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View Full Version : Lord, help me - my 4yo knows she's cute!




bellona
03-11-2006, 11:40 PM
My 4yo is very cute when she's just being her. She's cute when she's mothering everyone that's more than a month younger than her, when she talks with her little lisp (that's going away far too fast!), when she dances...ah, I could go on and on.

But, lately, she's figured it out. Where's the problem? Well, she now tries to be cute and its really...not. Like today, we were at a state chess tournament with my ds and the babes were hanging out in the lounge. DD kept 'flirting' with the other parents in there. She'd go over and smile at them, and if they were receptive she'd hug them or talk baby talk to them or (if I turned my back for even a second) climb on them:bag: . This bothers me alot. I know there are people out there that do not like this stuff and would be really bothered/annoyed/uncomfortable with someone else child (who they do not know) being so friendly. Also, she was really monopolizing their time/attention. I tried talking to her about it, but you could see the little gears turning. "Hmmmm, mom says this isn't cute and may bother people...but everyone is saying how cute I am". And they were. They were going on and on and on about it, the more assertive she became the cuter they thought she was. We left a few times to calm down, but I am not happy about the whole incident.

I don't mind her talking to people, its just a problem for me when she gets physical with strangers and when she interupts their conversations or acts like her baby brother to make them think she's cute. We've gone over the whole stranger thing, and she doesn't talk to strangers unless I am right there , but if I am right there she just goes all out.

This has been going on for some time now. We've spent alot of time in the past few months with my grandmother who thinks everything dd does is adorable. I think its great that grandma loves her so much, but there are some times that what she is doing just is not ok IMO, and its hard to convince her of it when she's hearing "oh, that's so cute!"

I didn't talk much about it today when we got home. It had been a long day and we were all tired. I'm going to try working on it tomorrow. Any ideas? She's so smart and funny that I don't know why she feels the need to do this stuff to get people to be friends with her.




ameliabedelia
03-12-2006, 09:22 AM
Wow, that is a tough situation. On the hand, there is nothing wrong with her talking and being cute to strangers, if they don't mind (although she shouldn't be climbing on them., I don't think that is safe)..but on the other hand..you don't want her annoying others. Personally, I do find it annoying when other kids keep talking to me or trying to interact with me. I just feel I have enough to deal with my own kids who always want my attention, that I don't really want to pay attention to other kids.

Really, what she needs to learn is to distinguish between if others really want to interact and talk with her and if they are just being polite, but are really annoyed. Of course, 4 years old is way too young to learn the sublities of body language and facial expression and voice tone, etc.

I would probably have a talk with her, and just explain that while some people like to talk to her, others may be busy thinking about something else or too tired and that she needs to listen to you and trust you and if you give her a code word (it might be fun for you to think of something together) that she needs to stop talking/interacting with others. Then you need to pay attention to the other people's facial expressions etc., and if they seem bothered or annoyed..give your dd the code word, and then if she doesn't listen or continues ..then take her out and talk to her about why you had to leave.

bellona
03-12-2006, 06:36 PM
Today we had a wrestling tournament and it started up again. I had hoped it wouldn't but, oh well. So she and I went for a ride. I know why she's doing it. She's a really sensitive and loving person and she just wants everyone to like her and be her friend. We talked about that and about how doing these things will actually make some people not like her and not want to be her friend. I told her that the people that like her and are friends with her like her because she's smart, funny, caring....

We also went over the safety issue again. When we got back she was still talking but wasn't as exuberant as she had been before. I dont' know if there will be lasting effects or if this is going to be something we have to go over again and again, but time will tell :)