Do your kids call older people Mr/Ms/Mrs?

[chinaKat]

What do your kids call adults? Do they use first names or Mr/Ms/Mrs?

I have mixed feelings about this. I want my child to understand the concept of respect for older people, and I'm not always comfortable with the "instant familiarity" of calling somebody by his/her first name.

On the other hand, we have family friends whose kids have always called me by my first name... I can't in a million years imagine having my DD start saying Mr. and Mrs. to them. It would be weird.

Right now we are kind of straddling the line. Older generations (our retired neighbor, *my* friends' parents, etc.) are called Mr. and Mrs.... but DD uses first names for people she meets that are our age (family friends, mostly).

It's going to get even more interesting when DD goes to school and makes friends there. What will her friends call me? "Mrs. DD'sLastname" isn't my name. What do kids call other kids' parents these days, anyway? Hey you? :)

[annettemarie]

My kids do. If the adult says, oh, you can call me FirstName, then I say, "It's OK, you can call her Ms. FirstName.

[HollyBearsMom]

My kids do unless, like AnnetteMarie said, they are invited to use the persons first name.

[Hatteras Gal]

We do the Ms and Mr followed by the 1st name too, unless the person requests it to be the last name. Dd1's preschool teachers use their formal names not their first names.
I feel a little funny having my kids call someone by their first name without the Ms or Mr. My mom has 2 friends and now they have become mine, in a way, and I still slip sometimes and call them Miss Chris and Miss Rosie. :lol One of my best friend's (daughter of Miss Rosie) told me the last time we were together she still call's my mom Mrs. Last Name.

[mama_b]

My dd doesn't address adults yet, but I will not have her call anyone "Mr" or "Ms" unless the person insists. I don't get why older people should get more respect just because their older. :shrug

[uberwench]

My Ds will call someone by the name with which they introduce themselves. Come to think of it - around here, we're a pretty "first name " bunch, and I can't actually think of a time when someone's introduced themselves as "mr" or "mrs"...the exception being his brief stint at preschool, where the teachers were "miss<first name>" - but again, that's how they introduced themselves. Even I called them that. :)

[Nicole77]

We do the same thing. My daughter calls someone Ms. or Mr. unless invited to call them by their first name.

[chinaKat]

Oh yeah, and we've tried implementing an "auntie" title for close friends of the family... but it doesn't really stick all the time. That was sort of our compromise title.

As far as why give some people more "respect" than others -- it's not totally because of the age, it's more a level of familiarity. Sort of like tu vs. vous.

I mean, you wouldn't run up to the CEO of your company or the mayor of your town and say Hey Jane! unless you already had been introduced, right? Because you are not *familiar* with them, you use a respectful address until circumstances dictate otherwise.

At least, that's my opinion, but of course others will differ.

[RachelEve14]

My kids call other adults by their first names, except our very close friends (2 or 3 couples) whom they call "aunt" and "uncle" even though they are not related. I still call my parents' best friends "aunt" and "uncle" even though I am now a certified adult :wink

[lurable]

As a private music teacher I ask my children to call me by my first name. I feel respect is given through actions not through titles. That being said I don't mind if kids call me Ms Maxwell and I sometimes welcome the kids by saying "hello sir John or Madam Julia or Miss Rachel, etc" I have been with many of these children for years; they feel like family!:)

[TinkerBelle]

I am almost 39 yrs old and have an instructor at my college who insists we call her by her first name. It is so strange to me to do that with someone who is old enough to be my mother.

[mamaroni]

I'm not a big fan of the mr./mrs. thing either, but I agree with chinakat that it's a matter of familiarity. We take the other's lead, and I generally tell my kids friends that they can call me colleen. we have a few friends where we use "miss colleen" and "mr so and so" which I'm also not a big fan of, but it'll work.

[desultory]

My kids are on a first-name basis with most of my adult friends, but they use Mr. or Mrs. with more casual adult aquaintances unless invited to use first names. I teach them to begin formally but to respect the person's wishes. They have a lot of "Miss Jane" and "Mr Dan" adult friends. I don't like using titles for myself, so all the kids just call me some variation of my first name, but when I was a teacher we all used titles (I called the children Mr. and Miss, and they called me Mrs). I have mixed feelings about the 'respect for older people' thing. On the one hand, I do respect the greater experience and, I hope, wisdom, of old folks. On the other hand, I believe in equality, including of children, so I hope the practice of using titles dies out. I'm Quaker, and we don't use titles at all at the Meetinghouse, so it can be confusing for my kids to do differently elsewhere. My explanantion to them is simply that a lot of old folks grew up when it was common practice for children to use titles and that we might offend them by being too familiar.

[chinaKat]

I have mixed feelings about the 'respect for older people' thing. On the one hand, I do respect the greater experience and, I hope, wisdom, of old folks. On the other hand, I believe in equality, including of children, so I hope the practice of using titles dies out.

Curious, do your kids call you Mama or Mom? Or do they use your first name?

It doesn't feel inequal in our household that DD says Mama and Daddy, but we call her by her name.

[roisin84]

Mine call everyone by their first name (including me), except in the case of particularly elderly friends/neighbours for whom that kind of title/respect thing is important.

[wryknowlicious]

they call everyone Sir or Ma'am unless they have been given permission by that person or us to refer to them by thier first name.

[Drummer's Wife]

nope. If someone were to introduce themselves to my children as Mr. or Mrs. so and so I'm sure they would but otherwise they use first names as that's how they are introduced. I don't remember using Mr. or Mrs. as a child either, it seems odd to me. Oh and I have never used sir or ma'm. Maybe it's how I was raised or the area I live in? Once an adult called me Mrs. M..... and I was like who the heck is that?

But I agree that respect should be mutual, it has nothing to do with addressing someone. One of the many things I love about Montessori is that the teacher's go by their first name, just as the children do. We're all on the same level. Actually now that I think about it my dd did call her lead teacher Ms. Liz on occasion, but otherwise it was just Liz. I have a feeling she picked it up from other children in her classroom who were likely encouraged by their parents to add the Ms. to the teacher's first name.

[MotherWhimsey]

the only people that my kid would call mr/mrs are my grandmothers friends, and I don't even know their first name. And she also calls dh and I by our first names a lot. I don't mind if she calls me mom or my name, I find it pretty funny. She also calls my mom MooMoo as well as her first name too. I too don't think that respect comes from a title.

[ZeldasMom]

We just use first names. I wonder if some of the differences may be regional/cultural? We used to live in the South, where the Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms First Name thing was extremely common. If we were still living there I am sure we would be teaching our chlidren to address peole that way.

If we were in a situation where I felt a more formal form of address was in order, I think I would model using Mr First Name.

[LovemyBoo]

My Ds will call someone by the name with which they introduce themselves. Come to think of it - around here, we're a pretty "first name " bunch, and I can't actually think of a time when someone's introduced themselves as "mr" or "mrs"...the exception being his brief stint at preschool, where the teachers were "miss<first name>" - but again, that's how they introduced themselves. Even I called them that. :)


:yeah:

I try to ask the adult what they would like to be called if the introduction doesn't make it obvious. Until then, Mr./Ms. Last Name is the default setting. Though no adult around here wants to be called that. All of our adult friends want to be called by their first name, with a few prefering Ms. First Name.

I think calling anyone what they wish to be called is the most respectful thing to do, regardless of age. I would never insist that my child call anyone something different than what the person asked to be called. That, in my opinion, is disrespectful and rude. I would, also, expect an adult to call my child what he/she wants to be called, whether it's a nickname or otherwise.

[mothragirl]

nope. If someone were to introduce themselves to my children as Mr. or Mrs. so and so I'm sure they would but otherwise they use first names as that's how they are introduced. I don't remember using Mr. or Mrs. as a child either, it seems odd to me. Oh and I have never used sir or ma'm. Maybe it's how I was raised or the area I live in? Once an adult called me Mrs. M..... and I was like who the heck is that?



same here. i wasn't raised to use ms/mrs./mr/ma'am/sir, so i don't think about it.

[Zach'smom]

Ds uses Mr./Miss/Mrs with either the first or last name. His swim teacher, preschool teacher,childrens librarians, etc all go by Ms. first name. He calls most of his friends mom's by Mrs. last name. I even find myself calling his swim teacher, etc Ms. first name when I talk to them.:lol

We have some close friends that he calls by their first names and some he calls Aunt and Uncle.

[~member~]

My children introduce themselves and then use whatever the other person introduced themselves as.....so, Luke's Mom, will always be "Luke's Mom" :lol

[Shirelle]

My kids do. If the adult says, oh, you can call me FirstName, then I say, "It's OK, you can call her Ms. FirstName.
What she said :thumb

[Cardinal]

My DS isn't talking yet, but I plan to teach him to always use Sir/Ma'am and Mrs/Mr unless the individual requests otherwise, or unless we tell them to do so (as in, that is Aunt Leah -- not Mrs Palmer). I was raised to be respectful of elders. I still say Ma'am, Miss, Mrs., etc. It is how I was raised and what I feel comfortable with.

[TinkerBelle]

Curious, do your kids call you Mama or Mom? Or do they use your first name?

It doesn't feel inequal in our household that DD says Mama and Daddy, but we call her by her name.


You know, that is a good question.

(Names are changed in my example)
In our family, our boys address adults in the family as Aunt Sue and Uncle Fred, and Grandma or Grandpa.

In other places, it depends on the situation and the person. My oldest calls his teacher "Mrs. Smith", while my 7 yr old, in Special Ed, calls his teachers "Ms. Mary" or "Miss Stacy". At church, our pastor is address as "Pastor Riley" and other adults are addressed as "Brother Davis", or "Brother Jim", or "Mrs. Riley", or "Miss Margaret". There is one really kind lady, who is a friend of my husband's family and we all call her "Grandma Rosie".

With friends, some of them are called by their first names by our kids and some are not. It just depends.

I see nothing wrong with using titles. I just wouldn't feel right walking up to our pastor and saying, "Howya doin' there, Pete?" Or to my Grandma, "Hey Janie!" Or calling a couple of my college instructors by their first names, as they have asked us to refer to them as "Dr. (lastname).

What other people do is none of my business. But we "do" titles in our home.

[elmh23]

Older people at church and people who ask to be referred to by Mr/Ms/Mrs, get called by the title and either their first name or last name.

Friends parents are called "kids name" mama. I'm friends with the kids parents and there by our kids are friends. All of the kids are under 6, with the majority being in the 1-3 range.

[menudo]

I am in the north and was told to use Ma'am as an adult in business settings when you are unsure of titles. WELL-I was told to stop immediately at one job as someone took offense to it. :lol Bu Ma'am and Sir is not common here and often frowned upon as it is seen as sarcasic. Which I can say is the only way my kids have ever used it!

I know here the whole Mrs. (kids last name to address kids Mom) is not pushed b/c a large portion of kids have different last names than their children (whether Moms are single/not legally married/legally married/ remaried/etc.) I answer to my kids last name-the school commonly calls me Mrs. XXXX after a while and that is fine with me.

My kids address people as the person introduces themselves. No biggie either way. Mrs. is rare and Mr. is second to it but less rare to here.

[becoming]

We live in the south, and my DS mostly uses first names, unless the person is referred to as Mr. or Mrs. by his peers (such as his Pre-K teacher). We definitely don't stress the Mr./Mrs. thing. My husband was brought up having to say "sir" and "ma'am," so he is constantly at my son to say these things, but I think it's a little silly. Respect isn't given by calling someone a certain name.

[nicole lisa]

My kids do. If the adult says, oh, you can call me FirstName, then I say, "It's OK, you can call her Ms. FirstName.


My friend insists on this even when the adults (myself and other friends) make it clear we really don't like it. So she has her kids not refer to us at all :lol .

We're a first name only family, and this include's DS' doctor. He has his own relationships with all of our friends and family and they all get to call him by his common name so he does the same with them, including BF's bosses.

We've yet to come across anyone DS would refer to with a name other than that person's first.

[Jessy1019]

I'm with mama b, unless someone introduces him/herself as "Mrs.", I'm not going to have my kids use that title. I don't think what you call someone has anything to do with respect (unless you're calling them a mean name, lol), and I also don't think that age warrants respect. It's actions that matter, in any case.

That said, Rylie has one friend (a 50-something year old lady) that she plays with at the swimming pool. She refers to herself as Mrs. D to Rylie, and that's what we use. Everyone else is just called by their first names.

[Skrimpy]

for my kids it is Miss/Mr. Firstname here. Always. I was raised saying that and that's what I want my kids to do (even though I do most other things differently lol!) I want them to understand that there is that level of respect with adults.

I still call some adults older than me that I respect a lot by Miss/Mr. Firstname. It is 100% a respect thing in my book. I still say yes ma'am and no ma'am, etc. to when talking with an elder or even with a person in a position of authority.

[lckrause]

I guess if we met someone who insisted on Mrs. or Mr. we would use that, but honestly we haven't. Even my kids' teachers (gymnastics, dance, swimming, etc) go by first names. In our family, we generally go by first names, except for little kids who use "uncle" and "auntie" for certain relatives out of tradition.

My daughter calls me Mama and my son calls me by my first name. Obviously we don't stand on formality.

[lilyka]

we always start out by introducing grown ups as Mr and Mrs (never Miss Sarah etc or anything that is improper English). 99% of the people say "oh just call me firstname" in which case it is only mannerly to call someone what they want to be called. occaisionally I will refer to someone they know well as Mr. or mrs lastname. Like if we are hanging out I wil say "Go give that to Mr. Smith" Not because I suddenly want them to start refering to John as Mr. Smith but because I want them to know that is his name.

Also it is easier for someone to say "call me jane" than it is for them to say "ya know, i would really prefer you call me mrs. Smith." how awkward that would be. I prefer to be refered to as mrs. and really appreciate it when people introduce me that way to their children. But I would never ask someones child to call me mrs P once I have been introduces by my first name.

I never grew up calling people mr. or mrs and felt like such a rude dork when i realized how out of line i was to just assume familiarity without an invitation to do so. I want my children to be equally comfortable with both and know to keep a formal distance until invited to do otherwise.

[2+twins]

I'm not comfortable with titles. My dc call people by their first names unless directed by them otherwise (in preschool it was Miss firstname and in Kindergarten it is Mrs. - although dd says Ms. - lastname). If it were up to me though, there'd be no formality. Like I said, I'm just not comfortable with it. Oh, and my kids call dh & I interchangably by our first names or mom/mommy/mama & dad/daddy. Shoot, I'm just happy if they get the name right (dd1 often calls me daddy & dh mommy on accident).

[Sharlla]

Nope, my kids call adults by thier first names.

[nicole lisa]

for my kids it is Miss/Mr. Firstname here. Always.



Mybe it's a regional thing, but the miss firstname really icks me out. It's a real gut reaction for me. I don't know anyone who would find that respectful. I don't know any woman who allows herself to be called "miss".

If the woman or man in question is uncomfortable with the title would you let your kids drop it? This has been a huge issue with a friend of mine and she's upsetting a lot of people around her with her insistence that the kids use it. It's just unheard of around here.

[IfMamaAintHappy]

they call everyone Sir or Ma'am unless they have been given permission by that person or us to refer to them by thier first name.

We do that as well for unfamiliar elders. Where we live (North Carolina), it is also common to call your familiar elders Mr. or Ms/Miss Firstname. My daughters' friends' mom is Ms. Firstname, and I am Ms. Jeni to her friends. My husband is Mr. Rob.

I grew up in Illinois, and we never used Ms/Miss/Mr Firstname. It was common there to say my friends parents were Mr and Mrs Lastname.

[chinaKat]

we always start out by introducing grown ups as Mr and Mrs (never Miss Sarah etc or anything that is improper English). 99% of the people say "oh just call me firstname" in which case it is only mannerly to call someone what they want to be called. occaisionally I will refer to someone they know well as Mr. or mrs lastname. Like if we are hanging out I wil say "Go give that to Mr. Smith" Not because I suddenly want them to start refering to John as Mr. Smith but because I want them to know that is his name.

Also it is easier for someone to say "call me jane" than it is for them to say "ya know, i would really prefer you call me mrs. Smith." how awkward that would be. I prefer to be refered to as mrs. and really appreciate it when people introduce me that way to their children. But I would never ask someones child to call me mrs P once I have been introduces by my first name.

I never grew up calling people mr. or mrs and felt like such a rude dork when i realized how out of line i was to just assume familiarity without an invitation to do so. I want my children to be equally comfortable with both and know to keep a formal distance until invited to do otherwise.


Hey! This is exactly what we do, and how I feel... and why I feel that way!!! :)

[raleigh_mom]

My children use Mr/Mrs. Lastname except for a few of my friends who are Miss Firstname. I much prefer to be called Mrs. Lastname, but will accept Miss Firstname so I don't have to correct them.

A few children try to call me just by my first name. That really bothers me. My children usually correct them, but occasionally I will too.

Growing up (near DC), I never called an adult by their first name. I clearly remember being about 10 or 11 and having an adult tell me for the first time to use their first name.

Both my girls call me Mommy. Mom would be OK, but they don't want to do that. They do know calling me by my first name is not a choice except maybe when we are joking around and they are doing it in fun.

[Elyra]

We just use first names. I wonder if some of the differences may be regional/cultural? We used to live in the South, where the Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms First Name thing was extremely common. If we were still living there I am sure we would be teaching our chlidren to address peole that way.

If we were in a situation where I felt a more formal form of address was in order, I think I would model using Mr First Name.
Yes, I think it is a cultural/regional thing. I was raised in the south and always used Miss _____ or Mr. ______ and I also used sir and ma'am as well. When I moved to the midwest when I was in high school for a year and the first week I was set to the principal's office for "getting smart" with my teacher for using ma'am. And then when I began working for the school I attended and became on first name baisis with many of the facutly I would call them Miss _____. I was corrected on a few occaision by people saying no my first name is Karen when I called her Miss Karen. It is a hard habit to break and I still call my nieghbors Miss, and Mr. even though we are all adults.

For my children I prefer they use Miss and Mr ______. They have their own way of coming up with people's names on their own though. :lol We call my grandma "Nine". So my kids have taken to calling her "Great Nine" instead of Great Grandma. We have a lot of "aunties" and "uncles" which are close family friends. I do ask if the person would rather be called something else but so far no one has objected.

[lilyka]

Mybe it's a regional thing, but the miss firstname really icks me out. It's a real gut reaction for me. I don't know anyone who would find that respectful. I don't know any woman who allows herself to be called "miss".


I teach preschool and let me tell you. when you are preschool teacher who rejects miss. first name you are a reble.

The kids have actually started refering to us as "Just Sandra" and "just nancy" because we have corrected so many times . . "not miss. . . Its just . . . . ". We would allow them to call us mrs if they prefered. but neither of us are Miss and refuse to allow anyone to call us that. about half just call us teacher.

[mamaroni]

Mybe it's a regional thing, but the miss firstname really icks me out. It's a real gut reaction for me. I don't know anyone who would find that respectful. I don't know any woman who allows herself to be called "miss".


ITA. Where do you live? It really icks me out too. When I first started working at my last job (pre-kids) one of the secretaries referred to me as "miss firstname" ALL the time and I really hated it. In certain settings I can see it being appropriate (daycare, preschool, gymnastics) and it does seem less formal than Mrs., but in general I don't want to be called "miss firstname" ever.

I'm in Michigan.

[pookel]

It's definitely a regional/cultural thing. I can't think of a single adult I would call Mr. or Mrs. So-and-So, except for my childhood teachers, since I remember them that way. I call my boss by his first name - heck, we all call the CEO and VPs of the company by their first names, and it's not a small corporation either. The pastor of my husband's family's church is "Pastor Steve." Even some of the Catholic priests around here are "Father Firstname."

So no, we're not going to raise our kids to use "Mr." or "Mrs." unless there's a good reason to use it for that particular adult (like we know they prefer it).

[Elyra]

Wow, I didn't realize that so many people didn't like the miss firstname thing. Hmm. I guess it has never bothered me to be called miss my firstname, I actually looked forward to it when I was younger. :lol It really must be a regional thing again, because when I go visit my mom at work the nurses she works with refer to each other as miss firstname. For exsample if my mom isn't in the nurses station when I stop by some one will ask someone else if they have seen Miss Ann, and my mom will say "thank you Miss firstname." No one ever seems even the least little bit unhappy about it.

It really makes me rethink a few things. I may start having my kids call people Mrs. and Mr. so and so instead.

[delicious]

cool discussion.

my kids call people by their first names. well, except doctors. i haven't really thought about this much, though. even dd's teacher goes by his first name. (this is at a super crunchy progressive school, though.) i have a habit of thinking of people in my mind as first name last name, so, sometimes i end up saying it out loud.

mr./mrs/miss feels too formal for me. i don't really see it as truely showing respect for someone, just words.

also, my kids do call me mama or mom or mommy but i don't see that as the same. dd played around with calling me by my first name for a while but it seemed weird to both of us.

[rmzbm]

My children say Mr./Mrs./Ms./Miss & say "Yes/No Sir/Maam" as I myslef do when speaking with others. I actually LIKE the Miss.FirstName thing. :)

[Sharlla]

I think it could be confusing these days too, so many parents don't have the same last names as their kids. You can't just automatically assume that Timmy Johnson's mom is going to be Mrs. Johnson.

[siobhang]

My friends and my stepmom are <firstname> or in a couple of cases "auntie" <firstname>. Dh and my siblings and my aunts/uncle are "Aunt/Uncle" <firstname>.

At sunday school, the teachers (including me) are "miss" <firstname>. I live in Virginia and this is considered respectful - we made this decision as a group. Some of my kid's friends parents also want to be called "Miss" <firstname> but most prefer "Mrs" <lastname>.

The teachers at my son's preschool, our older neighbors, and my clients (who sometimes have meetings at my house) are "mr/mrs/Dr" <lastname>.


I had a meeting with a client recently, an older man pushing 70 who used to be the minister of education for a small country. My son called him by his first name, and while we all thought it was cute, I could see my client was visibly relieved when I corrected my son, and said, "No, to you, his name is Dr. <lastname>.

With some of my mom friends, we tell our kids to call us Mama <kid's first name>, which is the tradition in certain parts of africa, and frankly, a lot easier for some kids to remember!

I admit, I get really squicked out by a small child calling me by my first name. It seems very disrespectful to me.

Just my 2 cents.

Siobhan

[maya44]

cool discussion.

my kids call people by their first names. well, except doctors.

Wow, doctors are the one set of adults that I strongly believe my children should NOT call by anything except their first name (other than that it's really the preference of the person called that matters)

I always want my children to understand that they are on an equal footing with their doctors and should NOT be relating to them as anything else.

[oregongirlie]

When I was little there was a family that was friends of our family whose children called my parents by their first names while we called their parents "Mr. and Mrs." It was REALLY annoying to me. I always felt those kids were being disrespectful to my parents and it felt unequal. But I wouldn't have changed as a kid -- I liked being one of the last people saying "Mr. and Mrs. or Ms. and Miss".

I think our friends would freak out if my kid grew up to call them "Mr. or Mrs."! So, he probably won't.

[chinaKat]

Wow, doctors are the one set of adults that I strongly believe my children should NOT call by anything except their first name (other than that it's really the preference of the person called that matters)

I always want my children to understand that they are on an equal footing with their doctors and should NOT be relating to them as anything else.

I completely don't understand this sentiment. But of course MDC is notoriously anti doctor. :dizzy:

Just curious, do you feel the same way about, say, a judge? (Another professional that has "earned" the right to a degree that bears a title.) Would you walk into a courtroom and call a judge by her first name?

[maya44]

I completely don't understand this sentiment. But of course MDC is notoriously anti doctor. :dizzy:

Just curious, do you feel the same way about, say, a judge? (Another professional that has "earned" the right to a degree that bears a title.) Would you walk into a courtroom and call a judge by her first name?

I am so so not anti-doctor. Indeed, I am very un MDC like in my pro-vax stance.

But unlike a judge who serves justice as a whole rather than an individual who appears before her ( and who BTY when I, an attorney, do appear in the courtroom also calls ME by my last name) a doctor is hired by me for my children to serve them and their needs.

We give a Judge respect as a sign that we respect the entire system of justice under which they practice. We might not always like the system, but that absolute respect keeps the sytem from collapsing.

There is no analogy to a doctor. All patients including children need to view the doctor as someone they can question wiothut worry that they will be considered rude or disrespectful (not so with a judge, take it from me) and from whom THEY deserve the utmost respect and attention. I feel that being told to call a doctor by her last name undermines this.

[roisin84]

I completely don't understand this sentiment. But of course MDC is notoriously anti doctor. :dizzy:

Just curious, do you feel the same way about, say, a judge? (Another professional that has "earned" the right to a degree that bears a title.) Would you walk into a courtroom and call a judge by her first name?
I trust and respect judges so much less than doctors! Unfortunately judges have too much power to hurt you if they feel you aren't respectful enough, so in a courtroom I'd have to encourage my kids to be 'respectful'.

I really hate the 'Miss Firstname' thing too - it just sounds so icky and cutesie. I had a ballet teacher when I was little called Miss Jane, and I remember my mother bitching to another mum about how ridiculous is was that the teacher insisted on the parents calling her Miss Jane too :lol

I once worked in a hotel owned by a pretty wealthy family, and they insisted all the staff called the owner Mr Firstname and his wife Mrs His Firstname (so Mr. Adam and Mrs. Adam) and their adult daughter Miss Firstname (Miss Eve). It made me cringe so much I just avoided addressing them.

I would always want to be called by my first name by people I'm familiar with, as I don't see titles as indicating respect. They're a formality, so I still expect my bank to address me as Ms. etc.

[sehbub]

Our girls call our friends by their first names, but have never used our first names. They're just not comfortable doing it. In fact, DD2 laughs hysterically when she hears DH call me by my first name. She always says, "Daddy, that's mama! Not Sarah! Silly Daddy." And even when DD1 is "scolding" DH, she calls him "Daddy Robert!" as his middle name is Robert. It's really cute.

Grandparents have their titles, Aunts and Uncles have their titles, but it's more than the girls feel weird calling their aunts and uncles by first names only, KWIM?

As far as everyone else is concerned, it's however they introduce themselves. If they say "I'm Miss so-and-so" that's the name they'll have forever.

Oh, and for the PP who asked what DC's friends call us...their friends call me "Sydney (or Victoria)'s mom" As in, "Hey, Sydney'smom?" all run together as though it's my first name. I think it's adorable.

DH is Mr. B..... to the neighborhood kids. I think it's cause he's 6'3" and intimidating to a 9 year old, you know? Although, that stopped for the most part when he started a snow ball fight with them wearing shorts and flip flops this winter. :lol

And, having been raised Southern, I say yes'm/yes ma'am/yes sir (and no of course) as a reflex. It's just what I'm used to, and I feel weird just saying yes or no to those older than I. Plus, it usually makes them smile (at least in our tiny little town) as they're not used to it, which is a nice added bonus.

[chinaKat]

There is no analogy to a doctor. All patients including children need to view the doctor as someone they can question wiothut worry that they will be considered rude or disrespectful (not so with a judge, take it from me) and from whom THEY deserve the utmost respect and attention. I feel that being told to call a doctor by her last name undermines this.

OK... I see what you are saying. I guess my thought is that I'd like my child to see a doctor as somebody with a lot of knowledge, that is there to give them the best possible help at all. I, personally, *respect* that knowledge.

Showing respect to somebody doesn't mean that it's a one way street, right? You can respect somebody that respects YOU, right?

I just don't see how calling somebody (that has earned it) "doctor so-and-so" creates a bad dynamic or a power imbalance. "Doctor" is even less of a societal construct than "mister" or "ma'am" as far as I can tell.

You are simply recognizing the person's experience. If anything, omitting the title seems disrespectful.

[starlein26]

We just do first name...:thumb

[Teensy]

Another Southerner

Our children use Mr./Miss Firstname to address adults until they are school age, then they begin using Mr. or Ms. Last Name.

And we use Ma'am and Sir.

*****
Off topic - I got Ma'am'd yesterday (by a twenty-ish college student) and it made me feel terribly old! I am used to it in business situation, but this was more of a social setting! Ack! Gotta start using wrinkle cream I guess!!!

[SugarAndSun]

the only people that my kid would call mr/mrs are my grandmothers friends, and I don't even know their first name. And she also calls dh and I by our first names a lot. I don't mind if she calls me mom or my name, I find it pretty funny. She also calls my mom MooMoo as well as her first name too. I too don't think that respect comes from a title.

DS1 (almost 2) calls me mom except when he has to call "hey myname!" from upstairs or something. I guess he here's dh day that and thinks that's what you say when you are calling someone. :lol

I wish we did the Mr. Ms. firstname thing here, but no one does. I gowith the first name unless I only know their last name or the person insists.


I have one friend who won't let her dd call any adult by a fist name alone. It has to be Mr. Ms. lastname or Aunt Uncle firstname.

[SugarAndSun]

Wow, doctors are the one set of adults that I strongly believe my children should NOT call by anything except their first name (other than that it's really the preference of the person called that matters)

I always want my children to understand that they are on an equal footing with their doctors and should NOT be relating to them as anything else.

Funny, our ped. calls herself by her first name and it makes me so uncomfortable. I always want to call her Dr. so and so.

I do nothing but question her and doubt everything she says, btw, so I don't think title really effects that.

[nicole lisa]

ITA. Where do you live? It really icks me out too. When I first started working at my last job (pre-kids) one of the secretaries referred to me as "miss firstname" ALL the time and I really hated it. In certain settings I can see it being appropriate (daycare, preschool, gymnastics) and it does seem less formal than Mrs., but in general I don't want to be called "miss firstname" ever.

I'm in Michigan.

Similar region for me - I grew up in Toronto and now live in Ottawa/Hull. The regional stuff is so interesting. Like here "m'am' and "sir" are considered disrespectful and in the South (though no Canadian equivalent) it's considered respectful. I still can't get over an interview I saw in 1999 between Larry King and Prince. A very adult Prince kept referring to Larry King as 'sir' and it came across as so odd. Like Prince was an uncomfortable teen or there was a huge power imbalance at work. And Prince isn't even from the South. Weird.

For us, it's really important DS has his own relationship with the adults around him and a title just seems to be a barrier to that. We realize we aren't his everything and be all and there will be times when he might want to confide something personal or get help from one of our friends, his doctor, an aunt or uncle etc and, especially when it comes to adult friends, a title like Mr./Ms. could really impede that. It feels, to us, like it erects a wall of formality and prohibits a more close/intimate relkationship. DS is very close with all our friends and BF's co-workers and feels they are just as much his friends. Everyone's always treated him that way.

[RedWine]

My Ds will call someone by the name with which they introduce themselves. Come to think of it - around here, we're a pretty "first name " bunch, and I can't actually think of a time when someone's introduced themselves as "mr" or "mrs"...the exception being his brief stint at preschool, where the teachers were "miss<first name>" - but again, that's how they introduced themselves. Even I called them that. :)


This is us, too. We'll go with however they introduce themselves...and so far, everyone has used their first name.

[ShadowMom]

It has never occurred to me to have my DS call anyone a name other than the one that I use for the person.

I don't know how I would explain to him that if *I* talk to an adult, I can use whatever name I like, but if *he* talks to an adult, he has to use a title.

Whereas if it's a little kid, they are undeserving of a title and are just known by their names.

I can't think of a way to explain that which would not imply that DS was somehow inferior. And, I don't believe that he is inferior to any adult and has just as many rights and is just as important. So, I don't think I could communicate that message.

I am so so not anti-doctor. Indeed, I am very un MDC like in my pro-vax stance...
All patients including children need to view the doctor as someone they can question wiothut worry that they will be considered rude or disrespectful (not so with a judge, take it from me) and from whom THEY deserve the utmost respect and attention. I feel that being told to call a doctor by her last name undermines this.

I think this totally rocks. I knew there was a reason why I thought you were a cool frood. We disagree on some issues, but I always pay close attention to everything you say.

[vapindy]

Yes, our son calls adults Ms. or Mr. then their first name.
We moved from the south where that was the norm, and our now living in the north, people in north seem a little more thrown off when they are addressed this way.

[maya44]

I think this totally rocks. I knew there was a reason why I thought you were a cool frood. We disagree on some issues, but I always pay close attention to everything you say.



That was so nice of you to say that!

[EastonsMom]

My DS isn't talking yet, but I plan to teach him to always use Sir/Ma'am and Mrs/Mr unless the individual requests otherwise, or unless we tell them to do so (as in, that is Aunt Leah -- not Mrs Palmer). I was raised to be respectful of elders. I still say Ma'am, Miss, Mrs., etc. It is how I was raised and what I feel comfortable with.



:heartbeat :love :wave :jumpers: :heartbeat

[Kwgrlup]

I always have my son call people Mrs. or Mr. so and so until they are invited to do otherwise. Most of the time, he calls his friends parents by their first name. There are a few that he calls Mrs. or Mr. though. As for the older generation, he always calls people Mr. and Mrs. (most of them friends of my In-laws or my parents). I also have him refer to people as sir or ma'me that he does not know.

[kewb]

I have taught my children to use Mr. and Mrs. until the adult instructs them otherwise.

[KayasMama04]

if its family or family friends its the name she has given them..if its a stranger its Ms. firstname etc...

[whateverdidiwants]

It has never occurred to me to have my DS call anyone a name other than the one that I use for the person.


I was raised calling adults by their first names and am raising dd the same way. I really don't like the power imbalance when only person is being called by a title.

A PP asked if we would call the CEO of our company by their first name, and I'd have to say yes. In every place I've worked *everyone* is called by first names, from the janitors all the way up to the CEO/President (and these aren't small places - one was a hospital with over 6000 employees).

I've lived in the South my whole life and I HATE being called Miss Firstname and correct anyone who tries to refer to me that way.

[Mommabelle]

We also always have kids call other adults Mr/Mrs with either first name or last name depending on if they are close family friends or not. My husband is an Aussie so when we are there they say Aunt/Uncle first name if they are good friends and Mr/Ms last name if we don't know them. (However we do not say M'am/Sir when we are there) The kids seem to understand and adapt straight away. In many languages there are distinct grammatical differences in pronoun and vebs usage when talking to elders and/or people that are not "familiar". This is sort of in the same line of thinking. Lots of things are regional for sure. In no way do I feel kids are inferior to me when they use the Mr/Mrs terminology.

[Brigianna]

When I meet someone I always address the person as Mr./Ms. Lastname unless the person specifically requests to be called by a first name. To me that is basic politeness, and the person almost always says "oh call me joe" or whatever. So I teach my kids to do the same. I think it's a little annoying when total strangers immediately start calling me by my first name. But it's not a big deal.

However it's definitely not an age thing, and I really don't like the Mr/Ms Firstname thing. The kids around here don't seem to know how to do it any other way though; I am always Miss Brigy and ma'am no matter how many times I ask not to be. Sometimes I call the other kids Mr or Ms too--I don't like titles when they're not equally applied. And "respect for authority figures" is not something I'm particularly interested in teaching my kids.

[phathui5]

Our default setting for adults of our generation is Mr/Ms First Name and for people who are more grandparent aged it's Mr/Ms Last Name.

[PrettyBird]

I still call my childhood friends' parents Mr./Mrs. Lastname! I'm not sure what we will do with DD. Probably just go with the flow, call people what they prefer to be called. Respect for elders is something totally lost in American culture.

[LiamnEmma]

only when people insist upon it. I never enforce Mr/Mrs or any other version. Respect comes with familiarity and shared events, not because you call someone by a title. Case in point, we have a neighbor who insists on the Mr/Mrs thing. So my ds made a point of mispronouncing his last name, at the tender age of four. :p We are three years later, and that Mr. has actually earned my ds' respect and now my ds does call him by the name the neighbor has asked. But he had to earn the respect of ds and I've always been proud that my boy slyly pointed it out.

Most kids at school call me Liam's Mom or Emma's Mom. Some call me by my first name, if they know it. At work (I work in the school system), I introduce myself to children using my first name, and I expect them to call me by my first name, but I don't correct them if they use my last name or simply call me teacher.

[techno_dara]

I mean, you wouldn't run up to the CEO of your company or the mayor of your town and say Hey Jane! unless you already had been introduced, right? Because you are not *familiar* with them, you use a respectful address until circumstances dictate otherwise.

Actually I would call the CEO of the company I work for by his first name. We're all important members of the company; that's why our badges are printed with just first names. As for my kids using Ms/Mr/Mrs/etc, they only use those titles when the adult wants.

[laohaire]

On the subject of business, I've had to consider how to approach several situations.

When I was 19 I worked for a very well-known company in New York City. I had just moved from North Carolina (NOT where I was raised - I'm a Northerner) and I was very young and sometimes I interacted with the President and Vice President. I didn't know how to address them, so I called them Mr. <LastName> just because they were such important (and also older) people in an important company, and I was new and very young. They tolerated it for a few months before one awkwardly asked me to call him John. (I took his lead and called the other Peter from then on). It was clear to me that I was back in the North and business wasn't school.

I went back to college after that and found it very awkward to call my professors by their last names, just after having been in the business world for a while, and also not being a kid anymore.

Now I'm back in the business world and sometimes I've wondered what to call clients (a couple have been doctors). We're a consulting business so we get all sorts of clients. Ultimately I decided to call everyone by their first names unless I had some good reason to think they would not like that. In business, I see everyone on equal footing.

On the topic of kids, I will teach my DD to call adults by whatever name I call them. Usually it's the first name. Sometimes it will be Mr/Mrs./Dr. Lastname (I hate Mr/Mrs Firstname, it seems silly to me).

I'm 30 and been married 5 years. I doubt I would respond to Mrs. LastName without thinking about it - oh, that's me! Same with DH, I don't think he's ever been called Mr. LastName. We're Northerners.

[RubyWild]

My Dd is taught to call people what they ask to be called, which, so far, has 100% of the time been first name only.

I personally want to be called by my first name and will correct any child who tries to call me something else. It has never in my life happened, though. First names are the norm, here.

[RubyWild]

My kids do. If the adult says, oh, you can call me FirstName, then I say, "It's OK, you can call her Ms. FirstName. What if the person doesn't want to be called by a title at all? I do not and would find it disrespectful to be called something other than my first name.

[mata]

she does both-if someone has introduced themselves with their first name, she will call them by that. We recently asked her to say "Mr. so and so" with one of our neighbors though. SHe's on a first name basis with his wife, but the husband is a teacher, and quite older, and didn't introduce himself to her with his first name. I heard her calling him by his first name and asked her to address him differently. She calls her dad by his first name and it cracks me up!

[newmommy]

We teach DS to say "Hello Mrs Johnson" unless Mrs Johnson states otherwise "Oh goodness no need to be formal, call me Helen"

[pianojazzgirl]

My dd calls everyone by their first name, except our chiropractor is Dr. <firstname> and her pediatrician is Dr. <lastname>.

[lilyka]

It funny that everyone is mentioning 'being equal" because I consider Mr and mrs to be the equal place and only sopecial people get to call me by my first name. And yes I would call a child Mr. or Miss if they introduced themselves that way. It would crack me and probably really endear them to me. :lol