Support of husband questionable during labor...

[brentropy]

After thinking that we had the details of my labor worked out, my husband threw me a curve ball today, saying that if a nurse/doctor tells him that I need an intervention because I or the baby are in danger, he will agree without hesitation. Now, certainly, if I'm in REAL danger I would want an intervention, but we're talking about things like declining sugar water for Vivian when she's born (which she won't need), or refusing an IV/Heploc. I've explained that it's common to hear "it's hospital policy" as reasoning for these sorts of interventions, but he doesn't understand. What if it comes down to something really serious, like the possibility of a C-Section - and he immediately cracks under pressure?

And while he hasn't said anything negative about my desire for NCB, he's (clearly) unconvinced that I'll go through with it. He seems to think that because he's experienced birth before with his ex, my labor will be exactly like hers (epidural, every intervention available, etc). It infuriates me. Just because he's witnessed one birth, he's not an expert - AND I'm not anything like his ex. Thank God. He keeps asking me, "so how will I know if you might want painkillers?" I want to scream.

I'm very disappointed. After discussing labor and birth at great length with him throughout this pregnancy, I was convinced that we were in complete agreement. Now I just may have to be my own advocate during labor.

[mntnmom]

If his ex had a hard time(for whatever reason) he's probably scared for you. And a highly medical birth is his only frame of reference. I know it must be frustrating, but don't take it as a reflection of his faith in you. It's all he knows to expect.
Is there anyone else you can have there to stick up for you? Does your OB know your intentions? Definately things change. But if your husband isn't going to be your "birth plan warrior" do as much as you can through someone else to make sure you get what YOU need. Once DH realizes there is another way, the next time will be a lot better.

[CJ 5]

Wow Well atleast you found out now. I would say a birth center is the best chance whether he agrees or not. Maybe you could get him to take a bradley class since it educates husbands on intervention etc. Maybe that will give him more of a knowledge base. It sounds like you need to try to be in the most supportive environment you can if you want to go natural. Also I would find a doula that you can trust.

[_betsy_]

He may surprise you - mine did. My DH thought I would be a total "wimp" and start screaming for pain meds the first chance I got. Great support, honey. [rolleyes] When he saw me working my way through contractions, and saw (and heard me encourage him) that his support helped, he changed his tune and quickly realized I could and would get through it med-free.

A doula is a great idea, though, if you are worried you'll have to fight both medical personnel andyour own partner.

[stacyann21]

I agree on the birth center! If you plan on having a natural birth at a hospital, you're going to need someone to advocate for you. And it sounds like he's not ready or willing to do that.

[frenchie]

Here's the deal about a c-section...your DH can agree all he wants, but YOU have to sign the papers. I was in that situation...DH stayed out of the decision because I was the one who had final say. One I verbally agred, I had IVs, shaving, catheter and all sorts of commotion all around me in an instant! A nurse came at me with papers to sign, and I handed them to DH. She said "No, your wife has to sign the consent forms" This was in an "emergency" situation. I signed right before they wheeled me out....with tubes and all.The OB never once looked sat DH and asked him what HE wanted to do. The OB talked with me and let me make the decision.
As for the other things like an IV...that's between you and the nurse. He has no say. What you need to do is make out a birth plan to present to your L&D nurse.
Sugar water is not an "emergency" or "danger" issue. If you stress to the nurse, as well as in your birth plan, that you are bfing, and refuse formula and/or sugar water, pacifiers and whatnot, they will more than likely comply.
Your husband needs clarification on what exactly qualifies as an emergency or danger situation, and what doesn't. If you don't have a c-section, you will be in much more control than you think at the moment. I worried SOOOOO much about a hospital birth, and was SOOOOO ready to be on the defense...until I actually got to the hospital and realised that I had much more control than I was lead to believe. Just be prepared with a birth plan, discuss it with your OB and approach the nurses with a smile and a birth plan. Your confidence will be your biggest defense.
Good luck!!

[Pandora114]

Get a Doula.

That way she can help keep your husband's head on his shoulders and not be pressured to cave into a whole bunch of crap.

[BennyPai]

Get a Doula.

That way she can help keep your husband's head on his shoulders and not be pressured to cave into a whole bunch of crap.

:thumb

[myjulybabes]

I agree, you'd be well advised to get a doula, or go to a birth center if those are possibilities.

This really sucks that he's not being supportive, but remember, he can "agree" all he wants about whatever intervention they're pushing for, but he canNOT consent for you unless you're unconscious or something equally as traumatic and unlikely. He can consent to stuff for the baby once she's born though, so I'd educate him on all that real quick AND send the doula with if they insist on taking the baby to the nursery. She won't be able to officially say no, but she can keep him informed.

[adtake]

Get a Doula.

That way she can help keep your husband's head on his shoulders and not be pressured to cave into a whole bunch of crap.

:yeah: Even someone else in the room, family, close friend, who will back you, be your voice. I tell new moms that all the time. Hubbys are great, but they want whats 'best', and it may not be what you want.

Hang in there and good luck!