feeling negative

[juicylucy]

I'm posting this on two boards as I don't know where it should go.

My baby is due in August- it'll be my second. The problem is I just can't get excited about this pregnancy- I think because I am terrified about being the mnother of two children. I don't know how I'll do it- I find one hard enough a lot of the time. I just want to lighten up, because I don't want my poor fetus picking up on my negative feelings. I'd love to feel more positive but don't know how.

After DS was born I suffered with quite bad PPD. I was on anti-depressants which I stopped taking when I was about 8 weeks pregnant this time. I'm not sure if my PPD has returned because of me quitting the anti-depressants. Everything does seem pretty bleak right now, and I just can't snap out of this mood.

I love being a mum and find it very fulfilling, but I suppose a part of me is scared that I will stop being my own person. The daily routine of it all scares me as well.

I hope this is all just a phase, but if anyone has any ideas on how I can "cheer up", i would love to hear them. This negativity isn't helping anyone.

[Mommiska]

((((SDMummy))))

I'm so sorry you are feeling down. It sounds very understandable...if you suffered from PPD with your first and are scared of having two, not being excited about this pregnancy must be pretty normal.

With my second pregnancy, I was all the time just forgetting that I was pregnant. And I definitely didn't feel that I bonded with the baby the same way I did with my first pregnancy.

And I constantly worried about whether or not I could love the second baby as much as the first.

My experience is a bit different, I'll admit, but I was much more ambivalent about my second pregnancy. But I think some of that is just that you are so busy with your first child, you know? You just don't have the time to sit and think the way you did during your first pregnancy.

But once dd2 was born, I fell in love with her. All the worries of the pregnancy slipped away without me having to think too much about it.

So I guess my advice would be...just let yourself forget that you are pregnant right now. Perhaps not spending a lot of time thinking about the fears you have, and just trusting that things will fall into place when the baby arrives (or at least a few months afterwards!) will help?

If that doesn't work for you, perhaps arranging a bit of help for yourself for after the baby's arrival would ease some of your fears? Family or friends who could come and stay for the first few weeks to help out? I always knew that my mom and sister-in-law were coming after the birth to help, so that was reassuring (although it won't be for this pregnancy with sil - she can't make it out of bed before noon, so when you have two little ones running around as well as a newborn you've been up all night with, she isn't much help!).

Getting out and about with your oldest might help - with Spring coming, the longer days and warmer (hopefully!) weather might help?

Hang in there...
Carolyn

[Cindi]

I've been saying that while I didn't get stretch marks in my first pregnancy, I practically expect them this time because of the resistance I feel to this pregnancy. I remember saying to dh how much fun this will be, that I loved being pregnant and how grounding it is--how that would help me as I parent my toddler, but I am not enjoying this at all. I am due July 1st.

I was just saying to dh as we were lying in bed (you see now I'm up with insomnia) that I have to really meditate on it to find optimism about this pregnancy. What I could feel was that I protect myself better, and don't get pushed around easily, feeling my right to taking care of my needs. I would love to hold onto that as much as possible, not just "for the baby" but for myself. I am careful to not focus too much on what I am doing for the baby but to feel how I am taking care of myself and then the baby gets what she needs. I am trying to look at the opportunities for my own growth, and development of my SELF rather than expect to have to give it up. But no doubt, there is a lot of sacrifice that comes with motherhood!

But for me it is not having a baby as much as getting so big and uncomfortable and giving birth that I just don't feel like dealing with. There are times too when I fear hard times with an infant (ds was soooo colicky, and dh and I fought so much under the strain) but my feelings are mostly around pregnancy itself.

[ShellyK.]

This article on depression during pregnancy - something that sometimes gets overlooked because we usually only think in terms of post-partum depression - was in my local paper today. Check it out. http://www.twincities.com/mld/pioneerpress/5413538.htm

[birdwomyn]

DSmummy --

If the depression stays, I would really encourage you to talk to your Dr about it -- I went off my depression meds early in this pregnancy, too but only on the condition that I keep in touch with the Dr as to how things are going with the depression. There are medications that are considered safe to take while pregnant -- and my Dr was really clear with me that the stress of depression is WORSE for the baby than taking the meds that are shown to be safe....

Depression (not just feeling sad sometimes) is actually a bio-chemical imbalance in your brain... It is not your fault, nor is it something to ignore. Some people need the medication long term, even life long because the imbalance is permanent.... Others are able to go off the meds and do okay.... It is difficult to know how anyone will respond -- especially when pregnant and with pregnancy hormones doing their thing.....

I just re-read your post and I will just close by REALLY ENCOURAGING you to talk to your doctor or care provider about what is going on....

Wishing you wellness, hope and a healthy babe....

kathyb

[momatheart23]

Do you have a Naturopathic Doctor in your area. I go to a wonderful one that looks at all the imbalances in your body. She makes me feel so much better naturally and safely. She prescribes Bach flower remedies that are wonderful for improving mood. Also do you get much "me" time. I am of the belief that it is essential for your well being to have some me time. I do not feel guilty either, because I am a much better mother when I have it. I was reading in Our babies, Ourselves about how depression affects babies. So take some time to take care of you. I go to a gym, and have an hour or so a day to myself. My son now loves it, and I get to do step class and yoga. I feel so much better. So I would look at natural ways to relieve depression, and ways to get more time to enrich yourself. Sending good thoughts and hoping you find a way to appreciate the joy in your life

[Stacymom]

I could have written your post... I have really been struggling to be invloved and excited about this pregnancy, and am constanly worrying about how things will work out. I am tyring to spend time everyday meditiating and concentrating on being positive. I have found some moments of joy and anticipation, and I have found that as I try to connect with this little person inside of me, and plan and focus on the birth experience that I want, I seem to feel more peace and excitement.

I have also found some guilt and things regarding how much less I focus on this pregnancy because I'm chasing around a toddler all day, but I also know that I'm doing the best that I can for my baby on the inside and for my baby on the outside. And as unreal as it seems, I really hope that things will all turn out okay when our neww little one comes to our family.

Stacy
mom to Abby 10-01 and her little sister expected end of June, 2003