20 weeks and Dh helpless!

[redophelia]

I swear he does nothing. Ok, he does do some things but I still do a lot of the heavy duty stuff... moving kitchen chairs from room to room, carrying groceries up 4 flights of stairs, etc. and it feels like the belly is just cosmetic to him or something! :irked: This is our 2nd child and I did it all when I was pregnant with #1 too.

MEN!!!!!!!!

[2 in August]

Have you tried telling him exactly what he needs to do to help you? My dh is really helpful if I say something really specific. If I try to hint or make it sound like it's not something I really need help with he is less apt to get that I need his help.

[paxye]

Have you tried telling him exactly what he needs to do to help you? My dh is really helpful if I say something really specific.

I agree... sometimes stating something outright really helps... :hug

[NaomiLorelie]

Men are clueless about what pregnancy does to a woman sometimes. For my DH even telling him didn't help him get it. I think my husband FINALLY got it the third time when after three months of the worst morning sickness and exhaustion I've ever had he actually told me he was resenting the fact that he was picking up so much of the housework and I wasn't doing anything. I was however attended college full time and taking care of our two daughters every other second as he worked until midnight every night. :rolleyes He seemed to get it and has been very helpful after I burst into sobs. I'm not meaning to hijack your post, just wanted to let you know that men can be complete idiots about stuff like this.

[Lady Madonna]

I find I have to be very explicit if I need something done that DH doesn't normally "see". Like, I've finally given up hauling laundry up and down the steps, so I have to say "please get the full laundry basket and carry it upstairs" or "if you need clean clothes, please bring them down to the laundry room." If I go grocery shopping, I bring in the perishables, which I've made sure are all bagged together, and then ask him to bring in the rest; if he doesn't get it done right that second, at least the milk doesn't go bad. He has really taken on a lot of stuff with DD, too, without me prodding too much, so I give credit for that.

I feel like I'm asking him to do a lot more, especially since he's working full time and I'm at home, but I figure that since I'm the one puking, not to mention just plain old growing a baby, it balances out in the end!

[happydoulamama]

LOL my dh does this too.

I agree that I have to be very specific. I sometimes treat him like my toddler and give him choices. I've learned that I cannot give him choices. Here is an example:

Me: Please go downstairs for me and either restart the dryer if the clothes aren't dry or switch the laundry if they are dry.
(Minutes later I'll hear the dryer tumbling.)
Me again: So, I take it they weren't dry?
Him: Oh they were, I just thought they could use an extra tumble. How about you go switch the laundry when the buzzer goes off?

WTF? I'm going to start being more blunt and bossy for sure. Otherwise, I'll never get what I need!!!

[rileysmommy]

just stop.
don't do anything anymore.
let him suffer.
do for yourself and dc#1.
dh is a grown man, he can fend for himself.

but yes my dh never knows wahts next, or what needs doing, so he does have to be directed.
" bring the clothes basket upstairs" "take out the trash" " unload the dishwasher"
he usually does it when requested.
but never will he think to do things on his own.

[sw1ssm1ss]

I was thinking about this issue b/c of another thread about dh's that don't do much. I realized that my dh takes it as a given that I cannot lift/pick up things so much, whereas the first pregnancy it was later when he realized that, I was seeing a physical therapist about my back, and he gave me a harder time about it when I did ask him. :dizzy: Granted, late in the pregnancy I was making him pick up things like a piece of paper from the floor just so I didn't have to bend over, :mischief but I think he understands better this time.

But he STILL needs to be told. If I pick up and do it, he assumes that I can. I got mad that he caused my water to spill under the couch the other week and then said that I needed to soak it up from the rug. He said it was too much of a hassle to move the couch. No, it wasn't! To prove it, I hauled the couch out of the way by myself and bumped into the coffee table. "Look, you're making a bigger mess!" he said. "Okay, what got messed up, exactly?" I retorted. Yes, this is evidence in support of my 13-y.o. friend's theory that my fights with dh resemble hers with her boyfried!

Something else funny? I mentioned to him how much I appreciate that he takes it as a given that he's supposed to pick things up when I ask. "I did that the first time, too." No, you didn't. I should have cameras installed in our house or something. :lol

[wanderinggypsy]

I can sympathize here for sure.... my dh is a great dad and of course I love him to bits, but sometimes I marvel at how easily he can sit back and watch me do EVERYTHING domestic. I am at peace with doing MOST household stuff, since he works full time and I am a SAHM, but still, a little initiative around the house would be a treat sometimes especially when I have two active little boys and a bun in the oven!
I have hired a cleaning lady on a few occassions where its simply "All too much". If you look you can usually find someone with reasonable rates, and having somebody else come in every now and then and overhaul the mess for you can be very refreshing.

[ilovemyavery]

Yeah, my DH doesn't do much either. And I work. That is probably what frustrates me the most, not that I didn't have this same issue when I was a SAHM. Or that SAHM's don't need and deserve their DH's help. But now I am pregnant, working, parenting AND doing 90% or more of the housework. I fail to see the fairness in this!

My DH will do things if I explict ask, three times, and give clear step by step directions. It usually goes like this:
Me: "Honey do you mind cleaning up from dinner?"
Him: "Nope, after I finish this level/chapter/TV show."
Me: "OK, don't forget though, ok?
An hour later... After I get DD ready for bed and put her down.
me: "So are you going to clean the kitchen?
Him: "Oh yeah, I forgot just another minute, OK?
Me: "Yeah, but it is now after 9PM.
An hour later...
Me: "OK, it's time to clean the kitchen!
Him: "Yeah, I'm going, just a sec."
Me: "Please do it soon, it's after 10 and don't want to get up to a messy kitchen."
Him: "Ok, so wash the dishes?"
Me: "And wipe down the counters, put away the dishes, and sweep."
An hour later...
Me (in the kitchen now): "Umm, hun, thanks for washing the dishes but could you wipe down the counters, and sweep. I'll put the dishes away in the morning."
Him: "You wanted me to clean the counters and sweep too! It thought you just meant the dishes!"

This is how everything goes if I ask for help. He'll do it, but only part way and WAY after I ask. I often have to rewash the dishes (we don't have a dishwasher) because he does such a poor job. I refuse to stop asking for help, because he should be pulling his weight. But this is really ridiculous!
Didn't mean to hijack--- just one of our big issues too!