irrational fears

[~*SugarMama*~]

x-posted in special needs

Not sure which one this applies to. But lately, DD (almost 4) has become increasingly afraid of seemingly meaningless things. Starting last week, she has become terrified that "a bad man" is going to break in her bedroom window and steal her away during the night. Our bedtime routine is becoming longer and longer with having to make sure that the curtains completely cover her windows, that we swap sides of the bed, that I make sure that she has her "protecter" stuffed animals with her and that I tuck her in tightly enough that no one can slip her out of the bedding.

The other major one began on Monday. She has become convinced that the devil drives a big black truck in the town of Utica (where my mom lives and where her doc's office is) and that he is looking for just her. Now, everytime that we go through that area, she ducks down in her carseat and refuses to lift her head level with the window. Because if she does, the devil is going to take her away and never bring her back.

I don't know where this is coming from or if it is even "normal". But I do know that these "fears" are slowly taking away her routines. She is constantly talking about the "bad man" and the devil. She just won't stop. Its like its on her mind constantly right now. And I have no clue on how to help her. :( I feel like the worst parent, not knowing what my baby needs to hear to feel more secure again. :(

[Roar]

I found this book really helpful. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0767914929/sr=8-13/qid=1156387791/ref=sr_1_13/002-2145201-4372069?ie=UTF8

My main suggestions would be:
1. acknowledge her feelings but in a low key way. "You were scared. That is a hard feeling".
2. Take a firm line that you will keep her safe. You take precautions to lock the window. That isn't her job and you will always take care of her. Some kids like to hear specifics - I checked into it on the Internet, I called the city council, I read a book about this, etc. and I have determined that it is not a danger, etc.
3. Encourage ways to calm down - practice taking a deep breath and hugging the teddy bear (or whatever) Whatever she can do to have more control is good.
4. Set aside a time to worry. She can have five minutes to talk about the worry and then it is time to be done with it.
5. It is good to not get into avoiding a bunch of stuff. That will encourage her anxiety to grow instead of lessen.
6. If she watches TV or videos I'd be really really careful about that. I've noticed with friend's kids that it isn't just scary stuff (like something R rated that shows kidnapping) but it can be just the video stimulation at all. A friend's son started having nightmares regularly after watching Sesame Street of all things.

Hope it gets better soon.

[~*SugarMama*~]

Thanks! I will definitely be making a trip to the library to see if they stock that book. And we don't watch anything but videos here....videos of things that are played on Nick Jr mostly but editted to remove the commercials. I even stopped watching the news and have taken to just reading it because I have no idea where these fears are stemming from. Just that I feel lost on how to help her deal with them.

[teachma]

SugarMama, I feel like I have shared some things about my 6 year old son with you before, maybe on another thread...we have totally btdt with him, and his fears began around 3.5/4 years old also. They all involved his concern about threats to his safety. We would go on bike rides in the neighborhood, and suddenly everyone we'd pass was a potentially bad "stranger," and, "Mom, how do you know he isn't going to break into our house since we aren't at home?" Then, "Are you sure you locked the doors? Are the windows open?" Once I recall, I took a yogurt from the fridge, and it had been slightly opened already. He was convinced a stranger had come into our house and done it! Around that same time, he also developed a fear that a wolf could break into our house. We had to study wolves' anatomy at the library so I could show him they have NO hands/fingers, so they couldn't open the door. These little fears gradually developed into an intense fear that I would die, and at that point, we were no longer functioning normally, so I sought therapy for him. He had once-weekly meetings with a child psychologist, for about 8 months. It was severely expensive ($200/session) but totally worth it. His worries at that point had become so bad I'd have gladly given away every last cent to help him. He still worries- it's simply in his nature to do so- but we're under control now. I am not implying your daughter needs therapy at this point, but I just wanted to share our experiences with my son who, from what I have read in your posts, sounds similar to your dd. Sometimes it's comforting to know there are kids out there like my own.