Were you gifted?

[twins10705]

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[teachma]

According to the IQ tests I took in kindergarten and second grade, no, I am not gifted. Like my own children (one of whom scored 129 on the Verbal IQ and so, technically, isn't gifted either) I developed receptive and spoken language exceptionally young and so many people believed I was gifted despite my failure to perform as such in the testing situation. Because I could so clearly express myself and convey my desires from early on, I feel I kind of fooled people into thinking I was super smart. Instead, I was probably just super good with words. I didn't ever experience any of the usual difficulties of gifted children (aside from a general feeling of frustration about others who didn't "get it" quickly enough for me), and I was always very happy to find school easy and be rewarded with straight As, so my guess is that I'm a high-average type of person...Dh tested gifted as did both of my siblings.

[wonderactivist]

Dear Twins,

I was an intellectual child and, well, the pressure put on me was very incredible. I was put into a private all-girls highschool by my parents while my sisters went to public school. Syill, to this day, while "much" was expected, I'm not quite sure what it was.

I do know one thing - that I had lost all interest in learning by my sophomore year of high school. At that point, I wanted to be anything but smart - I wanted especially to have fiun and to rebel against the "me" that was stereotyped into place.

I coasted through high school no problem, got into a great college and had to take some pretty bad grades before I learned that - guess what? - even I needed to study if I was going to make it.

And I changed my major to something I was interested and started working at learning. I travelled abroad, took some time away from college to work on an activist passion, and when I went back, I felt SO much the better for it.

Now, well, my mom recently pointed out that they paid all that money just to have me stay home with the kids? But I am so happy and can think of no better way to spend my time and talents than by educating my own kids, and sometimes others in groups.

But somewhere along the way, I learned to totally admire the talents of artistic, athletic, and even just crafty folks. I think that my really rough year of college especially helped me to get rid of the ego-trip associated with "giftedness" (a term I just really don't like, preferring intellectual).

I still have some of the problems that come with this territory - I am NOT a social butterfly, and I sound know-it-all-ish if I'm not careful. I also have that ongoing haboit of making things too complicated - which I try to compensate for by oversimplifying.

I think to me the best lesson I learned ws to just be a full "me" and not just "be" my brain. No matter how imperfect I am.

Best wishes,

Lucie

[BamBam'sMom]

I was "gifted" as a child but I don't know my IQ. The psychologist told me he wasn't supposed to tell me the number, but that it was in the gifted range. I don't think the number matters and, honestly, I am thankful there weren't gifted programs in CA at that time because I already felt different. I thought that I would automatically amount to something because I was smart.

Then I started middle school and realized it wasn't cool to get good grades. I changed how I talked (I still don't use proper English, even though I know and love it) and started slacking in school.

I attended some college but still haven't finished.

I have thought a lot about why I did all this and, not to blame my mom because she did the best she could, but she really went about it all wrong. Have you read "Unconditional Parenting?" It talks about how using praise and rewards doesn't give children intrinsic motivation. To my mom, intellect is all that matters. She used rewards and punishments to try and make me like her, and now I am nothing like her. I think that she sees being a SAHM as simple and boring, and she wants "more" for me. I am happy where I am. I am also 24 and have plenty of time to return to school and explore whatever I wish later, on my own terms.

Sorry for rambling.

BTW, your twins are darling!

[Godiva]

Yup, I was gifted. I had reading ability/comprehension years ahead of my age. Math was easy, languages were easy, tests were easy....it was all too easy. I was smart til I got deeper into "school education". From k-5th I got straight A's easily. Then I realized how dumb and boring school was. My grades quickly slipped from the 100% average to F's. I didn't do any homework, I aced every test I took though. I wrote major papers but I would find out what my teacher hated the most and wrote in support of it. (I always failed those ;) ) I did just enough to pass my classes because I didn't want to repeat them. For example my freshman year bio class I failed every single quarter, aced my midterms and passed the class based on my midterm score alone. I graduated early, didn't go to prom or anything else social like that. I missed so many days of school (lol my mom was cool and let me stay home when I wasn't sick) I had suspensions. I hated school because I felt dumber every time I sat through another boring lecture. It killed every ounce of intrest in learning I had. I'm just now starting to become interested in things again. If I don't know a word I look it up, I use wiki and google all the time to learn about random things I didn't know. I feel like I was robbed of several years of true education by being forced into school but it's never too late to learn right? I've been out of school for about 2 years now (I never went to college) and I've learned more in these 2 years than my entire 12 years of school combined. My dh had the same expereince and so we are of course homechooling/unschooling our dd.

[alegna]

Yes. I was in gifted programs through middle school and still didn't fit in.

-Angela

[Brazilianmommy]

When I was 7 I was transfered to 4 grade, I wasn't in a gifted program becuase there wasn't one in my school in Sao Paulo but I was ahead two year at the age of 3 I started to play the piano and the violin an my ability to draw was amazing(as my art teacher put it) I started to read before 3 and perfect for someone so young, and becuase my mom speaked to me in Italian and Portuguese I ws fluent in both language on a very young age my first real literature book was O Cortiço by Aluiso Azevedo in Portuguese at age 5 and started to read the works of Emile Zola and other things of Brazilian literatures I could read in Italian at 3 as well I took guitar classes at age of 6(I could have took them before but i didn't wanted to) I consider myself that I was a very bright child but not gifted, anyways with two languages already I wasn't interested in another language until I was 8 years old I took German but just for a year, I loved(and still love) to write poems and songs since i was very young (I began at age 6) but what I really liked(and still do:dizzy: ) is to draw and design I tooked classes and my teachers asked me what I was doing in a group of little kids if I have that skill my mom decided private lessons for me I wanted to get better and learn new techniques, I was a fan of literature to I didn't liked math but I still had to do it . I finished elementary school at 10 and middle school at 13 I found an art school in Buenos Aires and I wanted to go there so my mom and I went there for 2 years I studied and learned Spanish there and I loved it my mom said that she was very proud of me and stuff she had always be by myself when I need her and I thank her for that, when i was 15 I start High school in Guadalajara Jalisco in Mexico and I studied art after classes and continue with my classes, i was by myself that time I asked for it, and I worked after my art and school classes and i was just 15 years old, I had a journal I will write poems in there and draw and other stuff to, I learned English in Mexico to but I wasn't interested in it much and I studied for a year,I studied art and literature in Netherlands but I had my issues I didn't have any friends I ws always pushed around and I had a low self esteem and other things but Thanks to my DH that he was my first love and everything first(:loveeyes: ) he teached me how special I can be to someone and we have a beautiful dd and a solid marriage..

[XM]

Yes. Tested at 150, and completely miseable in the public schools despite being in the gifted programs... DH was never tested but is very smart, if not smarter then me :D He also languished in public schools, before hitting his stride in college.

I think we're gonna homeschool DS ;)

[eilonwy]

I'm one of those kids that had so much potential..so naturally talented in so many areas...but nothing to show for it... I have been failed and I have failed myself. I feel like I have become a statistic -- the genius child = loser adult paradox.

Hey, that's me! Only I'm nearly 29, and my kids are cool and entertaining enough that I don't always feel like I'm absolutely worthless.... :dizzy:

[EFmom]

I have IQ tested in the gifted range several times. The Dickensian catholic elementary school I attended had nothing like a gifted program. Questioning of anything was NOT appreciated, and the nuns were much more interested in conformity and religion than in learning. I did a great deal of reading on my own, but school was pretty uninteresting.

I went to a public high school which was much, much better. They didn't have a gifted program per se, but classes were tracked, so accelerated and AP classes were available.

[lasciate]

I was a gifted child, had next to no friends, never really fit in, didn't live up to my potential, accomplished nothing, yadda yadda..

My daughter shows no signs of being gifted and I am relieved for her sake. I do hope that she is smart like her daddy though :)

[zerby]

I despise the term gifted...all of our children are gifted at something. Some are just able to be more intellectually advanced than their peers. I tested at about 150(depending on the test and the administrator), and I have a daughter that I hope to avoid testing.

[~*SugarMama*~]

I was a gifted child, had next to no friends, never really fit in, didn't live up to my potential, accomplished nothing, yadda yadda..



Same here. I was in the gifted programs and it still didn't make a lick of difference, I was still bored all throughout school. I would skip high school almost continuously, only going in for the tests and passed my classes that way. Got reported quite a few times for "cheating" since no one could believe that someone wouldn't have to "work" to ace the tests.

I am worried about my daughter for those same reasons. I don't want her to lead the life that I did as a child. Which is also why we are homeschooling our children. After what I went through in the public schools and watching what my very normal son went through in kindergarten, I know that its just not the choice for our family.

[Alenushka]

I was in the school for linguistically gifted children. Eventaully I became an interpreters.
I was not bored. My mom tuaght me an imporatnce of finding meaning in anything I did and do. She also had this idea that knowledge is enver lost and sometime down the road I will be glad I was force to study Shcietifc communims. It is true. I was alway finished with my homework in 20 mintues and I read a tremendous number of books. I suked in math and I accepted it. It is not my gift
My rbother took himslef out of shcool in 5th grade and never went to collged. He teste doff the chart as far as math, logicla reasoning. He has disgraphia a nd some dyslexia.
He never went to . Only now, at age 34 he figured out that sometime you do need to do boring crap and get to work at 9 and listen to your boss to do what you love to do and to amke $$ whcih elts you help others.
He work for large computer ocmpany and they worship him for there is nothing he write code for, debug or invent.

[mata]

The words "advanced" and "gifted" were thrown around interchangeably with me. When I went to school in Atlanta, I was just "advanced." But when I went to school in rural North Georgia, I was labeled "gifted" (this probably came about because I knew who Woodrow Wilson was and what sidereal time was.) :lol I think I was just a curious kid with diverse interests who liked to teach herself things. They tested my IQ when I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I think-I remember so many questions (who wrote Pilgrim's Progress?) Not sure what my IQ was/is, but I was placed in advanced classes in elementary school, and took AP classes all throughout private high school. Didn't do well on standardized tests like the SAT, but maintained an A average and was consistently on the dean's list, in the honor society etc. Senior year I was taking a few college courses and that kept me stimulated.

In college I was definitely a big fish from a small pond thrown into a lake with extremely bright students who had much better educations than I did. Freshman year was tough-I took a lot of hard knocks and the professors really challenged me. It was hard not having straight A's for the first time ever. But I hit my stride in junior year, when I really learned how to think and it felt so great when I made the Dean's List-for the first time I felt like I really earned it. Everything had come much too easily before.

[marvelous]

I was labled as gifted in elementary and was always in honors and AP classes throughout school, but after reading some of the threads here, I don't think I was "gifted" but just a good student who liked to learn. Oh well. Math makes sense to me and that is my strength, but I know I am not that good at it.

My DD is definitely not gifted, but she is bright and I will help her to realize her full potential as well as I can.

[kallyn]

Hey wonderactivist, are you sure you're talking about you and not me? :lol Seriously! Especially this part: "I still have some of the problems that come with this territory - I am NOT a social butterfly, and I sound know-it-all-ish if I'm not careful. I also have that ongoing haboit of making things too complicated - which I try to compensate for by oversimplifying." I do this all the time...I've enlisted DH to help me realize when I'm doing it, but sometimes I get touchy about it. :/

I was in all the gifted programs in elementary school, then sailed through high school honors courses without ever doing any work or trying or caring. Predictably, I tanked my freshman courses at college due to my nonexistent work ethic and penchant to skip classes because they were all "dumb." But eventually I realized I actually needed to, like, do my homework and stuff and I pulled my gades back around. ;P

It's funny how you can go from being "gifted and talented" to feeling like a worthless lump once you hit college, eh? It's like...you never had to work for it, so it doesn't mean anything, but you still feel dumb because of that kid in your physics class who studies for 10 hours a day and gets 110 on every test.

Oh, and I also have nothing to show for it now. Been out of college a year already, and I sit around the house all day while DH goes to work. ;P I would looove some babies, or at least a dog, but DH isn't ready yet.

[mamajody]

I was identified in first grade, but I have no idea what my IQ is. I never cared. My parents made the mistake of telling my brother his after he was diagnosed with dyslexia in first grade, and he used it like a weapon. I am glad I don't know.
I attended a gifted program for 5 years where they would pull me out of regular class and bus me to another school with the other gifted kids in town. I missed a lot of regular school because of it. Especially math class. I fell really far behind, and didn't catch up until college when I learned to teach math as part of my teaching program.
There was no "gifted" program in middle or high school, but I took honors in everything except math. I loved being able to choose my own classes in high school, and would frequently sign up because something looked interesting. However, I once had a teacher tell me, privately thank goodness, that I had to drop her class because I was too smart for it, and I was making the other students feel bad! I was often told by the guidance department to take more AP classes to get into a good college, and so I could live up to my potential. How I hate that particular phrase!
In college I struggled to figure out which program I really wanted to be in. I couldn't major in education, and my goal was to be a teacher. I had so many diverse interests and I couldn't make up my mind. I just knew I wanted a challenge, and I shunned anything that looked easy. My freshman year I signed up for a literature class with a professor that was known to be extremely hard. On the first day I was the only freshman in a room full of senior English majors. I had to prove I had been exempted from freshman level English, and even then she tried to make me leave. At the end of the semester she gave me an A-. I was at that time the only underclassman to have ever passed her class. I didn't stay in that department though. I tried Biology for 2 years because it was more challenging (supposedly) all I learned was I didn't have to study for bio classes, and I could not do chemistry. At all.
I ultimately ended up taking a major that gave me my teaching certificate quickly so I could leave. My family was in crisis and under great financial pressure. I was working 5 part time jobs and still acing my classes. At the time I didn't see anything special in that. Now that I have kids I think it is amazing.
I can't tell you how many people thought I was throwing away my talent by going into teaching. I sometimes wonder if I had more time in college if I would have done something different with my life. I certainly would have enjoyed my classess more, and would have found what i was truly passionate about.
Now I look at my DD and I see such gifts in her. I want her to have the time to find her passion. I don't want her hustled out of school like DH (also gifted) and I were. I don't want financial survival to be the biggest factor in her life. I also want her to feel the thrill of REALLY loving what she is learning that I remember from my best classes.

[MommyofPunkiePie]

Wonderactivist and Kallyn, it's your long lost triplet here! I really felt that I had found a kindred spirit when I read your posts! The part that is different is that I do try to be a know-it-all, just because if I don't know the answer, I need to know it--it's as if it eats me alive. Well, maybe I'm not a know-it-all, but certainly aiming for the status of *Jack of All Trades (Master of None).*:wink

I found at a very early age that I could learn more on my own than in a structured setting. That's not saying I did poorly in school, I did quite well (don't ask me about math though:dizzy: ), but my real talent is in the verbal area of life. I have never been formally IQ tested, but I do very well on the ones I have taken online.

I can't help but think that this may have been a mindset that I have adopted as my own. I was an only child for 5 years, with an alcoholic father (never home). My Mother put all of her effort into me: 5-7 books read to me every night from newborn until my brother was born, nursery rhymes over and over, ABC's, numbers, lather, rinse, repeat. I wonder if her repetition with these things fostered my early knowledge (ABC's and nursery rhymes at 18 months, reading books at 2, billboards at 2.5).

I was born 24 days after the cutoff date for entering preschool at the Catholic school, so they made me repeat it, even though I had satisfactorily completed it somewhere else. The teacher sent notes home weekly, Samantha won't stay in her seat. Samantha is the first one finished with her work and will go help the other children when she's done.:blah The teacher actually had the audacity to tell my Mother that it wasn't a good idea for her to have another child (when she was already pregnant with my brother!). But duh, I had already done this once before!

I know I'm just rambling here, but I was really looking for a forum on naptimes when this caught me eye.:lol

I feel DD has got *something* (just today I was told that she is smarter than I was at that age), but I don't want to do the same things to her that were done to me in terms of expectations. I want her to love learning as much as I do but not have it shoved down her throat.

I am 30, and I have no *formal* education under my belt. I attempted college and poor choices (accompanied by a slow decline in my Grandmother's health and a loser longterm boyfriend) helped me out of that situation in the first semester. It was easier to lie and say I wanted to quit than it was to admit that I had failed.

I still don't know what I want to do with my life--other than to be the best Mama ever!

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I was a gifted child. I scored between 147 (lowest) and 174 (highest) on a variety of IQ tests throughout my childhood.

School was sometimes boring but I compensated by daydreaming and fantasizing alot, and reading next year's textbooks. I had few friends, and weird interests not suitable for a girl (my mother insisted I stop my lepidoptera hobby; I just learned to hide it better, and I even stole books and nets to get what I needed).

In college, I picked the easiest major (psychology), and between working 70 hours a week and really hating college (I had major social anxiety) I just showed up on test days. I got my degree and have always wanted to go back and work on a post-grad, but time just slipped away, and now we have a child.

I don't know what it means to have a high IQ. It doesn't seem to have helped me in relationships, and I struggle with depression/learning to be happy. The main thing about having a high IQ, I think, is that I get bored easily. Life is understimulating so much of the time. There is nothing new under the sun, it feels like. I see people all around me, my partner included, being content with what just is, and I am not able to be content just being. I don't know why.

I suspect our DD is gifted (she is 19 mths) and we intend to homeschool. I hope I can do it and meet her needs. I'm really scared that I won't be able to give her all she needs but I am positive school won't, so I'm going to try.

[MommyofPunkiePie]

I think Lisa Simpson said it best:
When will my intelligence become an asset instead of a liability?

[catgirl]

I think Lisa Simpson said it best:
When will my intelligence become an asset instead of a liability?

Bwa ha ha!!

She's the only cartoon character I've ever identified with!

[lilzark]

Thank you for this interesting conversation. I have really felt at least something in common with each of you. My experience was definitely less traumatic than many stories told on this board. I suspect I'm not as outrageously "gifted" as many of you even though I was labeled that way.

In kindergarten at public school I remember being set out in the hall to work on 1st-2nd grade math books (which felt isolating and miserable!) I was never told my own IQ... My parents mentioned to me one time that when I was being tested, the tester admired my intellectual ability but was worried that I would not develop social skills (something I wish I didn't know!!) In 4th grade at public school I was placed in the "gifted" program, which was just going to a separate room every once in a while and doing creative activities.

From 6th grade on, I was sent to a fancy private school. I think my parents and grandparents pulled together and struggled to do so. While I am so, so grateful for the academic opportunities I had there, the social environment, at least in middle school, was kind of damaging. The fact that it was an expensive school seemed to polarize kids into "smart" versus "rich".

I got a full college scholarship, but when I got there, I did have the experience of receiving less than A's and actually having to work! And then I too went through a burnout period where I just didn't want to work hard any more. I had a boyfriend who was not a good influence (again, something I read from one of you) and I lost my original career goals. I took a detour and became an art student, even though this wasn't my greatest strength... Fortunately toward the end of college I met my husband, who gave me the stability I needed. I had a nice career in graphic design for about 8 years, until I decided to stay home with my daughter.

I never did have the high powered career that I pictured when I was 12 or 13 (wearing a fancy suit and traveling the world and contributing to world peace and such.) But I am happy with my home and family. I am currently searching for a business or hobby that I can pursue while at home with my daughter, something that is stimulating and challenging.

My only concern now is that I might be expecting my own child to be "gifted"... she is only 26 months but it is starting to cross my mind. She already learned her colors, counting, and nursery rhymes and now she is into memorizing books (not that she is reading, but she knows lots of books word for word.) It is hard not to expect things of your child when you've been through this whole "gifted" process.

[witchbaby]

i was a very mildly gifted child. my mother refused to have my iq tested and didn't want me to take the tests for giftedness, but i begged and she relented. i did not score high enough for the district's highly gifted program, but did score high enough for gifted classes. i read early and was fairly advanced in art and writing skills.
the husband-type is highly gifted. his iq is somewhere between 155-160 (his mother won't tell either him or his brother their actual score, just ranges). he has a freakish memory for things that interest him (including, but not limited to: the history of the american labor movement, particularly pertaining to minorities; bicycles; jazz; and simpsons episodes). he has moderate to severe add, as well.