Stupid Questions :)

[1Plus2]

We've all gotten some pretty stupid questions and comments from the general public (as well as family and friends!) about our multiples...I thought it would be fun to share some of the REALLY stupid ones that we've heard with each other. :D

The questions that drive me nuts are...

"Are they twins??" (and what else would they be?)
"Are they a boy and a girl??" (while both are dressed in all pink)
"Can you nurse them both at the same time??" (I do have two breasts, don't I?!)
"Did you know you were having twins??"

And if I hear this one more time I'm going to SCREAM!! :angry

"You sure do have your hands full!"

Next.....:)

[glad2bhome]

While I don't have twins, I was pregnant with my second and had my 1 1/2 year-old in tow and received the dreaded "Wow, you sure have your hands full!!". My response was "Well, better full than empty!" I LOVE that response! It was handed down to me by a friend--with twins! Try that one and see those people suddenly turn quite shy and shut the @$&* up.

~Melissa

[lexbeach]

Melissa: I'm definitely going to use that response next time I get the "hands full" comment, probably tomorrow!

One stupid question I get all the time is: "Are they both yours?" I respond "Yep." And then the person will ask, "Are they twins?" I've twice now said, "No, they're a year apart."

I taught kindergarten until I was put on bedrest at 29 weeks. I got lots of "stupid" questions from my students, but coming from five year-olds they were really just cute, not annoying. Here is my favorite:

Ezekiel: "It looks like you have a baby in your tummy"
Me: "Actually, I have two babies in there."
Ezekiel: "Two babies! Wow! Do you think they might be twins?"
Me: "They are twins."
Ezekiel: "Do you think they might have the same birthday?!"
Me: "I think they probably will."

People are always asking "Are they both boys, or a boy and a girl?" I wonder which one they think might be a girl since, especially when bundled, they look pretty similar :confused:.

[mom3]

My favorite is "Are they your's?" You'd think they could tell by the spit up on my shirt, lack of make-up or "fixed" hair, and generally tired appearance :D . I'm not sure what it is about me that makes people assume I'm not their mother. I do look young for my age, but not THAT young (I haven't been carded for a couple of years now :p ). One that friends of mine get is "Are they identical?" when they are obviously brother and sister :rolleyes: .

[MamaLeah]

"Did you know you were having twins??"

I know that seems like a stupid question, and I can't believe how often I get asked it, but you know, I actually did NOT know until the night my twins were born. It's actually embarrassing to me and I usually try to avoid the question. I feel like I get asked that SO much.

I've had two people ask me if I was using fertility drugs. (And my twins are identical.)

[1Plus2]

MamaLeah - That's cool that you didn't know you were having twins until you actually gave birth!!! What an awesome surprise!! How did they miss the second one on the ultrasound? What was it like to find out about the second baby?! That's really, really neat!!!

Lex - How cute!!! Ezekiel sounds like a doll. :) I said to a girl once who asked me "Did you have twins?" "No...we stole the other one." LOL!!!! I've vowed that the next time my girls are both dressed in pink and someone asks if they are a girl and a boy I'm going to ask them which one they think is the boy.

Have you all seen the "Before You Even Ask" t-shirt? It's super cute...www.twinstuff.com.

[charmarty]

The negative ones really get to me know.Especiall now that the girls are old enough to UNDERSTAND some og the things ppl say.My thoughts are.Do you not know they can HEAR you!!!!!!!!

Just the other day one woman took one evil look at my kids and said,"GOD HELP YOU!" I turned on my heels and said,"I dont need Gods help with this one and I am pretty sure he knows it,because he is the one who decides I must be able to handle it,and GLADLY!"
She stammered, mumbling something about having my hands full....To which I replied yes,I do and my heart is full of love and Joy.She then realized she wasnt getting any negative agreeance from me and turned away.



Another one I love to hate is"Twins!Oh my God!How lucky!Wanna sell one?" Idiots.



"That was my biggest fear,having twins." Lucky thing for them you didnt.



"Wow I`am glad its you and not me." "So am I":D





To all those who get the are they identicle ?. My friend who has b/g twins always answers that one with .Umm......NO, He has a penis,she has a vagina!






I really do love the nice to hear things though!I worry my girls are going to get big heads though.

We ALWAYS,like everyday get someone telling us they look exactly like Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.Not something an overprotective mother wants to hear.:(


Edited to add........
I for got to add one more favorite.
When they ask if I bf them both,I always reply. No, Just the favorite one:rolleyes:

[flminivanmama]

here's my favorite stupid question

"did you plan to have twins?"

huh?

[cami2u2]

Well. I've had someone argue with me in the checkout line whether my boys are identical or not. (like I, the mother would not know and they, the total stranger would.) Btw, my boys look nothing alike. They also have 2 different blood types.

[amnesiac]

My boys don't look anything alike either. In fact, one has always been a clothing size ahead of his brother so, especially when they were little, people didn't realize they were twins. I guess they just thought I'd gotten pg really quickly with ds#2 after ds#1 was born because I was always asked "so how far apart are they???" When I'd say "16 minutes" people were always stunned "so they're twins?? are they identical??"

And the dreaded "you sure have your hands full" finally stopped when the boys were about 6 & dd was 2.

[glad2bhome]

I told my friend about the "you sure have your hands full" comment and she said she didn't understand why anyone would be offended by that. She said it might be said sympathetically. What do you think? I don't see her point of view. The comment has ALWAYS bothered me!

[charmarty]

I dont want ANYBODIES sympathy!!!

My gosh they are our children!

[Periwinkle]

I think the stupidest question we get asked all the time is "Are they identical" right after I've told them that one is a boy and one is a girl!!!

Hellooooo? Anyone pay attention in high-school biology class?? :LOL It's not possible to have a boy and a girl share the exact same chromosomes!

My second runner-up recently has been "Do they play together?" Uh, no... we like to keep them apart as much as possible. :rolleyes

OK, I'm on a roll now. :) Third runner up: "Wow, I don't know what I'd do with twins!" to which my favorite reply if I'm feeling sassy is "I bet you don't!"

Wow, this felt good! Thanks!!

[mom3]

I get the "You sure have your hands full" comment fairly often but it is usually said with a smile, like it's a positive thing. When I can tell they mean it negatively I just say "Yes I do!" as happily as I can and move on :rolleyes:

[1Plus2]

Melissa - My mom doesn't understand why the "hands full" comment bothers me either. I guess you just don't get it until you've heard it for the millionth time in one day. :)

Most of the time when I hear it it's said in a nice tone of voice but it's what they really want to say that bothers me. Know what I mean?

[glad2bhome]

Not to harp, but I just don't understand why anyone would say such a stupid thing!! There are much better--and nicer--things to say to parents who have children!! Esp. if they seem to be having trouble at the moment! AAHHH!!!:angry

[laralou]

Actually in the newest edition of Twins mag, they explain how MZ twins can be boy/girl. If the original egg has Klinefelter's (sp) syndrome, then it splits, then one egg drops the extra X, and the other drops the Y, it can happen. It is rare, but it is possible. I love nerdy trivia like that so I am sure I'll be sharing that with lots of people at the grocery store. Dh says nerdy trivia is one of my vices.

[Periwinkle]

Laralou - that's right... except then they DON'T share the same chromosomes. So MZ boy/girl twins are not "identical" or having the same genes, regardless of how they started out. Along those lines, DZ twins are also not always "fraternal" -- sometimes "identical" twins (same egg/sperm) can be in 2 sacs. A lot of people, myself included, think the trend toward calling twins MZ/DZ is still missing the mark, though are glad to at least not be using the more offensive term "identical". :)

I think when most people ask, "are they identical" they mean, "do they have the same genes"? I don't take offense to that question, just seems stupid when they're boy/girl twins! Since it is not possible for them to have the same chromosomes, therefore, obviously they're not identical!

[laralou]

I really don't mind the "you have your hands full" comment. I only get this one when I am double slinging so it is really true. I may mind more when they are old enough to hear and understand. It bugs me more when people say "I wish I had twins" because I am irritated that someone would want to have two infants at once for the cuteness factor. While people do recognize the sacrifices I must make, no one thinks about the babies and what they sacrifice having to share Mommy those first 6 months. I think my reaction has to do with my guilt at not being able to meet all of their needs all the time and parent each of them "perfectly" as was the plan when I chose to have a second child.

I do get irritated when people make guesses about their gender that totally disregards what clothes they are in. It isn't offensive, just irritating. For some reason whenever one baby is in any color that isn't pink, even if it is lavender or orange or a floral print, she is a "boy".

The thing that bothers me the most though is when total strangers have to tell me their twin story, and it is usually that they were supposed to have twins but one or both died. It isn't that I am not sympathetic. It is just that I don't know these people. It just makes me uncomfortable.

On the zygosity: DZ doesn't mean di/di. It refers to how many zygotes there were in the beginning (prior to egg splitting if it took place). If there were two eggs, they are DZ or "fraternal". If there was one, they are MZ or "identical". How they develop after that point determines their sac status (mono/mono, mono/di, di/di) which can help determine zygosity but doesn't define it.

All MZ/"identicals" lose genetic information after the split, so really no twins are "identical" and that is how us moms can tell them apart. I know you know all this. Just wanted to clear up any confusion. I just use "identical" because otherwise I'd have to give my zygosity dissertation everytime.

[Periwinkle]

Laralou - yup. This sums it up! Still funny to think B/G twins are exactly the same (chromosomes), don't you think?! The whole X vs. Y thing must be lost on a lot of people!!!

I forgot about the clothes color thing. That bugs me too. It's like they're not really looking sometimes - even if dd is in pink and flowers, I still get "is that a girl?". God forbid she wears blue jeans or something, everyone always thinks she's a boy!!

[laralou]

I agree, TM. Most people are just wanting an easy answer to that question (and don't get even the basic rudiments of it like the B/G thing) but I seem incapable of giving a basic answer. Like when people ask me if we have twins in the family, I give them all the details they don't really care about like yes, we do but genetics isn't an issue with MZ twins like it is with fraternal, and that the dad's side of the family doesn't matter, etc. etc. etc. Then I proceed to list all the things that increase the chance of twins, like being older, getting pregnant the first month off the pill, etc. They look at me like, "Dang, lady! I didn't really want to know all that!" If I just give a simple "yes" I somehow feel like I am being dishonest by not giving the whole story.

On the gender thing, I have had people fuss at me when they guess wrong, like it is my fault. "Well, you have them in blue!" Nope, that is lavender, and anyway it has flowers and bows all over it!

[1Plus2]

Laralou - When I was working before having my dd my coworkers called me "The Queen of Useless Information" because I was always spouting facts I'd read. It sounds like you and I are a lot alike! :) I too read the article in Twins magazine about MZ twins being b/g pairs. The other way they can be a b/g pair is if the boy is a normal healthy boy and the girl loses her "boy chromosome" and becomes a girl with Turner's Syndrome. I also feel like I have to educate everyone on twins and how they are formed, etc.

Oh...and don't get me started on clothes and people guessing their gender. I once had my dd, Haven dressed in a sweet denim dress and hat to get her pictures taken. I ran into a man I knew and he commented on how cute "he" was. I said that he was a she and this man got VERY offended and said "Well...she's dressed in blue!" and I said "But it's a blue DRESS!!"

My girls each had their own chorion, amnion and placentas but through DNA testing we found out that they are indeed MZ. I've also read that 25-33% of MZ twins don't share anything in the womb. That's a pretty high precentage.

[mom3]

:OT
Karen, how did you come to do the DNA testing? We are fairly certain our boys are fraternal but to be 100% sure we would have to do DNA tests. We've thought about it and figure it's probably just too expensive to mess with. Sorry if this is too personal :) .

[1Plus2]

Hi, DeeDee. :wave Your question isn't personal at all. We decided to do the DNA test after our girls were born and finding out that their blood type was the same. We were pretty sure they were fraternal since #1 they didn't share anything and #2 statistically we had a higher chance of having fraternal twins (2/3 of twins are fraternal). Once we found out the babies were the same sex we knew we'd have to do a bit more research to find out their zygosity. When they were born their ped ordered the blood typing test and it came back with them both being A+. If they would have had different blood types then we would have known for sure they were fraternal. We said we were going to wait until they got older before ordering the DNA test but I got anxious to know plus I got tired of not knowing what to tell people when they asked. :) The test wasn't that expensive...$150 total plus it was SUPER easy to perform. We're really tight on money but it was worth every penny for us to know for sure. We got our results back almost 2 weeks ago and I was truly shocked that the girls are identical. They do resemble each other but there are differences. Lillie has more hair and Faith is quite a bit heavier. But, if you put hats on them they are almost impossible to tell apart. Anyway...long story short....it truly is worth it to know for sure what your babies' zygosity is. If you and your dh are debating on what your boys are then I say go for it!

By the way...we used Proactive Genetics (www.proactivegenetics.com) but there are plenty of other companies to choose from.

[marblesmama]

My favorite irritating comment of all time was when I was pushing the double stroller with 7-week old infants, and some very well-meaning woman looked at my huge post-partum self and asked when my next one was due!!!!

When people say they can't imagine having twins, I smile and say, "No, you can't. And I can't imagine having triplets!"

[Cakes]

" You are so lucky, I want to have twins!!"

This pushes some very sensitive buttons for me.People just don't get it. I never wanted twins. I understood completely (or so I thought; reality is so much more REALwhen it happens to you) how difficult the journey would be. My sister has idnetical girls and my cousin has fratenal boys. I watched them struggle ....

The button the comment pushes is the emotional one of not ever being able to do for or know my beautiful babies as well as my singleton. It is just physically impossible for me to have that kind of connection with two babies at the same time. For the good and well being of the babies I must depend on the help of others to help me raise the twins. I want to cry evertime I have to choose between them. I want to scream every time some one says this because of the pain in my heart of knowing I am "missing" something and that the twins are not getting all of me.

Yes Yes I know they have "each other", this by the way is my second pet peeve comment, but that does not help my heart. Logically I know they are fine but it is something in me that aches everytime I am reminded of the fact that I have twins. I usually will kindly tell people that they are better off having their babies one at a time.

Julianne

[1Plus2]

Julianne - I know what you are feeling all too well. My first dd is my soul mate. She and I are so connected and so close. She hardly had to ever shed a tear because I never had my hands full and wasn't able to comfort her. My two little ones don't have to cry very often but it's more often then I'm happy with. There are too many times that I just can't make them both happy and that just breaks my heart. :( So many people comment on how sweet it is that the babies suck their thumbs. To me it's not so sweet. My oldest didn't *have* to suck her thumb...she could comfort nurse whenever. These two have had to find ways to soothe themselves. I hate that at not even 4-months they've had to learn that already.

A big pet peeve of mine is when someone tells me that they have two children very close in age and so it must be the same as having twins. I very politely tell them that it's not even close.

[Cakes]

Why do peolpe feel the need to comiserate or compete with twins/triplets/quads. Having two babies even 9 mos apart is not the same as two babies the same age. I was in a playgroup with a women who had adopted one baby and then became pregnant the same month her adopted baby was born. She was always comparing her experience to mine and explaining to me exactly how hers was so much more difficult. Meanwhile her oldest is rolling on the floor, sitting up, taking steps, holding a sippy cup, eating solid foods. We all know what I was doing, I did not last in this playgroup for very long.

Julianne

[laralou]

I hate that one! The lady across the street keeps telling me that she had 3 in diapers so she knows how I feel. I know she has good intentions, but it is not the same. I want to scream that it isn't the diapers!

But you said exactly what I felt Julianne. Exactly. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I think how much we all are sacrificing - me, dh, ds and the girls- and I just want to pop people that say that they want twins.

[Cakes]

Laralou
If only it were just the diapers!!!! This made me laugh. Thanks for the levity.
Julianne

[mom3]

Slightly :OT
Maybe I have a different perspective since my dad was a twin, but I don't really see all the "sacrifices" that are being discussed here. Any time there is more than one child in a family there are going to be adjustments due to amount of available time, money, etc. Hearing my dad's stories and watching my friends twin brothers grow up makes me look forward to the years to come. We get to experience children with a relationship like no other on earth. Unless you are a twin yourself it is impossible to completely understand what it means. Yes, somtimes one has to fuss while you take care of the other one, but that can happen to singletons with older siblings too. I guess I try to focus on the positive as much as I can because my dad's mom didn't always do that and she felt that my dad and his brother suffered the consequences. Not trying to negate anyones feelings, just giving another perspective. It's obvious we all love our children and just want what's best for them :love .

[Cakes]

DeeDee,

I love my twins and I know you were not questioning that. My brain and heart are not on the same page. My brain every once in a while will look at the two babies and scream "TWINS" my heart will do a major flip flop and then life goes on. In my heart I wish that I had all three of my children.........just one at a time. I'm just the kind of person who does "ONE" thing really well and then moves on. Maybe this is the universe's way of helping me with my vision of life.

Sacrifice is not a word I would use. I don't feel I have sacrificed anything that any other mom hasn't. I would just rather have had the babies one at a time. I have to be honest with myself and others. So many times moms feel the need to sugar coat their experiences or always look on "the bright side". I am the type of person who wants the truth no matter how ugly. I am then better able to cope with life, knowing I am not alone in my moments of chaos and darkness. Most of my life is bright and wonderful.

Maybe my perspective would have been diffeent if the twins were my third and fourth children as oppposed to my second and third. I understand from other moms that the third is much easier then the second which is easier then the first.

I know my four year old can understand why she must wait while I tend to one of the babies. I am not so sure my twins understood at 1,3,6,9,15 months or for that matter understand now why they have to wait. They want Mommy and they want her now. I just can't always be their and that breaks my heart because I want to be there for them.

We absolutely have a wonderful perpsective and opportunity being the parents of multiples. I love watching the babies interact at an age were most kids still play side by side. I love seeing that special smile saved just for her brother or vice a versa. I can see the wonderful relationship that my babies will have because they are twins and because I have done the best I could APing them.

Thanks for your input.......everything is food for thought. Hopefully I can be more positive during those dark moments because of your well meaning words.

Julianne

[flminivanmama]

I also wish mine had been born one at a time - doesn't mean I don't love each of my kids - it's just that this isn't "what I had planned" and plus I feel like I never gave my babies "all of me" I had twins first and then I had a singleton 15 months later.

[mom3]

I don't think my post came across quite the way I intended (it was late and my brain is usually mush by 7 p.m.). A better word than sacrifices would have been trade-offs. I know how easy it is to let your mind wonder to all the "if only's" that come with being a parent, whether or not you have twins. Becoming a parent has made me see that, for me, there's no use in dwelling on what I thought I wanted when my ideal and real life differ. I've always been the type of person to picture the way things should be, from my wedding day to simple things like having friends over for dinner, and I usually end up dissappointed because it almost never happens. I have learned to believe in my heart that things beyond our control happen for a reason, whether we like it or not, and that is what keeps me sane. We all do the best that we can and I have to believe that is enough for our children, even when we want more for them. I never intended to seem like I don't have my doubts about whether I'm doing enough, that goes without saying. I was just trying to point out (apparently not very well) that no parenting situation is perfect and the best we can do is enjoy this journey as much as we can. Hope this post makes better sense.

[1Plus2]

Have any of you heard "Double trouble" yet? Some woman said it to me the other day...

"Oh, twins! Double trouble!" (said in a very sing-songy voice)

To which I looked her in the eye and very sternly replied....

"No! I'm doubly blessed!!"

She stammered and said "Of course...doubly blessed" before scampering off. I hope she thinks twice before making that remark again. Double trouble...WHATEVER!!!

:hammer

[Kirsten]

I haven't had any multiples but am expecting baby #3 and have gotten TONS of the "oh, you'll have your hands full" comments. It doesn't bother me - I will be busy (though not as busy as I would with twins - I know quite a few friends who were twins themselves and one woman who had twin boys when her dd was 18 months old - she said she cried every day for two years before it got easy enough to deal with).

Sometimes people just don't know what to say so they say something that seems ok. Similar to people telling a woman who miscarries "you'll have another baby" or "it was god's will" or something else equally insensitive. I think these comments are made with good intentions even though it would have been better just to say nothing.

I don't know if I've made the "hands full" comment to moms of multiples - probably more likely to comment on how darling they are or just to smile.
Kirsten

[lexbeach]

Yesterday I went to a support group meeting for new moms. There were about 12 other moms with little newborns there (my 8-weekers were the oldest!), all singletons. Anyway, we went around the circle and introduced ourselves and our babies, and said our babies' ages in weeks and when they were born. During the meeting I breastfed both babies together (a fun thing to do in front of moms who are struggling to breastfeed ONE baby. . . I get lots of :eek). After they had both eaten, Jasper and Luke were lying in front of me on a blanket. The woman sitting next to me asked, in all seriousness: "Are they twins?"

Hello! What else could they possibly be? But I was nice and just said, "umm, yes they are."

She said, "But this one's bigger than that one!"

Lukas is about a pound bigger than Jasper. At this point it is still noticeable (sometimes), but is really a very slight difference (they weigh 11 and 12 pounds). So I didn't even respond to that comment; it was just toooooo stupid.

Today DP and I were slinging the babies downtown and someone asked, "are those BABIES?" Dp said, "no, they're just dolls." The poor woman actually believed her, lol! Imagine if we were both slinging dolls downtown. . .

:D :D :D

Lex

[Cakes]

This is a new one for me...............

My 19 mos twins are as different as different can be. My son has blonde hair, blue eyes and olive complextion. My daughter has brown hair, green eyes and a fair pink complextion. They are Boy/girl.
Soemone asked me the other day if they have the same father??????????? What?????? I was totally floored and just stared at the questioner.....................they realized the question was ridiculous and scurried away.

Julianne

[lexbeach]

Julianne, I get that question surprisingly often. My boys were conceived through AI, so it's not as insulting a question as it would be if I had a husband who was also the father. But still, how ridiculous! I mean, I know it is possible for twins to have different fathers, but please! On a related note, people also always say, "oh, you were artificially inseminated, that's why you had twins!" And, of course, artificial insemination does nothing to increase your chances of twins since all that's different is that it's a syringe instead of a penis putting the spermies in there. Then, after I explain that, they always say, "oh, well the donor must have twins in his family, then." He doesn't (this is actually information that's provided by the sperm bank), but of course it wouldn't matter if he did. People always have such a hard time believing that twins have nothing to do with the man's gentics. As if our ovaries could take into consideration the fact that the man's family has a history of twins, and thus ovulate two eggs. . . Really, I have twins thanks to clomid, but I don't usually tell people that unless they ask.

Lex

[Cakes]

Oh, I love a different perspective on anything. Can you believe anyone would even have the hutzpa (spelling??) to mention the differences between children or circumstances of conception?
Yes, I agree that most people are trying to be "supportive" when they say things like:

Double Trouble ( what exactly does that mean?)
Twice Blessed (yes and DUH)
OMG, TWINS (yes and there is a UFO outside waiting for you to board)
You lucky thang you (most days this is true, but always said on the day were we feel most guilty)
You've got your hands full (all the time, Want to make dinner for us tonight? )
What a lot of work ( all the time, Want to scub the bathroom for us?)
Mine are 12 mos apart I know what you are going through (no you don't .....one baby only wants to nap once a day, the other wants to sleep all the time and can't because the other baby is only napping once a day)
Are they identical? to B/G twins ( we all LOL)
I wish I had twins ( we all groan inside)

I'm sure for the most part when we've all had four consecutive hours of sleep and are bright and cheery and ready to face the day we gladly field these inane questions. When we have had the life nursed out of us and 45 minutes of consecutive sleep anything will set us off especially inane questions.
My solution.............Don't make eye contact with anyone. It is for their own good.

Julianne

[flminivanmama]

Originally posted by lexbeach
The woman sitting next to me asked, in all seriousness: "Are they twins?"

Hello! What else could they possibly be? But I was nice and just said, "umm, yes they are."

She said, "But this one's bigger than that one!"


i used to get that all the time!! and mine were also never more than a pound apart (now they are 3 pounds apart at 3 years old) but one was always very slight...

durrr

[1Plus2]

Julianne - You're post has me LOL'ing...literally! :) I love the comment to not make eye contact with anyone...it's for their own good. Too funny!!!!!!!!!

Lex - OMG!!! How did you maintain your composure when she said that?! My girls are also a pound apart...Lillie is 15.5 lbs. and Faith is 16.5 lbs. OK...I have a nosy questions for you and I hope don't offend you. I think I remember reading before that your boys are fraternal but I'm wondering how you know that for sure. Why I ask is because my girls each had their own chorion, amnion and placenta and my OB told me they were fraternal because of that. Doing research I found out that 25-33% of identical twins don't share anything (if the egg split before day 3 after conception). So DH and I had a DNA test performed on them and found out that they are indeed identical. I was just wondering if you are going on your boys not sharing anything to determine that they are fraternal. Just being nosy...sorry!

A rude comment I got this weekend was about the sex of my children. I have all girls so I'm always getting the "Are you going to try again for a boy?" question. That just irks me...I love my children no matter what sex they are. Anyone else get that?

[flminivanmama]

yep - I have all boys and I get that all the time... evenn at the peds office last week they were all asking me when I was "going to try for the girl":rolleyes:

[mom3]

People ask us that all the time too. I was open the idea of having another child, not to "try" for a girl but just to have another child. My husband usually responds with "Why!!?? So we can have triplet boys??!!". Like most people I would have liked to have at least one of each sex, but now that I have my three boys I wouldn't change it for the world. Besides, I'd spend all our money on "girlie" clothes :) .

[1Plus2]

I got a doozie the other day at KMart. I was in line with my toddler and babies and this lady says "Oh, you had twins?" I told her yes (even though I just wanted to say DUH!!) and she says...and I am not kidding...."How awful!!" What the &%$^ is that suppose to mean? I gave her a hell of a look and said "Well, now wasn't that rude!" and she stammers "Oh, no...I meant it had to have been awful being pregnant and delivering them." I just said that no, it wasn't awful...it was wonderful and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Another lady asked me if they were identical and I said yes. Then she sits and stares at them and says "Oh...I don't think they are. I can see a difference." I told her "Well, their DNA says they are."

I think I'm going to avoid KMart from now on.

[laralou]

I had a cute one (not really a question, but a comment). I was picking up ds at school and a little boy (around 3) was in the office. He said, "Look Mommy, two babies. Twins. No, wait. They can't be twins because their wearing different colored clothes. This one has pink and this one has dots."

[mom3]

Another lady asked me if they were identical and I said yes. Then she sits and stares at them and says "Oh... I don't think they are. I can see a difference."

Don't you just love it when they not only ask a stupid question but then argue with your answer :rolleyes:

[1Plus2]

My trip to Wal-Mart yesterday was quite the adventure in "Stupid People Land".

At about mid-way through shopping, my oldest dd, Haven decided that she was "a big girl" and wanted to push the cart by herself. I'm sure you all know how well that went over...so she ended up in a puddle on the floor sobbing. I had Lillie in her carseat carrier in the front of the cart and Faith in the Bjorn carrier strapped to me. I'm squatted down talking to Haven and this gaggle of women stops to coo at Lillie. They then look down and see Faith...all the while Haven is still sobbing and I'm talking to her. The lady says "How old are your babies?" I very quickly say "4 1/2 months" and go back to talking to Haven. Another one says "What are their names?" "Lillie and Faith"...back to talking. I never once made eye contact with these people...Haven was my priority. Then this lady starts touching Lillie and she starts SCREAMING...which I thought was pretty funny. That'll teach her to touch a kid she doesn't know. Did they go away??? Nope. They are STILL talking to me. Then...and I kid you not...this lady looks me dead in the eyes and says "Are they twins???"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Fast forward to the check out lane. My "big girl" is now putting groceries on the belt and there's a lady in front of me. She looks over at me and says "What is the age difference between your children" and I say "She's 2 1/2 and they're 4 1/2 months" to which she says "Oh, they're twins?!"

I'm boycotting Wal-Mart.

[lexbeach]

I got a good one the other day. I was bfing Luke, and Jasper was in the twin stroller. A woman walking by stopped and exclaimed about how cute Jaz was, and then noticed that I was bfing Luke, and said, "oh my! Are you breastfeeding both of them?!" So I replied, sarcastically, "No, only one of them." She looked at me like I was crazy for having given that response, and said, "well, you could have decided to bottlefeed one of them!" Oh, right! How could I have been so stupid?!

laralou: when I brought my babies in to visit my kindergarten class (I stopped teaching in December), one kid said excitedly, "If you dressed them the same, they would be twins!!" So cute.

Karen: Not too nosey at all! We know the boys aren't identical because besides the fact that they look nothing alike, they have different blood types. Also, since I took clomid to get pg, it was most likely that they would be fraternal. And, when I ovulated I felt as though I was ovulating from both ovaries. . . thus, I suspected twins right away. Despite, the clomid and ovulation pain, we were still told that there was a 33% chance of them being identical once we found out that they were both boys. But the boys made it easy by being A- and O+.

Lex

[flminivanmama]

Originally posted by 1Plus2
and this gaggle of women stops to coo at Lillie. They then look down and see Faith...all the while Haven is still sobbing and I'm talking to her. The lady says "How old are your babies?" I very quickly say "4 1/2 months" and go back to talking to Haven. Another one says "What are their names?" "Lillie and Faith"...back to talking. I never once made eye contact with these people...Haven was my priority. Then this lady starts touching Lillie and she starts SCREAMING...which I thought was pretty funny. That'll teach her to touch a kid she doesn't know. Did they go away??? Nope. They are STILL talking to me. Then...and I kid you not...this lady looks me dead in the eyes and says "Are they twins???"

ugh that same thing (or some variation thereof obviously) happens to me ALL THE TIME!!!!

why in the world would someoe think yu wanted to chat about your twins while they are having a meltdown?????

[Ravin]

My all time favorite comeback to the "Are they twins?" question is one my dad came up with when my sisters were babies:

"No, they're six months apart."

Guaranteed tell who's really dumb (they just nod their heads as if it's a reasonable explanation), who's just a little slow (they scratch their heads) and who realized they asked a dumb question to begin with (they get the joke.) The final category are very rare.

[GoodWillHunter]

All of the sentiments you have, I've had!

"Boy, you have your hands full!"
"Do you know how babies are made?" :duh!
"Boy, I want twins!" Are you sure?
"Are they identical?" Ummmm. No.
"How do you tell them apart?" One has a penis, the other a vagina.
and my personal favorite,

"How far apart are they?" About one minute.

[CurlyTop]

Someone asked dh and I if we each had one twin we favored... I think she said, "So, do you each have one?" "Huh?" we said in unison. "You know, do you each have one twin that is your favorite?"

Sheesh!

What will I say when my daughters are old enough to understand these kinds of questions??

:confused:

[KatherineinCA]

Okay, I've got another perspective on the "Are they twins?" question. Because I have twins, I used to assume that other people in public with two babies the same age also had twins. But after enough encounters with women who explained that one baby was theirs, but the other they were babysitting, I now ask first!

Also, if someone gave me the "No, they're six months apart" reply, I would believe them. My brothers were adopted as babies, and they are six weeks apart. So I spent my teenage years explaining that to people who thought they were twins.

I also used to get people telling me they had vanishing twin syndrome or they had lost one of their twins. I was always very uncomfortable because I didn't know what to say. After my son was stillborn, I now understand that desire to connect with a woman who has what you almost had. I find myself staring at women with baby boys about eight months old. I try so hard not to, and I've never actually started talking to them, but it's such an overwhelming feeling. I want to ask them how old their baby is, or what day he was born, as if somehow that would connect me to my baby. So I recommend just saying you're sorry for their loss, you can never go wrong with that.

Love to all you twin mommies,
Katherine

[marblesmama]

Katherine,
Thanks for such a thoughtful reply; it reminded me that while we all (even/especially! MOMs) have our own life dramas going on, so does everyone else. Mental note to self (I seem to have to make this one periodically): give others the benefit of the doubt!

[1Plus2]

Anyone have any good ones lately?

I had one at a church picnic a couple of weeks ago. I was feeding the girls their lunch and a lady stopped by to talk to them and ask the standard questions. She said "They aren't identical, right?" and I told her that they were. Then she looked at me and very seriously said "But you don't have them dressed alike!" I held back the laughter and told her that we don't usually dress them the same...they may be twins but they are still individuals.

This past weekend a woman was asking questions about them and asked if Lillie was older. I said that she was born first and she said "She looks older." I said "You mean she actually LOOKS 47 minutes older?!" LOL!!!

[mom3]

QUOTE]This past weekend a woman was asking questions about them and asked if Lillie was older. I said that she was born first and she said "She looks older." I said "You mean she actually LOOKS 47 minutes older?!"[/QUOTE]
This reminded me of one I get now and then. People always ask who was born first and when I tell them Ansil was they sometimes say "But he's bigger?!" while pointing at Forrest. Like I'm going to say "Oh yeah, I forgot he was born first" :rolleyes:

[lexbeach]

Hi everyone!

I got a good one a couple of weeks ago. Dp and I took the boys out to a restaurant on a Friday night (brave, huh? :)). There was about a 20-minute wait for a table, so I sat at the (smoke-free) bar and breastfed Luke while Lena took Jasper outside to wait. The man sitting next to me at the bar asked me questions about Luke (i.e. how old is he?), and we were chatting a little. After about 10 minutes, Lena came back in and said, "he needs you." So, she took Luke outside, and I breastfed Jasper. The man sitting next to me didn't say anything until I was done nursing. Then he asked, "so, are you a nurse-maid?"

A nurse-maid?!! Of all the conclusions to come to!

I said, "no."

He said, "so what's that?" (pointing to Jasper).
I said, "he's my baby."
He said, "and the other one? Whose baby was that?"
I said, "he's mine also."
The man looked dumbfounded.
I said, "they're TWINS."
He said, "oh, that must be a lot of work!"

I mean, there are a lot of twins around these days! I can't believe he thought I might be a nurse-maid! :LOL

Lex

[Periwinkle]

:LOL :LOL :LOL

A nurse maid! That's so funny.

A few days ago, we got (AGAIN) our now-dreaded "Twins? But she's so much bigger than he is!" comment.

Part of me is just like :rolleyes: but the other part wants to say, hey, they're almost 1 1/2 and she's only 3 pounds heavier... so sheesh, give me a break!! Do you expect ALL children to weigh exactly the same at the same age?! DUH! :angry

[DaryLLL]

Not a mom of twins, but most of you know I facilitate a bfing group for MOMs, so I have heard a few.

Clueless person: Oh are they twins?

MOM (with twin boys): No, we just keep this one for spare parts.

We have a mom and dad who come to our mtgs regularly. The dad is petite and the ds is petite. The mom is tall and so is the dd. Now that they are 11 mos, there is a 10 lb difference!

When they were 4 mos, their clueless ped insisted they night wean both babies, and start solids, as this would solve the problem of the dd being "too big." Luckily they did not seriously consider this "medical advice." :hammer

[1Plus2]

Lex - Hahahahahahaha!! So, you're a nurse-maid now?! I don't think I would have been able to NOT laugh in his face.

My girls are only about 1/2 lbs. apart but people comment all the time on Lillie being bigger. I think it's because her face is a bit rounder.

[Kathryne]

DaryLLL, I am ROTFLMAO about "spare parts." If I am having twins, this is a phrase I will definately use! It's right in line with my sense of humor...though likely to offend someone I say it to, no doubt.

Kathryne

[CherylE]

I don't have twins yet (due in March with twins) but I HATE the
"Are they twins?" comment/question - I get that ALL the time about my older 2 children. Literally almost every time I take them both out. They are the exact same height and weight and have been within and inch and a pound of each other for the past 2 years! They are currently 4 and 3 years old - it doesn't help that they have matching winter coats either. My ds is big for his and and my dd is small for hers AND they look quite similar. I have even had several people, after I say they are not twins, say things like "are you sure they aren't twins?" or "but they must be twins - they are right the same size" one lady yesterday added "I could even see on the teeter totter that the weighed the same" . Like I somehow would have mixed up whether or not I had twins! I'm sure it'll be worse later when I"m trying explain - these two are, but these two aren't. Sigh.

I also get the "oh you really have your hands full" comment a lot and since finding out we're expecting twins I've started answering THAT with - "not yet - I probably will after the twins are born".... so far that's shut people up really quickly. :D

[lazucchini]

This has been good reading this morning!
I cannot tell you how many times we've heard the comment about having hands full........I'm momma to six, with the littlest being twins. I usually just smile.

We didn't know we were having twins until the second was coming through the birth canal, so we get asked about that all the time. I usually don't mind answering those questions since it was an awesome story! They were both breach and 7lb 3oz and 7lb 10 oz, so my doctor said it was a good thing we didn't know since I wouldn't have found anyone to let me try to birth them.......all went well and no meds, no intervention, healthy babes just over 37weeks.

My older daughter and son often carried the babies in slings when we went out (had to after I broke my leg!) and it was funny to watch people look at them and ask about their dolls!!! The kids would roll their eyes and pull back the sling to show the baby.

My pet peeve comment is when they look at my youngest boy and say something like "Oh......he's not the BABY now......I bet he hates that. Is he jealous?" Actually he's really thrilled to have little sisters and he thinks his life is really great right now!

Along those lines, I really hate the question about knowing how babies are made, but worse are these:
You got yourself fixed, didn't you?
How do you spell V-a-s-e-c-t-o-m-y?
Are you going to have any more?
You know your kids aren't going to have any children of their own since they know what it's all about?

Is this really any business of the stranger in the store? I'm sure most comments are made with good intentions, but these are really rude. And, by the way, I think my kids will make good parents exactly because they do know how to get along in a family and they do know about caring for each other.

Oh well.........I usually respond that life is rich and blessed for us.
Peace, Kathy

[hotmamacita]

:w to the boards and the Multiples sub-forum lazuchini!

One question humours me...

"are they identical?' this is AFTER i have said 'her name is Zora and his name is Soren" I usually respond with "yes, except for the penis." :LOL I'm so bad.

Two questions bug me...

"are they natural?" it took me a while to figure out that many people have fertility treatments and end up with a multiple pregnancy.
"are you done? grrrr....

And one statement puzzles me...

"Oh I bet you are done now." Why do they bet that? Because I am frazzled? I was frazzled with one baby... :)

peace,

[lazucchini]

hotmamacita,
I like your signature........our babes were breech also. 7lbs 10oz and 7lbs 3oz.
At the end of the day, doc said it was a good thing we didn't know there were two or I wouldn't have been able to convince a doc to deliver naturally! And we did just fine all by ourselves.
Kathy

[lazucchini]

Oooops! In my delerium of last week, I forgot I had already given that info in the last post............gosh, don't I look silly now?! After that extremely difficult week, I met a homeschool mom at an event on Friday who has 10mo twin boys. I introduced myself and asked if we could exchange numbers - brave and bold, just stated my need of a twin mom to call on once in a while! With this list, the new mom, and a LLL meeting tomorrow, I'm sure to be a new woman with all that support and encouragement, huh?!
Kathy

Home educating, vegan mom of six!

[Piglet68]

A little late but....

:greet


to lazucchini (love the name!).

You natural/homebirthin' twin mamas are a TRUE inspiration!!!! :love

[1Plus2]

So I got the ULTIMATE stupid question the other day. DH and I were walking into Wal-Mart with our three girls. Haven is 3 and dd's just turned 1. I was putting one dd in the cart and DH was holding the other. Haven was standing beside me. The "welcome lady" came over to ask if Haven wanted a sticker and she said no. She then asked if Lillie wanted one. I said she's too young for one. She looked at Faith and said "What about her?" then "Oh! They're twins?!" Then without missing a beat she said...

"Or are they triplets?"

Huh?! :duh

DH and I looked at each other and I looked at her and trying SO HARD not to laugh said "No, they're twins" and we just walked away. I said "Was she serious? Did she think we left the other baby at home?" and DH said "Either that or she thought we had one that came out weighing 20 lbs. and grew really fast!" LOL!!!

[hotmamacita]

:LOL, 1PLUS2


and :heartbeat, thanks Piglet68!

[Megs Mom]

Keep them coming - don't have any of my own yet b/c we haven't all ventured out into the world...

[Twins4Me]

This thread is a little old, but it is pretty funny! If my girls will stay asleep long enough for me to write all mine down it will be a fun read!
My twins are now 22 months. We have heard it all. I really try hard not to make eye contact, but being in the South, we are just bred to be polite and smile at everyone!
What I hated the most in the beginning was "This one and That one!" from my family! Hello! They have names! Yes, it took us 15 days to name them, but we got it now and we have told you who they are! AND they have never looked anything alike!
I get asked a lot if one is meaner than the other one! I do have a more aggressive one, but she is not mean!
I get asked which one was born first- she is 2 minutes older, does it really matter?
We have 4 girls, so I get the "trying for a boy" a lot too.
I also get "Do you know what causes that" a lot. To this I respond- Well, yeah, but my hubby is so hot I can't help it! That really gets 'em- especially the Blue Hairs!
4 girls- Ooo watch out at Prom time/wedding time/anytime they may date/PMS time, this list goes on and on...
To my DH, Poor guy- all girls Hey, the dog is male!
One lady with her daughter and grand daughter twins in WalMart asked my MIL if we had a hard time weaning them from their bottles. Her twins were obviously MUCH older than my twins. My MIL says, no, they never took bottles, to which the woman looked horrified and said, well what did they do? My MIL rather indignantly said, She nurses them! The lady was like Well, uh!
Hee hee! The monsters are up! More later!

[1Plus2]

Bump for Fleurette. :)

[Fleurette]

Hehehe, thanks for the bump! Some of these are too funny!

The one I've gotten a few times that totally baffles me:confused: is this:

Stranger (looking at the babies): Awwww...how old are they.

Me: X weeks old.

Stranger: Are they twins?

Well, DUH!!!:rolleyes: Of course they are! Geez!

:confused:

[Megs Mom]

F, don't think I'd seen a birth announcement...congrats! How's it going?

[Fleurette]

Hi Analisa,

Things here are going. I think I was really spoiled with my first; she was sleeping nice, long, consistant stretches of time by about 6 weeks. They boys are now 8 weeks and don't sleep longer than 3 hours at a time max. Top that off with the fact that they don't wake at the same time, I'm just not sleeping all that much. Unfortunately, William also has an umbilical hernia, which I believe is making it difficult for him to pass gas and poop. It breaks my heart to see him writing when he's trying to poop. He just screams his head off and really likes to scream and fuss at 3 am! :rolleyes:

I'm finding it a little easier every day, but still much harder than with my dd. There are days when I just wish all I had to do was roll over in bed and sleep a little longer. I dread hearing them wake from a nap some days 'cause I'm so darn tired and stressed. :( This too shall pass is what I keep thinking.

I'm hoping that within the next couple of weeks they decide to sleep a little longer. The thought of it taking longer makes me want to cry....

Anyway....thanks for asking. I think I may have hijacked this thread! ;) Oops!

[Megs Mom]

Oh, honey, I could have written your post. Go look for a thread I started a few weeks ago called "At the End of My Rope." Good advice there.

[gotmilkmama]

The questions "Are they both boys?", "Are they both girls?", "A boy and a girl?" that I'm seeing you all post make me laugh!! :LOL My girls are still cooking (34w4d) but I get alot of "Oh so now you'll have 3 girls!". Mind you I have a SON! He is almost 17 mos old and I can't seem to part with his beautiful baby hair...so I haven't cut it yet. We dress him in obvious 'boy' clothing. And Lord know he acts like a boy! :bgbounce But he has longish hair and long eyelashes and not a day goes by he doesn't get called a girl.

She has her daddy's eyes!
She's so cute!
What's her name?

:)

[1Plus2]

Hey, Carmella...I just realized that your son is just 13 days younger then my twin girls! Do you have names picked out for your girls yet?

[gotmilkmama]

Hi Karen! Well I'm getting closer on the names. The top five are Josephine, Angelena, Caterina, Analisa/Annalisa, and Tessa. :confused:

Today :LOL my picks are...

Josephine Louise or Josephine Louisa - nn Josie
and
Angelena Simone - nn Lena

[1Plus2]

Oooohhhh...! I like all of your choices! Naming girls is SO MUCH FUN! I remember before getting pg the second time that I told my DH that if we had another girl that I wanted to name her Lillie. Then after getting pg but before finding out there were twins I told him I also liked the name Faith. When those two precious babies popped up on that ultrasound screen...I looked at my DH and through tears of absolute joy said "Now I have a Lillie and a Faith!!" Of course, this was LONG before finding out they were both girls! Boys...I can't name them! I can never find a name I love that DH agrees with. I guess I'll just keep having girls. :D

[Megs Mom]

Hi Karen! Well I'm getting closer on the names. The top five are Josephine, Angelena, Caterina, Analisa/Annalisa, and Tessa. :confused:


Hee. Don't see my name too often. :)

Glad to have this thread revived!

[Ravin]

People ask us that all the time too. I was open the idea of having another child, not to "try" for a girl but just to have another child. My husband usually responds with "Why!!?? So we can have triplet boys??!!".

This made me laugh because it's the same logic my mom used on people if they'd ask why she had never tried for a boy. She'd just tell them she can count. First, she had me, one baby girl. Then she had my sisters, 2 baby girls. She concluded that if she got pregnant again trying for a boy, it would wind up being triplets, and they'd all be girls.

[gotmilkmama]

Karen - I'm glad you like the names!! I wish I was having 5 girls so I didn't have to only pick 2 names! :huh

I love Lillie and Faith also. And Haven! That worked out perfect for you having 2 more girls for your 2 girls names!!!

Megsmom - You don't hear Analisa too often do ya? You have a beautiful name! It's one of my dh favs.

36w4d today!! :D

[1Plus2]

36w4d today!! :D

Keep up the AWESOME job cooking those babies!!!!!

:twothumbs :clap :banana :carrot

[Megs Mom]

Megsmom - You don't hear Analisa too often do ya? You have a beautiful name! It's one of my dh favs.

36w4d today!! :D

Sure don't. :)

Great job getting so far! I only made 35w2d and my water broke. :(