kyle98sean02
03-20-2006, 11:14 AM
I dont know how to make this short so I guess I will just start with the beginning. When I was 42 weeks pregnant with Kyle my blood pressure shot up and I went into pre-eclampsia so I was induced. I was in labor for 18.5 and I pushed for 3 hours and Kyle was stuck. By this time, my pressure was up ultra high and I ended up with a c-section. The dr. on duty was mad at me because he wanted to section me hours before and I resisted until I was pretty much out of it. I dont even remember the decision being made to go to the c-section I was so out of it at this point.
So then we fast forward to Seans birth. I was all set to have a vbac when at almost 8 months my dr. finally gets the records from the hospital Kyle was born at. It turns out the 1st doctor who was really pissed of at me for not consenting sooner had done an inverted T incision on my uterus. There was no medical reason for it at the time. So with that report and the fact that I was supposedly carrying a huge baby (he ended up a whopping 7lb 3 oz.) I was scheduled for a repeat section. When the dr. did Seans c-section, he said my uterine scar had healed nicely and he only saw maybe 1/4 inch of a scar vertically. He said he wouldnt have considered it an inverted T :angry I was mad once again at the first dr. He was a jerk at Kyles birth, then pretty much forced me into a 2nd c-section with Sean that wasnt needed.
Well now with this pregnancy no one was willing to even attempt a vbac after 2 c-sections period. From everything I have read, there really isnt much difference between having a vbac with 1 or 2 c-sections. I have a lot of scar tissue from the previous surgeries and I also have endometriosis. I'm not sure which one has caused it, but I have adhesions that have connected my bladder and uterus. They move as one piece. So now, not only do I have the 2 previous c-sections against me, but the chance that labor could tear my bladder.
Now why I told this whole story is as I get closer and closer to time to have this baby I am freaking out over having another c-section. I hate needles and while I dont even remember the spinal with Kyle, I was so scared and nervous with getting it with Sean. I was shaking and believe it or not, it ranks up in the top 5 scariest things I have done in my life. It didnt help that I reacted to it and was scratching my face off the whole surgery and afterwards I was puking my guts out for hours and scratching my face off until they gave me antihistamines to help and those knocked me out. I only got to hold Sean for maybe 5 minutes the whole first day. He didnt get to nurse until the next morning. I am so surprised they didnt try to give him any bottles. The poor little guy pretty much slept the whole time too. Now I am so scared of having the same thing happen again. I just want to give birth to my baby, have him placed on my tummy, get to cuddle, nurse and bond right away. I dont want a long needle jabbed in my back. I want to be the first person to get to hold my baby. I love my babies so much and never had a hard time with bonding, but I still really mourn the fact that I have never got to give birth normally or have the experiences I have already mentioned. For some reason, I am much more upset about all of this this time. I actually am to the point where I am dreading April 4th and that makes me feel terrible. I dont know what the point to this whole post was except to get it off my chest. Nobody irl understands what I am so upset about. Heck most people think its great I dont have to experience labor and that its so convenient my dh knows exactly when to take off of work. I just want to cry.
So then we fast forward to Seans birth. I was all set to have a vbac when at almost 8 months my dr. finally gets the records from the hospital Kyle was born at. It turns out the 1st doctor who was really pissed of at me for not consenting sooner had done an inverted T incision on my uterus. There was no medical reason for it at the time. So with that report and the fact that I was supposedly carrying a huge baby (he ended up a whopping 7lb 3 oz.) I was scheduled for a repeat section. When the dr. did Seans c-section, he said my uterine scar had healed nicely and he only saw maybe 1/4 inch of a scar vertically. He said he wouldnt have considered it an inverted T :angry I was mad once again at the first dr. He was a jerk at Kyles birth, then pretty much forced me into a 2nd c-section with Sean that wasnt needed.
Well now with this pregnancy no one was willing to even attempt a vbac after 2 c-sections period. From everything I have read, there really isnt much difference between having a vbac with 1 or 2 c-sections. I have a lot of scar tissue from the previous surgeries and I also have endometriosis. I'm not sure which one has caused it, but I have adhesions that have connected my bladder and uterus. They move as one piece. So now, not only do I have the 2 previous c-sections against me, but the chance that labor could tear my bladder.
Now why I told this whole story is as I get closer and closer to time to have this baby I am freaking out over having another c-section. I hate needles and while I dont even remember the spinal with Kyle, I was so scared and nervous with getting it with Sean. I was shaking and believe it or not, it ranks up in the top 5 scariest things I have done in my life. It didnt help that I reacted to it and was scratching my face off the whole surgery and afterwards I was puking my guts out for hours and scratching my face off until they gave me antihistamines to help and those knocked me out. I only got to hold Sean for maybe 5 minutes the whole first day. He didnt get to nurse until the next morning. I am so surprised they didnt try to give him any bottles. The poor little guy pretty much slept the whole time too. Now I am so scared of having the same thing happen again. I just want to give birth to my baby, have him placed on my tummy, get to cuddle, nurse and bond right away. I dont want a long needle jabbed in my back. I want to be the first person to get to hold my baby. I love my babies so much and never had a hard time with bonding, but I still really mourn the fact that I have never got to give birth normally or have the experiences I have already mentioned. For some reason, I am much more upset about all of this this time. I actually am to the point where I am dreading April 4th and that makes me feel terrible. I dont know what the point to this whole post was except to get it off my chest. Nobody irl understands what I am so upset about. Heck most people think its great I dont have to experience labor and that its so convenient my dh knows exactly when to take off of work. I just want to cry.