Interesting phenomena with regards to annoucing a pg after a recent m/c

[Nik's Mommy]

First a little background for those who don't know... I had a m/c on November 15/02. I was 11.5 weeks. My heart was (and continues to be) broken as a result.
A month ago I discovered that we were pg again. I have a lot more confindence in this one "sticking around" as I have been feeling a lot more like I did with ds, then with my angel. (I had no m/s with my angel and I felt great the whole time - with ds and this one.... well I just want to sleep and puke all day long - no exaggeration at all!!) Here's hoping!!
Anyway, we decided to tell a few key people our news. (Well actually, we were sort of forced to after my MIL asked questions till she was blue in the face about what was wrong with me - but that's another story for another board:D ) The only people we have told are my MIL, my parents, and one of dh's brothers and his wife (and all of you!! :love )
What has been interesting is people's reactions when we tell them. I've been getting comments like, "Oh.... really?". "Are you sure that was a good idea?" "Really?.... so soon....". Usually these people jump up and down and celebrate when we tell them this type of thing.
I'm very happy to be pg again (I'm currently 8 weeks-5 days). I feel I have a lot of room in my heart for many children and we plan on filling our house with kids, if everything works out. It just makes me a little sad that people who mean the most to me aren't ready to celebrate with me.
Have any of you experienced this, as well? I think it is very interesting..... just one of those things.....I'm sure they'll come around..... I hope.

[seagan]

I experienced a slightly less obvious form of this, too, with some of the people I told about my current pregnancy. My miscarriage was in mid-October (at 9 weeks), and I was pregnant again in December. Many reacted very surprised, with "Oh..." preceeding their congratulations, and those often felt a bit awkward. And in one case, a friend said, "Wow, your body really wants to be pregnant."

I ended up feeling embarrassed when I'd tell people, like we were sex maniacs or irresponsible or something. Or maybe I was just projecting, as we did get pregnant earlier than we had planned.

At any rate, I know what you mean, and I hope everything goes OK for you this around, odd comments notwithstanding!

darcy
edd 8.29.03

[LiamnEmma]

Yep, I had that trouble too...one friend said (after two m/c's), "Man, you two are rabbits!" And lots of family members said things like, "Why aren't you getting tested first?" There was definitely NOT excitement there amongst family members, and I didn't even tell them until I was 14 weeks with ds!

[kama'aina mama]

I suspect people are concerned. I have never had an m/c but I have this idea in my head that 'you are supposed to wait'. I can't say where the idea came from so I expect it is a load of diaper filler... probably something docs told women in the 50's to protect their 'delicate mental status' or something... but there it is. So, if I were a friend of yours I would probably hear the news with concern. 'Is it "too soon"? Is her uterus better from the last one?' (whatever THAT means!) As i am realising this I am embarrassed by my own ignorance, but I bet that's what it is half the time. I moment of concern before the 'hey dummy, the correct response is "Congratulations!"' kicks in, ya know?

[XM]

I think Kama really nailed it with her answer and even they way she answered. People are concerned and don't know enough to know exactly what to say.

I know for us, we mentioned that we were ttc to a couple of our closest friends, and they had the same responses (we started ttc as soon as I was fertile). They were concerned that it had'nt been long enough, etc. to which I replied that my body was healthy (awesome nutrition and no birth injuries), that it would get pregnant when it was ready and no sooner, and that we really, *really* wanted a baby.

Since it had already been put out there, when we announced our pregnancy to them, they responded with the appropriate joy :D

XM

[Nik's Mommy]

Well, I finally got a Congratulations from someone..... my dad called me last night very excited. I didn't have a chance to tell him personally - just told my mom and she passed it on. It was nice to have someone excited for a change. He was even planning when they would fly down to help. (They live in Australia -I'm in Canada.) I told dad to "just relax" for the next couple of months... but I was happy with his reaction.

Thanks for all your input. I think the reactions are mostly out of concern and lack of knowledge about what my body can do. Their reactions did not upset me - I just found it very interesting.

[Abylite]

Hello! All your posts were very interesting. It made me think would I do anything different when I'm pregnant again (hopefully as we speak...2ww...).

I'm hoping that by the time some of our "acquaitances" call and ask how we are doing...that I am pg again. My coworkers know that I am TCC and I think I'll tell them the second I know. They were very supportive when I had my m/c.

[abakerbird]

:balloons :banana :balloons :banana :balloons
<Jumpin' up and down, doin' a
HAPPY DANCE BABY-ON-THE-WAY-ASAP!!! type of thing,
in celebration of mamas-to-be on this thread!!>

[Viola]

test

[Viola]

I suspect people are concerned. I have never had an m/c but I have this idea in my head that 'you are supposed to wait'. I can't say where the idea came from so I expect it is a load of diaper filler... probably something docs told women in the 50's to protect their 'delicate mental status' or something... but there it is.

I had a m/c at the end of July, and my OB told me to wait 3 cycles because the chances of having another m/c are higher right after just having had one. I don't know if this is supposed to be a hormonal thing or if it is even true, but I just decided to wait the 3 cycles because I wasn't in the mood to start trying right away. But I know many people who didn't wait and were fine. My family was asking me if I was pregnant right away, and when I told them I was waiting a few months, their attitude was, "Whatever, you don't need to do that! I never waited." :)

A few others have told me that what I had sounds like a blighted ovum and that I don't have to wait at all to get pregnant again. I actually did have symptoms for awhile (fatigue, taste aversions, queasiness), but they stopped right around 8 or 9 weeks. I had an u/s at 11 weeks after some bleeding, and there was no baby there, just an empty sac and fetal poles, so I feel like I am supposed to think I was never pregnant to begin with, but darn it, I swear I was!

I haven't told my friends that I'm pregnant now, and I've actually lied to those who have asked me pointblank, including my mom, my sister and a friend who lives down the street from me. I want to keep it a secret for awhile, doggone it, but people keep asking me. I hate to lie, but I'm not superstitious, so I don't believe I am dooming my unborn child (although I will admit the thought has crossed my mind, so maybe I am more superstitious than I care to admit). I feel like if I announced I was pregnant and then had another miscarriage, people might not be so supportive the second time around and would blame it on me. Is that a stupid way to feel? Probably.

[Christi]

Amywillow
I definately don't think you are stupid for waiting to tell people. I got preg nine months after my m/c. I didn't tell anyone until I had passed 15 weeks which is when I m/c'd. I remember feeling so nervous about the baby.

OTOH My doc told me to wait 6-9 months. I think that was because I hemoraged and nearly died during my miscarriage. I think every woman is different like every pregnancy.

[Viola]

Wow, that sounds scary, Christi!

[MossbackMeadow]

I had 3 children, then 3 miscarriages, but didn't tell my parents about the mcs because they acted so disgusted when we announced the pregnancy of #3 child. No one should have more than 2.2 you know!

My most recent mc was in September, and I got pregnant again in October. We didn't tell a soul, just waited till it was obvious. But when I was 16 weeks and wearing maternity pants, my parents still hadn't noticed - too wrapped up in other stuff. My ds let it slip and they were very surprised. Dad said, "I wondered how you could exercise so much and still keep all that weight on." Gee thanks dad. Just call me "Lardass." ( I'm a 5'4, 145 lbs runner, now reduced to walking).

If people aren't going to share in your joy, why tell them. It only makes the pregnancy seem longer.

MM, now 21 weeks with baby#4.
Gee, I really sound bitter and sarcastic today!

[Touch of Sunshine]

People sometimes just don't have a clue.

My opinion is this.... If the expectant parents are happy, so should everyone else. If there are concerns about mothers health, address then as just that... no comments like "have you figured out how that happens yet?" "You guys are like bunnies" It is just plain rude. I'd anyday take there response, "You're ready for this?" or "You've recovered enough?" Or something to that effect.

I just can't wait to tell the inlaws(YEAH RIGHT) that we'r expecting again. They weren't happy when we were expectin gour 4th last time, even though he is now an angel and not with us. The comments"Well, it wasn't meant to be. Someone one is trying to tell you something." Not to be rude, but they can shove those comments where the sun won't shine ;)

We'll just wait and see. Being we had a later loss, discovered at 15 weeks baby had died and lost at 18, we are likely waiting til 20 weeks for announcements. Though I did tell one aunt and she asked, "You've been feeling ok? you're doing well?" Heart felt concern. But she lost a baby at about 15 weeks as well so she knows.....

Ok, off my sopa box.