If you *really* want a boy or a girl...

[mamaglee]

I've heard so many people say they want to get an ultrasound because they really want a boy or they really want a girl and they don't want to be disappointed at the birth. Has anyone ever *not* found out and then actually been disappointed at the birth? I was thinking this would be highly unlikely....especially in a natural birth where those lovey hormones just kick in. But I thought it would be interesting to hear what others have to say.

[TattooedMama]

Well I see you have 2 girls and are probably wanting a BOY then... :thumb I have 2 boys and am *REALLY* wanting a girl. But, this is going to be my 3rd no ultrasound surprise gender baby, born at home and I absolutely cannot imagine being disappointed or upset at the moment of birth if it is a boy.
I have a friend though that was pregnant with her 2nd baby and was only planning on having 2 and was dead set on finding out the gender so she had time to "get over it" if it was a boy. She wanted a girl SO BAD!!!! It was of course, a boy, and she bawled at the ultrasound :gloomy: but was sort of over it by the time of birth. I guess I am not that emotionally invested in having a specific gender. I want another healthy baby born at home... that is my priority right now. Finding out the gender at the time of birth will be exciting for everyone! But a girl would be nice! :lol

[mamaglee]

Actally, I really am neutral this go around. I will admit to wanting girls the first two times. This is the first time I'm not actually scared of having a boy :) . Maybe that means it is one. I don't find out the sex, but I admit to being really curious this time!

[NaomiLorelie]

We found out the third time. I wanted to keep it a surprise but DH really wanted to know. I figured he could have that since I make all the really important decisions. I was pretty disappointed to find out it was another girl. I was really shocked that I had that reaction but I was excited about a girl in 24 hours. I wonder if I would have been disappointed at all if I had found out once she was already in my arms.

[Full Heart]

Well I have 2 girls and 4 boys. In that order. Never knew the gender before hand and I was never disappointed cause I am not that invested in the gender. My friend is the opposite of me, she had 4 girls and then 2 boys. She found out with the first 3 what she was having and then with the 4th girl she didn't find out, she really really thought it was a boy. But she wasn't disappointed. Surprised, but not disappointed. #5 came and she didn't find out again and was shocked to find it was a boy. She thought her dh was playing a trick on her lol.

[mary3mama]

I wasn't hoping for a girl this time, even though I have 2 boys. I really didn't care, I was/am just thrilled to be having another baby.

But, at the same time, I have felt since the beginning of this pg that I was having a girl, and it was a very strong instinct. So when it was decided that it would be advisable to do an u/s to check on my cervix, I left it up to my dh whether we'd find out or not. He had in all previous pgs, btw.

DH absolutely wanted to know. For him I think it's about being able to start calling that child by its name and bonding and such.

I absolutely wanted to know to, even though I was leaving the choice up to him. But in my case it was because I so strongly believed it was a girl that if I were having a boy, I wanted to know it now, so that I could start getting used to that idea. I did not want a boy to pop out at birth and have that so mess with my head that I didn't feel ready to bond right away.

Should I have trusted my instinct, dunno... Just knew that I felt better finding out... And, yes, per my feeling, we are indeed having our first little girl.

[mamabear&babybear]

I *really* want a boy this time. For that reason I am not going to find out the gender of this one. I don't want to have that kind of disappointment for the second half of my pregnancy. I know that once I look at that sweet face that I just gave birth to, the gender won't matter at all. :loveeyes:

[aniT]

I've heard so many people say they want to get an ultrasound because they really want a boy or they really want a girl and they don't want to be disappointed at the birth. Has anyone ever *not* found out and then actually been disappointed at the birth? I was thinking this would be highly unlikely....especially in a natural birth where those lovey hormones just kick in. But I thought it would be interesting to hear what others have to say.


My DH was with our first dd. They couldn't tell what she was and he was visibly disappointed and pissed me off. With our 2nd dd (the oldest is not his) we did find out at 20 weeks and he was disappointed again. However I realized it was better for ME for him to be disappointed while I was pregnant and get it out of his system BEFORE the baby was born. It was less hurtful than after.

This time it is a boy so he is happy.

[sparkprincess]

I'm mixed on this.

Dh and I always knew we were going to have 2 girls. :wink Then we found out we were pregnant with a boy. We were so, so upset. Cried all the way home. :rolleyes We warmed up to the fact pretty quickly and were very happy about our baby boy (and he is the love of our lives now!!).

Now we are expecting number 2 and we are going to find out the gender again and I'm not sure it's the best idea. I don't want to be upset even if it's just for a short time - I know we will be blessed just to have a healthy baby, why get hung up on little stuff??

On the other hand, I like finding out the gender for logistics. Should we make a girlified nursery or make it into a big boy room for ds and keep the nursery the same? Should we keep all of ds' baby clothes or clear them out now while I have the time and energy, etc, etc, etc. Oh, plus it's killing dh and he can't keep a secret worth a darn! :o

[snazzy_mom]

I never had feelings of preference either way. I am just happy that my babies have been healthy.

[RainbowsMum]

Thats a tough one... As soon as I read the question I thought of the movie called "Riding In Cars With Boys" with Drew Barrymore in it, when she gives birth she had her heart totally set on a girl, and it was a boy so she burst into tears and said something like "Thats not my baby, my babys a girl...."

Personally I was happy with either as long as baby was healthy. In saying that I would have preferred a girl just for my first baby because I have two younger sisters so little girls are not unfamiliar to me, with a boy its like a whole other unit down there... When I first found out I was preg - After the initial shock, I had the feeling I was having a girl, but as time wore on and the scan date nearened I became almost certain I was having a boy, and when I went for the scan it showed that my instincts were totally crap, I was having a girl, so I was happy, but theres no way I would have been dissapointed if she was a boy either, I only found out cos I couldn't wait any longer..!

[OldFashionedGirl]

I *really* want a boy this time. For that reason I am not going to find out the gender of this one. I don't want to have that kind of disappointment for the second half of my pregnancy. I know that once I look at that sweet face that I just gave birth to, the gender won't matter at all. :loveeyes:

That's exactly what I was going to say. If I find out now, I might be disappointed. If I wait until they hand the baby to me, all that will matter is that (s)he is healthy.

My bf says it's like opening your Christmas presents early.

So even though it is ABSOLUTELY KILLING ME :lol I'm waiting.

[DreamsInDigital]

I have 3 boys and really want a girl but I am not having an ultrasound because I want a surprise no matter what.

[boscopup]

But in my case it was because I so strongly believed it was a girl that if I were having a boy, I wanted to know it now, so that I could start getting used to that idea. I did not want a boy to pop out at birth and have that so mess with my head that I didn't feel ready to bond right away.

This is exactly how I felt. :) I knew there might be a slight disappointment if it came out a boy, so I wanted to find out early this time (didn't find out with DS #1, although I just knew he was a boy anyway). I had such a STRONG feeling of girl this time and I turned out to be totally wrong!

Also, in my case, there were family members wanting girls too. My parents have 3 grandsons, although they're not pressuring me in anyway - they don't do that kind of thing. My MIL though... she wants to SMOCK so bad, and use this lace she's had saved for a girl since DH was itty bitty (he's an only child). Her lace addiction is so bad that if she's showing you her lace, her heart starts racing - seriously. And she has lace that she picked out when DH was a child, picked it out specifically for his baby girl. And she loves to sew and wants to learn to smock. I think she should go ahead and smock for friends' girls (there are plenty of them!), or even make clothes to donate to some charity. But she wants to smock for her granddaughter in particular (I won't let her smock for a boy, even if it's a John Deere tractor, I think boutique-style boys' clothes look really girly, and DH very much agrees).

So I wanted any disappointment - from me, DH, OR family members who aren't present at the birth - to be overwith at 20 weeks. Sure enough, there was brief disappointment from most people, but then we all quickly warmed up to the idea of a boy. So it was really helpful for us, and now I'm excited about having another boy. :thumb In reality, I didn't care either way, but I think the fact that it was testing my intuition is what had me disappointed when I found out I was wrong!

Also, there was the logistics thing... If it was a girl, I was going to need to stock up on girls' clothes at the big consignment sale in October (I'm due late November), whereas for a boy, I had all the clothes from DS, since he was supposed to be a Sept baby and was only 7 lbs at that point (he was big for his age at birth, but it's harder to gain weight outside than inside). Since DS #1 came early, my baby showers were both AFTER he was born, so all the clothes I have are boy, boy, boy. I have very few gender neutral things. I don't like gender neutral stuff anyway - all the greens and yellows. Blech. :)

[didkisa]

My bf says it's like opening your Christmas presents early.


:lol That's a great comparison! Funny, too, since we don't plan to find out our baby's gender before birth, but I was notorious for opening my Christmas presents early, then rewrapping them, as a kid! :lol

[chandasz]

My mom said "it's only a girl or a boy for a minute-- then it's a person"

[storychick]

I had the opposite reaction last pregnancy... we did not find out even though we had an u/s because I knew if it was a boy I'd be sad about it the rest of the pregnancy, while if I found out at the birth it would simply be my baby and I wouldn't care less! Though I got lucky and got my girl! :thumb

[lexbeach]

I think it's more of an issue when you really feel like you're having one sex, not so much that you really *want* a baby of a certain sex. My friend had a boy and was pregnant with her second (and last, according to plans), and was convinced it was a girl. She didn't find out the sex, but she was totally sure, and even knit little girl baby clothes for the baby. When the baby was born and revealed himself as a boy, she was totally shocked. She wasn't so much disappointed as she was just so very surprised that she almost didn't feel like it was her baby. She said it took her a couple of months to really bond with him, and she really wishes she had found out beforehand just so she wouldn't have had such a big surprise at the birth.

I am having my third boy, and I really thought he was a girl before we found out. I was not at all disappointed when we found out (I was just so very glad that he had all his organs in all the right places, and that there was only ONE of him), but I am really glad that I didn't spend the second half of my pregnancy bonding with my "girl baby," and instead have been imagining my new little boy.

So, I think if you feel really strongly that you know what you're having, finding out can be a really good thing. But if it's just that you'd prefer one sex over the other, theoretically, then I think waiting until the birth is a great idea since you're sure to love the exact baby you just gave birth too, penis or yoni or whatever.

I did a poll in my ddc about mother's intuition and the sex of the baby. 50% of the mamas were right about what they were having, and 50% were wrong. . . which leads me to believe that you can't really trust your intuition on this one!

HTH!

Lex