PAL (Pregancy After Loss) support thread

[koofie]

Hi everyone! I thought I would start a thread to help all of us who have had a miscarriage or a loss during a prior pregnancy/birth. A pregnancy after such a loss can be hard due to worries about another devastating event or complications.

Here we can provide support and get information and encouragement from others who have also suffered a loss.


I will begin by saying that I suffered a m/c in April at ~6 weeks. I am nervous because I am now 5 weeks and coming up on the same time in pregnancy that I m/c. However, I have decided to try to think positively as much as I can.
I have lurked on the TP for diapers and I just bought two nb ones this am. I'm also looking around for an "I'm the big sister" t shirt for DD. I plan to let her wear it when I am ready to tell my family. I'm hoping to tell them after my first app on Thursday, or after the blood work comes back.

I'm guessing they may offer to do a vaginal ultrasound, and I am tempted to do it to make me feel better. What I am worried about is that I have heard that a v ultrasound can cause spotting.

Also, I am thinking about getting some natural progesterone if I can find it. Any thoughts/pros/cons about this? The m/c bloodwork showed I had low progesterone.

TIA everybody!

[mother_sunshine]

:hug Kelsi. Hang in there Mama, I'm sure this one will be different. :sticky

I've heard of progesterone treatments/cream/pills but I honestly don't know anything about it, the pros and cons etc. Hopefully someone here will though.

I m/c last May at 10 weeks (baby died at 7). I know what you mean about wanting to be excited but at the same time you're cautious, nervous and worried. I feel it too. I'm trying really hard not to because I really loved being pregnant with dd and I want to fully experience this one too. Having a m/c totally threw me off the blissfully naive pregnant mama wagon. I didn't see it coming, not even when they told me there was no heartbeat during the vag. u/s. It took me a day or two for it to hit me.

Anyway, enough sadness, this is a new life and a second chance! Time to party!! :balloons

Last time I met with my midwife before my OB. When I saw the OB I ended up going through lots of tests and everything was discovered within 2 days. It caused me a lot of confusion and pain. But at the same time I wouldn't have known what was coming and I was able to prepare. So this time I'm torn. I don't know if I even want to see an OB at all because with md's there always seems to be a problem to seek and discover while with the m/w there is nothing but support, comfort and trust (in the process, in myself, and in my m/w). What happens will happen.

[blueyebutterfly]

I had a m/c in Feb. at 9 weeks.

I am having a real had time right now with my emotions and this pg. I am almost trying not to think about being pg,does that make sense,so I guess if i do end up with another m/c i wont be as attached????

I have not told the kids yet, my son had a real had time with the last m/c. But my oldest dd came up to me yesterday and out of the blue asked if I was pg? LOL funny how she just had a feeling.

[pottermama]

quoted from another forum post by 5th AttemptWelcome, all new mamas. I totally undestand your anxieties. I myself have a lot of them (starting with the fact that I do not annonce my pregnancy to anyone: do not ask, no do tell policy). I did not enjoy my pregnancy (after 4 m/c in a row and one before my son) and suffered total rejection on what it going on with me untill few days after our 9-week u/s. We had 3 u/s before that. but this one was the first when we see the legs moving. My husband went to play golf that day and then he came home and said :"You know, we do everything wrong. We suffer, we do not recognize your pregnancy, we do not celebrate it, we simply do not discuss it, unless it is time to go for dr. appointment. Truth is if something happens to it, we will be crashed anyway. So, why don't we at least be happy for a little bit, if sopmething happens we will have a lot of time to worry and cry and be upset". This was kind of a turning point

blueyebutterfly- I felt the same way. I had two m/c, both late in the first trimester. The babies dated 9 weeks and didn't m/c until 12. Anyway, up until last night I would hold myself back everytime I started to get excited. Then I read the post that is purple above. Then I started thinking. No matter how I let myself pretend to feel right now, no matter how excited I get, I am still going to be crush if I m/c again. So now I am just letting myself be excited for this babies sake. And to tell you the truth I feel better. The fear is still there but I am happy!:thumb

I hope this helps a little. Have a great day!

[koofie]

I fecided to screw "being worried". I told myself (and I still am) that this baby will be sticky. I just ordered 6 nb dipes to "ohhh and ahhhh" over and a T-shirt for DD that says "I'm going to be a big sister". Once it arrives and after my blood test results come back after I take them Thursday I will have her wear this to let people know. I'm being a bit cautions (the blood tests) but otherwise I really want to enjoy this pregnancy!:dizzy:

[koofie]

Since I go my numbers back from the doc I am feeling much better.

Last time I m/c at 5 1/2 or 6 weeks. Isn't that about the time when the placenta starts making progsterone and the mom's body stops? I wonder if that was the cause. My progesterone then was 1.6 (I was told a normal pregnancy should b over 5, but thers have told me it should be over 10. This time it is 22. I have someone sending me progesterone so I can use it just in case - at least through the 1st trimenster. I think that will give me a bit more confidence.

Does anyone here know why they m/c? When during the pregnancy was your m/c?

:shy

[pottermama]

I had 2 m/c at 8 wks and 9 wks. I had an u/s on the second one at 8wks and the baby was healthy then it died a week later. I am not really sure why I m/c either time although my prog. was slightly low. My m/w won't run extensive tests until after 3 m/c so I am hoping not to have to do those. I am taking progestrone this time. Hoping all goes well. Sounds like your pregnancy is going good! :jumpers: :jumpers: It is hard not to worry sometimes.:hug :hug

[mother_sunshine]

My m/w is talking about putting me on a natural progesterone cream but I wasn't clear why. When I questioned her she just said it should help calm my nerves but she wasn't willing to go more into it until she consulted with another m/w and decided it was what I needed. I've only had 1 m/c and I have no idea what my prog. count was. I'm 37. She said I'm not at high risk. I don't like interrupting my body's natural rhythm and flow. I avoid medicines, etc, unless necessary. But if it'll help and not do any harm, I'll try it. But she wouldn't discuss it with me when I said that. She said wait until she makes sure first. I don't know what to think. :confused:

[koofie]

I have done a bit of research and so far almost all of it says that the natural progesterone is ok. It's the synthetic stuff that could mess you up. You may want to google it and see what you find. Good Luck!

[mother_sunshine]

Thanks. :love

[annettemarie]

I lost my first, and while I have had three full-term pregnancies since them, I still get very, very nervous, especially during the first trimester. I am especially concerned because we are going (hopefully) with a Mennonite midwife who runs a birthing center out of her house and I have traditionally had really low progesterone counts. Around 8. So I am thinking of asking my family doc to order a blood test and then either asking her to prescribe progesterone or using the cream. But I don't want to just assume and use the cream just in case I don't have low progesterone this time for whatever reason. Clear as mud? LOL! Maybe I'll start a thread about it.

[pottermama]

I just got my blood work back and my levels are where the should be for a 4 week pregnancy I am at 6.5. I do believe I am leaving this thread! My cramping is worse and so is the bleeding.:( It was good to have your support. Hopefully I will be back in a couple of months! Good luck to all of you!:Hug

[annettemarie]

I just got my blood work back and my levels are where the should be for a 4 week pregnancy I am at 6.5. I do believe I am leaving this thread! My cramping is worse and so is the bleeding.:( It was good to have your support. Hopefully I will be back in a couple of months! Good luck to all of you!:Hug

Oh, I am so sorry. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*

[koofie]

Please stop in occasionally to let us know how you are! I'm so sorry you are going through this. :(

[mother_sunshine]

I just got my blood work back and my levels are where the should be for a 4 week pregnancy I am at 6.5. I do believe I am leaving this thread! My cramping is worse and so is the bleeding.:( It was good to have your support. Hopefully I will be back in a couple of months! Good luck to all of you!:Hug

FWIW, I'm right there with you mama. :Hug :(

[imosbc]

My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage. For those of you who don't know what that means...a missed miscarriage is when the baby dies, but your body doesn't recognize it, so you don't miscarry and have to have the baby removed (D&C--basically an abortion). It was right after Sept. 11th and I was scheduled to go in on my birthday. I was 4months pregnant and had gone through a hellish bout of morning sickness and was ready to hear the baby's heartbeat. Unfortunately, they hadn't scheduled me with an OB/gyn, they scheduled me with a regular GP doctor, so my appointment got moved to a week later, thankfully. So, I went in and we couldn't find a heartbeat with the doppler, so we tried an ultrasound. The doctor turned the screen for me to look and said "unfortunately, I can't find a heartbeat, it looks like the baby died at 2 months and your body hasn't recognized it". I cried and cried in his office and then left with a surgery date for the D&C. That same night I found my baby kitten howling in pain, she was in shock and had ingested something poisonous and was dying in my hands...so we had her put to sleep. I'll never forget that day, I was numb for a long time after that. But, about 6 months later, I got pregnant again with my son Brendon and delivered a healthy baby boy 9 months later. Having my son healed me from my previous miscarriage. For some reason, I thought he was the same baby I had lost, I just got another chance at him:)
Everytime I find out that I'm pregnant, I worry because of what happened, but I'm also a lot more thankful when it all turns out to be ok..I think I appreciate my kids more than if it had all come so easily to me.

I'm hoping and praying for all of you, no matter what happens:innocent

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[wanderinggypsy]

Just last month I miscarried at just 5 weeks. I'll be to the day at the same stage as that miscarriage this Wednesday. As long as I make it past there I think I'll be ok. We (my doc and I) think the last m/c was a low progesterone thing, and I'm doing progesterone suppostories now.

Here's hoping we're all 'sticky'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best of luck to all of you.

[hopeful1]

Also, I am thinking about getting some natural progesterone if I can find it. Any thoughts/pros/cons about this? The m/c bloodwork showed I had low progesterone.
TIA everybody!

Not from your ddc, but wanted to respond to your thread....
Congratulations on your pregnancy and I'll send sticky baby vibes your way...:dust I'm really sorry to hear of your loss...:( It's always hard during a subsequent pregnancy to not worry.... I know all too well. Just to let you know, you might want to wait until you have bloodwork done during this pregnancy to test your progesterone levels. They could be absolutely normal this time around. Also, your progesterone level naturally plummets when you have a miscarriage, so I wouldn't go by that as a sole indication that you are progesterone deficient. Remember, every pregnancy is different....:wink

Lots of luck to you, and to the rest of us as well, who have endured loss but have the courage to brave pregnancy again....:thumb

[koofie]

Ok, last night before I went to bed I wiped and saw lots of pink CM, so I am freaking out. I could NOT sleep last night hardly at all! I haven't seen anything else and I am *trying* to stay off my feet. anyone else have suggestions? DH and I were pulling up tiles in DD's bathroom yesterday because we plan to eventually redo the floor in there. I don't think I over did it, but you never know. Do you gals think I should call the DR? my temps are still high. when I mc last time, it started similarly, but the bloody cm continued until I started bleeding. I didn't have any cramps until after I was bleeding.

TIA:gloomy:

[hopeful1]

I would say to just keep an eye on it. Pink CM can be perfectly normal. Sometimes it can be residual bleeding from implantation. My doctor described to me that as the baby grows and burrows further into the lining during the first weeks of pregnancy, sometimes it sloughs some of the lining. If you start bleeding bright red blood, I would say to be a little concerned then. I had a caramel colored cm at the beginning of my pregnancy at 4 weeks and at 8 weeks.... when I would typically have been having AF. If it helps to ease your mind, call your doctor anyway. I'm sending super sticky vibes your way....:sticky

[babycatcher01]

After 2 normal healthy babys, my first third was a miss, last March. It was a blighted ovum. It was just really weird. Being a mw my self I knew all the reasons and have helped mother go through their misses, but when it happens to you, words cant say how I still feel about it. I just keep praying that this one sticks, and growns.

[wanderinggypsy]

I had a tiny bit of spotting last night, but nothing since then, so I'm still optimistic. My HCG is a lot better than it was in the pregnancy that I lost, so thats a good thing. And today there has been no sign of anything abnormal, but I did get my first real bout of morning sickness, so WOOHOO!!

[mother_sunshine]

I'm back mamas! :love I thought I miscarried last week but it turned out to be a subchorionic hematoma. The baby is fine. I can't believe it. When I started bleeding last week I automatically assumed it was a m/c like last time. I ended up going to an OB to find out what's wrong with me (with 2 m/c in 3 months) so she gave me a blood test and it came back in the 20,000's. I went to the hospital for an u/s today and I saw the heartbeat of the baby!! As tiny as it was, I started crying because I thought it was a blighted ovum, but then the tech said "there's the heartbeat" and I bawled like a baby. What a whirlwind of a week. I can't believe I'm back. I know it's still really early. I'm only 6+ weeks and I lost my last baby at 10 weeks (they said the baby was 7 weeks gestation but he/she was way too developed to be only 7 weeks, there were fingers and toes and a beautiful tiny face....) so I'm just hanging on and hoping everything turns out right. I decided to try progesterone cream (Emerita) from the HFS so hopefully that'll help.

Anyway, glad to be back!!!

[St. Margaret]

Okay, everyone be praying and keeping their fingers crossed for me... today I go for an early u/s (never thought I'd be getting one of those!) to see what's going on with this pregnancy... I've been bleeding since I got pregnant, for two weeks strong now, so who knows if it's a total repeat of last month or if this pregnancy is totally different and there will still be a baby in there (my numbers were going up even as I was bleeding, at least early on-- WHY didn't I insist on blood checks to continue on?). But I don't have a lot of hope. I have been swinging between being VERY sad and angry and frustrated and then having a little bit of hope... but I'm afraid I'm just going to get slammed this afternoon. DH offered to come to the appt with me, so I think that'll be nice. Just gotta make it through and then we'll KNOW (oh please I hope we know something indicating something after this!) and knowing will be so much better.... fingers crossed!!!!

[koofie]

Good luck, and keep us updated!

:sticky

[St. Margaret]

I AM pregnant! He saw a yolk sac! He said it looked good. So in two weeks (Sept 6) I'll go back and we'll see if we can see a spinal pole. I am still having a hard time relaxing or appreciating this, but for now I am trying to ease into the idea that I am in fact pregnant! He had no explanation for the bleeding, just said it happened in such and such %, and we weren't out of the woods yet... the heartbeat would be a very good sign. yada yada yada, y'all know all this. DH came with me, which was very nice. Aaaahhh I am rambling. OB actually said to keep fingers crossed. So who knows what the next few weeks will bring, but at least now we know the bleeding of the last two weeks hasn't already resulted in a m/c. He showed us the egg sac and the spot near it that he said could be "just bleeding," implantation bleeding. He said it was two "clear" areas on the u/s, the yolk sac and then the bleeding. SOOOOO fingers crossed, and YAAAAYYY. I felt silly having to buy more pads when I just had my pregnancy confirmed, but ah well. For now, DH is insisting we enjoy this early pregnancy :)

[mother_sunshine]

Yay! Congrats!

I wonder if you have a subchorionic hematoma too...? It's a little pocket of blood in the uterus that can cause bleeding. Mine's 4x2x3cm. :shrug

[St. Margaret]

I was totally wondering the same thing, even mentioned it to the nurse, when we were discussing the bleeding beforehand, and she mentioned there can be "pockets of blood" and then I used the word hematoma, but later I asked the doc if he knew what was up with the bleeding, and he didn't mention a hematoma.

Anyway, I told my mom and DH and I are going to get crazy-happy and just enjoy it as long as it lasts (hopefully 35 weeks or so more!)