WOHM/Rejected at the playground

[asherah]

I am off Monday and Tuesdays.. and thought I would start bringing DS to the neighborhood playground.

He is too young to play, but he loves to watch the older kids.. and lots of the moms there also have younger babes, so I thought it'd be a good way to meet people.

Well none of them would talk to me once I said I worked.

I kept smiling and trying to engage them in conversations about the kids, the local school etc...

But they are all SAHMS and they all know each-other and have this clique and as soon as I said I worked they just clammed up.
They are also obviously much more upscale then I am.. much nicer clothes and cars.. so maybe it was that too.

I was just so bummed out I don't know if I will go back, even though DS liked it and a lot of the toddlers came up to him and were sweet to him..


I just kindof wanted to vent, since it made me feel very bad.. sort of like getting rejected by the popular clique in high school!

[Starling]

Hi Asherah,

HA! I know what you mean! I've had the same experience (but at the children's museum instead of the playground.)

It's a terrible feeling. Sent me right back to junior high, emotionally.

But then I remembered how much I've grown since junior high, and how satisfied I am with my beautiful DS and my part-time work, and I began to understand that if the yuppie moms feel the need to act snotty, that really says more about them than about me.

As DS got older (to toddlerhood) he began to interact with the yuppie moms' kids on his own. The yuppie moms weren't overjoyed, but they didn't stop it either. DS enjoys being with the other kids, and the other kids seem to enjoy him. The children are free (so far) of the cliquishness their moms display.

So, I guess I just want to say, Courage! Chin up! Hang in there! It gets better!

[Chi-Chi Mama]

:hug :hug :hug

what a tough day for you!!

I would go one more time to see how it goes. If your ds really enjoyed himself, maybe give it another try.

If the other moms are really that snotty, then hey.. it's their loss.

I can relate on the hardship of finding playgroups, etc. as a WOHM!

[sozobe]

I definitely have the same problem, and I'm a stay-at-home mom. There is a cliquish thing that happens at a moment's provocation at the playground, and the people in my neighborhood tend to be a different "type". There are lots of other options for finding friends -- LLL meetings, playgroups, etc.

[Evergreen]

I know the feeling, only reversed. When ppl find out I am a SAHM they get the impression that I am uninteresting and or uneducated. If your son likes the playground keep going, maybe they'll open up once they've talked to you a couple of times, if not ignore them right back!

[delighted.mama]

Ahserah

*Hugs* to you. I know what you mean. A similar thing happened to me when I enrolled dd and myself in a massage class. Dd was only 4 months at the time and really wanted to do this with her. When I came in late one day and mentioned that I had to go home to get dd and my MIL before coming to class, the teacher remarked "oh you work" and then didn't really interact with either me or dd too much after that. I felt like she was passing judgment on me because I had to go back to work and dd was so young! IT really hurt my feelings.

DD is now 13 months and, so far, I have not encountered that to that degree. But, I also try to enroll her in classes that are in the afternoon, when other WOH parents are there as well. Now that I look back at it, I think that I was also verrrry sensitive to the whole SAH/WOH issue b.c I desperately wanted to with dd more and didn't want to work FT but it was totally not an option at that time.

When I do feel that people are being cliquish, I try to just act myself, not apologize for who and what I am, and try to intermingle in a positive way. Even though dd is too young to understand, I know that this type of stuff may occur when she is old enough to see how I react to it and I want to be a positive role model for her. Don't let anyone get you down like that! No one walks in your shoes !

Libby:p :p :p

[Doodlebugsmom]

That type of treatment is ridiculous! I wouldn't even want to be friends with people like that. I am a SAHM, and I too feel like others think I am lazy/uneducated. I know I'm just paranoid about it though! I like to have diversity in my friendships, and these women you speak of are obviously narrow-minded. Maybe give it one more chance, and if they don't respond to you, it truly is their loss.

[shelbean91]

I can't believe people are like that. That's so sad. I think I would keep going for ds and if you talk to them, fine, if not, that's fine too. When I go out to places like that, I'm usually going for my kids, not for me anyway, so if I find someone to talk to I'm very pleased, but if not- oh, well.

I know it's hard, when I worked with dd, I felt I was being judged for working and being away so much. Now that I'm sahm, I feel like I'm being judged for staying home. I just try to know that I'm doing what is best for my family and screw what anyone else thinks!!

[Lucky Charm]

Ash,I know exactly what you mean, and have felt the same you have.

Its alot like the cliques in school, and i was brought back to that dark ugly place called middle and high school....

It could be the money/class issue. my sil is alot like that. she lives 9 doors away from us, and always complains about working moms, especially "in this neighborhood". well, i told her, "it must be nice to sit and judge other moms for working for what was given to you" (her parents gave them $60,000 to put down on the house because they didnt qualify and the mtg was too high).

let it roll off your back, who needs people like that in your life anyway? life is hard enough without dealing with smallminded women. Try LLL or another play group in the area. i see them in our local paper all the time.

good luck!

[Marlena]

That's awful! Ick - maybe there's another, more congenial park around? The ones around my neighborhood are VERY different. The one near the grocery store (while some of the playground equipment is made with pressure treated wood :angry ) is very friendly, and usually has families from several different cultures at any given time (there are usually at least three different languages being spoken at the playground, and they vary widely from time to time).

The one right near us, on the other hand, sucks (though the playground equipment is great). It's largely full of cliquish, cowlike women who appear to be totally into their Martha Stewart lives (eek!). I suspect that the fact that I work (and have a traditionally "male" profession) probably makes me into a third sex or something, in their minds. I avoid them. Dd will play with their children, if the children are reasonable. Sometimes there's a reasonable parent there, and we'll talk. Otherwise, hey, I'm there so dd can have fun - I've already had my own time at the playground!

[Lucky Charm]

It's largely full of cliquish, cowlike women who appear to be totally into their Martha Stewart lives (eek!).
:LOL :rotflmao :LOL :rotflmao :bgbounce

[brookelynnp]

That is crap how dare these women treat you like that! I am so sorry that people can be so obtuse and single minded! I hope that you can find some sahm who is respectful and not intimidated by the different choices other moms make! We are not all like that! I am just so sick of this kind of attitude high school crap!

[khrisday]

{{{ash}}}
Possibly, these women were not consciuosly giving you the cold shoulder. It may have felt that way to you, though. Sometimes as a SAHM when I meet a working mom I hold back a bit simply because it's likely that we won't even see them again, or be involved on a regular basis with their family. Same thign happens when we meet families who are sending their kids to public school- I just think "Oh, too bad, we will never see them again".
I would go back- when they see you there regularly, they will include you more I bet.

[oatmeal]

Of course you'll go back, don't be silly. If your son has fun isn't that what it's all about?

Not to steal your spotlight, but I'm a single mom and I get ostracized everywhere we go. I took a cab home from the hospital the 3rd day after my C-section because no one wanted to come and pick us up. I spent the first 6 weeks of my post partum totally alone with a newborn baby because no one in my family and none of my friends would come and visit us. I have two mommy friends (they are girls I've known since high school) who are married and they attend a mommy's group that I'm not invited to because I'm single. They talk about all the fun things they do together all the time but I'm never invited. As a matter of act I'm pointedly NOT invited. I attened a pre natal yoga class with a bunch of moms for six months and they started a mommy group and we weren't invited. I spend most of the time alone with my daughter because we are always excluded.

Screw those moms. Go have fun. Let them do what they want. It has nothing to do with you, so don't take it personally.

And remember to count your blessings every day.

[ekblad9]

I'm sorry you had that experience. I don't understand why women have to be so unkind to eachother. We were kicked out of our neighborhood playgroup when we decided to homeschool. My kids are no longer invited to birthday parties of kids that they grew up with. It's a very bad feeling. We're moving because of it (and the fact that our house is too small).

I would go back to the park, though. And also try LLL and things like that. Best of luck to you!:)

[Lucky Charm]

ek,
how sad. all becuase you homeschool? whats up with that?
I'm a mainstreaming rightwinger, and homeschooling is very cool to me, and my other mommy friends dont bat an eye.

oatmeal,
I am embarassed for the moms that have excluded you. really. and to think you took a cab home from the hospital really breaks my heart. I would have driven you home, and cooked you many dinners.


:shake :bawl

[simonee]

Ho-ly gua-ca-mo-le :eek :eek :eek

Why don't you ladies all move into my street??? We'd have so much fun together, without all that judgmental crapola!!

I just can't see why and how people can treat others like that. Aren't we all mothers? Don't we all try to set a good example for our kids? Don't we all know how it feels to be left out, different? Don't we all know how great it is to receive support as a mama???

These women drive me mad!!! (and I'm going to change my sig right now)

[grisandole]

I used to get that treatment because I was a young single mom, a double whammy! Now I don't even deal with people like that.

Oatmeal, I've been there before, Hugs to you! When I visit CA maybe we can get together :)

~Kristi

[asherah]

Thanks so much... I feel better. And I will go back because it is a beautiful park in MY neighborhood and DS does love to watch the kids play.. he wants to walk and play so much!

I am just having such a hard time finding my tribe IRL.

[1jooj]

Parks around here are very seasonal...so I am looking forward to getting out again with ds come March or so. We had some similar stuff last year, and I am not sure why it happened. Could have been $$. I live in my heavily mortgaged $90,000 house in a very economically diverse neighborhood--there is subsidized housing, places like ours, and $250,000+ homes all within just three blocks. The park where we play is surrounded by, literally, about 30 mansions--worth a lot. People live in them. They come to the park too.

Most are friendly and interact a lot. Dogs are allowed, and I think they help to warm it up among people.

Last summer, thougg, ds and I were playing on the swing, and there was a group of this time just 3 or 4 moms, and they made it very clear that they all know one another from CHURCH, where they are all active in that CHURCH, and then one got up to go, and they would see her at CHURCH...and, well, one knows by looking, I don't go to church.:( But I stayed friendly, and asked a few Qs about the kiddos to keep it light, and ds tried to share his drink, and I think we made a friendly impression anyway.

What was the point?

I've had similar things at the library, but there I think it was more because I'm too fat. Not sure, but the fancy ladies were ignoring another fat woman, so it was probably that.:( Not nice.

So now, I make a point of talking to Moms, and not judging them ahead of time. Remind me of this, come spring.

[Ragana]

What's with this playground clique thing? My husband has experienced this as a stay-at-home dad. There is still a lot of immediate suspicion about men taking care of kids.

[chellemarie]

It amazes me how so many different things can equal stupid or lazy. Single parenthood, weight, financial status, being a SAHM or WOHM...I've seen all those things be judged as stupid or lazy. ARRRGH!

Go back if your son enjoys that playground. The clique doesn't own the park. Those women might never warm up to you. But another WOHM might show up someday and guess what...she'll be glad you're there.

AND...keep in mind that all the regulars at the playground had to show up for the first time once.

[maatmama]

I had something very similar happen to me. I am a WOHM and my ds (2) usually goes with my dad to storytime at the library. Well one thursday i had off and decided to take him none of the the other moms or nannies would speak to me......at first i thought maybe it was a racial thing as we are the only aa in the group. but my dad would have told me that if he got that vibe (he's in his 70's and VERY attuned to that kind of thing). Later i was speaking with the librarian who ran that particular storytime (who interestingly enough is also aa) and she said that the SAHM are a tight group who are weary of "others" or "new" families who join. she said she had lost quite a few new children to this.....but we will still be going because my son LOVES going and hearing the stories and singing the songs with my dad....

[Ocean]

That's awful that you were rejected just because you are a WOHM and it saddens me that so many other moms have been judged based on whether they work, religion, money, etc. I guess I am lucky that our primary parent-and-baby social outings consist of going to the library for baby story time and all the other moms there have been great and very accepting of my dh, who is usually the one to take her. The problem I've had is finding events that meet when I'm not at work. I live in a fairly large city and there are NO LLL meetings, AP meetings, or play groups that meet in the evenings or weekends. It was very hard for me when I first had my dd because I wanted to talk with other moms but there just were no groups available to me. It's like they assume that you are a SAHM or that if work you somehow don't need support. Maybe you can try finding another group that is less clique-ish.

[levar]

Just wanted to add my support!! My husband was a SAHD the first year of Taylor's life. He was a WAHD the next 6 months. We both worked full time the next 6 months. He was been full time and I've been SAHM the last 8 months. And I am going back to work part time WAHM starting in April. PLUS we MOVED from CA to WA in the middle of all this!! [I could go on and on about the "differences" in people.] We have had EVERYONE of every stereo type at one time or another drop us as friends, or blow us off at first meetings, etc. Someone said "Just like Jr/High School"... You Bet!! I hate it. You have my empathies!! I too have no idea why Motherhood [and Marriage in my opinion] bring out the worst in people. [Mostly women, but maybe I am bias being a woman and all? Hubby says the same about men actually.]

I agree, keep going. You never know you may meet someone, or get a tip on another time or place, etc. I met a woman at a scrap book thing two weeks ago and seriously thought in my head "YOU are my new best friend!!" But when I told my sister about it she asked "did you get her number?" and I realized *I* had been to terrified of scaring her away to ask!?!? My sister pointed out that at least if I had asked I would have gotten a yes/no for sure. And if I call and dont get a return call then I know again. Etc. GOOD LUCK and Chin Up!!

[gurumama]

just wanted to say I'm sorry that happened to you.

the parks I go to, the moms don't even talk to each other AT ALL.

then again, with the stories I'm hearing here, maybe that's a good thing. at least I don't feel excluded!

I do get treated like a weirdo sometimes because I actually *make eye contact* and say "Hi!" to people. Guess you can take the girl out of the midwest but you can't take the midwest out of the girl. I always feel like the other person is two seconds from reaching for their pepper spray...

Sheesh! People. I want to move to the Mothering Co-Housing development. Who wants to start one?

[twindaze]

That does stink. Usually if I go to the park and there's someone else there on their own, we'll chat. But groups usually don't interact with me. It seems to be some kind of dynamic that I've seen repeatedly, including a dinner at my Church's women's group where no one sat next to me. They were all busy saving seats for each other so I felt uncomfortable going over to them and possibly trying for a seat that might be "saven." So, I never went to the group again, and don't go to the church anymore either. I do wonder though if it wasn't prejudice but if they're wanting to meet peoplel to do weekday playdates and such. Many working moms that I've met have little to no time even on their days off since they have to cram everything in then. I'd go back though, there will be other people there too.

Jenny

[HotMama]

I love your sig MaatMama! I have to second, third or whatever, go back again. As a SAHM, I've also noticed I am less into going out of my way to get to know working Mamas because I'm less likely to see them again. Not that it's not worth a visit with a new person, more I'm enjoying getting to know other Mamas who I see on a regular basis. Give them another chance and thanks for the reminder to reach out to all the wonderful folks who go to the library (for me) or playground.:p

[kimmysue2]

Yep my first play ground experance was none to friendly. It was at the mall. My son was the youngest there. Granty I did not have much time as it was my lunch hour.
I am trying to found a group on Saturdays or Sundays. Since I work during the week (my boy comes with me). none so far.

[hulamama]

Some of your posts are just heartbreaking, ladies. It is interesting that working or not, married or single...there are people out there that make you feel this small and it hurts no matter what your age. I WOHM and can relate to the feelings of ostracization from SAHMs. It always amazes me when I hear a SAHM talk about how people made them feel small because "they weren't using their education" or some such comment. I am amazed because I always get the reverse attitude "how can you leave your little one?" I guess no matter the source, it just hurts, because no one walks in your shoes, no one knows your life. And NO one has any right to pass judgement on something they don't know anything about. WHy do women have to be so catty?!

I could cry at all the comments I hear about how "if you just trimmed your budget and made it more of a priority, then you could stay home, too." That stuff riddles me with guilt every time. Yet I know my circumstances and no how impossibley untrue that assumption is.

I had never thought about the possibility of SAHMs thinking they will never see a WOHM again, and thus being withdrawn. I will try to think of it like that when it happens to me again. But if you are a SAHM and that crosses your mind, I ask that you try to hold yourself back from that assumption and try to get to know us WOHMs better....you never know, you could be sitting next to a kindred soul. There are always weekends and evenings to share. :)

[Alenushka]

It is afree country, so keep going where your son likes to go. It is what importnat, that he has a good time outside . These women are very rude, and despite their stylish clothes, they are ugly. I have been WAMH, WOHM and everything in between. I now work part time. I do not see what anyone;' work status has anything to do with anything. I am friendly and I alway talk to people. IF they do not wnat to talk to me, well, who cares, we built a sand castle with kids, and if they not interested inplaying with me but wnat to some staff on their own , I alway have a good book with me. Motherhoos in itsed does not make women firends with each other. I have good firends who SAHMS, WOHMS< WAHMS and child free.
My very good friend is SAHM for now. and I am so grateful for what she does for me on the days I work. She takes my son 30 minute earlier, so I can make it to work. Needless to say, when i am off or my husband is at home, we will take her kids any time she needs it. Cooperation makes world turn around

[CollegeMama]

Originally posted by hulamama
I could cry at all the comments I hear about how "if you just trimmed your budget and made it more of a priority, then you could stay home, too." That stuff riddles me with guilt every time. Yet I know my circumstances and no how impossibley untrue that assumption is.

Absolutely! I feel the same way. I would give anything to be able to SAH, but there's no way. I'd have to go on welfare, loose our house and have no medical care. We've arranged it so that we only have to have a babysitter 2 days a week for about 2 hours each day. It still hurts to think that some moms think I'm selfish or uncaring to my son because I have to work.

Marcy

[mammastar]

Thank you all so much for this thread! It has really resonated with some of my own experiences. I know that when dd was first born, I thought that there was something wrong with ME that I couldn't find my mommy niche at the park or parent groups when I tried to chat sometimes with other moms -- I figured that because I went back to university very shortly after she was born and shared care with dh, I clearly had a 'not a real mommy' label on my forehead, and some moms' clique-iness reinforced that for me. Realizing how often it happens definitely gives me something to think about!

Last week dh (SAHD) went to babytime at the library with dd for the first time and walked into a cold shoulder of cliquey, high-income mommies who all knew each othe. They all appeared to have just disembarked from their SUVs, while dh and dd were rain-soaked bus arrivals, so he felt self-conscious, and they didn't exactly appear welcoming, no hello's or anything. When we debriefed the morning, I was able to tell him about this thread and the insight that for some reason a lot of parents do this weird junior-high cruelty thing to other parents, whether you're a mum or dad, WAH, WOH, or SAH! We had a great talk about it, and he also was able to take it less personally -- they're going to give it one more try this week, and if they don't have any fun, they'll make their own fun somewhere else!

So thanks, all!

[sohj]

You've GOT to return to the playground!:hammer

There is always a clique of some sort. The quote that maatmama had in her signature says it best: "Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It is beyond me." Zora Neale Hurston (BTW, maatmama, Hurston is on my list for ten-books-for-a-desert-island!:D :D :D)

Sometimes the clique is based on income, or race, or stay-at-home vs. work-outside-for-filthy-luchre, or "What one does for the money", or age, or homeschoolers vs. private schoolers vs. public schoolers (then it is magnet school vs. regular!), or ethnic background, or maybe it is based on what the blazes I decided to wear that day!

Also, people get lazy and an amazing number of people were somehow never taught the most basic of courtesies: making someone else feel at ease. My mother and father were very big on the old manners thing and I realized one day that all that "fussy" stuff was really just about making sure no one felt uncomfortable. If someone uses ettiquette to intimidate, they are NOT courteous.

And if all the above fails, fall back on the old reliable: "Who cares what YOU think?"

:love

[cattrane]

make your ds t-shirts that say "my mom doesn't need a lincoln to give me love!" and "my working mama KICKS ASS" and "see me playing with your kids and bonding with like spirits? yeah, i didn't think so, seeing as how you're too involved with your image"

that's seriously what i would do.

maybe that's kind of rude though! i am always tempted to lie (but can never follow through) and say something like "yeah it was really hard selling the company branches in europe to settle here...don't you find it difficult to raise your kids in the city on only $200k??? we are thinking of moving back to france in the fall, the schools are so much better...."


dh gets that crap ALL THE TIME. it's not like he's this freak, we KNOW there are more SAHD's here, we're friends with some! he was totally burned at a school he stopped in at for information, they were insanely snotty in their tone and were very specific that there was tuition... which up until that very moment we had been planning on paying in full :rolleyes:

[TigerTail]

wow! you've gotta go back, there will be other folks coming around besides that silly clique. glad my park is mellow! (the worst is sometimes groups of unsupervised 'big kids' that trample the littles, but that is unusual.) everyone is pretty friendly, and i've run into ap moms there and chatted up bfing or slinging or what have you (but the best is my unschooling playgroup- i cannot IMAGINE anyone there making a judgement about finances, or someone's car, or sahm vs wahm- hell, it's an unschooling playgroup, and we don't even care if someone uses pkg'd curricula! how open are we, lol!)

but much of the time at the park, it's just small talk about 'oh look, he wants to go home with you', 'what great curls your baby has', 'no honey, don't throw mulch' (and the spanish equivalent of these :D - you can express a lot with expressions and gestures. one big boy helped sammy climb up the 'big' climbing thing, & sam was so happy- they played with sticks after- no english needed)... didn't mean to ramble, just second that i'm not really there to make buddies, just to let the kids play.

suse

[MamaOui]

I'd like to suggest a book for all of you that I am about 100 pages into called Woman's Inhumanity to Woman by Phyllis Chesler. It addresses the *dark side* of women. This includes indirect aggression by exclusion and how many women/girls fear rejection from the group, so they will stay with the heard in order to save face with the friends they already have. It seems as if some of the women we all encounter are still trapped in middle school.

I know it is hard when you are being excluded. I wouldn't use one meeting with any group of people as a gage though. I know that I used to meet with a group of moms once a week and we would go to public places on a "field trip" (including parks). Between interacting with our own children and trying to get some adult interaction with each other (trying to nourish pre-existing friendships that we barely had time for as it was), we would have been completely oblivious to another mother trying to join in. Sometimes I smile and say hi to other mothers in public or someone greets me, but unless people are direct (like saying "mind if I join you") one cannot tell someone else's needs. Chesler also talks about how women have a hard time being direct. Some people just need a small exchange and other people are actively looking to form new friendships. When I meet another mom at the park, I am friendly; if it's the first time I have ever met them, I might just say hi and make a little small talk. But I am leary of moms I don't know, because these exchanges invlove my children. I like to see how a mom parents for a while before I chum up with them. For instance, I am not interested in forming new friendships with moms who spank.

I would keep going to the park and see what happens. If these women never warm up to you, then there are always other women that will show up. Some women just feel threatened by the unknown or someone who is "different", which is a pity.

[asherah]

well I haven't been back yet.. but I plan to go next week.
I'll report back!

[glh]

I've noticed this when I was a wohm and a sahm. What gets me is when a mom is by herself with her kids at the park and will spend a 1/2 hr talking to you, but the next time you see her and she is with a friend or two she pretends she never met you. I've noticed that 2 or 3 moms together will rarely if ever include you in their conversation. This is JUST like junior high! Our park is very small, so it's not like they just don't notice you. I am sooo happy when I see someone I know at the park, but I really try to be friendly to everyone.

ITA about the midwest thing. I am amazed when I visit relatives in Ohio and everyone will say hello to you if you are out walking. Here in good old New England they will actually avoid eye contact just so they don't have to say hi.

[jenapaganmom5]

I am just having such a hard time finding my tribe IRL.
I just wanted to say I am so sorry this happened to you but don?t give up! I met my best friend in the grocery store! One of the things I have done when I was very lonely was really watch people, and not hesitate to talk with someone. For example your in the store and you see a lady who is talking with her baby, make a comment to her to get the conversations started then ask something like ?Do you take your baby to the park?? and suggest that maybe you could meet up sometime.

Another thing you could do is if there is a Midwife or Doula in your area call them up and say ?I am a mom with _ age child looking to meet some other moms? and ask her ?What are your suggestions?? Our midwife has socials just for this purpose as well as a list of women whose number she gives out.

Another note is always remember how this felt as you grow into motherhood and your children grow up; because of my negative social experiences I always make it a point to introduce myself to women at the park.

Jena WAHM to 5 unschooled kiddos
Ages 9,6,5,4 & 2
:flower

[Kat20]

This discussion reminds me of two shows that I am watching on MTV right now called Sorority Life and Fraternity Life. They document the rush, bid, and pledging process of the rushees at the University of Buffalo. There is one main difference in the behavior of the Sorority versus the Fraternity. The sisters are definitely more cliquey and competitive towards one another. This was only the second episode last night, and the sisters in the pledge house were already clearly at odds with each other. Of course, it probably does not help that two of the girls have older sisters who are alums of the sorority.

The brothers, however, act much more casual about the whole process. They do not appear to be as unkind to each other. When one of the guys who was acting cocky (to some of the brothers) did not get invited to join, it was just expressed, "He didn't get a bid, he was a little too cocky," and that was the end of that. And when four of the guys decided to depledge, it was just taken as, "Well, it's your decision." This is the first time that anyone decided to depledge in the history of this fraternity, but the brothers just made casual remarks about it. HoHum, basically.

The twist is that there are remarks made by the brothers about two of the guy's girlfriends that are pretty unkind. One did not want one of the rushees dating his ex and another guy's best friend thinks his girlfriend is a B**ch.

I think that women get jealous of other women far more often than men get jealous of other men. Although, I do think that the differences in the sorority have more to do the personalities and favoritism in general. Most of the girls are not blonde or slender.

[sohj]

So, did you go back?

Enquiring minds want to know!!

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[kwl718]

Ack!!! I hate this, I've been on the receiving end too. And don't discount the importance of clothes and cars to these types. Last fall, right after I went back to work I signed then 5 month old DS up for a class at the town recreation center, mostly because I wanted to meet other moms since I'm new in town. It was still warm out so people dawdled in the parking lot and you knew who drove up in what.

Anyway, for the first couple weeks I was driving my old, starting to rust, some trim missing, etc...14 year old Saab. None of the other moms (mostly in SUVs or much newer European cars) gave me the time of day. SO's old car crapped out and I'd been saving to replace mine, so I bought a much newer used Saab wagon (3 years old) and gave him my old one. My "new" used car looks new and, lo and behold, as soon as I started driving up in that, the other moms started smiling at me. Jeez, like I'd want to be their friend after two weeks of the cold shoulder just because I've got an "acceptable" car now!

[MamaOui]

Hi kwl718, Are you originally from New England? If so, you may know that a lot of New Englanders are slow to warm up to new people. It could just be that they were getting used to you. I hope that it wasn't the car you were driving. Could be for some of them, but hopefully not all of them. Are you going back?

[asherah]

I haven't gone back to that playground.. not because of the nasty mommies.. just because we've been going to the zoo instead.

I will go back.. but I have no expectations now of meeting people there. I will just go because ds likes to watch the "big kids" play.

[MamaOui]

Good for you, asherah.:hug You never know though, you just might meet somebody cool in the process.:)

[Jish]

I'm just going to throw in my 2 cents here. Nearly five years ago a wonderful group of women began hanging out because we all met at our bfing support group and had babies the same age. It was great. We are all still friends though we all get busy and I don't see some of them as often anymore. We had about two regular things we did on a weekly basis in the mornings. As gals began to have second children and older children beginning preschool, those events began to fizzle out. I kept them going because I kept inviting new moms from my bfing support group to join me on those days. I knew they were lonely and needed friends and I so wanted them to enjoy parenting as much as I did, and it helps to have a good supportive network to rely on. Now, I get together with a new group of ladies (many of which are now here on MDC because of me) while still keeping in contact with my old friends. I am notorious for inviting new moms to join us on Tueday mornings at the indoor playground an then for lunch, or at our weekly park dates in the summer. My current friends are always more than friendly to the new people I bring in, however, I think it can be overwhelming for the new moms to feel comfortable since we all know one another so well. Most don't return, but a few brave souls have gotten to know us and are now great friends.

That being said, while I am usually very friendly at the playground and will talk to anyone, there are times that I am simply too exhausted to make what I will call small talk with someone I don't know. There are days that I just need to talk to someone who knows me and who I can feel comfortable with. Asking questions to get to know someone is just too stressful and requires more mental energy than I have. Staying home with two active boys (one of whom has weeks where he feels to be velcroed to me and wears me out emotionally) is both physically and emotionally draining.

We all feel safest in our comfort zone, and our friends are our comfort zone. Those days that I just don't have the energy to engage a new person are just that. If you saw me on a different day, I might seem like an entirely different person to an outsider. I have friend who are hippies (not hard to find in my area) and who are mainstream and have plenty of money (also not hard to find in my area.)

If I have made plans to meet someone(s), it could be considered rude to them to spend my time talking to someone I just met. I know I might get upset if I were invited someplace by a friend who then spent the time making a new friend rather then talking to me.

There are a lot of things to consider when we don't know what is in the mind of others. I just can't believe that anyone would use the fact that you work, or are single as a reason not to converse if they are in a conversational mood. I have friends in both catagories (as well as a couple stay at home dads.) Perhaps I am the exception to the rule, but I would hate to think that my attitude is not the norm.:)

Boy, did I ramble on.:rolleyes:

[Pynki]

Nah Beth...

It's cause we're in the midwest... Don't you know well be friendly to anyone!!! :LOL :LOL

Warm Squishies to EVERYONE!!!

Dyan
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