school, can i take one course? is that crazy? i'm a bit of a liver in the future in that i like to mentally prepare and know how things are going to be. it's kind of stressing me out :guilty the whole thing--especially since i just realised that monday marked the halfway point of the pregnancy...exciting yes, but kind of terrifying too. this has turned into a bit of a long ramble, but i guess i am also just looking for some support from experienced mamas (or any others feeling the same!) because i am feeling anxious and if i am truly honest, downright scared!:hide:

[bfoster2000]

Well, I had just finished my BIT and was about to start my MS when I got pregnant the first time so I just decided to postpone the Masters for a while (I work full time too). Still, I went back to work when DJ was 6 weeks old and I can tell you that although it was a HUGE adjustment, the first 6-7 months were much easier than the next 6-7 if that makes any sense. When I first returned to work, I was telecommuting as much as possible and going to the office when I had to ( a couple of days a week). My boss was skeptical about me telecommuting with a newborn, but it really wasn't that bad, especially if you're pretty AP. You have to adjust to sleep deprivation because it takes a little while to get the hang of sleeping through nighttime feedings but in the beginning, the baby mostly eats and sleeps during the day (a couple of hours awake at a time) so it's not that hard. You can study or work at the computer while holding the baby or wearing them in a sling or carrier. DJ was happy sleeping or playing in the bouncy seat or swing a good bit too. It was an adjustment but really not all that bad. It did take 12 hours to get 8 hours worth of work done but it was worth it for me.

When DJ was 6 months old, I made arrangements to exclusively telecommute and I started that when he was about 8 months old. The problem was, by then he was mobile and spending more time awake than asleep so it was a whole different ballgame. I couldn't get anything done as far as work because I couldn't take my eyes off of him for a second and he was down to only one nap a day. I could work after he went to bed at night but I had to be careful because he was still eating several times during the night so I only had a couple of hours between feeds and if I wound up staying up all night, I couldn't sleep the next day because he wanted to play. So even though I was working exclusively from home, he still wound up going to Grandma's for at least a couple of hours most days.

This time, I'm starting a new job next week so I'll have no leave time available to me when the baby's born. My new job will be exclusively telecommuting and the boss knows that I'm pregnant and is willing to work with me so I'm not quite sure how it will go down. DJ's old enough now (he'll be 2 this summer) to entertain himself for short periods of time so I am able to work a little when he's with me...I just have to plan well and manage my time very carefully. When the new baby's born, the schoolkids in the neighborhood will be home and a couple of my neighbors are school teachers so they'll be around to supervise so I'm hoping I'll be able to keep DJ with me more often than not and let him play with the other kids when I really need to be able to focus. That's my plan but he really enjoys going to Grandma's and playing with her other daycare kids so we may wind up sticking with that routine. I hope to keep the new baby with me until he/she starts crawling and it becomes impossible to work. With this new job, I am also going to *have* to start a Masters program in the spring which should be really interesting because that will be just about the time the new baby is becoming more alert and more mobile...yippee!

I think if school is the only obligation you have or your primary obligation (you're not working full time too?) then it won't be easy but it certainly is doable with a baby. From my experience, you're better off to go ahead and finish than to put it off because it is SOOO much harder to pick back up again, even after "just one semester" off. Besides, I really enjoyed school and that was one of my "releases". I miss it now and even though I'm nervous about going back with two little ones, I'm really glad that this job is forcing me to take the first step.

I wouldn't recommend taking a full load with a newborn, but if you're in the rhythm of school already and especially since you're almost done, I would definitely say to go for it. Most schools have a policy where you can get a full refund if you drop all of your classes by the midterm period and you can always get a hardship withdrawal if it is just not going to work out. I would also say if you're a planner, then go ahead and consider what arrangements you could make to make things go smoother. Is there a grandma close by who could come over one or two days a week for a couple of hours while you study or sleep or whatever needs to be done? Will your dh be willing and able to take care of the baby while you work on schoolwork? Do you have a friend or family member or neighbor that you would trust to help with the baby for a couple of hours here and there if you need it? I guess it also depends on how you feel about that kind of "help". I didn't mind it...I had to go back to work so I had to get used to the idea of leaving DJ with my mom pretty quickly. We had latching issues in the beginning so I exclusively pumped for him for the first 6.5 weeks before he started nursing...after that he was a pro at switching between breast and bottle and pumping was second nature to me. Unless you're in a totally online program, I'm assuming you'll be attending classes a couple of days a week so you'll have to leave the baby with someone. You need to figure out what your plan is for those times and how you feel about that but I'd definitely say go for it...I wish I had gone ahead when DJ was born...then I'd be done now and not having to START with two!

Good luck!
Barb

[elsanne]

First of all, a big hug to you mama, your fears at this stage are perfectly normal and indeed, warranted to a degree. I think taking a class or maybe even two if that's ALL you have to do besides be a mama is reasonable. I was so blown-away by the transition into motherhood that I could not imagine doing much of anything work-wise for almost her first year. I did teach bellydance classes several days a week, but mostly it was time away from home that was so hard those few months. Even just a couple hours in the first few months was rough. This time I have a lot more confidence that it won't be so hard, and I'm not sure why. Well, I guess it's because it's no longer a transition into motherhood--I'm there now!

I think it's wise to set yourself up for a veery light load during those transitional times. Any online classes you could take, or classes you could take baby to? I agree with Barb that you should keep going, and that the first months are indeed overall easier to take the child places. Once they're mobile it's a whole new world.

[MsGrizzle]

I'm not sure what your classes are like or what kind of time they would consume...but I went back to work 32 hours per week when ds was 4 months old. I think whether you can handle it or not may depend a lot on the personailty of your baby. My child did NOT sleep!! Especially the first year. I was a *basket case*. I have a job in the IT field where I have tight deadlines and it requires intense thinking and problem solving. I do not know how I got through that first year. I think anything is doable - but I'd be cautious and only take one course at first!

[writermommy]

I had two babies while going to school for my Bachelors Degree. My first dd was born in the beginning of June and I took one course in the second summer session, which started in mid July. I only took one class and it was an evening course that met twice each week. I did this so dh could be with her. It worked well. My second dd was born in March and the first summer session that year started in late May. Again, I took one course for the first time. With my second dd, I took the "easiest" course of those that I had left. I figured with a newborn and a 21 month old I needed to take it easy. It worked out fine. At my school evening courses were one day a week in the regular semesters and two nights a week in the summer sessions, which are much shorter. I don't know how it works where you are. This was best for me because I didn't need to arrange care as many times during the week as I would have with daytime classes.

You can definitely do it! I would recommend taking only one since the baby will be so young when you go back. The next semester, you can take two or three. By then, you'll have a better idea of what you can handle. I never took the time off when they were young, because I was scared I wouldn't go back. Just taking the one course kept me on track and motivated to finish.

[PancakeGoddess]

I had my first son halfway through my MA, in fact I tested positive on the same day I found out I was accepted into the doctoral program... yikes.

For ME, it was nearly impossible to do mothering and studenting. I was much to absorbed in the mothering and my academic work sucked. I think if I tried doing both, I'd be lousy at both.

That said, I DID take courses with the baby. I continued long enough to finish the MA and stopped. He came along to some in a carrier, and for others he stayed home with his dad. It was really difficult and distracting for me to leave him. You might want to seek out your instructors and get a sense of how they'd respond to a (mostly sleeping, I bet) infant in class. Once the baby hits 12 weeks or so, there won't be so much sleeping, and then it's harder but not impossible, imo. Good luck - tough choices.

[WImom2]

I am in school as a full-time student this semester and will need to keep that status even this fall semester with 12-15 credits or I will loose my financial aide and it will postpone my graduation for another year. I waited until my son started preschool before returning to school and just can't put off finishing any longer - I will be done in may 0f 2007. I am able to take my courses as night classes or online and think that I will split them up about 50% online and 50% at night so son #2 can stay at home with dad after he is home from work. If my school did not offer such flexable scheduling there is no way that I would be going back to full-time day classes all week like I do right now. I am on #2 but, I think that a part-time schedule like you are considering with you first babe should be managable.

I was able to stay home for the first three months, from work, with #1 and only had to return part time for the first year. I guess with #2 I have the illution that I will be more efficient and it will be easier for me to adjust.

Good luck, I hope that we both have smooth transitions this fall and understanding proffessors.:thumb

[tigress]

Thank you SO much for your responses! It is incredibly helpful to hear the stories of real live women who have babies and are or have also been students. You have eased my mind greatly with your variety of stories and points of view--this whole thing can be a tough ride sometimes, hey?!! Thank you again!!!:love

[carouselrider]

I had my first while I was going to school. I did take that semester off, but the following semester I took 3 classes. It was tough, but we made it! I did one more year of coursework before I got pregnant again. Now, I have to be honest, I had my second child, and since then, I have not been back to school, even though I just have one year's coursework for my master's to finish up. But, I also worked full time, and I just couldn't figure out how to arrange the hours in my day to have time with my children, time at work AND time at school. Something had to give and in this case, since I am the sole earner for our family, it was school.

There are so many variables that go into how much you can take on. I personally found the infant time to be the easiest time to go to school. It seems to get harder the older they get for me. I think you should just give it a shot and see how it is. Just be flexible in your expectations of yourself and be prepared to drop a class if you need to, but that is not the end of the world. It will work out. :)

oh, and on edit - my first baby had terrible colick and did not sleep well, so that made it harder but not undoable. My second baby had terrible colick and did not sleep well (I won the high needs infant lottery apparently!) and that pretty much pushed me over the edge and made my decision for me. So like others said, how your baby is makes a big difference, but I found with number one I was younger, had more energy and was able to find the resources to go to school despite a tough infancy at home.

[Gendenwitha]

I'd say a lot depends on your partner too. My dh is a very involved dad that does as much (if not more) of the childcare related stuff as I do.

I've done the go back to work FT after 3mos before, but not school yet. One of the reasons we decided to have our next kids now was that I thought it would be easier to be in school with a newborn than be starting a new career, paticularly since I'd be self-employed. This way I'll have a four or five year old (and maybe a two year old or so?) by the time I start working.