? for those who've had episiotomy!

[WishIwasinMN]

Hi! I know this is a little off topic but didn't know where to ask! Had my precious dd 3 wks ago tomorrow and doc gave me episiotomy and then I tore. Don't know how big a tear--doc wouldn't tell us--don't even want to go there. Tho' midwife (was planned homebirth-ended up transferring but did have successful VBA2C!) said she thought it looked like about a 3rd degree tear. Anyway, my usually understanding husband is starting to get not so understanding, because I am still kinda sore! Sometimes feels swollen also. Just wondering if I am a big woosy or how long does it take on average to heal? Any help much appreciated!
Thanks!
Jaci

[Bladestar5]

My baby is 4mos old, and I tore. It took several weeks to heal. With my first, I had an epesiotomy, and it took a couple months to heal from what I remember...and after 3 weeks was EXTREMELY sore still!! Tell your dh there are other ways to pleasure him-lotiony hands have never been turned down before in this house:wink Just tell him that he can cut the tip of his penis with a knife and then see how he feels after a few weeks! No doubt he will be a little more understanding!!

[Pynki]

There's a reason why they say no sex for 6 weeks.. Lucky you.. You found the reason..

Tell you dh you'll rip him from his balls to his butt, and see how much he wants to do..Of course, i get crabby when i hurt and dh wants to engage in "other" activities!!!

Warm Squishy Feelings...

Dyan
:D

[Quirky]

I believe the standard recommendation is no vaginal sex for at least 6 weeks after giving birth whether you had an episiotomy or not. You still have stitches, right? Sex could open those up and do some damage, not to mention hurt like hell. But even if you don't still have stitches in you should not be having intercourse at 3 weeks post-partum. I would call your midwife for back up on this one.

I had an episiotomy and I wasn't ready for sex for probably two to three months; even once I was healed from the episiotomy things were still pretty tender and felt out of whack. When we did start having intercourse again lots and lots of water-based lubricant was key. Especially while breastfeeding, because estrogen levels (which are tied to the body's ability to lubricate) are so low.

I agree with the other posters, tell DH to back off, unless he'd like to experience similar surgery on his tender bits! There are lots of other options for intimacy and orgasm.

[kerikadi]

I think that 6 weeks is a guideline but not necessarily the rule. With #1 I had an epsiotomy and tore pretty bad and there was no sex for 8 weeks. No epi with #2, sex at 3 weeks, no epi with #3 but a skid mark on labia, sex at 4 weeks. Your DH needs to be more understanding. Maybe you could take care of him :p if you feel up to it.

Keri

[tinyshoes]

What's not to understand?!?! You've got a big knot of scar tissue on the most sensitive part of your body!

I had a lil' episiotomy, and I found it to cause discomfort during intimacy until 13 months post-partum.

Every woman is different. You are not a wuss.

I think a nice 'visual aid' when explaining episiotomy to people is to pretend to snip the corner of your mouth...IMAGINE, cutting the corner of your mouth, extending the slice into your cheek a little bit.

DISGUSTING, scary, OUCHIE, isn't it?!?!

And remember, that's not even as traumatizing as your crotch.

Take your time, and for crying out loud, dh can take a number.

[shelbean91]

Is he having a problem in general b/c you're sore and you need extra help or b/c of sex? If it's a sex thing- well I'd tell my dh to go blow. If it's that you need extra help and he's overwhelmed, that's a little more understandable, but I'd still have a few words for him.

In answer to your question, with my first- I had a small epi- only a few stitches (probably didn't need it at all, but that's another issue) and I was very sore for about 3 weeks, maybe another 2 that I was a little sore. No sex until about 8 weeks, took it slow and had no problems.

[busybusymomma]

My episiotomy hurt badly for a few weeks. It actually took months before sex didn't feel 'tender' or hurt. :shake

Whether your hubby is just tired of babying you or wants sex is beside the point. If you were a working mom, you would not be going back to work until 6-8 weeks pp as a general rule... he should extend the same to you!

[tnrsmom]

Gotta love someone who goes from:
Originally posted by Pynki
Tell you dh you'll rip him from his balls to his butt, and see how much he wants to do.
and then jumps to:
Warm Squishy Feelings...


:rotflmao :rotflmao

[Pynki]

Tnrsmom,

I am a dichotomy of emotions at all times, and homicidal with men while pregnat it seems.... (just ask dh who never asks for anything before 4-6 weeks post pardom!! :D )
Warm Squishies again ...

Dyan
:D

[princess buttercup]

3 babes, 2 episiotomy's...
I was amazed that so many muscles "effect" that area. I limped around in sweat pants and my donut pillow like the 80 year old hemmoroid Queen! It does seem like a long time to heal/feel anywhere near normal. Keep up the warm sitz for as long as you need to. they sooth and relieve a lot of pain. take an anti-inflamitory (aleve, motrin) if you believe in them.
Take care!
:)

[mshollyk]

i had an episiotomy, and i waited the full six weeks before having sex again. unfortunately, i sometimes still have some discomfort in that area during sex, and it's been four years.

[mamaduck]

I had an episiotomy with my first. I didn't feel remotely interested in sex until 8 weeks post partum, and even then I was forcing myself. It hurt for about 8-10 months evertime we had sex.

[Viola]

Originally posted by WishIwasinMN
Anyway, my usually understanding husband is starting to get not so understanding, because I am still kinda sore!

Well, the doctors say to maintain pelvic rest for 6 weeks. I'd give at least until then, and longer if it still hurts too much. I didn't have an episiotomy, but I had a large hematoma and some vaginal tearing, and it took a long time for sex not to be a little bit painful at first. I had friends who joked that they told their husbands it was 6 months, not 6 weeks. LOL

[TranscendentalMom]

I had a 3rd degree tear. I took a few weeks to heal but it stopped hurting after about a week. Put vitamin E on it & it will heal faster. Tell your hubby if he goes in too soon....he may have to wait longer. My dh & I had sex after 5 weeks...it felt ready. Anyway, I guess I wasn't lubricated enough because it tore a bit. I didn't feel it tearing, it just hurt & when I went to see my mw she said there was a little tear. Then we waited a whole month before trying again. Luckily, my dh was too tired to care.

[chicklet]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by tinyshoes

[I think a nice 'visual aid' when explaining episiotomy to people is to pretend to snip the corner of your mouth...IMAGINE, cutting the corner of your mouth, extending the slice into your cheek a little bit.]



Wow! That makes me cringe now and I had my epi from hell 4 years ago!!
I waited 4mo until I could even think about nookie. And yes, my poor deprived husband lived through it!!

You definately need your rest and to recover, I vote with the others.

[Sarahlynn]

So nice to read all these replies! I accidentally linked to some other "mainstream" parenting discussion while searching for some information, and there was a woman with a similar problem. Many of the other women were telling her to suck it up and deal! It's nice to hear such support here. :)

[Kirsten]

I have not had an episiotomy (tore a little both births) but still held fast to the 6 week rule! It was not even a topic of discussion and just let him try and complain about it (he didn't - he knows better).

YOU JUST GAVE BIRTH TO HIS KID for god's sake! After an 8 pound baby comes out of one of his orifices then he can decide the time frame for sex. I believe you are the one getting to decide now... I would be sympathetic to his issue but it would not change how early I was ready.

My dh loves and adores our two girls (and we are expecting another baby in May) but he teases me that for every kid we have, it is a year of no sex for him (no sex first trimester as I am worried of miscarriage, no sex third trimester - or not much - as it is just hard to do! And no sex first 6 weeks postpartum. Well, I guess that is about 8 months, not a year but let a guy round up...

Make him some yummy dinners, buy his favorite kind of beer, let him watch those stupid shoot em up movies on tv, but don't put out til you are ok with it! You are not a wuss!
Kirsten

[Quirky]

Originally posted by Sarahlynn
I accidentally linked to some other "mainstream" parenting discussion while searching for some information, and there was a woman with a similar problem. Many of the other women were telling her to suck it up and deal!

:eek :eek :eek OH....MY.....GOD. :eek :eek :eek

Unbelievable.

[YiddisheMama]

b'h

with dd1 i had an episiotomy. my mom said it was the largest she's ever seen. (she gave birth to eleven and had a few episiotomies.) it took over four months for it to heal completely. i was in agony and often had trouble getting out of bed. dd2 was a birth center, no doctor involved, no tear...etc

i hope you aren't going through what i did. and i hope you'll be back to normal very soon.

and just for the record, with dd2 i was back to normal after just 2 days...(of course my mom and dh still didn't let me do anything a new mom isn't supposed to do, but it was tough cuz i didn't feel like i had just given birth.)

[Moon]

I tore with my first, had an episiotomy with the second. The tear hurt like hell and took months and months to feel better, the epi was all good in a few weeks.

If my husband was in "not understanding" mode I think I'd hand him a flashlight and suggest her check the territory out himself. ..........and then, if he still insisted, I'd find one of those old fashioned mouse traps....

Alternatively, maybe just :hammer him, and tell him from me he's suffering from (hopefully) temporary male retardation.

[birthinglau]

Just thought I'd clarify how deep each degree of tear is:

first degree: tearing of skin just below or inside of vagina

second degree: skin below vagina, perineum, and the muscles of the perineum

third degree: all of the above, often anal sphincter as well

so..... a third degree tear/contiuation of episiotomy is some serious business.

even a second degree involves the muscles of the perineum, and muscles consistently take longer to heal than skin. I would not think that 3 weeks would be a sufficient amount of time for the complete healing to take place, even if the skin in that area is looking good.

also, if you don't want to do it.... then don't. intimacy is still very possible, with creativity.

and congrats on the successful VBAC. yay!

-Lau

[rubelin]

I had an episiotomy that caused 3rd degree tearing (as birthinglau said that means you tear all the way down to the anal spincter muscle, 4th degree's tear through the muscle) I call it a vaginal c-section. Mine got infected in the first week (you MUST do the sitz baths to get these things to heal well). It took about 2 months for it not to hurt horribly whenever it was touched and over 6 months for it not to be tender and only now at almost 3 months do I not notice it during sex.

It does get better, but what does not help is being rushed into anything you aren't ready for.

[Lucky Charm]

I had a 4th degree tear with my 2nd child, and my goodness was i sore.

sex is still tender and sore almost 13 yrs later. astroglide is my best friend!!

and hubby is very patient.....i love sex, but the beginning is quite tender.

[Viola]

Originally posted by Moon
If my husband was in "not understanding" mode I think I'd hand him a flashlight and suggest her check the territory out himself. ..........and then, if he still insisted, I'd find one of those old fashioned mouse traps....

Hey, I figure he's got two good hands, what's the problem? Of course, he would just try to tell me what a nice mouth I have. :rotflmao

[Viola]

Thanks for that information, Lau. I guess I had a first degree tear, but I never knew that's what it was.

[Quirky]

Liquid Silk is one of the best lubricants out there, FYI. Love love love it. Have to mail order it though.

[BowenTherapist]

i didn't read all the posts, but i didn't have an epi and i had only a small skid mark and we still waited till 6 wks to attempt anything !!
you need to take care of yourself and your new babe now... and he can take care of himself if he needs to :mischeif

btw congratz on your vbac :)

[birthinglau]

glad I could help to explain things, amy. I know I found the whole concept a little confusing, until I understood how all the muscle layers are put together, and can be damaged.

-Lau

[busybusymomma]

Originally posted by birthinglau
glad I could help to explain things, amy. I know I found the whole concept a little confusing, until I understood how all the muscle layers are put together, and can be damaged.

-Lau

:nod My mom (who was present at dd's birth) told me she was shocked at how *deep* into the muscle they cut when they gave me an episiotomy :angry (which was not necessary, but neither was the lithomy position). Ouchie!