DD told me that ex hit her...WWYD?

[robin1377]

DD (2 1/2) spends Thursdays with ex while I'm at work. Last week after she was at ex's, we were having breakfast the next morning and she was talking about what she did at daddy's and she says, "and daddy hit me". So, I started asking her questions like "did you feel scared" "did you cry" "what did daddy say to you" "what did you say to daddy". From the information I got from her it didn't seem like she was very upset by it, she said she didn't cry when it happened (I made sure to tell her that it was OK if she did), she didn't feel scared but it did make her sad. It tried not to overreact so she wouldn't feed off of my response. I wanted to really see how she was feeling about it and honestly it didn't seem to be a big deal to her. Yet, it was a big enough deal that she told me about it a day after it happened. I told her that I was really glad that she told me and that if it ever happens again she should tell me again. I also told her what to say to daddy if it ever happens again (please don't hit me, hitting hurts).
I'm not really sure how to process this. I know that some parents hit there children as punishment. I most certainly do not and I do not want anyone else hitting my child. I know that ex knows how I feel about phsical punishment. We talked about it when we were together and he said he felt the same way about it that I did. I also know that ex is a non-violent person and does not loose his temper very often or easily. So, I don't really know what to think about this. I decided not to say anything about it to ex for now because I don't want to put DD in a position where daddy is telling her not to tell me if something like this happens again. This evening after I picked her up from his house I asked her a few questions to get a sense of how things went. All seemed well. I just don't really know what to do. I want to believe that this is something that will not happen again and for the most part I do. But if it happened once.... Should I talk to ex about it? Should I just wait and hope that if it happens again DD will tell me?
Any advise is greatly appreciated.
Robin

[Dar]

I would bring it up to him. With a two year old, it's hard to get the full story sometimes, and it could be something totally innocent... like maybe he was reaching back for something and didn't realize she was so close and he accidentally hit her. Since he seemed to feel the same way as you about physical punishment, it seems likely that there's more to the story, ya know? Just bring it up very low-key, like, "Hey, Veida said you hit her the other day... what was going on?" I hope it turns out to be no big thing...

Dar

[jenniferp22]

I would bring it up, since you both decided you were not going to physically punish your child. However, don't go after him like you're accusing him of child abuse. My son is 2 1/2 and we play spank each others butts and he'll go to someone else later and say "mommy spanked me" and if I say "did it hurt" he'll say "uh huh" and things like that. It is really hard to get a reliable story out of a child b/c sometimes they don't understand what to say or don't remember so they'll just say yes or no. He might have just hit her accidently like in the last person's reply.

However, like I said, try as much as possible not to make it look like you are accusing him b/c once my ex called me and asked me how my son got this bruise on his forehead and I was like "what, are you trying to even think I'd hit my son" well I was a little bit mad about him even thinking it (my son liked to rub his head on the floor while he crawled and then when he got to a wall he'd use his head to knock on the wall). Well later the ex called laughing cuz he saw how he did it.

..........sorry I ramble sometimes.

[Marsupialmom]

I would bring it up, but also expect her not to have given you a complete story.

[MsChatsAlot]

I agree with the others that you need to bring it up with him. Ask him questions and allow him to explain. As someone else said, it's possible that it was an accident. I know I've bumped into my oldest and he'll say, 'you hit me' so it could be something very simple.

Hugs to all of you.

[blessed]

Boy, just be cautious.

There've been times that our 25 month old would be telling me or papa about something she'd done and add 'hit my head' or something. If asked 'did it hurt?' she'd nod and point to her head. Yet the parent who'd been with her knew that she'd never actually hurt herself.

She'll also do things like say 'Aaron!' (her best friend from next door) when telling daddy what she did after school. Yet in fact she'd not seen Aaron that day at all.

Kids this age have trouble keeping things sorted out in their minds. I think it's at least possible that your daughter saw someone hit on television while she was with her dad, or is otherwise just mixing up different memories from different experiences.