Will I ever want to talk to anyone again?

[mom2mimi]

I had a miscarrige and d & C last week, the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks but I was 13 weeks along. I thought I was doing okay, but I think it was because my mom was staying with us and my husband was off work...so I was nice and distracted all week long. Now, I am alone with the exception of children. I think my hormones are going off the charts now, I snap at everyone. And when someone does call or want to talk with me all they want to talk about it someone else they know had a miscarrige, or they almost had one but thank god they didn't. I'm sure I'm being extra sensitive, but please just tell me it gets better. Right now I just want to crawl into bed with my sweet little newborn cloth diapers, the blanket I bought for the baby, a couple of vicodin the dr. gave me for the pain, and some wine. I want to lock the world out for awhile. When does it get better?? Thanks for letting me rant/vent/cry.

[aileen]

i'm so sorry mama.
it does get better.
and worse.
and then better.

after three months i can remember my pregnancy without grimmacing.
its been very up and down but i feel like i'm finally coming up for air.
it's funny, after my dd's blissful birth it took me about three months so come back down to earth.

peace mama.
:heartbeat

oh - i forgot - i think you are as open after a m/c as after a birth. i think it's worthwhile to lock the world out for a while. go with your self. give in.

[BethanyB]

I think it will get better, but it may take a while. After my full term loss in Oct, I wanted to hide from the world, since *everyone* knew that I was pg, and I knew I had to explain to all those people that my baby had died. With my recent m/c, very few people knew, and I still wanted to hide. Now I don't feel like hiding anymore, but I am way less social that I was, and tend to want to hang out at home most of the time. Aside from a guilt trip from my sis in law, my friends have been very understanding, and realize that when I am ready I will want to go and do things again. So give it some time.:heartbeat

[theboysmama]

These feelings are so normal and they will get better, I promise!!! I had my first m/c at 12.5 wks (the fetus had died at 7 wks). we went to hawaii 2 days later and I was distracted for a wk and doing ok. When we got back I just wanted to crawl into bed and not talk to anyone. I didn't and I wish that I had. After my second m/c at 6wks I wasn't feeling near as yucky physically but I crawled into bed, I had my dh arrange for friends to bring meals and he took 2 days off to watch the kids. It was very healing for me and I am having an easier time this time around. Take the time that you need to grieve in any way that works for you. Don't let anyone discount your feelings. You will make it through this, it will get better, and we are here for you.

[mom2mimi]

Thanks mamas. I think the problem is, I should've listened to those instincts last week and just crawled into bed and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. (f Now it's just me and my kids, and I've started back to work (home daycare, thank goodness I don't have any newborns) and it's overwhelming to me. I have so many what if's right now and they are overwhelming me as well. When I found out I was miscarrying they told me I was Rh sensitized, so now I have the questions in my mind about future pregnancies and births. I am mourning not only the loss of my much wanted third baby, but the loss of a relaxed hands off pregnancy and homebirth. Never again will I have those things. I just feel so sad. I'm so glad this forum is here though, it helps to get it all out to those that understand.

[BethanyB]

mom2mimi- I know what you mean about kissing a more natural pg goodbye. Since I lost my son to a chromosomal abnormality, and then just had a m/c, I know that my next pg will be FULL of tests. I will probably be considered "high risk" and definately will deliver in the area's top hospital. When I see pg women now who look so happy and care-free, I get REALLY jealous, because I know I won't ever be able to truly relax when I'm pg. It sucks.:( . I guess we just have to drop the expectations for our pg's and births, and hope for a healthy baby, regardless of how complicated our pg's are.

[mom2mimi]

mom2mimi- I know what you mean about kissing a more natural pg goodbye. Since I lost my son to a chromosomal abnormality, and then just had a m/c, I know that my next pg will be FULL of tests. I will probably be considered "high risk" and definately will deliver in the area's top hospital. When I see pg women now who look so happy and care-free, I get REALLY jealous, because I know I won't ever be able to truly relax when I'm pg. It sucks.:( . I guess we just have to drop the expectations for our pg's and births, and hope for a healthy baby, regardless of how complicated our pg's are.

One of the worst parts is, my insurance doesn't even cover maternity, that is one of the reason I first started looking into homebirth and midwifery care. So I will be most likely going into debt to have another one, if it's even possible. I'm pretty okay with giving up the homebirth, though, because if I'm able to sustain a pregnancy again I think I will be too scared to trust in homebirth again. I do plan on giving the hospital a hell of a time, though! :D I think dropping our expectations will be worth it in the end, if we get to have little newborns in our arms.