Teaching ds not to bite or hit during tantrums

[bass chick]

Ds is 22 months and the tantrums have arrived. He almost always without fail either bites or hits me when having a tantrum. I tell him we don't bite/hit because it hurts. Owie. It just seems to make him more upset. I don't want to move away from him when tantruming because he flails himself around and ends up getting hurt, and he seems to calm down faster when being held. I don't hold him tight so he can still move and so he doesn't hurt me with his flailing arms and legs. I want him to have some sort of feeling of security when his emotions are so out of control and I want to let the tantrum run its course while keeping him safe, but I don't like that he is biting/hitting. He doesn't do it much - usually just in the beginning of the tantrum. Can I help him ride the tantrum out while teaching him not to bite/hit? I've been telling him for 6 months that we don't bite/hit, and he doesn't seem to be getting it. Is he too young for me to expect him to get his feelings/frustrations out while being considerate of others? Is it acceptable for me to give him a stuffed animal to bite (I used to bite my poor papa smurf when I got mad when I was a child)?

[Twocoolboys]

The best solution that I have found for hitting and biting is to prevent it. If you are holding him while he is trantuming, identify his feeling for him. Say "you are mad". Then, gently hold him and if he goes in for a hit, gently catch his arm. Prevent him from making contact. The same for biting - dodge or block him in some way. I think he is too young to be able to control his urge to hit and bite just from verbal directions. Physical redirecting works pretty quickly with my toddler and it is still gentle.

I do not think that he is too young to learn to be considerate to others. You are his mama, but you do not have to be his "victim" while he is in a tantrum. I don't think I would give him a stuffed animal to bite. I think that just perpetuates the behavior while transferring it to something else. It still leaves him the option to bite when he is feeling mad. What would he do if he got mad and you were out of the house and didn't have the stuffed animal? He'd be looking for something to bite.

Good luck!