Teen/ former teen/ young/ former young mamas [Archive]

lunar forest

03-25-2003, 12:04 PM

I think I've become amune to people's rude (and so on) comments about being a young mother. What has been getting to me lately is the attack on my relational maturety. :rolleyes: Mainly, when people finally get it through their thick heads that I am *gasp* married, (as if that makes being a young mother worse:confused: ) they take it upon themselves to inform me that - get this - two wrongs don't make it right! Wow! Ok, I'm not even going to start on the people who come up to me out of the blue with these comments, but I have a seriouse problem with the people know me.

Yes, we did become pregnant before we were married. Yes, I was younger than I would have planned. Yes, it has been a little difficult for us (for many reasons,) but who can say parenthood, and living on one income hasn't been?
There was never, however, a question of "staying together" or what have you. Dh and I were partners for a few years before we had children. (Obviously, we were both pretty young when we met.) Why do people whom know us continue to act like we couldn't possibly be happy, and don't love eachother, and are only "doing for the kid." ARG!!!! It makes me so mad! Why can't people take us seriously? Why is it so hard to believe that we are happy? Why is it so hard to believe that young people can *honest* love eachother? Why are people so closedminded?!

Sorry for the rant.

leaf

03-25-2003, 05:58 PM

i think i'm old others think i'm young. 22 , married, with an almost 3 year old little luna and loving it. were also a funky lookin family. ive had the comments, one time at zellers i felt proud to inspire a whisper ahead of us in line "i knew this girl when she had a baby young, and the father had to prostitute for money". people can be ridiculous. i have this thing where i respect any other mother that loves her child as long as she has the same respect.
one of my relatives was saying how its weird that people wait to have babies till theyre old nowadays. in the past they used to have babies around my age or younger. people are worried about losing their 'freedom'. hey, you still get 'freedom' when youre older and theyre off in the world, you have much more energy to run around as a younger mom, and your lifetime together is enlongated. i wouldnt have it any other way!

its great to hear of young mummies that are lovin it and doing a great job! (i'd have to say a much better job in life than those slinkies that say we're too young, they wouldnt know the power of motherly love if it bit them on the *fill in the blanks*)
:jammin :bouncy :huh :jammin :jammin :bouncy :huh :jammin

peaced be,
leafie

AnnaReilly

03-26-2003, 12:11 AM

I'll be 22 in a few weeks and have a 7 month old baby and a 23 year old husband. DH and I started dating when I was 16 and he was 17 and of course people told us that we didn't know what love was. Then we moved in together at 18 & 19 and people told us that we were too young to know what we were getting into. Then we got married when we were 20 & 21 and people told us we were too young to make such a commitment. And when we had a baby at 21 & 22 people told us it was too soon in our marriage and that we were too young to have a baby. Pffft....

I get lots of looks from strangers especially when at 6 months pg I had to have my wedding ring *cut* off and still haven't gotten it repaired. I really hate the assumptions that are made about young mothers. People are always suprised about how educated I am about parenting, especially AP. When I went into my first pre-natal armed with tons of educated questions my ob said that she was shocked that I knew so much for a 20 year old.

I also hate that people assume that I *fell* into this life. Granted, DH and I weren't actively TTC, but were both VERY happy to find out we were going to be parents. And I would not trade my domestic life for the normal college life of most 22 year olds for ANYTHING!!! Some of the people my age almost seem to feel sorry for me that I can't go out partying and that I have all of this responsibility, but I actually feel sorry for them that they don't realize how wonderful my life is.

For some people having a successful career is really important, and I can respect that, but for me being a wife and mom has always been #1. I like to think of it like this... If my life's goal was to be a lawyer and I was offered an awesome position in a law firm at 22 everyone would be ecstatic for me at getting a jump on my goals. Well, I don't want to be a lawyer. I want to be a wife and a mom. So when I had the opportunity to marry a wonderful man and raise a beautiful baby so early in my life, why aren't people ecstatic about that?

Life is short so you've got to go for what you want while you can. :) And that's just what I am doing!

Plus, I LOVE the fact that I have the youthful energy to get down and play with my kids. I love that when my kids leave the nest DH and I will still be young enough to enjoy our "freedom." And hopefully we will still live to see Grandkids and Great-Grandkids. There are so many good things about being a young mother! I don't regret my decisions in the least!

~*Cherimoya*~

03-26-2003, 12:36 AM

I was 19 when I had my first and I now have a 6 month old son as well. I was heavy into PTA last year and the year before and most of the moms were well into their 30's or 40's. I think they did sort of think I was not as well equipped to deal with it all as they were, but I was able to befriend one or two and they are great friends now. It IS frustrating, though, that all of the other women my age have much younger children.

I am AMAZED that Morgan is turning 8 this year, where has the time gone? Thank goodness I am still young, eh?

Erin :)

~Tookasmama~

03-26-2003, 06:44 AM

and am due pretty much any day now with #3. My oldest will be 4 in May, and ds#1 turned 2 in January.

I don't think I look all that young (I'm tall so people have always assumed that I'm older than I am) but I guess the pericings and wardrobe sort of give it away sometimes. :)

What bothers me the most is that people assume that dh and I must be living if not in squalor (after all, I don't "work" and stay home with the kids, so we must be dirt poor) or that my dh is much older than I am (just turned 27). Several of my mom's freinds have made snipy little jealous comments on "Wow - I never owned a house when I was 20....must be nice...." My dh works his butt off so that I can stay home and we can raise our kids how we feel is right. Grrrrrrrr......

I personally feel sorry for those mama's out there who are having their first child at 36+!! I've been blessed with knowing my great, great grandmother, and have a very good relationship with my great-grandmother (who is now the g.g.grandma to my kids) becasue the women in my family have babies/get married young. There's no way I could imagine being 54 years old when dd graduates from high school!! As it stands now, if these 3 are "out of the house" when they turn 18 (not expecting it, just saying) I'll be what....43? Dh and I get to spend lots of "kid free" time together and have more fun doing it since we'll have more $$$ then compared to when we were first starting out. ROFL :)

~Ashley~

Bladestar5

03-26-2003, 08:07 AM

I think that lots of people have a hard time with us young moms is because of the few out there that are immature parents. I know that in the area I am from, there are quite a few moms that I know personally who have several kids by different fathers, are on welfare, and do drugs. It is unfortunate when a mom has to go on welfare, and then the people that are abusing the system give the decent people in a bind a bad name. I have a friend who is working her way off of welfare (as a matter of fact, I don't know if she is even on it anymore) Which is great, and I also know a mom that has 3 or 4 kids all by different fathers, and she is on welfare, and is doing drugs. She lost a couple of her kids to the state. It is people like her who give the young moms a bad name. Another girl who is known by friends of mine, was 17 and pregnant with her 3rd child. Her parents were raising the other 2:rolleyes:
So we all automatically get catagorized as losers for looking or being young.
I have people ask me all the time if I am with the "same guy" and if the kids have the same dad:angry Duh-I am married:rolleyes:

lunar forest

03-26-2003, 01:49 PM

Bladestar5, that is so true. But, I do not think it really makes sense that they would assume that young people are going to be those kinds of parents because there really are just as many "old people" who live that life, too!

I wonder how these judgemental people would feel if everyone assumed that they were too old to be doing something.

I do hate when people assume that because we are young we must not have any money. The reason we don't have any money is because I choose to stay home and raise my children.
We could easly make tons of money if we both had careers. The other thing they assume is that I stay home because I am lazy and irresponsable. It is actually quite the opposite; I stay home because I want to be responsable for my children.

AnnaReilly, I know what you mean!
People are always surprised that I am well informed and well educated.

Where is live there really isn't a lot of racism, and not really much in the way of sexism either, but there is certainly a prejudice of age! ugh!

Ahh, it is so good to vent :o

BinahYeteirah

03-26-2003, 08:39 PM

BS"D

Hello all!

I am not such a young mother (had dd at 23), but I know what you mean.

I live in a religious community where it is normal for people to get married and have kids at a young age. The majority are probably married by 21 for women, and, say, 24 for guys. So, within my community, I feel totally normal. In fact, alot of women close to my age have one or two more kids than I do!

Outside my community, however, it is a different story! I went to college and had a professional job for a couple years before I had dd. When my coworkers and bosses found out I was pregnant and that I wasn't going to be coming back from my maternity leave, I think they were like, "Whoa, is she going to throw away her career to have babies!?!" My boss actually said to a friend of mine, "Binah's great, but I wish she would concentrate more on her career." Well, what do I expect in fast-paced NYC-- where no self-respecting, middle-class, white folk would even think of getting pregant before the age of 32 or so.

Oh, well, just know there are those who envy you young mothers! When I see a woman who is, say, 24, and has a couple kiddos and one on the way I think, "Ooo, she is sooo lucky!" Of course eveyone should have 'em when they're ready (at whatever age), and whenever they come they are a blessing!

leaf

03-26-2003, 09:36 PM

its nice to see how much we all can relate to eachother. living in love ive noticed that i never think about how old i am until someone looks at me funny and i wonder if its my age or my funky good looks.:scratch

its neat to hear what you were talking about torie.
and tooka and chelly and mamaley, i have to congradulate you on the new comings! :thumb i get so excited whenever someone is pregnant!
and its true anna, some people our age feel sorry for us. :rolleyes: i went to one of my friends pot lucks one time though with my little girl, i didn't really know anyone there but they were really nice. especially the guys, every time luna said grumpily 'i want a chip' they'd be runnin over as fast as they could to grab her some. one guy smashed a plate by mistake during the chip run. one guy said to me in this very heartfelt relaxed voice behind the mountain of beard on his face, 'my friend had a 2 year old, we spent the whole year together.....that was the best time of my life.' only the idiot kids (i still call them kids, even though we're the same age) dont remotely get it.

its funny, one time on the bus i was talking to a 5 or 6 year old, she was asking me all these questions. she asked me how old i was and i said 22 and she said 'thats young to have baby' a 6 year old! kids pick up from their parents in two seconds. i think its good to expose kids to all sorts of people and help them understand that everyone is different, everyone does different things. i've even had little kids look at us funny, we dont look that weird, but what the parents experience, define, and label, seems to rub off automatically.

anywho friends, i'm loving this thread
:heartbeat leafie

Celestial

03-27-2003, 03:09 AM

Has anyone had a class reunion come up? We have one this Thanksgiving, and I don't want to go. I don't want to see the looks of pity because I have 4 kids and stay home. :( It's horrible. I'm fine with being a mama of 4, as long as I don't see anyone from my home own. Then I get all embarrassed. I'm so ashamed of myself for feeling that way.

It's so nice to see there are other people out there. I can't say I'm happy you all have gone through these things too, but it's good to know I'm not alone. Sometimes it really feels that way.

I just wish my DH understood. But ironically, or maybe not so ironically, he doesn't experience the negative aspects of being a young parent as much as I do.

Bladestar5

03-27-2003, 06:09 AM

Well, I used to feel embarrassed for women who "just" stayed home. In fact, when I graduated 1998, and the class of 1948 was there to re-graduate with us, I felt sorry for the elderly women who graduated in 1948 only to be "housewives."
That is the stigma in this stupid world, and the problem is that this society is solely based on 2 incomes. I think it is unfair that the country doesn't pay enough for just 1 person to work, which actually forces some women to work. We are looked down on if "all" we do is raise kids and keep the home. Men who stay home are looked at even worse. It is a poorly paid job in money, but big in spirituality we get paid better than any job. We get to have all the memories of having those sweet little cherubs around, and when we die, we will have family to love us til the end. That is a bigger pay-off. I am proud when I see other people I know, and especially the ones who treated me poorly. I can show off my cute kids! Some of them have drug abuse problems, or are miserable and lonely. I still have plenty of time for college, I would like to go to medical school, or have a singing career. Right now, my kids are most important.
You should march right into that reunion, be proud. I am sure there are other moms there that stay home. When people ask you what you are doing now, show them the pictures of your troop, and if they are rude, just laugh at them like you have a secret they could only wish to know. You are the one who is making a difference in this world, by raising your children to be the decent ones in society. :thumb

AnnaReilly

03-27-2003, 10:15 AM

My school doesn't do 5 year reunions so I have another 5 years to go before mine, and by then I *hope* to have at least 2 more kids. :)

I grew up and went to school in a very small town and a lot of the people I went to school with still live there or at least their families do. So whenever DH and I go back there to visit OUR families we usually see one or two people we went to school with. I actually LOVE to show off our baby.

I don't want to sound arrogant but I am REALLY proud of the choices I have made. I actually sort of feel bad for my "peers" who do nothing but get drunk at parties. I know now that there is SO much more to life. And when it comes to what we've all done since High School, well I've created life! :) My classmates having partied their way to a 4 year degree really doesn't hold a candle to that! LOL I also have gotten married, held a pretty good job (until DD), and am working on buying a house, not to mention the intangibles of being true to myself and living the life I want (societies standards be damned). So even though I may not have a lot of money or a degree, I feel like I have accomplished a LOT for 22.

mamaley

04-05-2003, 09:06 PM

Oh no! Dh and I got our very first "you look so young" comment at ds's very cool preschool today. (I mean, the first time we've gotten comments there--believe me, I get them all the time other places). We were pretty annoyed afterward, so we made a list of comebacks for such comments in the future. Thought I'd share:

To "wow, you look so young"
*yeah, I should give you the name of my plastic surgeon!
*wow, yeah, i was just thinking that you look so old.
*funny, i get that a lot. and i have never, ever thought about going up to an older mom and commenting on how old she looks. isn't that strange? what do you think about that?
*yeah, i just cut my hair. thanks
*yeah, the other day a waiter even asked me for my ID!
*really? thank you!

ok, some of those were dumb. anyone have any to add? what do you usually say to this?

Momof3Girlz

04-07-2003, 12:01 AM

Hey there,

I'm 26 now (not exactly young). My oldest will be 7 in June, though. I get the you look so young thing all the time. Which I'm assuming is why people look at me so disapprovingly when me and my family are going about our business at the mall, grocery store or wal mart...I know they all think I'm 17 yrs old, and I just feel like telling them I'm not as young as I look! I don't know why it bothers me so much. DH says I shouldn't care, but I do.

A lady came to my door the other day and I had Olivia on my hip. The lady asked me if "my mother was home", my dh laughed his butt off. I was offended, but I just laughed it off and said "no" and slammed the door. People call and ask to speak to my parents all the time too. I'll be thirty in 4 years and I'll still be getting carded at adult events, LOL...Some people tell me I look good for having 3 kids, but that never seems to make me feel better.

I really do feel out of place at DD school because some of the moms there are not much younger than MY own mom, lol...they don't really associate with me, and to be honest, I wouldn't have the first thing in common with them(cliquey, and materialistic). Part of me want to be a part of their world...but, not really..I dunno I'm just wierd. I don't fit in with most women my age b/c they don't have kids/aren't married (or are just now doing so) and I don't fit in with the moms with kids b/c they are all at least 10 years older. The only exception is with one of my closest friends who is about 9 years older than me. She's the one who into'd me to AP almost 7 years ago.

I figure if you're waiting to find friends with things in common that are your age, you may be waiting a loooong time.

That's why I love the internet! Age doesn't matter here. :)

lunar forest

04-07-2003, 10:51 AM

mamaley - that was so funny!

wildthing

04-15-2003, 01:05 AM

This is a great thread...I am not sure if anyone on this threadis as old as I am....I will be 36 in June. My oldest will be 18 in October. I also have a total of 7 kids. :D
Some of the stupid comments I get:
Do they all have the same father? (Okay, that has nothing to do with the age thing) Actually, it does, because when I tell them that dh and I have been together for almost 19 years, they are amazed. I actually met my dh when I was 15, and we were friends for a long time.

Hey, your dd is the same age you were when you got pregnant with her....ready to be a grandma? (UGH!)

But I will admit, I love being the youngest parent among my kids friends!

Louise

04-19-2003, 11:05 AM

My age has always been a huge issue for me! I Look older than I am and don't receive any negatinve comments from people. However, at league meetings, social gatherings ect I get very flustered when the question of age comes up. It is terrible I know... but I have lied many many times. I don't want to be judged because of my age. And it has happened when I was honest. My husband is 28 and looks 18 and recieves LOTS of rude comments however he is quick to point out his age and the person delivering the comment gets all embarrased. he he.

wildthing

04-19-2003, 11:15 AM

It's funny you mention looks Louise....I also look younger than I am, but my dh looks quite a bit older, and he always has. He is 38, I am 35. People have thought that I was his daughter.
Yeah, people can really put their foot in their mouths, can't they!

CK'sMama

04-28-2003, 11:26 AM

Great thread! I am 19 with a 12 month old DS. My age has never been as issue for me, though it has for others. I don’t get offended when someone makes comments about babies having babies, especially when it comes from older women who have television raised, CIO, neglected babies. I know that I am a great mother and the only thing that matters is that my son thinks I am a good mother, not anyone else!

The one thing that pisses me off most though is the people who automactically assume that I *must* be a single mom just because of my age. Though I can’t really blame people for these attitudes because it is true that many young moms didn’t choose to be moms, and their parenting skills often leave a lot to be desired. But I do think it is unfair that all young moms have to deal with that stereotype.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother. I saw no reason in spending years going to college and working, only to have a child in my 30’s. Plus what if I wasn’t able to have a child then? I would have spent years waiting for nothing. Plus my parents are young enough to enjoy my son. Having grandparents is very important I think. Mine were dead long before I was old enough to know them.

Anyway, thanks for the thread. It is nice to know there are other young moms who are raising their children against the “babies having babies” stereotype!

mamaley

04-28-2003, 09:36 PM

Originally posted by CK'sMama Though I can’t really blame people for these attitudes because it is true that many young moms didn’t choose to be moms, and their parenting skills often leave a lot to be desired.

Yes, but you could say the same about mothers in all age groups. Also, my son was a total surprise (maybe more of a shock? :) ) and I'm a great parent. So is my husband. Not trying to be defensive, it sounds like our situations are similar, just pointing out that people who don't "choose" to be moms (and we all chose it, right? We have that choice...we could have gone with the other two options) and those with not-so-good parenting skills often are not the same people, kwim?

:)

lilyka

04-28-2003, 11:46 PM

Noone comments anymore because I am puching 30 but when I had dd I was 21 (not terribly young - grew up in a religous communtiy where girls marry young and have children right away. We waited a couple of years for kids) the comment that got me most (and people still ask) was "Was she planned?" what bussiness is it of thiers? She wasn't but we had been married for 2 years. It was high time for having kids :LOL

I took a job at a high school right after I got pregnant. because of my position I didn't have to go to faculty meeting so noone new me. I looked about 13 and when i started showing I heard some nasty comments behind my back from some of the teachers. i was appauled. It was ugly. The staff that knew me also treated me poorly because I was young and pregnant. I had a ton extra amniotic fluid so was huge. They would ask me when i was die and when i told them they would reply (I swear this happened at least 6 times) "You must be wrong about that date. You are much too large to hold out that long" So I am stupid and fat! As luck would have it I had her 6 weeks early and got thei told you so comments. I am sure if I were older they wouldn't have felt so free to call me an idiot.

CK'sMama

04-29-2003, 08:42 AM

Originally posted by mamaley
Yes, but you could say the same about mothers in all age groups.

Yes, that is true but unfortunately great young mothers can not be seen that way from looks alone because we are stuck in the same category of all other young moms who are not the greatest. Can you honestly say that young mothers like us are the norm? Sadly, I doubt you could.

Besides me, I do not know one single mother under the age of 23(and I know many) who chose to get pregnant, who were willing to give up their nasty habits during pregnancy, who didn’t pawn their babies off on anyone willing to care for them, etc. It is so sad, but it is undeniably true! : (

Now there are plenty of bad mothers who are age 30 and up I know. But you take a woman with a college education and an established career, one with a nice home a nice car, but one who didn’t really want kids and neglects them, one who shoves them in front of the television every night instead of paying them attention. Put her next to me, a young mother who doesn’t have much when it comes to material items. Who do you think is going to be looked down upon? Not her I bet. And why is that? Because *most* young mothers are not like me.

Now I am 19 years old, planned months ahead of time to conceive a healthy baby, was obsessive to have a healthy pregnancy and birth, and I am a wonderful, loving mother. But instead of people focusing on how close I am with my son, they only see my age. If more young mothers were like those of us on this thread none of us would have to seal with this stereotype. KWIM?

Whew. Sorry for the long rant. I feel better now.
:zzz :D

mamaley

04-29-2003, 08:30 PM

Originally posted by CK'sMama
Besides me, I do not know one single mother under the age of 23(and I know many) who chose to get pregnant, who were willing to give up their nasty habits during pregnancy, who didn’t pawn their babies off on anyone willing to care for them, etc. It is so sad, but it is undeniably true!

Actually, and I'm not just saying this, but every single young mother I know, with the exception of 2, (and I also know several) does not fit your description at all.

If more young mothers were like those of us on this thread none of us would have to seal with this stereotype. KWIM?
But that's exactly it--a stereotype. I think there is definitely some truth in what you're saying, but I can't help but be reminded of the whole "blame the victim" mentality--it's somehow our faults that we are looked down upon. Maybe if people opened their minds a little, or looked at us as individuals rather than as part of a group, then they would not buy into these stereotypes. It's they who are forming these opinions based off nothing.

lunar forest

05-01-2003, 05:02 PM

I have to say that I have also come across what CK'sMama is talking about. Most of the young mothers I know act like and/or are treated like pregnancy was something that "happened" to them, or worse, was "done" to them.:rolleyes: Married or not.

ashleighsmom

05-05-2003, 08:42 PM

Originally posted by ~Tookasmama~
There's no way I could imagine being 54 years old when dd graduates from high school!! As it stands now, if these 3 are "out of the house" when they turn 18 (not expecting it, just saying) I'll be what....43? Dh and I get to spend lots of "kid free" time together and have more fun doing it since we'll have more $$$ then compared to when we were first starting out. ROFL :)

~Ashley~ [/B]

I have to agree with you on this, and we say it all the time. My husband and I had three kids before I turned 25, and now are TTC #4, probably number 5 before we are 30. We had NO money starting out, but are doing wonderful now and arelooking forward to the rest of our life with KIDS and GRANDKIDS. This way is wonderful!!!

Ashleighsmom

BirthTender

05-14-2003, 09:39 AM

hI, all of you great young mamas! i was one once. my dh & I got married at age 20 years. My family regarded this as totally normal, as I come from an area that tended to marry young & start a family young. However, my dh's family was against our marrying at age 20. We were still in college. We had our first child at age 22 when we had been married almost 2 years & now we have 4 children & 2 grandchildren at almost 45 years of age. We have both chipped away at our education throughout these past years. My dh went on to seminary & earned a master's at age 24 & I was exepcting our second child & due at any time at his graduation from the master's program. We heard all kinds of comments from family & peers & my dh began believing also that we would never get anywhere. We had some very very tough years financially, at times. However, I have also chipped away at my eudcation, while raising our children (thank goodness for correpsondence courses & later on internet classes!) & I start my MSN studies this August. I worked off & on during the children's years. However, I did not work very many hours at all when breastfeeding them until around age 2 years or so ( or took well paying babysitting, housecleaning, housesitting jobs & took the chidlren w/ me) or when I did become a nurse (before the 3rd one was born) I took on very part-time jobs, say 12 hours/week or so. My dh worked very very long hours & that eventually took a toll on some of our children (especailly the middle two). However, we where able to finally afford our own home several years ago (nothing fancy, just a basic home) & now i'm able to take off in a big way w/ my career & we have energy for the grandchildren! Whereas, my in-laws who waited many years to have children are now suffering from empty-nest syndrome & feeling like they have nothing to do in their former careers & they say they're too tired to start up in their former careers & none of them have Masters degrees, unlike my dh & like i'll start this August. My dh & I have energy to really get involved in careers & grandchidlren & can earn the money to continue helping our chiildren in college, as well! Someone in our home is always talking about their current class, studies, & books & term or research papers in progress are always around! Makes a great environment for the younger chidlren, as well, when everyone is studying something! & now my dh is talking of working on a doctorate! more power to you young parents! it worked for us! karen of BirthTender (I'm a hombirth midwife)

BirthTender

05-14-2003, 09:43 AM

you qualify for more scholarships & grants when you're married & have children. I've gone on in my education sometimes totally on scholarships/grants & always at least half on scholarships & grants!karen of BirthTender

Nicke

05-14-2003, 10:06 AM

I was married at 17 and had my first at 18. Yes, I was preggers when I got married, but that does not mean I did not want to be married or have my baby. We had planned to be married in a few years, we just pushed it up a little. Of course the "big scandal" was more about my husbands age vs. my age, lol. He was 24 when we got married.
I am happy with my life, but so many people make comments. I hate it! Who's business is it that I am 25 and have 4 kids? People give me pity looks and make stupid comments all the time. I just ignore them or tell them it is none of their business.
We have a happy, healthy family and marriage. That is all that matters to me! :)

LaffNowCryLater

05-25-2003, 01:51 AM

I'm 18/ 19 in early June!! I just want to say that I HATE it when Dr.'s talk to my mom at appointments instead of me about MY son!! (She likes to go from time to time b/c he is her first grandchild and he has some health issues.)
Wanna add too that people think I accidentally got pregnant, it was completely planned and actually TTC #2 soon. I love being a mommy so much, it is better then I ever expected. I work on weekends and go to college during the week, and SO works 2 jobs mon-fri for us. He is also older...he will be 24 in August.

girlzmommy00

05-28-2003, 08:46 AM

I am/was a young mom. I had my oldest at 18, my second at 23 and my third last year at 27. I do look young for my age so people are always surprised to hear that I have 3 children or if they see me out with my 2 little ones when my oldest is in school, they are surprised to hear that I not only have 3 children but my oldest is 9.
I still constantly get asked for ID even for lottery tickets (you have to be 18 to buy those in NJ) and definately going out (in NJ you have to be 21).
But my favorite comments are at work (I work part time at Baby Gap), when customers ask if I work there after school and I tell them "yes after my children get out of school". You should see the looks I get to that reply LOL

amyrobynne

05-29-2003, 12:46 PM

I really appreciate hearing the stories of such wonderful young mothers. I'm 24 (with a 23 year old DH) and am ttc. My parents and even grandparents all married in their late 20's and waited until their 30's to have kids. Dh and I have been married for two years and both have college degrees--he's currently getting his teaching degree. Despite being relatively older than some of you, I feel REALLY pressured to wait a few more years to have kids. We got engaged at ages 20 and 18 and my parents really freaked out. To prevent the same thing happening when we get pregnant, I told my mom we were trying so she could get used to the idea. I just want to be sure she's happy for us, and I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have happened without my warning. She asked a whole lot of questions that boiled down to "Why are you throwing away a career and the possibility of gathering lots of material possessions?" Once she realized we had thought through the money and health insurance situations, she was calmer, but GEEZ! We're happy, and married, and can provide the basics for a child. Why do people think we need two cars, our own home, and annual European vacations? It's just all so irritating. Part of me is scared that I won't find any other moms under 30 to hang out with, but that's not a good enough reason to wait 5 more years when we're itching to start a family now.

Amy

weesej

06-06-2003, 08:15 PM

Gotta chime in too. I was married at 18 (5 years next month!) Had DS at 20 (barely) DD at 21 and #3 will be here at 23. For whatever reason people think I am older than I am and are shocked if I tell them:p Gotta love it. Life isn't easy being a young family. DH is always working 2-3 jobs and going to school so I can stay home with the kids. We have a pretty small 2 bedroom house but it is all we need and God has provided and we are happy. Thats alot more than some people get:thumb

manitoba_mommy

07-04-2003, 12:29 PM

I just had to comment on this thread. I read the whole thing and I seem to be the one who had a child the youngest. I was only 15 when Katrina was born, and man does that seem real young from this side of the fence. I have also heard every single lame comment possible, from "you are what is wrong with our world" to "why would you ruin a childs life by keeping her?".

Well, she is now almost 12 and about as well behaved, polite and happy as you could want a child to be. I admit I was a lot stricter with her though, maybe I was afraid of messing her up, lol.

My second was born when I was 21 and I went through a lot of the same stuff only far less intense. I do get comments on my age still when I take her to school etc.

Now, with my last one, I was 26 when she was born and man what a difference! People actualy take me seriously and listened to me at the doctors office and in the hospital. Maybe I am just more confident?

No matter what, I love my kids and nothing makes me happier then helping them grow into the adult people they are meant to be, and I think I am doing a darn good job even if I did mainstream with my first and part of my second, lol.

MM

BathrobeGoddess

07-06-2003, 01:57 PM

I was a young mom! Dd was born when I was 19 and her dad was almost 20. My mom really wanted me to place her for adoption. When I decided against it, we had to see a therapist together to help her see that she didn't get to have a say! I also look really, really young. I am now 27 and I look 20 so I must have looked 13 or 14 when dd was born. I am really short! Lots of peopel think dd and I are sisters and dd loves it when people ask her about it. She cracks up!

It's funny how being a young mom warps my reality. Dd is 8 now and I am TTC #2 and I am worried abou being too old...at age 28!!! Whatever!

jeca

07-10-2003, 12:15 PM

Been there, been there, still there!

I get those tisk, tisk looks all the time and alot of unwanted advice. Older poeple loved telling me how I missed out on my youth and will regret not having lived. When I get them to elaborate they mean club hopping and getting drunk. I've never enjoyed those things, even before marriage and kids why would I suddenly crave something I've never enjoyed. Just trust me you will is all I get. Go figure.

Sometimes I do feel too young to have three kids(as the last one was my first unplanned blessing) but I know it works fine for our family. I've had strangers "poor baby" me also. Even after my fisrtborn "I bet you won't have anymore"was asked alot, of course I just looked at them really stupidly and asked why wouldn't I?.

I guess what bothersme is people shouldn't ssume things by the way you look. It doesn't determine your parenting abilities or how well your marriage will hold up. I've said some pretty rude stuff to people but I think they deserve it for the illgotten advice.

Celestial

07-10-2003, 12:50 PM

Isn't it insane?

My brother is much younger than me, and some of his friends are younger still. They will often comment on my being a teen parent, and I tell them, that the hardest part for me, has been OTHER people's assumptions, expectations, and negativity.

I find myself telling them that while I wouldn't trade my kids for anything, they might want to consider whether they could deal handle the added pressure other people put on you, on top of your own personal pressures, and the needs of a child. And I tell them that if they can't, they might consider being more careful about consistent use of birth control. I also talk to them about considering if their PARTNER is ready too, because, quite frankly, being a "single" parent or exclusive primary caregiver to a child, with no support is hard.

Some people look to PURPOSELY make it hard for you, others can't or don't want to help. And you can easily find yourself without a net.

Those of you who said it SHOULDN'T be this way are so right!

I'm really glad that I started this thread. It's been great to hear from all of you!

Mom2Three

07-10-2003, 01:13 PM

Add me to the list.

Got pregnant at 17, married at and had DS1 at 18. DD came along @ 19 and DS2 at 23. DH and I have been together since I was 14.

I'll be 25 next month and I still get "tsk tsks" when I'm out with all the kids but I'm at a point now where I don't let it bother me.
In fact I find it a bit amusing that they're so judgemental when they've never met me.

fyrflymommy

07-11-2003, 01:07 PM

lunar forest

07-11-2003, 01:11 PM

I think the only thing you can do is just not let it get to you. I love to set people straight, but I too often let their heartless words bother me. Yesterday a stranger actually asked me if they were planned! I couldn't believe it! I just said said "oh yes, of course." Which is not completely true, but I wasn't going to explain it to her. Just before that she asked my age. :rolleyes: Usualy when that happens I asked them their age, and they get all offended, and that gets my point across, but she kind of caught me off gruad.

Celestial

10-09-2003, 07:25 PM

Thought this was interesting!
http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?s=&threadid=91354

http://www.empowerteenparents.org

http://www.girlmom.com/

sonya_mamafor4

10-23-2003, 07:29 AM

Just posting so I can get messages.I'm 22 with 4.Had my first just before I turned 17 and had people thinking I was only 16 with my last babies.(was 21)Now I'm going through a divorce because my husband has decided that he wasn't as ready to grow up as he thought.So I'm sure the comments will become even worse especially from my family who said that I was too young.
Hey,I'm not the one running away,I love what I do.
Got to run.
Sonya

CortLong

10-23-2003, 08:40 PM

I just gotta jump in here! :)

I AM a teen momma- livin' it and lovin' it!!!

I was 16 when I got married (and PG) and then 3 days after my 17th birthday I had Morgan......now I'm getting ready to turn 19 in December.

I get soooooo tired of looks and comments. Yes, Morgan was not planned by us at the time- I was just in high school- but I think she was planned by a higher power! :D

phathui5

10-26-2003, 06:06 AM

Hi,

I'm 19 and I have a 3yr old ds and a 8wk old dd. I'm married and doing the "grown-up" thing. I had a guy at the grocery store when I was pg with #2 ask me if I was a little young to be having kids. After I had her, I saw him again. He was like, "Oh, so you have another one, well, at least you're breastfeeding."

fyrflymommy

10-26-2003, 08:37 AM

Celestial

10-26-2003, 09:03 AM

:hug fyrflymommy

yeah i can imagine the replies to this telling me to get over it...
I'm not going to tell you to get over it. You know you and him best, and if you believe there is still hope, well, then I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, okay?

fyrflymommy

10-26-2003, 10:08 AM

CK'sMama

10-26-2003, 05:02 PM

yeah yeah i can imagine the replies to this telling me to get over it...

:( I wouldn’t tell you to get over it either! You love him, you need to keep positive. Relationships are tough, especially with us young people. The guys take longer to mature than the girls, so sometimes the girls have to wait. :o

I will also keep my fingers for you! :hug

paradisegirl

11-04-2003, 09:16 PM

I got pregnant at 19, had my son at 20. The father didn't come around. I met my fiance when I was 23 and he was 20. We had a baby when I was 24 and he was 21. Now I'm pregnant with our 3rd and I'm 25 and he's 23. So that's 3 kids already. We planned our two children together and no one knows that but us because I think my family would go postal if they knew we had our children on purpose because I think they feel I'm too young.

Joyce in the mts.

11-10-2003, 08:36 AM

Well, for all the young mamas....I send you very big hugs! I was a young mama too, once upon a time.

I was barely 19 when I married my husband, who was just a bit over 20, after 3 months of "courting". I first became pregnant about a year later and again within a bout 4 months, losing both those pregnancies to miscarriage. That was tragic and very emotional for my husband and I. I guess it was for the best but it was very hard on us. Sure tested our support of one another, and our ability to take care of one another.

When I was about 22, which was a year and a half later, or so, after those miscarriages, we had a healthy beautiful son, who is now 23. And in keeping with nursing/natural spacing of kids, I had my next baby about 21/2 years later- a fab daughter who is now nearly 21- and then about the same distance later, another son, who is now 18.

I am 45 now.

I have pics of me and my youngest when he was a baby...I was so young even then. I remember when I was 30 or so, and someone thought I was 19! I did look young then. Now recently a youing guy mentioned to my daughter that he could NOT believe I was her mother...no it was not that sad old line about my being her older sister to butter me up. This was a friend of my daughter's boyfriend, whose eyes looked like they would fall out of his head when I mentioned being more than twice his age. That was a pretty funny moment. I am like a Monet painting...I look good from far away! hehehe!

Ahem! But seriously:
I can see how young folks can resist and bolt. I can see it...it's heavy responsibility and when you are very young, there is SO much going on out there....not defending but just saying that I can understand how young couples sometimes just don't last, or one partner has some learning and growing to do. But that can happen also in midlife...partners feel sometimes as if they have sacrificed something and need to take some time.

Now for myself...we just celebrated 26 years together. We are surely in the minority among parents in our area. AND all the town kids thought we were the cool parents (my hubby has a ponytail and beard and earrings and wears a beret- we look like old hippies, which is pretty accurate) but the truth is, we were/are the thinking parents...willing to put things into perspective and be reasonable, but that does not mean that our kids just rode roughshod over us. We were pretty strict, though our kids' friends at the time were skeptical about that. There have always been real rules and responsibilities, as age-appropriate, over each kid's childhood and adolescence.

I would NOT trade my young mamahood for anything. I was much more ready to learn, to research and question. Had my first child in a hospital and learned many lessons there...had the next two at home. And I had the energy to do it all: cloth diapers, extended breastfeeding (over 2 years each; some nearly 3 years), and we did family bed too. They self-potty-trained, weaned and asked for their own beds at about 3 years old. It has been all child-led.

And now...my kids are grown, I am still young enough to be continuing to grow and mature in my own right, and with my husband in our relationship. And education is good in middle age too! My hubby just got his master's degree a few years back. It took several years to get there, but he did really well with distance programs and did got his master's from a prestigious college and so on. And he teaches high school now, so has retirement benefits when the time comes. (I think more "mature" learners really excel and often do better than young kids in college.) His easy going, gentle but firm strength really works for him in his work too!

I developed alot of insight into children, and how important it is to respect them, right from the start over the years. I did really well in a training program for Child Development Associate credentialing. They BEGGED me to start my own home-based childcare, but I got a job as director of the local after school program, which I ran for a couple years and then left when I could, figuring there was probably a mom who might need the income so much more than I. I worked at that school substituting as a teacher aide, and library aide, special ed. aide, and reading aide from the time ALL my kids were in school at the same time- I was there when they got to school and also came home when they did. After my kids all graduated, I stopped working outside the home again, but working at school allowed me to help get us over the hump of the poverty line and supported my hubby's education too by helpng him buy books, paying CLEP exam fees, and all those little out of pocket costs. AND my bit of income helped me to feel I was contributing to our family, without being inaccessible to the kids...they were in school too! I also was accessible to the teachers...and that was really wise. I got alot more respect when I had to confront stuff with teachers. It was all win-win!

So I am here to say, "Hooray for young parenthood!"...and also that even very young marriage/partnership can work and like fine wine can just get better with time. And to those single moms... if you seek partnership...you will attract those who value what/who you are and what you have given...might take some time for that to come, but it will, if that is what you want. If you value your singlehood, then you will find others who value independence also! It's all good.

I have ALWAYS seen my young mamahood, and my SAHM-hood, as assets to my marriage, my family and really, the community, in the long run. Don't ANY of you young moms let anyone tell you different than you know in your heart about what you do, and who you are.

When you are ready to explore education, or work, or art or whatever....you will have so to offer, to express, to bring to the table in whatever endeavors you choose to pursue. And your motivation is strong.

My good friend, who is an author and lives on a nearby mountain, and I are two of the few SAHM's in our generation here. We were just talking about how glad we are that we had our babies while we were relatively very young, and that we chose to stay at home with them aside from some part time work we picked up from time to time for extra $. Her latest book has a very fitting title that says it all: "Life is Love". Now how you go about "spending" that precious resource is your business, but rest assured that the investment pays off in the end.

I support you all!...Joyce in the mts.

CortLong

11-13-2003, 10:37 AM

Thanks Joyce! You've inspired me! :D

seren

11-17-2003, 08:51 PM

I got married 2 months after I turned 18. Had my first 2 weeks before I turned 19. She was 2 weeks early and so born right before our 10 month ann. Then had my 2nd when I was 20. I'm now 21 with a 27 and 7 month old. I get tons of comments on my age. Even at church. This is a bit unusual because in my church most get married and have babies young. I have gained quite a bit of weight and my wedding rings don't fit anymore. So, I get lots of dirty looks. I even overheard one lady call me a homewrecker. :LOL Since dh still has his ring. Too funny

albalobutterfly

02-06-2004, 01:46 PM

I see that no one has posted on here for awhile but I will try!!
I posted on the tribe section too but aparently didn't interest anypne too much!
I am a 23 year old mother of 2, (Olivia 5 and Malcolm 2.5) and I am in my senior year of college, I apprentice with a direct entry midwife and I am really looking for some other young moms to talk to. I have only posted 4 times but I am feeling a bit discouraged, hoped I wouldn't on here!
I had my daughter when I was 18 instead of going to the art school that i had been accepted into in another state, and then had my son 2 years later. We were married rightafter our second was born.
I really feel like im the only one in the world sooo often! Especially in a town like this, where I (mostly for my parenting decisions and not my age) am a minority.
So, I decided I would try once more on this site, is there anyone out there?:wave

CK'sMama

02-06-2004, 02:00 PM

Hi! Welcome :)

:wave

It's about time this thread was brought back to life!

cappuccinosmom

02-08-2004, 03:09 PM

I married just before I turned 20. Ds was born 9 months and 2 days after. :) Strangers don't comment to me, but I took a lot of flack from some of my family and people in a former church of mine. :( Everybody thought I was nuts to "give up" college adn career for something as "worthless" as marriage and motherhood. :rolleyes:

I'm lovin' it! I don't want anything beyond what I have now, 'cept lots more babies!!!!!

Peony

02-09-2004, 09:52 PM

Yea! Finally, other young mommies. I'm 21, my dd is one, and dh is 27. I only know of one other young mommy, and her parents care for her children because she doesn't care to. DH and I were married when I was 18, everyone thought we were crazy then, even more so when I became pg. I actually rarely ever get comments about my age, I look 21, but I am an RN,(I graduated high school early, and went straight to college, so I was an RN by the time I was 19) so I think people assume I am older but just look young. I love being a young mommy, but it is hard when all the other moms around me are 20 years older. I never tell people my age, I avoid the subject, and if it does come up then I usually leave the room. I have found that as soon as they find out how old I am, it's like I somehow become inferior, even though they liked me five minutes ago! It is so nice to meet others.

CaliMommie

02-11-2004, 11:43 AM

Hi ladies! My name is AmiBeth. I am 22, dh is 27. We have 2 handsome boys, ages 3yrs & 3mths. I feel alot older than I actually am, but it's probably the sleep deprivation!

It's frustrating b/c so many of my friends IRL that are young mommies are so darn irresponsable! They are pretty much the steroeotypical young moms that give the rest of us wonderful young mommies a bad name. I am so glad I found these boards & this thread, so I can get to know some like-minded young mommies! :)

I have a couple of close mommie friends, but they are both more than 10 years older than me! They are my main support system, but sometimes I feel so young! I hope to get to know you all better!

AmiBeth

Midnight Mom

02-12-2004, 03:19 PM

Hello all,

People always say "that's your daughter, I thought you two were sisters!" I'm 32 and have a 15 year old dd. Got preg at 16, gave birth at 17. Too young. Wish I would have waited a while.

When I'm at my dd's school functions I'm am always the youngest parent there and I feel out of place a lot of times. Get looks from people and comments like "you're her mom" when I introduce myself.

Anyhow, I guess I don't have anything new to offer to the thread, just wanted to say HI.

Milkymommi

02-12-2004, 11:35 PM

Hi there mamas!!! :wave

I am really diggin' reading these "tribe" threads! I see something new all the time!

I fit right in here :wink I am 25 with 3 kiddos. I had my dd, who is now turning 7 this month, just about 2 months after turning 18.Then ds#1 exactly 21 months later and my little nugget ds#2 3 yrs after that! Boy do I understand this world.DH and I have been married going on 8 yrs... his mom had to sign for him :LOL

I have enjoyed being married and having my children at a so called *young* age.I admit that it's NOT for everyone and perhaps 17 or 18 is a rediculous age for some people to get married at but for us it has worked out beautifully.

*If* things go according to plans... we'll have all of our babes before 30 and head into the next phase of parenting.One more and we're good to go- unless God has other plans of course!That is SOOOOOO appealing to me.When my kids are grown I'll still be so young.I love that idea.

Mothering is a noble call, a selfless act.Any woman who has answered this call *shamelessly* reguardless of her financial position or age should be honored and esteamed.Those who come against or put down these Precious Pearls, are simply acting out of their inability due to the fact that they are unwilling to lay down their own life.

Remember Mamas... What's done in secret will be shouted from the rooftops in the end! Give yourselves a hand :clap

CaliMommie

02-12-2004, 11:45 PM

MilkyMommi~

Thank you for an uplifting post. I sometimes feel like people (especially family) think I don't know what I'm doing b/c I'm young & my choices are so different from theirs. Your post made my night! :)

AmiBeth

Milkymommi

02-12-2004, 11:48 PM

AmieBeth :hug

I knew that was for someone... it just flowed right out of me!

You go girl!

CaliMommie

02-13-2004, 12:19 AM

Kristie~
Thank you again for your post :)

I think that part of the reason I am doubting myself lately is because of the health issues my youngest son has. The last 2 months have been a test for our family. Our 4-month-old is seriously ill, and has been severe FTT for 2 months. He has been diagnosed with severe exocrine pancreatic insufficiency (he can't digest fat) & I am no longer able to breastfeed (believe me I tried with everything I had). If you want to know more of his story, pm me & I will post a link to his webpage from the hospital. Anyways, after reading your post, I was reminded that I am being the best mommie I can be & that's what really matters. Not what other people (namely my family) think of my choices.

AmiBeth

DreamsInDigital

02-13-2004, 02:03 AM

I was 17 when I had my oldest son, 22 when I had DS#2 and will be 23 when baby #3 is born in late Sept/early Oct.

I got a LOT of crap at the hospital I had my oldest at. They treated me like I was the worst mother ever and he was like 2 seconds old! They sent a social worker in the discuss giving him up for adoption! I could not get out of the hospital fast enough.

I pride myself in being a great mama and I don't let anyone make me doubt myself. I may be young but I am NOT a bad mom!

CK'sMama

02-13-2004, 09:17 AM

They sent a social worker in the discuss giving him up for adoption! I could not get out of the hospital fast enough.

:angry

When I went in for my first prenatal check, even after I had mentioned how happy I was to be pregnant because we had been trying for a few months and I thought depo had messed up my fertility, the nurse asked me if I had considered all my options. I said, what options? Didn’t you hear me when I said the baby was PLANNED. :rolleyes:

I wonder if they ask all 30 year old women if they have considered their options. :o

I hate how people assume that A: Young mothers don’t have planned pregnancies, or B: If it was planned you will regret it later because we can’t think about long term issues. Or that we get pregnant because we are poor little babies ourselves wanting something to love and dress up. :rolleyes:

momgotbreastmilk

02-13-2004, 12:34 PM

Hi ladies!!

I'm Sharlita, I had my DD (now 19 months old) at the age of 18, I got pregnant at 17.

I look forward to talking with you all.

DreamsInDigital

02-20-2004, 06:33 AM

This thread is a week old but I had to share.
I went to my OB to get some blood work done (just to cover my ass. I'm doing my own prenatal care this pregnancy, just wanted the blood work on record so they didn't think I was being ignorant/neglectful) and the receptionist checking me in looked at my 4 year old standing beside me and my 5 month old in my arms and she asked me if I was babysitting.:confused: I said no, these are my children and she gave me this look :jaw
So I get called back by the nurse and he takes me to get weighed. He looks at my chart and says "This is your THIRD kid?!?!"
Um, yeah, why do I need YOUR approval?
So when he checks my blood pressure it's a little elevated. He said something about it and I shot back "It's probably because all you assholes keep making me feel like shit for having three kids."
He left very quickly :LOL
The doctor was very nice and I told him I would not be seeing him for my pregnancy and he was like "So why are you here?" and I told him I wanted to have my bloodwork and that was all, so he didn't do the normal prenatal exam, just sent the nurse back in to draw blood and sent me on my way. He scowled when I said I was having a homebirth but he didn't say anything else. Bless his little heart. :D

Midnight Mom

02-20-2004, 12:36 PM

Good for you for speaking up! For me that easier said than done. They have no right to judge you or don't know a thing about what your life is like. How rude.

So...:clap

mamaley

02-21-2004, 11:51 AM

Good for you for speaking up, dreams in digital!

CerridwenLorelei

02-22-2004, 03:06 AM

and was a teen mom and now he will be 17 next month

funnily enough my comment was way before I was pg
I was at the college waiting for my x and this woman and her buddies kept looking at me and looking at me
then marched over to me and said "14 year olds should NOT be wearing wedding rings"
I looked at her and said "not that it is any of your business but I am 18" (newly so too lol)
and the woman argued with me -like i didn't know my own age
I told her she could come to my apt and I would be happy to show her my birth certificate and marriage license!

I didn't get treated to shabby when I had to apply for medicaid for being teen and pg. I got treated like a leper when the reason for application was that my dh had left my pg person. They all acted like it was contagious!

Myethpio

02-22-2004, 11:53 AM

Hi all, I got married at 22, had my daughter at 24, another at 27, and divorced at 28. :P

I, too, got looks like, "you poor thing" when I would walk around with my first daughter. I guess I look even younger than I am, but I just pretty much ignored it. It would either be, "I can't believe she's yours, you look so young, how old are you?" Or, "are you their nanny?"

Now I get the "poor thing" attitude when someone finds out I am single with a 4 and 1 year old.

I guess I've gotten immune to it over the years. :)

CK'sMama

02-22-2004, 01:52 PM

I still don’t understand the whole “are you the nanny” attitude. Ok, so you are good enough to take care of someone else’s kids, but not your own? :scratch

Oh, you take such good care of those kids, you are such a wonderful baby sitter. Wait they’re yours? Ugh, your evil. :rolleyes:

carrots

02-22-2004, 02:31 PM

i totally don't get the nanny thing either. :scratch
my friends think i'm nuts to be driving a minivan around with 3 kids at 25 yo. you do what you gotta do:rolleyes:

ManyPeoplesMama

02-23-2004, 03:35 PM

I definitely belong here. I was 17 when my oldest DD was born, 19 when I had DD#2 and people were very rude when I was out in public. I tried really hard not to let it get to me but I am pretty sensitive. I am going to be 30 in April and when I tell people I have 7 children they try to do the math, I can see it. Yes, I had 3 kids by the time I was 20 and no, I am not married. No, I am not on welfare. The nerve of some people!

corysmilk

02-24-2004, 02:20 AM

I was/am a young mom. 18 when ds was born, 21 when dd was born and 27 when ds was born. people say I don't look old enought to have a 10 year old, I say, " I am not"! I was young, too young to be having a baby. I wouldn't change it but I wish I wish I had more life experiece. kwim?

Avima

02-24-2004, 07:28 AM

Hi ladies! I'm a 23 yr old mama. My dd was born when I was 21. Fortunately I didn't get much flack from other people (that I could see anyways). I got one comment one time at a wedding to the effect of "young mama" and I told him that my baby and I would grow old together :) It sounded pretty lame to me at the time but what else can you do? I find it pretty humourous thinking about what some people think seeing a young mom with no wedding ring dressed in torn jeans with a baby at her boob:LOL

wende

02-24-2004, 07:56 PM

I just found this thread, and this is the place for me! I was 15 when I had my oldest dd, 18 with my next, 22 with my oldest ds, and 26 with my youngest. I am always getting people who say "you don't look old enough..." Nobody takes me seriously and sometimes I feel like the parents of my kids' friends look at me like I'm going to corrupt their children. Even at 27 with a baby, I'm still younger than many of the people I meet at my dd's gymnastics class with babies the same age. It's really frustrating at times, but I'm glad I'm not alone!

3_opihi

02-26-2004, 04:59 AM

DreamsinDigital,
good for you for telling off those dorktors!!!
I had my first at 19 and my second right before I turned 23. I think I must look old because people don't really say much to me anymore, not like they used to.
When I found out I was preggo with number two, I went to my doc for a blood test just to make sure I was. I asked her if she knew of any good CNM's and she told me to go to planned parenthood...
Then when I was like 8 weeks along, I had some bleeding. My midwife was out of town so we went to the ER. The doctor there was telling MY MOM all the info. She was like, "I think you should be telling all this to my daughter." Then they said that since I thought I could have a homebirth, I might not be mature enough to understand complications of pregnancy.:rolleyes:
Puh-leeze! Losers!:LOL

dancinmama

02-28-2004, 10:10 PM

i know i have to post here since just a few days ago someone asked my dd if i was her big sister. :LOL

i had her when i was 19--im now 22, but i guess im just not growing as fast as she is! i could probably still pass for a teenager, although i sure don't feel it. :p

i was planning on being a young married mom (i've always wanted to have a family and could hardly wait, actually...), but my fiancee ended up not being prepared for the pressure of other peoples opinions, so i'm doing the single mom thing. i love my life with dd, but the visitation has been a really tough situation. i'm starting to get the ache for another little one, but i think i need to find someone to share it with this time...

mamaley

03-04-2004, 01:53 PM

Then they said that since I thought I could have a homebirth, I might not be mature enough to understand complications of pregnancy

:jaw what an a**!

aka_angelz

03-18-2004, 04:41 PM

Teen mom here too.just had my 2nd little gurl Dec 21st 2003.A month b4 i turned 19.Anyone have yahoo msgr IM me.neways my gurls names are Karina Esperanza and Alexis Elizabeth,i gave them middle names cuz i always wanted one

Summertime Mommy

03-19-2004, 08:47 AM

I was a teen mom too. I had Koeby at 17, got married at 19, had Gwen at 20, and now I am 21 and expecting our newest bean right around my 22nd birthday. I also have a step daughter, Caylynn, who is 5. It is incredible the # of rude comments I get. People love to ask how old I am, or say "aren't you too young?" But I think I am used to it now. I think what sucks, is that I always feel out of place taking my oldest daughter to school events, because all of the other mothers are at least 10 yrs older than me. Actually, my youngest cousin is 3 yrs older than my son. I love being a young mom though, and I love the fact that I won't be too old to pursue my dreams when my children are older. Sorry, I didn't mean to write a book.

luvinmama

03-25-2004, 08:58 AM

I'm just barely out of the "teen" category, but still look the part. I had ds when dh and I were 18, and now we'll be 21 with ds #2. We only have about 3 friends with kids and most of them became friends with us b4 realizing our age.
My biggest peeve now is the reaction to my hb resolution. My mom doesn't even think I know what I'm doing. And she's even told me I'm doing great with Eli. All of our relative have thought if not told us that we were going to fail. 2 yrs later, they comended us; that was until we got preg. with #2.
Our salvation is my "young" mother-in-law, who was always able to relate to her kids. And she did a d*mn good job with dh. I guess "older" people don't realize that most people had kids b/n 13 and 17 yrs old until just a few hundred years ago.
Hey, are there any young, or young at heart mamas in Austin , Texas? Pm me if you're nearby. I could use a friend that relates; regardless of current age.

Sammiesmommie

03-25-2004, 02:50 PM

I was 14 when I had my son. We're both still experiencing both negative, and some positive effects from the very negative stereotypes associated with teen parenting. I haven't had the chance to read through this topic, but would like to keep in touch with you all.

laurata

03-25-2004, 08:27 PM

I got pregnant at 16, and had my first dd at 17. Dh and I got married when I was about 31 weeks. I'm now 22, and he is 24, and we've been together for 7 years, married for 5. We also have a two year old (on Saturday!) daughter and are ttc #3. I sah, and I love it. Dh is doing so well in his career.

I got a lot of comments on my age when we lived in the Midwest, but since moving to the Bay Area, it's very rare for people to comment on my age. I have quite a few good mama friends, but almost none my age. (one, actually, but she lives over an hour away.) :-(

root*children

03-27-2004, 08:17 AM

Hey! I was pregnant with my first when I was 19. I got lots of age questions/shocked looks when we lived in ultra-conservative Virginia, but now in CO it's not so bad. My biggest peeve is that nobody in my family will listen to my thoughts/advice. I try to help out pregnant sis-in-laws and they just don't want to listen and think their old-male-OB's know best just because I'm so much younger than them! grrr...
But here's a lil' story. When a sis-in-law just 2 weeks ago had her baby in rural Mississippi, there were six other women at the hospital delivering the same day. Including my s-i-l, they all had c-sect births except one. Even ALL the nurses on that shift had had c-sect births! That just makes me want to cry and strangle someone at the same time! Anyhow, the only one who didn't was a 13-year-old who came in with her entire family who had been laboring at home (God forbid!) all day and delivered w/in an hour of checking in!

Fieryfly

03-29-2004, 01:07 PM

Hi everyone!
Just wanted to join in here. I'm a young mom also. I had my son when I was 16 and my daughter when I was 20. I'm 25 now, and my children are 4 and 8. DH and I have been together 9 years, married for 5.5 of those.

Being at home with my children has always been a priority for myself. I have always been a student and/or a SAHM since I became a mother. I feel very fortunate that my DH works hard to provide for us, and together we work even HARDER to provide a good life for our family.

At one point I felt a big need to "prove" myself to others, and it took me a while to get over that. Now I am doing things with my life that make *me* happy, and not what other think I should do. I homeschool, run my own business(schoolage childcare), and volunteer for organizations that mean a lot me.

Nice to meet everyone!

jenniet

04-01-2004, 03:28 PM

I am new to this. I am so glad to see all of these happy young mothers. I recently married a much older guy. He is 33 and I am 21. We want to start a family before dh gets too much older. There are so many factors to consider though. How did all of you survive finacially? We have very little savings, one car, and we are renting a one bedroom apartment (granted it is in an upscale neighborhood). Dh wants to pursue a career as an independent film producer. He produced one film a few years back that was a finacial wash. After the film he moved back to our home town in rural upstate New York to regroup and save money. Then we got married and I pushed for us to move back out here. We just moved less than three months ago. I hope I didn't make the wrong decision. LA is so expensive. Dh is stuck in a temp job that he hates and the worst part is he is not even making enough money to cover our bills. I am babysitting part-time while I wait to hear from a college I applied to. (I would be transferring in as a junior). Dh sometimes feels like he should give up his dream and just focus on supporting a family. I don't want him to be unhappy. We decided long ago that I would stay home when the time came to have children. Unfortunately it just adds to dh's stress of being the only provider. I feel as if no one understands what we are going through. I don't know anybody in LA. Everyone I meet is a lot older than I am with a lot more money. Sorry this is so long...

Midnight Mom

04-01-2004, 04:12 PM

You sound like you have a very sensible head on your shoulders. When the time comes you will make things work out. Whether you stay where you are or end up somewhere else, finish school, hubby finds his dream job or dream film to produce, everything somehow will fall into place.

I understand wanting to have a baby before your dh gets too much older but you still have *plenty* of time.

Unfortunately there is no set-in-stone answer for this and you just have to do what feels right.

Glad to meet you! :wave

jenniet

04-01-2004, 04:36 PM

I know you are right. I have been taking a lot of yoga over the past few years, and I still have trouble with the whole idea of knowing when it is time to let something go. I mean the question of when to have children seems too important to leave up to fate. I guess that makes me a bit of a control freak?
I'm curious, what made all you young mothers decide to have children sooner rather than later?

pilesoflaundry

04-01-2004, 11:16 PM

Originally posted by DreamsInDigital

So when he checks my blood pressure it's a little elevated. He said something about it and I shot back "It's probably because all you assholes keep making me feel like shit for having three kids."
He left very quickly :LOL

:thumb :laugh: :laugh: too funny! I would have been peeved too.

I'm 21 going to be 22 in June and a momma of 3 :D.Dh and I got married while I was pregnant with dd1. My parents wouldn't sign before that so I had to wait until I was 18!
I had ds at 16, dd1 at 19 and dd2 at 21. I used to hear comments but it stopped after dd 1 was born. Either I look older or it's because dh is with me more on errands (and he is older than me so therefore people assume I am his age) because it's a trial to take my 3 hellions :D anywhere. I say that in the most endearing way :LOL

I used to hear but your too young to have a baby, people would just look at me and say "you look young' Um I am :rolleyes: or I would just say thanks.

I hated hearing stuff like "you gave up your life" I said back to someone "oh when, I didn't know I died" :LOL He looked confused for a second. I've heard your not living, or partying etc. I'm not the partying type and I'm living just fine thank you!

People are shocked to hear my age, dh is 30 so they assume I'm older, suddenly either I'm an idiot, they start asking if all 3 kids are his, or I get the 'your too young' crap. But before age was mentioned I knew what I was talking about and didn't get the stupid questions about my marriage etc. Drives me up the wall!

CK'sMama

04-02-2004, 11:31 AM

Originally posted by jenniet
I'm curious, what made all you young mothers decide to have children sooner rather than later?

Hmm… Well, I have always been the domestic type even as a small child. Being a mother has always been my major “career goal” and I never considered having children as something that would hold me back and prevent me from doing what I wanted, since being a mother IS what I really wanted. College and a “real career” is just not something that appeals to me at this point in my life so I see no reason to put off what I really want (family) for something I would hate doing. So I am doing the mama thing first :)

I love the fact that when my DS is older and can get along without me full time, I will still be young enough to go to school, have a career, and pursue any other interests. I don’t want to be changing diapers and chasing after little kids when I am 40+ unless they are my grandkids and I can give them back to their parents! :D

DP and I are financially stable, young, and healthy, and for us I see having a family young has more benefits than having a family when older. Plus the grandparents are young and can still keep up, and I feel it is very important for my DS to have a good relationship with his GPs.

Hope that answers your question ok :)

jenniet

04-02-2004, 12:24 PM

Wow! You articulated my exact reasons for wanting to start my own family soon. It is so amazing to find young mothers that are passionate and serious about their children. I too have always wanted a family. I have never wanted another career. I have a two year degree in liberal arts and I am getting lots of pressure from my family not to even think about children until I have finished a masters program! I have taught pre-school and been a full-time nanny to a two year old and a newborn for the past couple of years. I am ready to stop raising other peoples children and ready to start having my own kids. There seems to be this pressure in our society to wait to have kids. I guess it is just a backlash from women feeling forced to marry young and start a family. I thought the whole point of the movement was to have a choice. When did young mothers suddenly become the targets for pity and scorn? Anyway- congrats to everyone out there following there own path. You have given me the courage to follow mine.
:D

CK'sMama

04-02-2004, 01:43 PM

jenniet, if this is what you really want, go for it!

Another reason I decided to have DS young. I was on Depo Provera before conceiving and it totally screwed my body up. I was hearing horror stories about women who had been off the shot for several years and were still having trouble conceiving. I was really afraid that I may not be able to have children. Even without the Depo, who knows what the future may bring? What if I had decided to go to college and have a career first, and then be diagnosed with cancer and have to get a hysterectomy? Why wait years to do something I really want, risking my fertility when I know that I am young, healthy and fertile right now?

There is also a lot of pressure from the hardcore feminist camp, to exercise my rights as a strong woman and not be held down being a housewife, barefoot and pregnant. Personally I am not interested in proving myself as a feminist or a strong women, I am already a strong women. I made the choice to be a mother, and I grew & carried a life inside of me and gave birth to that life. Now that is woman power!

Here is a quote that I really like, and feel it is very fitting to my life-

"One hundred years from now it will not matter what kind of car you drove, what kind of house you lived in, how much you had in your bank account, or what your clothes looked like. But the world may be a little better because you were important in the life of a child" -

Margaret Fishback Powers

cllovato

04-02-2004, 11:36 PM

celestial- I know exactly how you feel.

My oldest is 7.5 and the same thing happens to me that seems to happen to you. I know everybody here in town (well it's a small town anyway and it seems like you know everyone) but I didn't have any real close friends in school so once I had my ds it got even harder to get close to anyone. Everyone here that has kids my sons age are either in their late thirties or forties and that is their youngest and anyone that is close to my age has no kids or babies that are now older than my dd! The people in this town can tend to be narrow-minded and hypocritical about a young mother. It gets pretty darn lonely- luckily I have one friend that is really great. But her yongest is 3 years older than my ds and they are always busy with older kids activities she's also 13 years older than me. At least I can talk to her.

LittlebitsMommy

04-03-2004, 12:56 PM

I haven't read all the other post. But can I join in ? I was a young mom. I got married at 14 and had DD one month after I turned 15. I am still married to the same wonderful man. We are going to Celebrate our 15th Anniversary on the 7th. I now have a DS that is 9 and a DS that is 4.

I know some disagree with having babies so young, but I thank god everyday for giving me my children. I can't even begin to imagine my life without them.

My DD is now 14 and growing into a very beautiful young lady. She tells everyone that her mom is her best friend. SO that makes me feel really good. We are so much closer than me and my mom were. She feels that she can talk to me about anything. She knows everything about me being her age when I got married. And what we have went through to have and take care of her. I have always been very honest with her. Yes I did have her at a young age, but not once has she ever been thought of as a mistake or an accident. I knew what I had done to make her and I knew what I had to do to take care of her.

I have been asked by so many. Don't you feel like you missed out on so much by having her and getting married so young.No,I have never felt that I missed out on anything by getting married and having her so young. I feel very lucky to have her , my 2 boys and to have such a wonderful husband.

Sorry I didn't mean to go on and on.

SabrinaJL

04-09-2004, 11:04 AM

Hi all, my sister just introduced me to this forum so I felt I'd jump right on in. I was 16 when I had DD. DH and I got married when we were 18 and 19. We didn't get married right away because I wanted to make sure we were doing it because we loved each other and genuinely wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and NOT because we had a child together. We have been together for over 11 years now (married for 9 on May 4th).

I either didn't notice any nasty looks when I was out with Krysten or didn't care. Probably didn't care. Heh, even though I was young I was very confident in my mothering ability. I was just SURE I was doing everything right. And I must have done something right because at 10 Krysten is an awesome kid. She's smart, funny, creative, sweet, environmentally conscious and a joy to be around.

I totally sympathize with not being able to find friends your age with kids the same age as yours. DH and I recently met a couple we really like but they have a little one and we are just not interested in hanging out with people who always have a crying baby in tow.

And I agree with whoever said having a baby at a young age messes with your perspective. The other day my mom yelled at me for saying I was too old to have more kids. LOL I really feel I am though.

michnica

04-12-2004, 04:28 PM

Originally posted by Celestial
Anyone out there? I'm really feeling the effects of my age right now. My oldest turned 10 last month. Most of my contemporaries have oldest kids that are 4 or under, or no kids at all. Those people I know with 10 yo are all at least 8-10 years older than me. It's been so hard to find friends.

And I'm so tired of being looked down upon because of my age. Tired of dealing with health professionals and older parents that treat me like I know nothing.

Just looking for others like me to talk to.

How old are you? I had my 1st when I was 18 and husband was 17.
We have always been the youngest parents in his class.
I understand how you feel. But, luckily we do have a few freinds still from HS who had children young like us. And in playing sports, we have found a few more parents near our age.

By the way, my son is 10 yrs 9 mths. Daughter is 2 yrs 9 mths

tricia80

04-12-2004, 06:03 PM

I was 17 when i got pregnant with dd and 18 when i gave birth... when i put my dd into kindgarten i was the youngest mother there... did feel a little awkward but oh well.. i am glad im a young mother...

cheekymamaof2

10-14-2004, 01:43 AM

ohhh I fit in here too!
My oldest turned 11 this year, while I turned 28. My other child is a one year old boy. I get people saying things to me like..."why did you wait so long between kids" or "you shouldnt have put so much space between your kids...they will both behave like only children". While my favorite thing to say to these people would be F%^$ YOU...I refrain. I simply smile and say...I was 16 when I became pregnant with my daughter. It wouldnt have been responsible for me to have another so young now would it? It usually shuts them up.....

Anyway, now that Im settled and happy...Id love to have several more kids. 28 isnt too old to start again is it? LOL
Michelle in Oregon

irinam

11-04-2004, 12:47 PM

Cool thread :thumb Been going on for some time I see.

Just as much diversity in the "young" mama's group as in any other!

I am a former teenage mama myself. Got pg when I was 16, had DS when i was 17. Yes, I got pregnant "by accident" (not really an accident when you have unprotected sex, but well...)

But I was IN LOVE! It was my very first boyfriend and I could not think about anything else but him!

Now, fast forward 17 years from then and let's see:

I am happily married to the first and only love of my life (yes, the first boyfriend of mine)

My DS is 17 and I am 34. I don't look even that. We constantly get called brother and sister :thumb

We had another child and our DD is 4 now :love

Was I the "best" mother with my oldest? Probably not, but I tried to be!

Was I "ready" to be a parent? No, but I GOT ready on the fly.

Did I have "negative" comments? Yes, people told me I "look young". I take it as a compliment!

Do people comment on big difference between my kids? Yes, but they would comment on something else if not that.

One can not to be "standard" in every possible way and "please" everybody!!!

I take pride in deviating from "normal" sometimes. It means I am not BORING :bouncy

I salute every teenage/young mom out there - we migh have sacrifized some stuff then, but then EVERY (good) mother makes sacrifizes :thumb :thumb :thumb

becca011906

11-04-2004, 07:13 PM

Oh i need to add in here and see if we can get this thred going again!!!! I was a young mama, don't see myself and "young/teen" anymore although i still get "the looks" LOL. I'm 21 (just in july)... and mama to three!!! Yep 3! I got pregnant with ds 1 month before i turned 16, had him my JR of high school, graduated with a 1yaer old on my Hip (still nursing at the time)... that summer me and dh got married 5 days after i turned 18, then got pregnant with dd1 three months later, got a house, i had dd1 when i was 18 (a month before i turned19), then got pregnant with dd2 when i was 20, had her 1 month after turning 21!!! YIPPY I don't get to many looks anymore but it does get old having all my mama friends being 5-10 years older then me!

kristyn

11-04-2004, 09:43 PM

i can relate to what i've read here..

i am 24 with a 21 month old and a 7 month old.. thier dad and i just got married this past summer..
i find that the looks/comments are amplified because we live..well.. outside the mainstream, i guess.. wearing a sling is often enough to get looks on the bus, let alone being young, and having a toddler in tow .. and funky looking too..
people really need to mind thier own business when it comes to young/different looking mamas..
i even had one woman in the park who went on and on about how she regretted having her first baby young and feels like she's so much smarter and calmer and blah blah blah now that she's 30+ with her new baby.. it's just not a nice way to speak to someone..
y'know?

anyway, i'm glad to hear from so many others.. and big kudos to all the formerly young mamas still having babies.. you are awesome..
wildthing, your family is beautiful!!

pilesoflaundry

11-04-2004, 10:25 PM

Becky I have a similar story, I'm 22 with 3 kids. I got pregnant with ds 4 months before turning 16, then got pregnant with dd1 a month before I turned 19, got married to dh when I was 6 months pregnant with her and then got pregnant with dd2 6 months before turning 21. I couldn't even celebrate that year, kinda hard to go out and party on your bday when you are 6 months pregnant :LOL. We are done now :).

AurielRene

11-30-2004, 01:40 AM

hey,
i just had my first daughter 2 months ago, 5 days after turning 20! i almost had one when i was 17, but unfortunately i miscarried, although now i believe it was for the best. both with the sama papa, we are still together and happy raising our little princess. i have one friend/coworker here who is a year older than me, and she and her husband had their first daughter 6 months before ours. it's been great being able to relate with someone my own age who is so close and accessible, but i definitely know that is not the case for everyone! when i was pregnant, i got a lot of comments about how young i am, but my response was that i have always wanted a large family, and what better way than to start early! blessings to all the young mamas working that much harder to show the world they are not "too young."

jenniet

12-01-2004, 01:23 AM

AurielRene

12-01-2004, 11:43 AM

jenniet,
i think there's a lot to consider. first, are you planning on being a stay at home mom, or will your family need your financial income? even though my partner makes 64k and i was only making 17k, when i wasn't able to work as much due to pregnancy, and now staying home with the baby, the financial impact really caught us by surprise - neither of us realized how much we had come to rely on my seemingly meager income. if you'll need to work, i definitely recommend finishing college so that you are able to get a better paying job. if hubby can support the two of you on his own, you may be able to take some classes online so that you are not completely abandoning your education. however, since you're already in school and about halfway done, i'd really suggest sticking it out. my mom left college due to a pregnancy, and then tried to finish when my brother and i were kids, and 20 years later she still hasn't managed to get a degree. that affected the kinds of jobs she was able to get, and honestly most of them were entry nlevel jobs that someone half her age could have been doing.... also affected her income, and being a single mom of two you need every bit you can get! i know that's not the case with everyone, but i'm just throwin it out there.
how does your husband feel about you dropping out of school to start a family? he may not be as ready as you are. is he also in college? have you talked about the financial considerations of being pregnant, preparing for the baby, and then (the biggest one) having the baby? i was surprised how much money i spent on food during my pregnancy, and then there are the vitamins.... not to mention none of your clothes fit! and then there's all kinds of stuff to buy for your little one.... i couldn't believe how expensive some basic things were. and then, there's having the baby. you'll want to make sure you have a health insurance plan with good coverage in regards to pregnancy and childbirth- you could easily get a $5000 bill if you have a vaginal delivery (caesarian is even more). if you plan on breastfeeding, you'll need to keep taking those prenatals till your little one is weaned. i find it makes me hungrier, too, burning those extra calories, and i've also started a light fitness regimen which i am working up to be more intense. i was lucky in that i was employed full time with a good insurance plan, and a few of the more expensive baby items i received as gifts or was able to purchase off of ebay (i love ebay!!!) and that i have a friend with a baby 6 months older than mine so i have receieved a ton of handmedown clothes as well as gifts from baby's gramma and auntie. i have only bought one outfit for her so far.... you'd be surprised how exoensive those teeny little clothes are!
really, my advice would be to stick it out and get your degree. if you're working, start saving whatever you can as your "baby fund", that way when you graduate you've got a little extra something for all the little extra somethings you'll want for your little one! think of it as a reward system. 2 years really isn't a long time at all, and if you keep telling yourself that it'll go a little faster. pass the time by thinking about what sort of person your baby might be, what you and papa will teach him (or her!), silly games you will play, how you want the nursery decorated, if you will cloth diaper, co sleep, how long you'lll breast feed, all the good stuff so that when it is time for you to be pregnant, you have the details all figured out and you can just enjoy being pregnant- it really is a wonderful time.
or, you could try getting a kitten or puppy if you don't already have pets :LOL it's not a baby, but it is a little being that loves and depends on you, plus they are so dang cute! helps to prepare you a bit, too, for being responsible for someone else's needs. my cat is my first child :love
anyway i hope that gives you some things to consider. please don't take offense to anything i've said- you asked for advice and i don't like to sugar coat things, and i'm not saying i disagree with what you want to do. i wish i had been able to finish school before i had my daughter, because now all i want to do is be with her, not go to some silly class!
and for the record, i don't think 22 is too young.

ps- think about learning a craft, like sewing or crochet, so you can pass some of your time making cute baby things while you wait!

Breathless Wonder

12-01-2004, 11:57 AM

Don't know if you saw this:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=219649

It's a new thread for young moms.

pilesoflaundry

12-03-2004, 01:16 PM

I thought all you young mamas might have some advice for me. I got married young (19). I am now two months away from my 22nd birthday. I just went back to college this semester and I have three more to go to finish my degree. I know that conventional wisdom would suggest I finish my education before we start a family. However, I am constantly thinking about dropping out of school and starting our family now. These thoughts are consuming my days. Waiting two more years seems so difficult. Should I follow my heart or finish my undergraduate degree? I should also mention that my family would not be happy with me if I left school. I am struggling with this so much. I am really miserable in school. Everyone else in my family had children when they were much older and they feel that is the only "respectable" thing to do. Am I crazy for wanting to start my family so early? :bag:
P.S.- I just looked back at my earlier posts. Wow. I guess my dilemma is not new.

Personally I would finish school first. I only wish I had done this, now I don't have the energy, the time or the money. I started having kids at 16 and now at 22 have 3 of them. I don't mind that I had them young but if I had the choice and actually had the option to plan things I would have waited . (first one was a bc failure, the second we planned and said why not and 3rd was 2 forms of bc failure!!)

I don't think you are crazy at all and if you think you can do it all fine, but I know I can't. Granted one of my kids is somewhat special needs so he takes a lot of my mental energy away and then the girls are at an age of neeeeeed mama a lot still. I just couldn't do one more thing kwim? YMMV depending on your personality and everything. Good luck!

albalobutterfly

01-05-2005, 09:16 AM

Hi there, as a mother of 2 beautiful babies (well a 6 year old and a 3.5 year old!) who has FINALLY just finished her B.A. I would have to suggest that you wait as well. I was 18 when my daughter was born and I had just graduated from high school. My son was born in the middle of my college experience. While it did not take me as long as it could have to finish my B.A. it was hard and there were many sleepless nights when my daughter awoke to find me still up from the night before STUDYING or writing a paper. Money was a huge stress and I missed out on a lot of cool time with my kids. If someone got sick then I had to stay up and write and research anyway. there were many many many nights that I wanted to just give up. So...if it were me I would wait to start the family until after you finish the degree. It would be so worth it to have that off of your mind and be able to devote your energies to your babies! They are wonderful! 2 years is really not too bad (I know it might seem like it!) and as someone else noted a puppy or a kitten might help with the longing, while you finish up!! ( I know the longing! I still get it now after the two I already have but I must wait until the right time). I have always been partial to turtles and horses myself, but turtles you can't really cuddle and horses don't fit well in your average home!
Good luck and I am sure that you will make the decision that is right for you at this time!
Katie (Mom to Olivia and Malcolm 6 and 3.5, partner to JP:) )