The gifted toddler thing...

[Jennifer3141]

DD (and DS too but he wasn't an "official" student) and I completed a Mommy & Me preschool this summer at one of the local private schools.

Upon "graduation," DD's evaluation stated that because of her knowledge of the alphabet, her proficiency in ASL, her ability to speak in complete sentences, and blah blah blah more that we should consider her "gifted" and look for educational opportunities for that giftedness and we should consider testing as soon as we feel ready.

I liked this program for the most part. It is a good school. If I were going to send my kids to school, I would probably consider this one. But my heart is set on homeschooling anyway.

Testing isn't going to happen for years, if ever. What's the point since I want to homeschool?

DH thinks testing might help us understand DD more but agrees that it's pointless right now.

I've had a hard time processing this information. I'm proud of both my children. They are just incredible little people. I'm worried that the label will change the way I look at her.

If your DC was labeled as "gifted" at a young age, did it change you or the DC at all?

[kidspiration]

DD (and DS too but he wasn't an "official" student) and I completed a Mommy & Me preschool this summer at one of the local private schools.

Upon "graduation," DD's evaluation stated that because of her knowledge of the alphabet, her proficiency in ASL, her ability to speak in complete sentences, and blah blah blah more that we should consider her "gifted" and look for educational opportunities for that giftedness and we should consider testing as soon as we feel ready.

I liked this program for the most part. It is a good school. If I were going to send my kids to school, I would probably consider this one. But my heart is set on homeschooling anyway.

Testing isn't going to happen for years, if ever. What's the point since I want to homeschool?

DH thinks testing might help us understand DD more but agrees that it's pointless right now.

I've had a hard time processing this information. I'm proud of both my children. They are just incredible little people. I'm worried that the label will change the way I look at her.

If your DC was labeled as "gifted" at a young age, did it change you or the DC at all?

what will testing 'tell' you that your dd can't? if you give her the opportunity to guide her educational experience (which it sounds like you will be doing since you are thinking about homeschooling), she will lead you to the things that she is interested in. some test can't tell you that. you'll just get some numbers that might mean something but will it really change the way you regard her education and learning process?

[eilonwy]

I think that they advise testing based on the idea that your child/ren will be going to school in the future. Most people don't homeschool. :shrug

None of my children has been formally identified as "gifted;" they could turn out to be perfectly average. :shrug Then again, I was not formally identified as "gifted" until I was 12 years old; it didn't change the fact that I taught myself to read at 2, or that I was *always* at least two years ahead in math (usually more than that in "reading," depending on the teacher), or that in my teensy, private elementary school teachers were driven to distraction trying to keep me busy doing just about anything. :lol

I wouldn't worry about testing, especially if you're planning to homeschool. There are some reasons you might want to consider it in the future, but you've got several more years before they even come into play.

[jomomma]

Okay - here's my deal:

I know I have a "gifted" child. She is now 3, but has known her entire alphabet and all of her numbers since she was 14 months old. By 18 months, she could speak in complete sentences. She can identify words, knows all of the sounds the letters make and can sound some things out, can do very simple math and has picked up phrases in both Spanish and Italian. She is extremely adept at figuring things out, associative thought and at problem solving in general. Although I am definitely a hands-on mom, these are things my daughter essentially came by on her own. I never sat in front of her with flashcards drilling things into her head. Her favorite book at 12-13 months was Dr. Seuss' A B C's (and Blueberries for Sal) and she'd drag these books over to my lap and have me read them over and over and over and over ... again. She has a magnetized alphabet in which all of the letters say the sounds they make and she's made the connection between letter sounds and words, with little prompting. She's picked up Spanish from Dora the Exlplorer (of all things) and a family friend and has a playmate who is bi-lingual (Italian and English) and has managed to pick up Italian phrases and words from her in their extremely limited time together. Everything is really just stuff she picks up in the course of a day. She listens to my telephone conversations and asks me the meaning of words she doesn't know. She likes to help us in our renovations of our new home and has come to learn how to use a measuring tape. We planted a garden together and now she knows the life cycles of seeds and bees. Throughout the day, she's a little chatterbox - making up imaginative stories and scenarios for everything she plays with -- be it her dollhouse people, the cats, the crayons she's coloring with, etc. She asks questions about everything and my husband and I, her grandparents, her godparents, etc. are there to answer them.
My questions/concerns are thus: What to I do with this knowledge? She isn't in school, though she could definitely use more contact with other kids (socially. she is a little awkward). I'm on the fence about pre-school, though. It may also be a moot point, as most of the pre-schools in our area have year-long waiting lists (sickening). Do I just continue as we've been? Do I have her "tested"? What exactly does the testing tell you or does it just serve to confirm what we already know? Are there special programs she could get involved in? If so, what are the pros and cons of such things? Is she going to end up "labelled"? I've never discussed any of her talents outside friends and family (not even with her doctor(s) or with the teachers of the one pre-school we've actually visited - though the teachers noticed on their own). I've just never understood what purpose it would serve, but maybe I'm wrong? Should I be looking into things? I've just always assumed that one day she'll start school and we'd see what happens then ... is that being unfair to her?
I actually logged on today to find some articles on cloth-diapering (we may/may not be needing these in the next 9 months or so) and on low and no VOC paints, but couldn't help but have my interests piqued by the word "gifted". Sorry if I've blabbed on for far too long or if I sound a bit boastful. Maybe that's why I don't really mention her abilities outside of family and very close friends -- I'm afraid of being thought of as a big-headed mom or of people not believing me. I also don't want my daughter to become a "trick pony" -- Show/tell Mr./Ms. So-and-so how you can ... blah, blah, blah. Our very well-meaning and understandably proud mothers had both started (innocently) doing this and my husband and I had to talk to them about it and ask them to stop.

[Terabith]

Does anyone else ever experience the temptation about their toddler's age? Catherine isn't profoundly gifted like many of the kiddos you guys have, but she's been speaking in short sentences since 11 months off and on, and she is pretty coordinated (can stand on one foot at 16 months, jump, walk backwards, stuff like that). She's not totally off the curve or anything, but she's definitely ahead. And we'll be places (like Burger King on Friday :duck: ) and folks will see her and say, "How old is she?" You can see the wheels turning in their heads, especially if they have a child about her age. When I tell them how old she is, they always go, "Wow...." with this wistful/ unbelieving tone of voice and look at their own chid worriedly. I've just started wondering if adding six months to her reported age would be a good thing for public relations. I hate lying, but I hate making other people feel badly about their own child's abilities.

[Roar]

good thing for public relations. I hate lying, but I hate making other people feel badly about their own child's abilities.

If your daughter is verbally advanced wouldn't she hear you and wonder why you were lying? Also, I think it is really important not to assume when you answer honestly what people are thinking about that because really you don't know.

It seems to me that your best approach would be to answer - "she's one" or whatever and then make a point of commenting positively on something about the other child.

[eilonwy]

My questions/concerns are thus: What to I do with this knowledge? She isn't in school, though she could definitely use more contact with other kids (socially. she is a little awkward). Do I just continue as we've been? Do I have her "tested"? What exactly does the testing tell you or does it just serve to confirm what we already know? Are there special programs she could get involved in? If so, what are the pros and cons of such things? Is she going to end up "labelled"?

I think that for the moment, you need to ask yourself a different question: Are my daughter's needs being met, and if not what can I do to change that?

You say that she's somewhat socially awkward (and I don't doubt you, but knowing all about skewed expectations from personal experience, my instinct is to question this assessment); Is it actually true, and if it is will being around other children in an artificial environment actually encourage healthier social skills? For some children, even very gifted ones, the opportunity to be around other children is wonderful; for others, it's absolutely horrible.

If your daughter is happy and you are comfortable and able to deal with things as they are, I'd encourage you to think carefully before introducing anything new into your family dynamic (i.e. school, formal academic work at home, etc) at this point. If, however, she seems bored a lot, or is desperate for more information than you are easily able to provide for her, it might be helpful to look into more formal educational options. I know that my son is much, MUCH happier and easier to live with when he does a little bit of "school" each day. This, like his iron supplement, is something that I've learned makes a huge difference in his entire outlook on life. He loves learning new things, and we're still remarkably relaxed around here, but when he's given the opportunity to delve into one of his favorite subjects he will do so with wild abandon. Right now, it's geography, and he's in luck; his older cousins are cyberschooling and have beautiful maps and inflatable globes which my son can't stare at enough. :lol I give him an atlas and a pencil, and he's happy as a clam. :love

I've never discussed any of her talents outside friends and family (not even with her doctor(s) or with the teachers of the one pre-school we've actually visited - though the teachers noticed on their own). I've just never understood what purpose it would serve, but maybe I'm wrong? Should I be looking into things? I've just always assumed that one day she'll start school and we'd see what happens then ... is that being unfair to her?

Not discussing her talents with teachers at any school to which you might consider sending her would absolutely be doing her a disservice (in my opinion). I'm not a big fan of school in general, but for the profoundly gifted it is a particularly poor fit. Should you be looking into things now? Absolutely. Should you consider testing? Only if there is a preschool for gifted/profoundly gifted children nearby, or if your local district is willing to work with you and your daughter, rather than against you. This is definately a good time to explore your options with regard to your daughter's education; you have an understanding of her nature, her abilities, and her interests but you've still got (at least) two years before people start harassing you to send her to school.

There are *loads* of great links to explore; I think they're in a sticky at the top of this forum? :scratch I'm not sure if the school-related links are grouped together, but if they're not it sounds like a fun project for later. :D (Sorry, I like lists! :lol)

Sorry if I've blabbed on for far too long or if I sound a bit boastful. Maybe that's why I don't really mention her abilities outside of family and very close friends -- I'm afraid of being thought of as a big-headed mom or of people not believing me. I also don't want my daughter to become a "trick pony" -- Show/tell Mr./Ms. So-and-so how you can ... blah, blah, blah.

:hug Welcome to the forum; this is exactly why it exists. ;)

Does anyone else ever experience the temptation about their toddler's age?

:o Only when it comes to signing the kids up for classes. :lol I've given serious thought to telling the people at the Rec center that BooBah is three so that she can take a tumbling class there (which she'd *love*). My kids are on the small side, but my older two are frequently mistaken for older children. BeanBean will be four in November; all last spring and summer people were coming up to me and saying, "Wow, he's so tiny for his age! What a little guy!" "Um, he's on the small side, but he's not super tiny or anything. I mean, I'm only 5'1", what kind of giant could I expect?" "Wait, I thought he said his birthday was in November. Isn't he going to be six?" :yikes: I tend to correct them quickly because when he was a baby, they were always asking me if he was a preemie and that was really upsetting to me, and I don't want to get into that conversation again. :shake :blush

The other thing is that my kids know how old they are, and BeanBean especially will *tell* people. When asked why, he said, "It's easier than holding my fingers up." :laugh: It's true; holding up three fingers requires a great deal of manual dexterity, more than my son currently possess (unless he's holding a screwdriver, in which case all bets are off ;)).

[wonderactivist]

I think that for the moment, you need to ask yourself a different question: Are my daughter's needs being met, and if not what can I do to change that? ...

:yeah: I would be totally honest about your child's needs and discuss it with the program director of whatever programs you choose to enter. (if you're homeschooling, just have this talk with yourself and check out all of the community resources available to you - including groups, library and museum programs, etc.) The very way your talk is handled will be one indicator of their ability to meet your child's needs. As a former program director (just a church program, but a lot of similar issues) I can say this should be a two-way street.

I also would again avoid the term "gifted" and instead calmly describe the attributes your child displays as related to that program - and what you're looking to foster within the child, your concerns, etc. - very specific and not "labelled."

It doesn't always turn out as expected. I once advised the mom of a 3 yr old to please keep her child in the K - she had requested the first grade class. The class she requested happened to be overcrowded and already brimming with special needs kids - the teacher simply could not take another child and meet her needs. It turned out that the K teacher really went out of her way to accommodate the child and everyone was mostly happy.

There are *loads* of great links to explore; I think they're in a sticky at the top of this forum? :scratch I'm not sure if the school-related links are grouped together, but if they're not it sounds like a fun project for later. :D (Sorry, I like lists! :lol)

Ya know, I did ask about this a while back, but haven't heard anything back - maybe because our "Links" thread (http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=499010) didn't grow as much as expected. It is in the archives, however, and the links there are so useful...

...but I have to say there's another thread that probably should be the sticky - Being Gifted, the nature of this forum (http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=497387)

Best wishes,

Lucie

[Terabith]

It's true; holding up three fingers requires a great deal of manual dexterity, more than my son currently possess (unless he's holding a screwdriver, in which case all bets are off ;)).

Holding up the middle three fingers is tough; could he handle index and middle fingers and thumb? That's how my 2.5 yr old indicates three.

[eilonwy]

Holding up the middle three fingers is tough; could he handle index and middle fingers and thumb? That's how my 2.5 yr old indicates three.

:D He can do it either way, but he needs to arrange the fingers with his other hand first. For him, that's a lot more work than saying, "I'm three years old." :lol (Besides, he's going to be four pretty soon. :happyt: )

[meemee]

If your DC was labeled as "gifted" at a young age, did it change you or the DC at all?

no it really didnt because it just identified where she was for better understanding. whether the label was gifted or developmentally behind helps me figure out where she fits in. in fact i didnt even think of gifted till she was way past 18 months old because seh was no different from family because almost all of them are gifted or smart.

DH thinks testing might help us understand DD more but agrees that it's pointless right now.
i know for many moms who opted for testing at age 6/7 it definitely was an eye opener of how their child processed data and their strengths. i am on the fence about this. but even if i do get any sort of testing done i wont do it till i am assured my dd will test well instead of joking the whole test thru (moooooom i was just kidding) which will be around age 6 or 7 years old.

Does anyone else ever experience the temptation about their toddler's age?
i never volunteer info on my own. if they pointedly ask then i answer truthfully. but if they make a statement i dont usually correct them like i never corrected teh moms who thought my infant was a boy unless they asked.

Is it actually true, and if it is will being around other children in an artificial environment actually encourage healthier social skills?
this totally is our experience. my dd only goes to ps because i work ft. but boy since she started at 2 does she remind me everyday she doesnt want to go. every summer since she was a year old we spend HOURS at the park when school is out because of the big kids around with teh paks and recs summer programs. i think she was a year and a half when the fawning 6 and 7 year olds was so impressed she knew 1 thru 10 that they taught her in that one hour 11 - 25. and because it was those kids she picked it up right away.

my dd craves, CRAVES community. she hates the artificial environment. she would much rather have a 3 generation family next door whose life she goes and joins. i am from asia and she ALWAYS has a ball when she goes there because she goes visiting on her own to our apt. neighbours. the part she REALLY likes is life does not stop for her. she just joins in their life and helps them with their chores.

my dd and i started going out early. say 4 months - going to restaurants, fairs, public events, bands at coffee houses (she was a night owl)... she just lapped all that in. when she went to daycare for the first time at 2 she fit right in. she totally lacked no social skills. all the dc providers (we changed quite a few) were totally impressed how easily she fit in. so u really dont need ps for social skills. now if you dont have community and ur child really wants kids to play with then yes - you should look at some mommy and me programs or whatever is available in your area.

for my dd ps is limiting in her quest for knowledge. she is the experiments kinda girl. and doesnt find enough time at ps for that.