He told me to move out

[maybelle]

This day has been coming, and frankly, I'm relieved. I've lived with the negativity, blame and emotional abuse for way too long. So has DS.

So now I need resources, need to find out my legal options. Unfortunately, we are "legally" married per common law statutes, and I want to make sure I cross all my t's, so to speak. His mother can get quite vindictive and has the financial resources to try to screw me.

We are in Texas right now, but have only been here 17 months. DS was born in another state (my home state) and lived there for 4 years, 8 months before we left (he just turned 6). I don't want to stay here, for a plethora of reasons, and would prefer to return to that state w/DS. If anyone can please steer me to, well, anything that can inform and help me I would be so very grateful.

Thank you so much, all of you, for the knowledge and hope you've given me. I mostly lurk here at MDC, since I don't feel I have much to say that would truly be helpful. But I am forever grateful for this resource.

[Journey]

If you move, be prepared for some MAJOR vindictiveness on the side of your ex and his family. No daddy wants to be away from his baby. Will the divorce be uncontested? That can be done fairly cheaply. Just go to a search engine, and type in: Texas uncontested divorce and see what pops up.

You have to file for custody, and see what is agreed upon as to whether or not you'll even be allowed to move out of state with DS. If your ex allows it, and you get it in writing, you may go. But, if he fights it, you'll have to go through the courts.

Good luck.

[Wolfcat]

Most law firms allow a free consultation. I would use this to find out what T's need crossing, etc.

BTW:

Quote from http://www.pipedoctorusa.com/corporateprotectionservices/SameSexRights/History.htm
"# Texas: A man and woman who want to establish a common-law marriage must sign a form provided by the county clerk. In addition, they must (1) agree to be married, (2) cohabit, and (3) represent to others that they are married."

If you haven't fulfilled this requirement, you are not clm'd.

Also:
"Q: How can I get out of a common law marriage?

*

A: Common law marriage may end in two ways. If there have been children or if property and debts remain undivided, you will want to seek a formal divorce. In a divorce, paternity, custody, support, and visitation can be determined, and debts and community property can be divided.

Under a new provision of the Family Code, either partner in a common law marriage has two years after you split up to file an action to prove that the marriage did exist. In order to fit into this provision, you must have separated after September 1, 1989.

Both partners in a common law marriage are responsible for debts and for care and support of children of the marriage. It is therefore urgent that you discuss the ending of this marriage with an attorney. You have a choice of methods, but they all require you to act within a certain length of time. However, even if the time has expired for you to obtain a divorce, other steps can be taken to get orders for payment of child support and visitation for children of the marriage."

This implies that you have a grace period, in which you must prove you are married. While, to me, this says you can move without violating any laws, my best suggestion is to go with consulting a lawyer.

[maybelle]

All my research refers only to the "three prong test" that is, 1) "agreeing" to be married, 2) cohabitation of a certain period of time and 3) "holding out" as married, i.e. referring to one another as husband and wife.

I don't remember the period of time required, as we've lived together for 7 years and that is well over the marker. I could certainly dispute the first evidence, as there was never any "agreement" to anything. The third, well, we've been doing that for years.

A further complication is that the cml was formed in another state which recognizes cml, so Texas seems to defer to the statutes of that state.

I have read on posts in this forum that by moving before divorce proceedings some parents have been able to get away from situations where the courts would limit their ability to move. STBX seems to be resigned to the fact that it would be in DS's best interest to live with me and knows that I don't want to live in this state, that I would move home in a heartbeat. He is relatively ignorant of the law and is not in the habit of researching, though I could see his mom firing with both barrels if she chooses to.

This makes it seem to me that there does not need to be a formal filing:
"The 1995 update adds an evidentiary presumption that there was no marriage if no suit for proof of marriage is filed within two years of the date the parties separated and ceased living together."

We, I especially, fit the profile of low-income, so I will be making some calls for some pro bono legal advice.

ETA: Wolfcat, you added that info while I was working on this post :innocent . I have read that. I'm just really hoping to make this as painless as possible, while preparing to be stymied in my efforts. Kind of like childbirth.

[Wolfcat]

We, I especially, fit the profile of low-income, so I will be making some calls for some pro bono legal advice.

ETA: Wolfcat, you added that info while I was working on this post :innocent . I have read that. I'm just really hoping to make this as painless as possible, while preparing to be stymied in my efforts. Kind of like childbirth.

Well, with as complicated as this whole thing seems to be, I wouldn't think that anyone would be able to give you the "right" advice, except a lawyer. I think that the pro bono thing would be a great move on your part.

BTW, it seems to me that every state has this thing about both parties having "intent" to be married for clm to be legal. Maybe you can use that to your advantage... at least mention it to whatever legal council you get...

Good luck! :hug

[freewitheft]

I have read on posts in this forum that by moving before divorce proceedings some parents have been able to get away from situations where the courts would limit their ability to move.

If you want to go, go now. Quickly! Don't worry about "stuff" that can be replaced. Maybe send a box or two to family to hold onto for you. Then go to another state, and make going to a DV shelter the very first thing you do. It doesn't matter if there wasn't physical abuse - they will help you. PM me for more...

[boobybunny]

A very easy fix.
he does not have to physically touch you to be abusive.
He has been abusive. Go to your local women's group. Get a FAPPA, ( restraining order) granting you custody of your son. As long as YOU have your son, CUSTODY is power, you can and will receive DV moving grants, legal help.

You can do all of this, even without reporting to the police. Good luck, and get safe.

[Kierdan'sMom]

MOst states have physical custody laws...whoever he;s with has custody until there's a legal custody order. If you move BEFORE its filed, you can file where you move to (the child's then residing state). If you file before you move, they can dictate moves. FWIW.

[maybelle]

Thanks, everyone for your replies :heartbeat, it really helps me to come here and get some objectivity and a dose of reality. I tend to minimize the seriousness of my situation.

MIL, aka "The Enabler" :angry told him to contact an attorney, and I would be quite on the mark in assuming that she told him she would pay for it. She has more financial resources than all my family combined, and is ten times as vindictive.

He had a phone consultation w/the attorney during which the attorney confirmed that we are not legally married, so don't have to go through the formality and expense of ending a marriage that never was. Small blessings.
I was going to try to lawyer up myself through legal aid just to get some guidance on what to try for for CS, how custody papers should read, etc. Now I am thinking I am going to need more help than that now that MIL's claws are out.

I still am very tormented as to where to live with DS. There are pros and cons to each place, both practical and emotional, both for me and for DS. I need to see a counsellor to help me sort through this. STBX and I will be seeing a counselor on Wednesday. It may seem like too little too late, but I will at the very least be grateful to have someone tell him to just shut up and let me finish my sentences!!!

I don't want to put my kid through moving to a shelter. In the grand scheme of things, I think it would be more traumatic to have move an extra time to a place where he doesn't even have his familiar possessions. STBX pulled the boneheaded move of telling DS that he and I would living separate from Daddy just hours after he told me to leave. I was at work, he didn't consult me, and now DS is showing even more undesirable behaviors as a result of this premature announcement. And of course this is *my fault* b/c I *never controlled* my child....blah,blah,blah. You get the idea.

Zoiks! Sorry for going on and on :innocent . Guess I needed to get some stuff off my chest. Thanks!