Hello,

I expected this particular family member to react negatively to us homeschooling, but, still, her email really bothers me. I don't know WHY I let the things this woman says bother me, but... I digress. And, she really is crazy, like, as in, crazy... As you can tell from her panic-written email below...

I told my husband that I refuse to speak with his mother on the topic at all, and she can just talk to him about it, which he is fine with. But... I still saw her email. And it STILL really upset me.

This being my first year homeschooling, I'm nervous... and didn't need this. :( Would you mind reading what she wrote, I'm copy-pasting most here, and, perhaps, offering your 2 cents on it? I'm looking I guess for support and the sense that her craziness is really just that -- craziness. We did reply to some points, but this isn't a woman who you can explain something too. She thinks what she wants, period. But... I would feel better hearing from the board on your reaction to what she wrote.

I should say... my son was in school until last year, and we are homeschooling both our kids, our 5 and 7 year old, this year. We had problems with the school, which is what pushed us to take the plunge, and I've always been pro-homeschooling. Our kids will be involved in local activities of all sorts, homeschooling and otherwise -- so don't think her exaggerations of being isolated are real. They are her imagination.

Ok... her email:

<<I cannot understand why M won't go to school. You maybe don't tell me the truth. Or if it's only a size of the class and he is not enough attentive then it's absurd to take him off from the school.

I beg you to take him to school on Monday for a whole day, let him be with all children, and NOT TO BE with adults at home.

This is his life, DO NOT BREAK it down. He cannot defense himself against his parents who with the good goals are doing something terrible for their son. The BOY MUST BE AMONG CHILDREN OF HIS AGE, HE MUST BE AT SCHOOL LIKE ALL OTHER CHILDREN. It does not matter what he will learn, the most important to be inside of society and to learn how to live together with people.

Don't experiment with the child. He is a human being, and he is not your possesion only because he is your son. You don't have this right to manipulate of his life, because you want it. Let him go to school, and if he needs help let his mother to help him, but don't replace the entire school with his mother. Let his mother be the mother, and not the all of other world in his life. She maybe is too much ambitious or too much fearful, but as any extreems they are very close to each other.

I have a lot to tell you, but cannot write all of my thoughts. Remember that I am not against you or Rachael. And this new twist with M school just ruined me and thrown me to the hell. It looks like that you cannot live without "JUMPS", you become boring without them. All of us are boring, but we keep our patience, and specially because of children people do a lot of sacrifice. PLEASE SEND M TO SCHOOL FOR A FULL DAY, I beg you. I am sure that he grown up during summer, and he will be better this year. Let him try this second year, and watch him first. Last school year is over, and you cannot do your decisions based on what passed, you must look at today's day. Please let M be WITH all his friends, and be LIKE all his friends.

I hope that you understand me properly. I am your and your family closest friend, and I wish each of you only the best.
Kiss, mama>>



Like I said... she's, umm, crazy... but still.. thoughts?? (And WHEN am I going to STOP letting her craziness bother me?! Oy oy oy...)

Rachel, a nervous, first year, homeschooling mommy!!

ETA: My MIL's first language is not English... HOWEVER... she lived in the USA for 17 years. You'd think by now it'd be better than that... And.. I had to say, for someone so concerned with society, she has ZERO friends (seriously, not ONE person who she can even talk to at all), and when she's not at work, sits at home in her apartment and stares at the walls... and worries. (I told you she is crazy!) She also only has bad things to say about, well, everything and everone (hence, the reason she has no friends). And yet... she still gets to me sometimes... ahh!!

OK, I'm really not trying to be snide, but I have to ask: Is English not your MIL's first language? Her "speech" cadence seems accented, for lack of a better way to say it. I also wonder because she seems to be so very concerned with adopting the cultural mores, which would fit with someone who immigrated. If that's the case, maybe her position of having to acclimate to a new culture and feeling like an outsider can give you some insight as to why she feels so strongly about your children being surrounded by others in their age group.

Otherwise, well, I really don't have any insight. My mother would probably feel the same way, if she was asked, though that will never happen, so Idon't have to endure her opinion. Meanwhile, we do what we think is right for our children and have to just know that that's what we're doing (my lucidity appears to be in decline right now).

My homeschooling friend, don't let her get you down. You know the benefits of homeschooling and you need to trust yourself.

Either this woman is ESL, or she needs to get some education herself. How poorly written was that email? My goodness!

Trust in yourself, and that you are doing the right thing for your children.

Yep, my mother-in-laws first language is not English...

And we didn't ask her, I should say -- we told her, and she offered her thoughts, as always. We would never, ever, (ever) ask her...

:Hug

I'm sorry you have a crazy person in your life. You asked for people's 2 cents, so here's mine -- she's really nuts. It's one thing to be concerned about someone decisions. It is quite another to say that their decisions "ruined me and thrown me to hell."

She knows nothing about homeschooling, she doesn't want to learn, she wants to make your parenting decisions for you, and she thinks you and DH aren't grown ups who can look at information and make your own choices.

My boys are 5 and 7 also. My 7 year old was in school until the middle of last school year.

If it was my MIL that wrote that to me I would probably write her a brief little note thanking her for her concern and ask her to come back once she has actually researched hsing as much as I have. Now if it was MY mother that said that I wouldn't be so nice. I don't think defending your choices solves any problems with certain people, especially those who are unwilling to educate themselves.

Not knowing her it is hard to say. But the tone of the email is almost paniced. It sounds like she truely thinks you are doing something detrimental to your childrens well being. Maybe just a little education on her part is needed. If you are looking to keep the waters smooth you can ask her if there are any specific questions she has and then answer them breifly or direct her to an appropriate website.

Luckily, my family has been very cool with the idea but I decided before we told anyone that I would not be put into a position to defend my choices. They are my choices, period. I will be happy to answer any questions (How do you know what to teach is the biggest one so far.) but attacking my choices is not an option I allow.

Yes, she is crazy, and how can it not affect you, when she accused you of being maipulative and using your child to cure your boredom? Some people are so threatened by those of us who don't want to blindly follow the crowd. I like how she said learning isn't important, just fitting in...nice message. If everyone does the same thing and raises their kids the same way, then no one has to feel guilty or question their choices or take responsibility.

Hang in there and ignore her.

Wow. My first thought was, "Well, if that kind of grammar is what schooling gets you..." But if English isn't her primary language, that makes more sense.

She does sound absolutely panicked. What's your DH's take on his mother's reaction?

Your mom-in-law doesn't sound crazy at all, just ignorant and scared. She really cares about you all. I feel kind of bad for her actually. Maybe you could let her know lovingly that this is no "experiment", that "all other children" are not in public school, that many, many children are homeschooled, and that they turn out JUSt fine. (At least, lol!) If you could give her the hard numbers of how many kids are homeschooled and then show some examples of successful outcomes, etc, that would be helpful too I would imagine. You should be able to find plenty of stories like that in homeschooling magazines. It's too bad also that she seems to think that the reason your son wasn't thriving in public school was due to his own fault. :shake She may just come around after she sees how your son thrives in a home learning environment. I hope so!

Thanks all... :) And when we replied, we told her why we're homeschooling, along with a link to research on homeschooling, etc. But, from experience, this won't help her much... But, we try.

My DH thinks his mother is just being her regular crazy self. And, seriously, I mean it when I say she's crazy... she panics about everything, comes up with crazy conspiracy theories... I'll give you some non-homeschooling examples...

Once, my youngest started to cry in the night from an ear infection. We tried to give him some tylenol, and he screamed because he didn't like that either. My MIL told my DH, "Your wife has put a spell on you and the children! They are screaming because she is hurting them and making them cry! And you don't realize because you are under her spell!" This is... a quote. Yes... she REALLY said that, and REALLY beleived it.

She used to think I nursed my son too often when he was a baby... I nursed on demand, and no, it wasn't "too much", or even outside of the average, but... whatever. So what did she do? When she visited it, she would do ANYTHING to prevent me from nursing him... take him on LOOOONG walks, distract him by any means to prevent him from remembering he may want to nurse, etc. Of course, he would then be SO hungry later... Now, back in these days, I was a new mother, and not used to dealing with her. Now, I would NEVER EVER let her get away with something like that. But it's just a good example of her craziness...

Thank G-d, my family has been very supportive and has not said even one negative thing. My mother asked me why, I told her, and that was that. She wasn't even concerned for a moment, and I generally do not have a great relationship with my own mother. It may help that I'm also a teacher, and considered by most of my students as an excellent one, and my family knows that and looks at it as an advantage... my MIL, on the other hand, well... I can do no right.

Yep, my mother-in-laws first language is not English...


Yeah, that's what I figured. I don't know how crazy she is, then. From her pov, I imagine she sees great difficulty with living as an outsider to our societal norms and probably felt better that her children learned to live within those norms through public schooling and didn't commit the same faux pas she probably did, learning a new culture. Does that make sense?

Though I don't normally think this is the case, I wonder if giving her more education in the realm of what homeschooling really means would help her feel more comfortable? I 'm not trying to excuse her interference with parenting decisions, just trying to suggest that her concern may be more because of her own history than just being a pushy family member. Know what I mean?

:hug dont let her get you down...she obviously understands nothing about homeschooling. you are doing the best thing for your children and family.

this also makes me glad that my MIL isnt alive and my mother is ULTRA supportive to the point of buying stuff for ds to homeschool with, and hes only 10mths old.

You know what, I don't think she sounds horrible, just concerned and uneducated and inexperienced wtih regards to homeschooling.

Are you in any homeschool groups? Can you bring your MIL to the annual not-back-to-school party in your area and let her see how many children your child will be interacting with? How many others educated and interesting people have chosen to homeschool their children? I think that the more your MIL gets to become familiarized with homeschooling and groups of people who do homeschool, the more she will relax and stress less about your choice. If there are no parties in your area, take her to the regular homeschool playground days or on the field trips, so she can get an idea about it.

Good luck and congratulations on your excellent decision to homeschool! We also did a year of public school before deciding to homeschool and it was seriously one of the very best decisions we've ever made and our son LOVES it!!!

:hug She is wrong. However, I feel sorry for her. She truly has no clue about homeschooling and is in a lot of pain, just very terrified for her beloved grandchild. Maybe if you approach it from that angle--the person you have in common that you all want the best for--maybe she will learn to understand the value of what you're doing.

Anyway, I applaud what you are doing. :clap

If I recieved a letter accusing me of not telling the truth about why I was homeschooling, claiming I was only doing it to create a stir (that's how I read the "jumps" comment") and because I wanted to limit his life to his mother, claiming I was manipulating his life or experimenting with him, I would be livid. That said, she really doesn't seem to get it. My family didn't get it either. One thing that helped was to create a Xanga blog with pictures and comments about what we did. I wasn't all that consistant and I don't really do it anymore (I moved it to LJ but it sort of petered out), but it helped.
http://www.xanga.com/annettemarie

You've got my support.

Thanks all... :) And when we replied, we told her why we're homeschooling, along with a link to research on homeschooling, etc. But, from experience, this won't help her much... But, we try.
That's really all you can do, try. And, if she still doesn't get it, well, just let it roll off... WAY past "pass the bean dip".

My MIL told my DH, "Your wife has put a spell on you and the children! They are screaming because she is hurting them and making them cry! And you don't realize because you are under her spell!" This is... a quote. Yes... she REALLY said that, and REALLY beleived it.

Yes, see, this is what I mean. I imagine comments like that would get a lot of raised eyebrows in the grocery store. On the other hand, maybe you could casually suggest that you may feel the need to spell her if she continues in this vein. Sometimes, you just have to use what's been given to you.:wink

On the other hand, maybe you could casually suggest that you may feel the need to spell her if she continues in this vein. Sometimes, you just have to use what's been given to you.

LOL... I have seriously considered this before...

"If you don't stop telling me what to do, I may have to put a spell on you... so... watch out..."

I have to say one of the funnier things she did was once pick up some "parenting how to" brochures she found at the bank for free and gave them to me... for helpful hints.... umm... ok. The funniest part of that is I work from home as a writer and... yep, I write parenting books, magazine articles, etc. lol

That stinks.

My suggestion would be simply not to engage. This is your decision and it has been made. It has been my observation that some powerful/pushy people in these kinds of situations only go on and on if you engage with them. It seems to suggest that her opinion matters here and she has a vote and clearly she doesn't. So, I'd simply ignore her and if forced to interact say "Yes, I've heard what you have to say and I'm making a different choice, nice weather we've been having..."

You may want to read the book "Hold on to your Kids".... or make her read it. It will allow you to listen to her cr@p and say "Thanks, I know that you care very much about M, but this is what we are choosing to do." Repeat until your spell kicks in....:loveeyes:

You know what, I don't think she sounds horrible, just concerned and uneducated and inexperienced wtih regards to homeschooling.

Does she know that LOTS of people homeschool and they get the kids together frequently? And that the kids take classes if they want to? Maybe dh can reassure her about these things.

But don't let her make YOU crazy:)

The BOY MUST BE AMONG CHILDREN OF HIS AGE, HE MUST BE AT SCHOOL LIKE ALL OTHER CHILDREN. It does not matter what he will learn, the most important to be inside of society and to learn how to live together with people.
based on what research?
Personally, i dont have a single friend born in the same year as me, which is all you learn to do socially in school - to compete with others the exact same age as you.

Don't experiment with the child. He is a human being, and he is not your possesion only because he is your son. You don't have this right to manipulate of his life, because you want it.
for the same reasons, dont put him back in school ;)

And this new twist with M school just ruined me and thrown me to the hell.
honestly, no offense, but is your MIL a jewishMIL by any chance? a PolishMIL? I'm just asking because *my* MIL is a Jewish Polish mama, and she can talk like that sometimes. :shrug:
If it is the case, and she really is saying this "crazy" stuff to you, consider that she isn't "crazy" but just suffering a lot, and living in a world she doesnt really understand, with little control over her life (my 2 cent psychology :lol)

Perhaps she just needs some loveing understanding. perhaps she just needs to feel that her ideas and feelings are respected.

I agree with the suggestions to show her some solid research, some examples of children who were homeschooled and went on to graduate top from harvard or something like that. show her statistics and numbers of homeschooled kids.

you could even try putting it from an angle that you read about this homeschooling thing, show her all the info and facts and somehow get her to think it was *her* idea. or that maybe because the teachers think your son has "special needs" (like EVERY child has :wink) it would be better if he were homeschooled.

Sounds like she is just very lonely and really wants to be a part of your lives and to feel important, it cant hurt to help her feel that way. She really doesnt mean any harm, I'm sure.

Homeschooling is something pretty radical and scarey to people who remember a time before schooling was "universal" when children were exploited and making laws to send them to school actually saved them from terrible fates.

I have to say one of the funnier things she did was once pick up some "parenting how to" brochures she found at the bank for free and gave them to me... for helpful hints.... umm... ok. The funniest part of that is I work from home as a writer and... yep, I write parenting books, magazine articles, etc. lol

"Hey Thanks! I wrote these! I am glad to know you're a fan!"

"Your wife has put a spell on you and the children! They are screaming because she is hurting them and making them cry! And you don't realize because you are under her spell!"

;) Well golly, if I thought my daughter-in-law was an honest-to-god witch (the evil spell casting, children hating variety), I'd be pretty paniced about my grandchildren being homeschooled too!

I feel sorry for her -- she has so many fears. I thought it was interesting that many of the things she wrote about mothers (meaning you) could just as easily apply to *her* and her relationship with your dh. Likewise, her fears about how homeschooling would harm your ds seem to mirror her own difficulties in her life. I think letting your dh deal with her compliants is smart, as long as he is willing to maintain appropriate boundries. (Sounds like he is.) So stop reading his email! :wink

Have fun with your first year of homeschooling. You'll do great. Her fears are completely unfounded. That is, unless you really are casting evil spells... :firedevil :lol

Hello,



Ok... her email:

<<I cannot understand why M won't go to school. You maybe don't tell me the truth. Or if it's only a size of the class and he is not enough attentive then it's absurd to take him off from the school.

I beg you to take him to school on Monday for a whole day, let him be with all children, and NOT TO BE with adults at home.

This is his life, DO NOT BREAK it down. He cannot defense himself against his parents who with the good goals are doing something terrible for their son. The BOY MUST BE AMONG CHILDREN OF HIS AGE, HE MUST BE AT SCHOOL LIKE ALL OTHER CHILDREN. It does not matter what he will learn, the most important to be inside of society and to learn how to live together with people.

Don't experiment with the child. He is a human being, and he is not your possesion only because he is your son. You don't have this right to manipulate of his life, because you want it. Let him go to school, and if he needs help let his mother to help him, but don't replace the entire school with his mother. Let his mother be the mother, and not the all of other world in his life. She maybe is too much ambitious or too much fearful, but as any extreems they are very close to each other.

I have a lot to tell you, but cannot write all of my thoughts. Remember that I am not against you or Rachael. And this new twist with M school just ruined me and thrown me to the hell. It looks like that you cannot live without "JUMPS", you become boring without them. All of us are boring, but we keep our patience, and specially because of children people do a lot of sacrifice. PLEASE SEND M TO SCHOOL FOR A FULL DAY, I beg you. I am sure that he grown up during summer, and he will be better this year. Let him try this second year, and watch him first. Last school year is over, and you cannot do your decisions based on what passed, you must look at today's day. Please let M be WITH all his friends, and be LIKE all his friends.

I hope that you understand me properly. I am your and your family closest friend, and I wish each of you only the best.
Kiss, mama>>



Like I said... she's, umm, crazy... but still.. thoughts?? (And WHEN am I going to STOP letting her craziness bother me?! Oy oy oy...)

Rachel, a nervous, first year, homeschooling mommy!!

ETA: My MIL's first language is not English... HOWEVER... she lived in the USA for 17 years. You'd think by now it'd be better than that... And.. I had to say, for someone so concerned with society, she has ZERO friends (seriously, not ONE person who she can even talk to at all), and when she's not at work, sits at home in her apartment and stares at the walls... and worries. (I told you she is crazy!) She also only has bad things to say about, well, everything and everone (hence, the reason she has no friends). And yet... she still gets to me sometimes... ahh!!

Listen, I'd give you stuff to say, but I can tell there's no reasoning with a person like that. I suggest the standard answer:

CrazyMIL: "Why are you homeschooling?"
You: "It's what works for our family. Thanks for asking."
CrazyMIL: "He needs socialization!"
You: It's what works for our family. Thanks.
CrazyMIL: You can't be the whole world to him!
You: It's what works for our family. Thanks.

Seriously, polite repetition and a complete refusal to engage are the only strategies that will work with this person.

My MIL is like that. Kid you not. I've learned the hard way the fine art of screening my calls & e-mails and ignoring 99% of everything she says {I only listen to the medical news regarding the g-parents and certain members of her {formerly my & dh's} church we are rather fond of}
Have an awesome first year :)

:eek

that letter is so mean!

and very bossy.

nak

The BOY MUST BE AMONG CHILDREN OF HIS AGE, HE MUST BE AT SCHOOL LIKE ALL OTHER CHILDREN. It does not matter what he will learn, the most important to be inside of society and to learn how to live together with people.



whats interesting to me, as off the wall as that sounds, this is the honest feeling all mainstreamers seem to have with homeschooling. they say it differently, but this is the unedited feeling. ("BUT WHAT ABOUT THEIR FRIENDSSSSSSSS")

:Hug

I dont have much other advice if simply pasting links to resources wont help - and in my experience, it wont. worrisome too that all these publicschooled people who "turned out fine" cant be bothered to research :duck:

Don't feel bad that her craziness bothers you. It's normal that you want to have a good relationship with your husband's mother. It's quite unfortunate that she's not mentally healthy. It seems unlikely that you will ever have the relationship you want with her. I am sorry about that. I also admire you for continuing to hope, because it shows you see the person behind the illness.

Let your husband handle her panicky feelings to the extent that you can.

Back in the real world where we make up our minds using logic to evaluate reliable data...homeschooling seems like a really good option! You have a child who isn't being served well in school. You, his mother, are a qualified teacher who works from home writing parenting pamphlets. You have done a lot of research and you have already set up opportunities for him to socialize.

Sounds good! It even sounds like you have set up more enrichment than what he would get in the school classroom. This is what i admire about homeschoolers...

I didn't go through all the posts but I just wanted to say, it sounds like she thinks you are punishing your son for being bad at school or something because she says "I am sure that he grown up during summer, and he will be better this year. Let him try this second year, and watch him first." But if you think your son is happy at home and doesn't feel punished then don't take her words to heart, because you know your own son. Besides, you say you had problems with the SCHOOL, so the fact that she thinks the problem was with your SON and not the school kind of shows that she doesn't know anything about the situation, or doesn't WANT to know what was really going on.

One thing that helped my MIL was that I started meeting other homeschoolers and their children. I would talk to her about all of ds's HS friends and she saw that he will still have friends as a HS kid. He had 25 people at his birthday party this year (parents and kids) and all but 1 was a HS family!

Remember, you don't have to prove anything to her. This is your decision. But it does help to educate yourself on why HS is better and to get some support through a HS group or co-op. Other Hs moms have helped me so much this year (this is our first year homeschooling also). I have also showed my MIL all of our textbooks and often show her the work that Ds does. She is much more supportive now. Maybe oneday she will even support the idea!

Yep, that was a mean, nasty, degrading email...thing is, I could see my MIL writing it about five years ago...now she knows better. :duck:

You've received some excellent advice. I personally wouldn't give her the time of day and would let my DH handle it all!

Rock on mama! :thumb

a PolishMIL? I'm just asking because *my* MIL is a Jewish Polish mama, and she can talk like that sometimes.

LOL, I was just going to ask if she was Eastern European--this kind of nonsense sounds so familiar to me! (My crazy in laws are Ukrainian--MIL used to hide safety pins in my sling to ward off the evil eye--but, you know, pins and babies are a safe combination :wink ).

I just smile, nod, and ignore....You can NOT change her mind.

It sounds like your MIL is truly concerned, albeit with much more intensity than the average grandparent. :Hug I was searching for something like a pamphlet made for clueless grandparents that would give short, reasonable answers for why their crazy children are wanting to keep their grandkids out of those lovely schools, but I couldn't find one. Does anyone know of anything like that? I did find a short (52 page) book put out by the California Homeschool Network that looks interesting, but a pamphlet would be much better, I think. Much more likely to be read. I can imagine that a lot of people would have use for a well-written pamphlet directed toward the GPs. Hmmm....

Anyway, here's the link to the book: When Your Grandchildren Homeschool (https://ssl.vds2000.com/ssl.californiahomeschool.net/cgi-bin/plugins/Merchants/chn/store/commerce.cgi?product=publications)

The other thought I had was making a family/homeschooling website with lots of photos of field trips, outings, park days, art ds has made, etc. A blog would work well for this. You could write about what he's learning, what he's spending his time on, how much he's enjoying doing X or Y, etc. Make it a completely positive site, and then give her the web address. That way, you don't have to actually sit and describe his days to her. She can find out all about his homeschooling journey, but not be able to argue with you right then and there. Oh, but don't enable the comment function!! :lol

I might have wrote something like...


Dear mom,

It is clear that you don't know much about homeschooling nor what is really good for little boys of his age. If you are really interested, I can recommend you some books that should clear up why we believe what we believe. This is not an experiment, this is going to be a success for our children and our family. Thank you for your concern,

me :loveeyes:

Ignore ignore ignore!

My in-laws didn't think homeschooling wasa good idea but only 5 years later they brag about it!

Sincerely,
Debra, homeschooling mom of 4 ages 9 3/4, 8 1/2, 6 1/2, and 39 mos (special needs)

OK- I have got to ask...is your MIL from Germanny?

My mom pretty much sounded like that when she heard that I was going to homeschool HER grandson:lol
I had to vveeeeerryyyy slowly explain to her that he will be fine and NO we will not end up in jail for doing so. She still does not comprehend the whole "homeschooling thing"....hs'ing is illegal in Germany and you can end up in jail for it.
Your MIL might not understand the whole concept of hs'ing. Take her to co-op's and park day for homeschoolers...show her what homeschoolers "do".

My parents are coming this month from Germany and I can not wait to show them all the stuff we are doing...all these children that do not go to school....LOL

I feel for those that really have no concept of what homeschooling is. I can only hope someday it will be prevalent and more people will become aware of what a benefit it is.

I think she does sound desperate to "help" but her conforming to what others will say surely will not help your child.

You're doing the right thing!

:hug

Lots of good advice here. I hope you can resolve this, even if it's just a little better. I think BenjisMom made a good point, that it sounds like your MIL thinks he's somehow being punished.

Your mom-in-law doesn't sound crazy at all, just ignorant and scared. She really cares about you all. I feel kind of bad for her actually. Maybe you could let her know lovingly that this is no "experiment", that "all other children" are not in public school, that many, many children are homeschooled, and that they turn out JUSt fine. (At least, lol!)

I agree. Many of my family are immigrants and they share the exact same concerns as your MIL. Fitting into America, at the times when they came, was paramount. Giving away ones individual culture and identity was a worthy sacrifice to be an American.

With that said, obviously there need to be boundaries between your family and your MIL. Again, I know that culturally this can be difficult as it's a pretty American concept to say, "These are my kids and I'm going against your advice with raising them." I don't envy either you or your husband this difficult task.

She sounds as if she loves you, your husband, and your son terribly. Of course, you have to do what works best for your family. I would have your dh tell her that she's free to disagree with your decisions from her home. You don't need to hear any negativity, neither does he, and certainly your son needs to be shielded from her remarks.

honestly, no offense, but is your MIL a jewishMIL by any chance? a PolishMIL? I'm just asking because *my* MIL is a Jewish Polish mama, and she can talk like that sometimes. :

:lol She does sound Eastern European, doesn't she?

She's Russian. Did I mention that somewhere? Can't remember.

Anyway... is it that obvious? :lol

My family is Russian and I could see your MIL's inflection as she wrote the letter. I could see her long fingers waving as she searches for the words to write.

:lol :lol

LOL, I was just going to ask if she was Eastern European--this kind of nonsense sounds so familiar to me! (My crazy in laws are Ukrainian--MIL used to hide safety pins in my sling to ward off the evil eye--but, you know, pins and babies are a safe combination :wink ).

I just smile, nod, and ignore....You can NOT change her mind.

I am afraid I was thinking along the same vein (Lithuanian relatives here); just tell her to chill out or you will take your chicken-leg house & walk out of the forest. :lol OK, I'm sorry, I wouldn't laugh if it was me, I'd be ripping my hair out, but she is rather droll.

Honestly, I don't know what you can do but laugh & take this as coming from a lady who thinks you are putting spells on her son. I'd be tempted to give her The Evil Eye, but I'm sure she already has an amulet to protect her. I shouldn't make fun, really. It's a cultural thing & I do respect it.

But she really is crazy, which has no nationality.

that letter sounds like my MIL! I remember when we were planning to get married, she sent DH an email with remarkably similar tone... the language, nuttiness, and illogic... amazing how much your letter is like ours, considering the diferent subject matter (don't ruin your life by getting married!)

and she's ALL about having strong opinions on our life when she's not even IN it and doesn't even know what we're up to, much less the reasons why we do what we do!

so, sympathy! My advice- physical and emotional distance, and in your mind just dismiss her as not knowing what she's talking about- or "crazy" if you prefer :)