Guinevere
03-19-2006, 03:31 PM
Hi everyone,
I've been reading every day, but haven't been posting much. After dealing with a really yucky kidney stone attack from 22-25 wks., things have been fairly smooth sailing, but as of this week, I hit choppy waters again, so I'm asking for some good "stay pg and healthy" thoughts, please!
----------------------------------
Little background:
I have four children, aged 7 yrs.-20 mos. This sweet pea is baby #5.
I had severe pre-eclampsia/eclampsia with my first two pg's. Delivered prematurely at 33 and then 31 wks. Was told never to conceive again.
Did a ton of medical research and had loads of tests run and finally decided to try for #3 and do things very differently. With the aid of the changes I made, I didn't develop high blood pressure with babies #3 and #4 until 33-34 wks., then went on BP meds, which kept it steady, and never developed any other symptoms of pre-eclampsia. Delivered naturally both times at exactly 37 wks.
--------------------------------------
This time around, given how much better my last two pg's/births had gone, I happily made plans for my first homebirth. However, with the full blessing of my wonderful midwife, I have also been jointly seeing a backup OB, since I knew I would likely need to go on BP meds late in the pg, and needed someone to prescribe them for me.
Hitting 30 wks. this week was a HUGE milestone for me. While I'd been thrilled from the start about the idea of hb, I refused to let myself get too emotionally invested in it until now b/c I didn't want to set myself up for potential disappointment, you know? But 30 wks. just seemed so close to where I needed to be, and everything was going so well!
Anyway, I had a scheduled appt. with my midwife this past Wed. where we were supposed to go over birthing supplies and really start talking about all the logistics of the birth. DH, after watching several hb videos, decided he really wanted to catch; he was planning on going to this appt with me to discuss the whole thing. We were officially excited! :D
Until I woke up Wed. morning and took my BP and it was 145/93. :( Not good, not good at all! In my past 2 pgs, my BP didn't hit that point until 3-4 wks. further along. I got upset; I went and told DH what was going on. He tried to reassure me by saying it was a fluke, that it would go back down again, etc., etc. That only upset me further, b/c we both knew that wasn't true. Sometimes it sucks not to have ignorance to fall back on, lol! I know FAR more about this subject that I ever really wanted to! :blush Ultimately, I decided to go to see my mw alone, since I was no longer remotely in the mood to discuss birthing options I might not get to exercise...
My mw was wonderful, as usual. She let me cry out my fear and disappointment, handing me tissues and feeding me tea, and then, after I'd calmed down a bit, said to me, "What do you want to do?" :throb Did I mention I really, really like her, lol? I love being treated like a rational, intelligent human being who is informed and whose choices should be heard and respected; that's hard to come by in this world, especially when it comes to health care!
So, after discussing things with her, I decided to call up my backup OB and request meds, as well as start on some alternative treatments like acupuncture, regular prenatal massage, and a special herbal tea she made up for me (she's an herbalist, too).
We talked about contingencies. She told me that, assuming nothing else apart from the high BP arises, I need to make it to 36 wks. to have a homebirth if I go into labor on my own, and 37 wks. before she would try inducing me, although given my past experience, it doesn't seem likely my body will carry a pg past then, anyway.
So I need to stay relatively healthy and pg for another 6-7 wks!
Doesn't seem so hard, does it? :p But honestly, I'm worried about making it that far, b/c I've only ever had to try and manage high BP for a few weeks before I gave birth before, and even then, we had to increase my meds every week b/c I would have breakthrough high BP. It was obvious when I went into labor at 37 wks. twice before that it was b/c my body was under stress and couldn't hold out any longer.
Now it's Sunday and I've been on meds for a few days. Whoopee. I can already tell the initial dosage needs to be upped b/c it's barely keeping me at 140/90. It's also making me very tired, which always happens when I first go on it. And my hands and feet have started to swell badly, which scares me, too. :(
I'm trying very hard to stay calm and optimistic and fight like heck to hang in there, but what's going on brings up SO much emotional baggage from my previous pg's, as you might imagine.
I don't want to get sick again. :(
I don't want to give birth to another preemie I don't get to see and touch for days. :(
I don't want to be in the hospital, hooked up to tons of machines, feeding me awful, poisonous medicines to keep me well, my and my baby's fate at the whim of the cold, impersonal traditional medical model. And then, after the birth, watch the whole process begin again, only this time with my tiny, defenseless baby. :(
I am sad and angry. Sad b/c I'm mourning the healing birth experience that may never have the chance to be, angry b/c I feel like my body is failing me, AGAIN, and I can't do anything to stop it. Sad b/c I now know too much about the road I might have to travel and angry b/c I know exactly how much I should fear it and why.
If you're still reading my whole, long, wordy saga, lol, thanks so much for letting me get it out! I'll keep you updated... :)
Guin
I've been reading every day, but haven't been posting much. After dealing with a really yucky kidney stone attack from 22-25 wks., things have been fairly smooth sailing, but as of this week, I hit choppy waters again, so I'm asking for some good "stay pg and healthy" thoughts, please!
----------------------------------
Little background:
I have four children, aged 7 yrs.-20 mos. This sweet pea is baby #5.
I had severe pre-eclampsia/eclampsia with my first two pg's. Delivered prematurely at 33 and then 31 wks. Was told never to conceive again.
Did a ton of medical research and had loads of tests run and finally decided to try for #3 and do things very differently. With the aid of the changes I made, I didn't develop high blood pressure with babies #3 and #4 until 33-34 wks., then went on BP meds, which kept it steady, and never developed any other symptoms of pre-eclampsia. Delivered naturally both times at exactly 37 wks.
--------------------------------------
This time around, given how much better my last two pg's/births had gone, I happily made plans for my first homebirth. However, with the full blessing of my wonderful midwife, I have also been jointly seeing a backup OB, since I knew I would likely need to go on BP meds late in the pg, and needed someone to prescribe them for me.
Hitting 30 wks. this week was a HUGE milestone for me. While I'd been thrilled from the start about the idea of hb, I refused to let myself get too emotionally invested in it until now b/c I didn't want to set myself up for potential disappointment, you know? But 30 wks. just seemed so close to where I needed to be, and everything was going so well!
Anyway, I had a scheduled appt. with my midwife this past Wed. where we were supposed to go over birthing supplies and really start talking about all the logistics of the birth. DH, after watching several hb videos, decided he really wanted to catch; he was planning on going to this appt with me to discuss the whole thing. We were officially excited! :D
Until I woke up Wed. morning and took my BP and it was 145/93. :( Not good, not good at all! In my past 2 pgs, my BP didn't hit that point until 3-4 wks. further along. I got upset; I went and told DH what was going on. He tried to reassure me by saying it was a fluke, that it would go back down again, etc., etc. That only upset me further, b/c we both knew that wasn't true. Sometimes it sucks not to have ignorance to fall back on, lol! I know FAR more about this subject that I ever really wanted to! :blush Ultimately, I decided to go to see my mw alone, since I was no longer remotely in the mood to discuss birthing options I might not get to exercise...
My mw was wonderful, as usual. She let me cry out my fear and disappointment, handing me tissues and feeding me tea, and then, after I'd calmed down a bit, said to me, "What do you want to do?" :throb Did I mention I really, really like her, lol? I love being treated like a rational, intelligent human being who is informed and whose choices should be heard and respected; that's hard to come by in this world, especially when it comes to health care!
So, after discussing things with her, I decided to call up my backup OB and request meds, as well as start on some alternative treatments like acupuncture, regular prenatal massage, and a special herbal tea she made up for me (she's an herbalist, too).
We talked about contingencies. She told me that, assuming nothing else apart from the high BP arises, I need to make it to 36 wks. to have a homebirth if I go into labor on my own, and 37 wks. before she would try inducing me, although given my past experience, it doesn't seem likely my body will carry a pg past then, anyway.
So I need to stay relatively healthy and pg for another 6-7 wks!
Doesn't seem so hard, does it? :p But honestly, I'm worried about making it that far, b/c I've only ever had to try and manage high BP for a few weeks before I gave birth before, and even then, we had to increase my meds every week b/c I would have breakthrough high BP. It was obvious when I went into labor at 37 wks. twice before that it was b/c my body was under stress and couldn't hold out any longer.
Now it's Sunday and I've been on meds for a few days. Whoopee. I can already tell the initial dosage needs to be upped b/c it's barely keeping me at 140/90. It's also making me very tired, which always happens when I first go on it. And my hands and feet have started to swell badly, which scares me, too. :(
I'm trying very hard to stay calm and optimistic and fight like heck to hang in there, but what's going on brings up SO much emotional baggage from my previous pg's, as you might imagine.
I don't want to get sick again. :(
I don't want to give birth to another preemie I don't get to see and touch for days. :(
I don't want to be in the hospital, hooked up to tons of machines, feeding me awful, poisonous medicines to keep me well, my and my baby's fate at the whim of the cold, impersonal traditional medical model. And then, after the birth, watch the whole process begin again, only this time with my tiny, defenseless baby. :(
I am sad and angry. Sad b/c I'm mourning the healing birth experience that may never have the chance to be, angry b/c I feel like my body is failing me, AGAIN, and I can't do anything to stop it. Sad b/c I now know too much about the road I might have to travel and angry b/c I know exactly how much I should fear it and why.
If you're still reading my whole, long, wordy saga, lol, thanks so much for letting me get it out! I'll keep you updated... :)
Guin