My dd1's hair is so super curly. I mean, tighter than ringlets, tighter than corkscrew curls, CURLY. I use detangler and leave in conditioner to try to maintain the tangles, but it's getting out of hand. She is not interested in getting it cut, when it's wet, it's halfway down her back, but when dry, it barely reaches her shoulders, but I cannot comb it without her crying from the tangles. :( I don't know what to do. Now that the weather is warm, she's outside a LOT and the wind tosses it all around, making the tangles 10X worse and she's begging me not to brush it because it hurts. Obviously, that's only going to compound the problem, but I can't seem to find anything that will help.

Anyone? Any suggestions? We've talked about cutting it repeatedly, and while we talk, she seems receptive and almost excited about it, but when it comes time to actually CUT IT, she backs out.

You should check out the book Curly Girl. I have curly hair and the suggestions in the book really helped me.

Remember that you can not brush curly hair when it's dry. Curly hair is fragile and breaks easily. When you dry brush it you break up the curls that are naturally sticking together and it makes it more prone to tangleing. I know it's not a natural product but the Pantene Pro-V Line of products for curly hair have proven, to me, to be the best for dealing with tangles, dryness, frizziness, and general curly hair crraziness. When she's outside, maybe you should try braiding it or somehow pulling it back, so that it can not get so windblown. Personally, I use a handkercheif when I'm outside on windy days. Otherwise, it would take me a half-hour to get all the tangles out.

I hope that helps.

Can put some anti-frizz styling aid in it, and braid it when it's wet? That's what my sis did with her dd. Usually the braid would last till the next shampoo. Her dd had the same type of hair! It was actually worse when short because it got very bushy.

Thanks for the ideas! I don't every try to brush it when it's dry, it's even MORE painful for her. I actually got a knitting pattern for a little kerchief that is going to be my next project, I think I'll make one for her as well, Maybe if Mommy is wearing it, she will as well. I will try to braid it as well. Not sure if the top layers are long enough yet; I do braid dd2's hair all the time, it's VERY long and obviously tends to get tangled in the wind as well, but it's so much easier to braid as it's mid-back length and just wavy, kwim?

Great suggestions! Please keep them coming! :love

My hair is curly, too. I never brush or comb it when it is dry. I put a bunch of conditioner in it in the shower and then take my fingers or a really wide toothed comb to comb through it gently with the conditioner still in. I then rinse it out, scrunch it with the towel to dry it a bit, put in some leave in conditioner and gel and let it dry the rest of its way on its own.

I do the same thing as ChristaN. My hair is crazy curly :nut and the only that helps me is to put anti-frizz gel in after my shower and let it dry on its own. I also keep it up or otherwise "contained" to cut down on tangles...the handkerchief you're going to make sounds cute!!

Good Luck!

I second the 'Curly Girl" book suggestion. No shampoo is a big thing with that book and it really worked for my dd.

I just had a conversation with a friend of mine who has very curly hair. My daughter is biracial (AfAm/White) and I don't have experience with curls nor this much hair! (I had none until I was 3.5 and DS didn't have very much either.)

My friend said (a) don't brush or comb it and (b) use a good leave-in conditioner like Nexxus Humectress after washing with shampoo. I would like to find some natural product that works (have tried everything that hasn't) but at least Nexxus does not test on animals, so that is some comfort. Detangler does nothing for her hair.

I pick out my son's hair about once a week with a wide-tooth comb, but his individual hairs are thick enough now that it doesn't get tangled anyway. We wash it about twice a week. He doesn't want to cut his hair again so it is getting taller and taller...

Love those gorgeous curls! :) :) :)

How do you feel about dreads?

Just kidding.

Dd has super, tight, curly hair. We found that shampoo really angers it. I use baking soda about once every two weeks and rinse with water in between washes. Even using the BS more frequently really does bad things to her hair. Each morning I wet her hair down, use a comb, and start at the ends. It takes forever but I do not know what else to do. I have thin, fine, limp, straight hair so I have no experience. I just take my time and be really careful to hold the hair so it does not pull and hurt. I remember my mom ripping brushes through my hair and being miserable. We also use bandanas a lot. There are lots of mornings when dd will not allow me to comb so we go witht he coverings insetad.

Wow, thanks for this thread. We are starting to have these issues with my dd's hair, 2.75. She also balks at a hair cut, has hair that when wet is below her shoulders but when dry is still around her head. She will let us put it in pony tails or use barrettes some of the time.

We never try to comb it but we do use what sounds like too much shampoo.

I am definitely going to get this book.

Her grandmother has curly hair but nothing like this--we have been wondering a bit where it came from! But it's really beautiful, too, and I want her to grow up appreciating it, not hating it b/c it hurts to wash and style it.

I've heard that rinsing the hair with diluted vinegar can be helpful for curly hair. My hair only has a bit of a wave and the vinegar rinse makes it very soft, straighter, and not at all tangly. I only use about a couple of Tablespoons of vinegar diluted with water in a 16 oz cup. If that doesn't work, you can try doubling the vinegar. Too much might make hair look not-so-clean ( that lank look dirty hair gets) but you could prevent that by not pouring it close to the roots.

Dd has curly hair....not as much as your dd from your description.
Here is what works for us.....
#Wash only once or twice a week with childs shampoo with conditioner(lall in one by suave) pantene with conditioner(all in one)
#Condition afterward and comb knots with a wide tooth comb...and sometimes during the week we condition without washing... to work out tangles and after swimming I like Infusium 23 or neutrogena
#NEVER blowdry
#use spray in detangler and wide tooth comb to style- never style dry
#wear hats or pull up when going out in the wind...or to play for a while

I agree with the previous posters about overwashing...my daughter has really curly hair and I only wash it about every two weeks! We use shampoo designed for "african" hair (don't know what else to call it--maybe black beauty products) because it does not dry out her hair as much. Make sure you choose a product with zero alcohol in it and try a rehydrating spray after it gets wet (every time!).

We find braiding to be most effective b/c you only have to spend one day every two weeks on it. Also, you might try taking her into some black hairstylists b/c they know how to deal with curly hair and can recommend what kinds of products to use and what not to.

Good luck and I know the struggle and stress it can cause!

I third the recommendation for the Curly Girl book. I gave up shampoo a year ago & it has made such a difference in my hair.

Curly Girl also has a chapter on curly haired children.

Also, you might try taking her into some black hairstylists b/c they know how to deal with curly hair and can recommend what kinds of products to use and what not to.

nak

be careful who you go to though. a lot of mainstream AA stylists tend to be hung up on pummelling the hair straight, amd may try to suggest a kiddie relaxer. i'm not sure how "naturally" your family aims to live life, or if you'd rather stay away from such chemicals or not, but relaxers have hidden dangers, both physically and emotionally--emotional especially for children..

try to find some one with a natural approach to AA/supercurly hair.. some one who is about embracing the texture rathre than fighting it. this msy be difficult or easy, depending on where u live,

will explain more once i put my sleeping boob tick down.....i need both hands to elaborate!:lol

Ok, put my sleeping boob tick down....

Being AA myself, with a texture that is not completely "nappy", but more supercurly, and being where I live (well, used to live....I just moved) I had an extremely difficult time trying to find stylists in the area that were not hung up on straightening hair.

I did not WANT to wear it straight. But that's all anyone in that area does, no one wants to bother with trying to deal with it in it's curly natural state. A lot of them don't know how to deal with it in the curly natural state.

The first thing they always say is "You need to get a perm(or, relaxer)". Or, "Well, dont you want us to press it/flat iron it/curl it with the curling iron for you after we cut it?"

And even when I manage to get around those questions/comments from the stylist who is looking at me like I'm crazy when I mention that I don't want them to straighten it, and after they are finished with the cut, It's always "Well, it will look GREAT once you blow dry it out." As if to say, 'well, when we cut it, we were not catering to your wearing a curly style, but rather were cutting it with a straight hair style in mind.'

Now I am beginning to see more and more AA women who wear their hair natural, and more and more salons that cater to natural hair styles. Around here, they are few and far between though. You can't just look up the yellow pages and expect the first AA beauty shop you find to be all about natural. Usually, especially if your daughter has extremely super curly hair, they will try to tell you ways/products to use to straighten it out, and may try to suggest a "light" or "kiddy" relaxer to straighten it out.

I am for the idea that a woman/girl (or anybody, for that matter) should feel beautiful and confident in the hair she was born with. And should learn about styles that compliment that natural beauty, rather than try to fry/burn/chemicalize that naturalness into a different form. that;s just my opinion though.

I agree with everyone here. try washing it in a conditioner, and not using shampoo at all. I only use shampoo if I have obviously noticeable build up in my hair, or a case of dandruff. I rarely use it, I usually just use conditioner. You will be amazed at the difference.

Get a very wide tooth comb, and divide her hair into 4 sections, and gently comb each section out, starting at the ends, and working towards the roots, while wet.


Then start at the nape of the neck, and divide into sections, and braid her hair. This will keep it cool and combed out. When you are braiding/ combing out, keep a spray bottle of water next to you, and if it gets dry and tight, spray some water on it to loosen it up.

Keeping her ends trimmed will go a long way.

If you are looking for a good AA stylist, look for a natural one. If you see an African American lady with a beautiful natural style, do not be afraid to ask her where she got her hair done. That's the best way to find a good natural stylist. IF you search the yellow pages, usually the natural AA stylists will have an ad beside their number indicating that they promote naturality. If not, you can always just call and ask them if they do natural hair styles.

Hope this helps. :thumb

Just wanted to add, there is a good forum you can visit at naturallycurly.com
It has a system of categories, and you can try to figure out exactly what curly category closely matches your daughter's texter. The girls (and guys!) in that forum there are EXTREMELY helpful.

My hair is super curly and super frizzy and refuses to grow :( I found that only washing in every few weeks was best for mine as more than that made it break so bad and fall out. I found a shampoo and conditioner that I use and it actually is helping with all the problems I mentioned above. Dont laugh but it is actually a shampoo & conditioner used on horses. :bag: It is called Main & Tail and I swear by the stuff it also has human directions on the back :lol. It tends to be more gentle because horses have really sensitive skin. I also use the Aussie spray for dry damaged hair before I comb it out. Really helps with the tangles.

I had a friend with hair like you're describing.

She combed it while she was still in the shower, put it in a neat ponytail right then, and then just let it do it's thing after that. I've seen the maneuver many times - we were on both swim team and track/field together and, well, nobody was shy in the shower. She had it braided professionally once but I never saw, we'd headed off to college and all that by then and were just emailing. She said making it shorter made things WAY worse.

So, I dunno, if she doesn't feel like experimenting, just try to find a few hairstyles that you can hit right at bathtime and let her hair have at it.

I have very curly hair- looser than most African American hair, but tight enough that it was a total hassle figuring out how to take care of it as a teenager. My mother has STRAIGHT and THIN hair, so I was on my own.

I'm white/Jewish and my husband is bi-racial white/black. We're expecting our first babe in December- needless to say, I've been thinking about how to take care of the curls I'm sure our kids will have ever since we met.

I agree with a lot of the above posters that African-American stylists aren't necessarily a good way to go, unless you find just the right "natural" person. African American stylists tend to use LOTS of chemicals, and want things as bone-straight as possible (again, unless you find someone committed to natural hair care).

From personal experience, here are my recommendations, which mostly back up what people above have already said:

* I really like L'Oreal VIVE shampoo and conditioner for Women of Color (in the red bottles), as well as the VIVE anti-frizz serum. Unfortunately, these have a lot of perfume for a little one, but they are really moisturizing. You can use a little dab of Spectrum Coconut Oil (comes solid in a jar) instead of the anti-frizz serum- it's unscented. Apply the serum/oil when the hair is just barely towel-dried.

* Wash the hair when it starts getting frizzy and hard-to-manage, between once a week and once every two weeks. The main point of washing curly hair is to get crud off the scalp and add oil, NOT to get rid of oil like with straight hair

* In general, don't worry about brushing or combing at all. Use your fingers to comb the conditioner through your daughter's hair in the shower/bath if it's really tangly, and just work the serum/oil through the hair with your fingers while it's damp. If it is REALLY tangled, use a VERY wide-toothed comb or pick while the hair is wet- make sure the comb is well-made so there's no jagged plastic to snag or break the hair.

* Part and section the hair into chunks and firmly braid while it's still damp (fasten with covered eleastics or those bobble elastics, and twist the ends into ringlets with some more hair "grease"). You daughter might fuss while it's getting done, but once it is done, it feels so much better to have braids than big, wooly, tangled clumps- especially now that it's getting hot (prickly heat on the back of a little neck is no fun, I know all about it). Plus, it's so cute!

First and foremost, teach your kids that their hair is beautiful, and that taking care of it isn't a burden (because it really isn't, you just have to know how)!

Thank you so much! :love Everyone gave such wonderful ideas and thoughts, and I really appreciate it. We tried braids today, she was NOT pleased afterwards, so we took them out. But we'll try again tomorrow. I do think maybe I've been overwashing it, she gets a bath every other day and gets it washed every time, I just never thought of that, as my hair gets all yucky if I go more than two days without washing it, kwim? I never thought of *just* conditioning it. :duh I will try that when she gets her bath tomorrow.

And the thing is, like many of you mentioned, I want her to love herself, all of herself. I dont' want to get into the "Well, if I just had _____________, I'd be more beautiful, I'd be happier, I'd be whatever" kwim? I want her to appreciate the gifts she was given, but already she's making comments. She knows that she got her curly hair from her father, people always ask, she's golden blonde and super curly and I'm dark brown and straight :lol so people love to say "Oh, where did she get those curls" and we always say "From her father...." Several times, she's said to me "Mommy, the next time Daddy calls, will you tell him that I dont' want his hair anymore" :( But the other side of that coin is that she is the picture of the American ideal of beauty. Golden hair, blue eyes, porcelain skin, :rolleyes And she hears THAT all day, from perfect strangers as well. So I'm trying to balance "You are more than how you look" and "You are beautiful just as you are" Good God. The things we worry about! :lol I swear, I don't think my parents ever thought about the messages they were sending other than "You better behave or I'm gonna beat your butt~" :lol

gabysmom617-thanks for that reminder about the relaxer thing. Most of the stylists around here are pretty cool about not recommending that to me, although I have had a few say that but I always just tell them that I want recommendations for what to do naturally!

I am always looking for good products-alot of them seem to work for a month or so and then I have to find something else. I was getting some spray in detangler type stuff from the local flea market called (I can't exactly remember) Thalil Falid or something but now the lady that used to sell it isn't there anymore. I think it was made in Georgia and was completely natural-anyone know what I am talking about and if so where I can mail order it?

braids take time to get used to, even more so if she is used to just letting her hair go... how about just trimming the ends...

i have very curly hair...i use shampoo and conditioner every day... i switch my products around.. my hair seems to be ok for 2-3 months on one brand then i need another...

when i was a kid i lived in french braids...
good luck

Thank you so much! :love Everyone gave such wonderful ideas and thoughts, and I really appreciate it. We tried braids today, she was NOT pleased afterwards, so we took them out. But we'll try again tomorrow. I do think maybe I've been overwashing it, she gets a bath every other day and gets it washed every time, I just never thought of that, as my hair gets all yucky if I go more than two days without washing it, kwim? I never thought of *just* conditioning it. :duh I will try that when she gets her bath tomorrow.


Yeah, every other day is kind of a lot for supercurly hair. If you want to do something every other day, just condition, or either simply rinse it out, with nothing. Especially no shampoo. Shampooing every other day is a bit much for supercurly hair.

I hate to see her so unhappy with braids. :( They really are so cute. How old is she again? 7? (I think I saw 7 in your siggy, not sure, will go back and double check in a minute...)There are so many different kinds of braids you can do. YOu can do a lot of smaller ones, or you can do one or 2 big chunky ones. You can part the hair in an infinite number of ways making the braids frame the face differently. Or, as someone else mentioned, do you know how to french braid? Maybe she would like something like that better?

Ahh, no that's my ds that's 7, she's turning 4 in a couple of weeks. :D And we tried french braids yesterday, so today, we're going to try just one braid down her back and see how she likes that. I think I might have pulled it too tight, trying to keep it all in, kwim? But, she is understanding that her options are limited, it's either braid it, etc, or deal with the tangles. We're working on it.

It's in a french braid! :banana :banana :banana We'll see how long it lasts!

Your dd has my hair :lol . Mine's super curly and blond and I'm fair with green eyes. While I expected my dds to be darker than me since dh is Italian, we were surprised that our older one has stick straight, fine, very dark brown hair. Along with the dark skin and brown eyes she has, we get the same questions as you all of the time -- things like, 'is she your daughter?' or 'where did she get her coloration?' And I have a similar problem of not knowing how to deal with hair so dramatically different than mine. It looks stringy a lot b/c I just don't know how to style it other than to brush it and let it hang there (dd never leaves anything in her hair and she wants it parted down the middle with no bangs).

the salon has this tool called 'thinning shears' they work like magic on my hair... the rings and curls are controlled after the hair is 'thinned' out... i also need to keep my ends trimmed...

how about a simple pony tail... dont use rubberbands... use those fabric hair twisters...

i still have memories of my mother pulling my hair so tight... it brought tears to my eyes...

I have super long curly hair (I can practically sit on it) and I absolutely love it. I go back and forth between flat ironing it straight or wearing it naturally curly.

When I'm curly, I use a lot of either coconut oil or olive oil after washing. My preference is olive oil, although I must admit that coconut oil (extra virgin of course) makes my hair even more manageable. It's a lot heavier than olive oil and goes on a bit oilier, but it keeps my hair from tangling as much. It's heavier though and tends to weigh my hair down to where it's still curly, but not as curly as it is with olive oil.

Olive oil (extra virgin), on the other hand, is a lighter oil, doesn't "look" oily after I apply it and smells a lot better to me.

With either one, I wouldn't advise washing more than 3 times a week (2 if you can get away with it). What I do between washings is keep a spray bottle filled with water and a little conditioner that I use to wet my hair before combing (I never brush UNLESS I'm brushing the front of my hair back into a ponytail...otherwise, my hair NEVER even sees a brush). I used a wide toothed comb to detangle and I use a little olive oil on stubborn tangles or sometimes I'll mix a little olive oil with conditioner, put it directly on the tangle and then comb out. I always comb from the ends up too.

One or two days out of the week, I'll wear my hair in a chignon just to give it a rest (doesn't tangle as much, so my hair gets a break from combing) and a ponytail is my second best friend when working out or when it gets really hot.

A few key points to remember is that curly hair tends to be drier than straight hair, so you definitely want to use a good oil. Also, never attempt to style it while it's dry. And, finally, always tell your daughter that her hair is beatiful. Too often, as you mentioned, children grow up with a complex about their hair ESPECIALLY when they're one of the only ones in the family with curly hair. No one likes to feel different, so find a way to instill in her that different, in this case, makes her beautiful.

Hope my routine helps. I absolutely LOVE my curly hair and get compliments on it nearly every day. Curly hair can be a real joy once its care is mastered.

Just wanted to share a tip I picked up on a thread about super tangly hair. Pantene shampoo and condition and the leave in detangler have saved our lives. Mine is 5 and I spent 3 years picking the tangles out while she slept, sometimes for hours, and it was still all knotted up.

It's not a natural product, but you might want to keep in the back of your mind as a back up. Once the tangly-ness was under control, she can wear it down or in a simple pony if she wants. (Nothing short of a miracle really.)

Just wanted to share that my trial with the Nexxus Humectress is a partial success. I am still finding that the dry parts of her hair remain dry, but it does great things for the curls. I didn't even try to comb it these last couple days. I think more time with it will do well. I am going to try a little oil, too, on the dry parts, so thanks for that idea!

Oh, I think the only complex this one will be getting is a big head from everyone telling her how gorgeous her curls are all the time! :loveeyes:

I went to bed after posting my last response last night and thought of a few other things. One, don't ever let her go to bed with her hair down. What I do is gather mine in a bun. I don't try to comb it out first, I just put it in a bun until the morning. Placing the bun on the top of the head works best, but a lot of times I'll wear it in the back. I also don't sleep with any sort of scarf or anything, but I know a lot of people do. One thing I want to remind you though, if you use a scarf, is to use a silk (or silky feeling) one. Cotton bandanas, scarfs, etc. are too rough on dry, curly hair and will weaken it, especially around the edges. Ditto goes for wearing any sort of headwrap in the daytime.

Also, I don't always worry about getting every single tangle out in the morning. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't if it's not too tangly. As long as it looks good, I'll wet it down (like described in my last post), get the tangles out that I can and not stress too much over every single one. Of course, I'll only go one day with doing this as if I go more, my hair will begin to mat. And, I mainly do this when I'm wearing a bun or a ponytail and it depends on how much time I have to get dressed. If it looks good and it's not terribly tangly, I don't worry about it. This morning, I slicked the front back into a ponytail (with a wet brush), sprayed the back part which was loose, put olive oil in it, combed a few tangles out of the tail just to make it look good, left the rest in and was out the door in a matter of minutes. Stress free, trouble free and I look good, if I must say so myself. :wink

I think oil is the most important thing for curly hair. I read somewhere that natural oils never make it completely down the shaft from your scalp on curly hair. With straight hair, it's a straight path from the scalp to the ends, but with curly hair, because it bends and turns, the oil never makes it all the way through. This accounts for a lot of dryness, breakage and even tangles. So, whatever product you use (and make sure they're alcohol free...alcohol dries), be certain that her hair is getting enough oil. Again, my preference is olive oil, but coconut oil works really well too.

Hope this helps!

my middle dd has wonderful curly hair, its coarse and there's lots of it. She gets lots of Shilrly Temple coments :lol

The best ways to manage her hair are;
its washed and then combed once a week though she does get it wet at times during her daily baths.
she wears elastic hairband to keep the hair out of her face, this she can do all by herself and choose the colors on her wim
we trim off the dead ends once every 6 months or as needed, its a trim not a cut.
she did ask for a cut recently and that did help

I often comb her hair while the conditioner is soaking, really helps. We soak the conditioner about 5 minutes.