Young mommies (>25)

[lesleesmom]

Just thought I would see if there are any other young mommies like me. I had my dd the day after my 18th b-day, and I have yet to meet a mom my age who has any of the same ideas I do. :( Most that I've met are letting their parents raise their babies (or the tv). I'd love to be able to share war stories (I have some really good ones that I don't get to share very often!)

[happyday8598]

I had Owen a week after I turned 19, and Caleb when I was 21...

I'm only 22 now, and TOTALLY know what you mean!!! :)

It's hard to finding other moms that just THINK about parenting in styles that don't fit into the MAINSTREAM... let alone PRACTICE non mainstream parenting techniques!

You're not the only one! But they do seem to be few and far between, don't they?

Love,
Emily :wave

[tasha]

I'm 25 and am finding it impossible to find people I want to hang out with and have my dd around. It would be nice if there was a group around here. I need some kids for my dd to be around that aren't barbie toting happy meal eating comercial prostitutes! Am I cynical about the parents and children that I have met? No, not me!

[youngnhappymamma]

I am 23 and expecting our third in April. Sometimes I feel funny just being a regular mom at my age...my hubby is a full-time student.... Driving around campus to pick him up or whatever is strange sometimes...seeing all these girls my age (and older) who are still living like I did when I was 16 or 17...but I wouldn't have my life any other way. I would be soooooo depressed if I was 23 and not married with kids!!! :) What a stagnant life. I have actually been suprised, though, to find how young a lot of the mom's here on Mothering are. It's hard to know just by chatting with people since we are all so intellegent. :bgbounce

[tasha]

My dh just read the post and said that I was a little harsh, I guess I should apologize to all the barbie loving McD addicts out there, I am sure you are fine people. I need to remember to drink my coffee before I post.

[I Love My Boy]

I'm not a young mom, I'm 32, but I just have to say that I just think you all are really something special. The world is indeed changing all around us, when women so young are so full of timeless wisdom.

Thank you guys for doing what you're doing!

[Allana]

I am a young mom too! I had my dd when I was 23, almost 24, and just had my dh four months ago. I am now almost 26. I know how you feel. My problem is that all of our close friends aren't even married yet, and if they are the don't want kids until later. At least I can show them some of the alternitives to the norm. I have a friend who when she does have kids she wants to have a homebirth, co-sleep and bf. :fairy

[Katrina]

I was 19, almost 20 when I had Juniper, and my husband is 7 months younger than me. I am always annoyed that people are surprised at what good parents we are. I remember going to a prenatal appointment at a low cost clinic, my first appt, and the nurse looked at me like I had three heads when I said that before we make a commitment to getting our health care there, we wanted to talk to a midwife about their practices and beliefs. Needless to say, we did not end up going there. My whole family acts the same way, and it's funny since we are so much more educated about birthing and baby care than they are..... Ah, well. At least WE know that we can be good parents no matter what age we are!

[rocketmom]

I was 19 when I got pg with dd1 and then had her 4 mo after I turned 20. It was too funny on my 21st b-day when I was sitting in a resturant with a 8 mo old baby and my mom drinking "A" beer. Not what I had thought my 21st was going to be like. hee hee. I was a single mama till dd1 was almost 2. Then got pg again when I was 22 and had dd2 when I was 23. I am now 25 and my dh is 37!!! and know no one else in my city that is young as I am and has two kids (& their own buisness, and is a student finishing off their degree, and into AP). UGH!! It has been so depressing!! I am so happy I found the Mothering Forum, at least now I get to "virtually" hang out with other AP mamas. :p

[saige]

Me too!!! I was 19 when I got preg with dd#1 and I'm now 23 with a 3 year old and an 8 month old.There's another thread like this in TOA if you want to check it out!

[Lisashepp]

I was 22 when I had dd, now I am 23

I am a young mommy in my area too, but it's ok because I get along well with the other breastfeeding moms I have met here :)

[gaia]

Im 21 now with my daughter who is 17 months old and have a seven year old step daughter,its strange at times trying to find a place in the waldorf community that we belong to (our seven year old attends a waldorf school) honestlyall of the parents are old enough to be my parents ,and this is not a problem for me except that at times I do not recieve the respect I deserve and have felt invalid at meetings due to my age.And there is alot of pressure directed towards me about when i will go back to college We I can live my life,I just simple state this is my choosen life and I LOVE IT .I do wish people werent so ageist,many assume im a poor mother due to my age.I do praise all of you mother at any age for choosing to parent thoughtfully and lovingly.

[Happy Mom]

Hi Everyone!

I had my 1st child when I was just 18 years old. And then almost 7 years later, now 25, I had boy/girl twins. My dh & I have been together for 12 years this July and have devoted our lives to our children. I cannot imagine my life without my three musketeers.

I have a hard time with other mothers my age (some of my close friends is who I am referring to) because they do not really share my ideas/perspectives on parenting. (I understand everyone has their own way of thinking but conformity is their one way of thinking.) While they complain about not getting their babies to sleep through the night, I try and suggest co-sleeping. (DH was the one who actually convinced me to co-sleep again with the babes after finally getting our bed back!) They continue to have blind faith in their doctors and that makes me sad for their children. They tend to see our parenting skills as "too radical." A lot of them seem to believe that they need to respond negatively to get a positive reaction. (As if installing fear into a child is going to get them to trust you.)

It is a welcomed relief to know that there are other young moms out there that share a lot of ideas that I do!

We are all very fortunate to be growing with our children, rather than against them!

[KindRedSpirit]

yippie! I live in utah, there are a lot of young moms here, but not many open ones, I totally relate to you lovely ladies!I go to La Leche Leauge just to see moms with similar interests, and most of them are 20+ years my elder! Heavens to Betsy, I'm little! Oh yeah, I'm turning 23 on 3/14 giggle, I even had a hello kitty birthday party... :) I have a 2 year old boy, and a 6 mo. old girl, both born at home. I feel bad for all my kidless friends and all my frightened, lost, confused, struggling,ignoring,unwilling,etc... friends trying to be comercial moms to real kids.It's fun to be us!

[*Erin*]

Hi mamas! I just turned 23, and am expecting my fist child in August, and I HEAR YOU !! I have never fit in with people my own age. It isn't the norm for younger mamas to have educated themselves about childborth and parenting. I have a "double life" with my prenantal care right now, seeing an idiot female ob and, unbeknownst to her, a wonderful midwife who is helping me and my dbf to plan a homebirth. My family is very supportive, being pretty avant-garde themselves ( my mama is an artist who home schooled me in high school, and is and has home schooled my lil sis and bro full time) I had purple hair, eyebrow,navel, and septum piercings, and read feminist theory for fun in high school, and though I have turned down the volume on my appearence, my values and interests have not changed. I don't have any friends irl because I got sick of compromising myself, dumbing myself down just to keep someone elses "bubble" of reality intact. I get frustrated when people look at my belly, and my hand (ringless-my bf and I have been together for 8 yrs and have no plans to wed) make ignorant assumtions. I find that older people are more open to listen to different views than younger people. I have let friends go who thought that motherhood means plunking your child down at grannys and goin out drinking. And ap?? Ha. Good luck finding anyone young who knows what that is. Or cares. ( wow-this turned into a vent,eh?lol)And breastfeeding? I have had so many people my age say stuff like " ew, why would you do that ?". I have no patience for ignorance. I hate agism. I would just s*** to find someone in my area like me! I'm glad you mamas are here. It's really refreshing.

[ekblad9]

I'm old now, at 28, and pregnant with my fifth baby. However, I had my first shortly after turning 18. I nursed him and used cloth diapers and had NO ONE to share it with. Everything thought I was insane! Then when I had my second baby at 21 everyone still thought I was crazy! When I was pg the third time people would always smile and say "is it your first?" I was 23 then. I'd say no, that it was my third and the smile would wipe off of their face. I had my fourth at 25 and now I'll have my fifth. I hate agism also! I don't ask 40 year old women why they waited so long so why do they think they can act shocked that I started so early? I love being a "young mom". When my son was still in school (he's homeschooled now) the other mothers were horrible to me. They never listened to anything that I said and always just laughed and said that I was young and idealistic. Did I tell them that they were old and bitter? NO!

Anyway, I won't clog up your board anymore since I'm older than 25. I just wanted to say hi and congratulations to you all!

[quantumsarah]

Cool! I'm 23 with two boys, a three year old and a one year old. On top of being young and AP, I'm a single mama. It's certainly an interesting trip. :)

[Rachel Fox]

Hi Mamas!
I'm almost 22. I had my first, Henry, last June just 2 weeks after my 21st B-day. Ever since I can remember I wanted to have babies young, and lots of em':love . I look at other girls my age or a few years older and I just don't get them. I never was career minded though, I just always wanted to be a mama. I wish there were more mamas my age like me around. All their babies have bottles in their mouths:( yucky!
Great thread, you guys want to go on vacation together?
Don't mind me, i've been fantasising about a mothering get together.
Love,
Rachel

[Kalinka]

I am 24 and just had my first baby. I got pregnant when I was 23 right before I got married (not the reason we got married) and it was really weird how I was suddenly perceived. It used to make me SO mad when people would just assume that I married my husband because I got "knocked-up" or perceived me as young and dumb and would unload all of their "parenting/pregnancy" wisdom on me without waiting for me to ask. I started reading and learning as much as I could about birthing and midwifery when I was 19. I have always wanted to be a midwife, It is my dream. So anyway, it really frustrated me that I was hardly ever taken seriously.
It doesn't bother me as much any more but in the beginning- Man -was I touchy about it. :)

I am so happy that I discovered all of you because I have been feeling all alone lately. My best friend has a three year old and our parenting styles are not similar at all. She spanks, I don't. She bottle feeds, I don't. She is a CIO mom, I'm not. you get the picture.

I think we all deserve a thumbs-up for being such smart-mature young mammas!:thumb :thumb :thumb :thumb :love

[raddish]

Hi
I'm Rachel, 23 (almost 24), and mama to Josephine (5) Jackson (3) and #3 edd 8-25.
I love having kids young, and don't regret a single thing. I do feel isolated a good bit of the time, though. Not many 18 year old mamas were around when I had dd #1, that nursed, co slept, etc.
I was a young looking 18, too, the first go around, and was really treated like crap when I was pg. People would ask me if I was 13. Or if I was giving the baby up for adoption. (NO - I AM MARRIED AND WANTED A BABY -YOU IDIOT!) Ugh. I am enjoy this pregnacy so much, even if certain things still piss me off. Like the fact it's 'okay' I'm pregnant at 23, but it wasn't okay at 18.
I'm happy to see so many cool young mamas here. I wish y'all lived closer.

[chocobotkid]

hi!
i'm 23 and had harper went i was 22. jared will be 23 in may, so we are both young. prenatal class was rough, all the other couples were in their late 30's. they were totally rude, thought i was 16. i do look it. a 4 year old came up to me the other day and asked me "are you really even an adult?". lol.
well i am, so i hear you. the net youngest mom i know is 25, which isn't to far off, but she doesn't share my views on parenting either. the women i know who do are all over 30. they are really nice and accepting, but it would be nice to know some EB AP mommies my age!

[Bella Babe]

I was starting to think I was one of the only young ap mama's out there!!!
Iturn 21 this august, Addison:love is 11 months old right now and I am due Sept 19th with # 2.
First everyone thought I was insane for marrying at 19. then insane for getting pregnant (and being excited about it ) right away. Now people just look at me like they are sorry for me. At least the people that have known me for a few years are used to me now...

[Moonqueen]

Got pregnant right after I turned 21. Now I am a 23 yr old stepmom of a 5 yr old, mom to a 1 1/2 yr old and come September the newest addition will arrive. I was raised by the most amazing woman in the world. My mom was (still is raising my 13 yr old sister) a strong single mom. She owned a health food store and has always done pretty much everything naturally (including giving birth to me outside by our old log cabin). She's my idol. I know no young moms who parent the way I do (although I do believe I'm having a very positive influence on a co-worker friend and her baby). I'm the youngest mom at la leche by far. The montessori moms at my step-daughter's school are nice enough but I do get the looks. People at work think I'm not healthy and not gaining enough weight because I don't eat meat or dairy (I'm petite - only gained 13 lbs w/ Soleil). People think I'm ignorant because I choose not to vaccinate and don't want ultrasounds and other "normal" pregnancy procedures....I could go on but I know you fellow young moms (and some not so young ones even) have the same "concerned" peers breathing down your neck.

[Jade n Lili]

Hi young mammas :)
I had my daughter when i was 18. Im now 19...my daughter Liliana is 19months....and im still attachment parenting, cosleeping, breastfeeding etc...im a single mummy too :)
We are in Australia. I actually am lucky enough to have a couple of YOUNG likeminded friends....but also a group of A.P mummies that i love and adore..and they are all ages. I totally can relate to you girls feeling like other mums dont treat you with respect...but i was so lucky to have found a great bunch of mammas who are all ages...and dont care how old i am! :)
If anyone wants to email me....feel free!!! :)
Where are you all from?
I have only just found this site :)

[mamamoo]

Hey everone...I am so excited to have read these posts. I know exactly where you are coming from. I was just over 20 when I had my son, and we had a daughter 16 months later(not planned but very much wanted), people thought I was just another young, uneducated girl. They thought I was crazy for nursing while I was pregnant, then tandem nursing. Man, and TWO kids in bed with us...well I'm sure you know what I mean. I LOVE being a mother, and I believe becoming pregnant saved me in a way.
The part that is hard for me is I belong to an AP playgroup, but all of the moms are older. They had college degrees, and careers. I sometimes feel uncomfortable when these types of conversations come up. Not because I feel bad, but I'm not sure why exactly.
I am the happiest I've ever been in my life and am expecting baby #3 in dec.
I love this thread, oh and I'm 24(25 in August).:hippie

[Christi]

Hello
I was 24 when I got preg and 25 when ds was born. I wish we could all be together in one community. I'm so thankful to have everyone on these boards. Being a young AP mom is hard when there isn't any support. I go to two different play groups and I am the youngest. though sometimes I forget that. ;) I remember when I told my mom that I didn't want to use a pacifier and her response was " I love first time parents, they think they know everything" I was so frustrated!! Well if it wasn't for these boards I don't know what I'd do So Thank you all for being here:kiss :kiss

[EllasMama]

I am a comparatively elderly 29 ;) but I was just thinking about some of you younger moms the other day so I found this thread and wanted to post. I have come a LONG way in my thinking since I was 18. If I'd had a child that young, or even when I was 21, I would have been so much different a parent. I would have hated myself for it, but I really don't think I could have withstood societal pressure to do things differently from the "norm."

I had my first (and so far only) child at 28 - and I felt very young and clueless and overwhelmed, despite the fact that I had read about a zillion books on all aspects of pregnancy, birth, and childcare. That's why I wanted to come here and say BRAVO :thumb to you hard-working, wonderful, loving young mamas. Mothering is such a challenging job. It's great to hear there are very young, but very fabulous, moms out there who are doing things so right!!

:) Carol

[lesleesmom]

:eek
Wow! I am so glad to see all you young mamas out there! It sure is nice to know we're not all alone, huh? I love being a young mom, I don't know how older people do it. At the end of the day I am exhausted, and I'm supposed to have the boundless energy of youth! Can you imagine, I'm married (at 17) and have two babies (at 17 & 19) and my husband (25) can't buy beer when we go to the store together! My name is on the check and since I'm only 20 it's a no go.
Well, even if we have no young mamas like us around we can enjoy each other's company here in cyberspace. Thanks to you who posted. Remember, we are changing the way people think, and our kids will be the future!

Summer:hippie

[Simi]

YAY! :D Now can you all just move to Austin? I had dd when I was 23, I'm about to turn 24 (Monday). Everyone who matches my parenting style that I know is a good bit older and I can't help feeling like they look at me like I'm a little kid! And the people I know my age who are having babies are either the Babywise type or the if-it's-on-a-commercial-it-must-be-good type. I am in need of some nearby kindred spirits! But online spirits are good too!

[lesleesmom]

Ladies,

We must always remember that support is what helps keep us in balance. We also need to keep in mind that even though we may feel alone, we are not. There are millions of other moms going through the exact same thing, and we need to take comfort in that. Unfortuately, society has robbed us of the support systems we so need. Instead we degrade and judge each other. I think some of that is human nature, but some of it is just plain stupidity. Those of us who are lucky enough to have mamas who stand by us need to thank our lucky stars that we do! We should try to show all these non-AP moms that we are doing right by our babies, but let's not flaunt it. No one will win this way. When I think of the many babies who have died because a mom didn't have anyone to turn to:crying . I know it's hard, but even if we don't agree we should always try to support fellow moms (and dads). It's not about us anyway, it's about the babies.

Sorry to go off on my soapbox, but I am seeing so many moms (young and old) not being able to raise their babies the way they know is right because they lack the support they need. If we could all share our true feelings (good, bad, and ugly) we wouldn't be having so many problems.

Summer:hippie

[DJs Mommy]

Hi, Im 18. I got pregnant, by choice when I was 16, a week before my 17th birthday and my wonderful little boy was born 4 months before I turned 18. Hes 8 months old now. And I am going crazy because I cant find ANYONE my age, who is raising their own child, and is being adult about it. One of the girls I went to school with, her son thinks his grandmother is his mother. I was living with my fiance before my son was concieved, and I have never let anyone take responsibility for raising my child. I hate girls who do that.

[lesleesmom]

Hi Jessica,

Congrats to you for being one of the few. At least we can have the satisfaction of knowing our children will always know the difference between "mommy" and "grandma". I too have witnessed many young moms who let their mothers take responsibility. Something we can all learn from that experience is that if our children should someday become moms at a young age-avoid the temptation to take care of our children by taking care of their children. It does much more damage in the long run.
As far as not having friends goes, take heart in knowing you are not the only one out there. We can join together in places like these and remember that many other mothers have been in our shoes or are in them right now. It wasn't that long ago that everyone our age had at least two or three babies!!

Summer:hippie

[DJs Mommy]

So true, :eek I couldnt imagine being married off at 15 or 16 to some guy and expected to have children immediately. Im happy with my situation though. I love my fiance a lot, and I wouldnt change any of it for the world.:love Only problem I have is that Im with my 8 month old 24/7 and only see his father for a very limited amount of time, as he works nights. And Im in desperate need of adult companionship. The town I live in is full of old people, Id love to be able to become friends with someone in this area who I can hang out with, who preferably has kid(s) and would understand what I am going through. Im into AP as much as I can be, My son primarily sleeps in his own bed, he prefers it, but occasionally he still sleeps with me sometimes when his father is working, which is where he slept every night for the first month. I breast fed him strictly until just the past week or so, Ive been weening him, because hes more interested in finger food now, and he likes to give himself a cup of formula. Hes a very independant child, which I am proud that I have been able to raise him that way so far, hopefully when hes older he wont be too dependant, but still know where he can turn to when he needs anything.

My fiance is only 22 so were both young parents. And I think that we have done a much better job than my parents ever did, his were great, but I had an abusive father, and it was just really bad, and Ive decided to raise my son in a completely opposite way than I was raised, which is hard sometimes because you learn from your parents. But I feel that so far Im doing a wonderful job. He has never been spanked, where as, My father use to pop my diapers and laugh when I would cry.

Im working hard to be a great mother, I just hope that I can stick with it.:) :angel

[lesleesmom]

Jessica,

I know how you feel! I finally have met a friend with kids that lives down the street (we've been living here for six months). But even though she's great, she's not as young as I am. It will always be a struggle to find young mommies who are mommies:crying. As far as hoping that you continue to be a good mother: there is never a right answer and a wrong answer--just do what you think is best and what your heart tells you. It won't steer you wrong I promise. My son, too, used to prefer to sleep in his own bed, but my husband just became a truck driver and hasn't been home--so now he sleeps in daddy's spot. Breastfeeding and cosleeping are really great, if they're right for you family. Every child is different and has different needs, so no one can say what is best for your baby. As far as being like our parents, I think the only thing we can do is learn from them. We can take the good points of our raising and practice the, and we can take the bad points and REMEMBER why we didn't like them.
Summer:hippie

[DJs Mommy]

You have a very good point there, I havent spoken to my father in nearly 2 months because of the way he is, but From what my mother just told me hes been asking about me. I guess he heard my fiance and I broke up and I was living with my mother.

I dont know what the situation is there, but im not sure if I like it. I dont trust my father even as far as I can throw him (and trust me, hes gained weight recently). Ive done everything possible to make sure that he cant get ahold of me when Im online, but he has one of the email addresses that I didnt delete, just because thats the one he always uses, and I wanted to make sure I knew if he tried to contact me.

My grandfather and I keep in contact Via email, and he lives next to my father. If my father wanted to contact me he could just ask his father, or either of his sisters, they both have my email.

I just dont think Im worth his time these days. He didnt like it when he told my fiance to get out of his life, and then sent me an email that night calling him the "co**sucker" I live with, and I sent him one back all p|$$ed off, and told him that if he wanted Derek out of his life, he was gonna lose me and my son too, because, like his sister seems to need to push into my head, FAMILY MATTERS! Only problem is, that theory only fits for them, when its their family involved. I have my own family now, and Im taking care of them, and so Yeah, Im gonna drop ANYONE that tries to cause trouble, or isnt good for my family.

Oops, I just realised that Ive been babbling, If youre still with me, sorry. :firedevil :angel :rotflmao

[KindRedSpirit]

GOOD FOR YOU FOR BREAKING THE PATTERN!!!!!!!!!!

:thumb clap, clap, clap! pat on the back, and a BIG hug.

ahhhhhhhhhh. It warms my heart to know there are good young moms around. I hope you can find a friend nearby.best of luck. :love

[DJs Mommy]

:thumb :bgbounce Hopefully I will soon.

[lesleesmom]

Jessica,

I think you are doing the right thing. It is always hard to shut out a loved one, but sometimes it is for the best. I do not have any personal experience with abuse from parents, but my dad has other demons. He is a drunk, but he is also the kindest-neatest-most giving person I have ever met. I choose to only let him be around my kids when I'm there, and he is not allowed to hold either of my children when he has been drinking. While I know that he would never intentionally hurt them, I have seen him stumble and we cannot afford to stumble when we have children in our arms. I feel for your loss of a father/daughter relationship, but hopefully you can take that loss and help your child be close with his/her (I can't remember whether you have a boy or girl) father.

Summer:hippie

[DJs Mommy]

Its been rough to conciously make the decision to keep my father out of my life, but Ive tried so hard over the past 2 years since he and my mother divorced, he tried for awhile to "make up" for not being a father to me for the first 16 years of my life. But you can tell that it was only because he finally realised that he messed up, and regretted it. But old habits die hard, and I cant put my son through it.

Our life is wonderful even without my father in it. And possibly someday if my father gets a clue, I may let him back in, but he will have to make some MAJOR changes in his life.

[Bella Babe]

Hi...
I posted on this thread last page but wanted to update and get some support. I am nearly six months preg with #2. And I just left my husband. He has become a mean and bitter man and I don't think he will even want visitation. I told him that I wasn't walking away from the marriage, just that I needed time away and wanted to work on things while not living together (I am with my awesome immediate fam right now) He basically said that if I didn't come that night it was over. I think on some level he has been wanting this to happen and drove me away, b/c he always said he wasn't going to get divorce and didn't want to be "that guy".

So now I am looking at maybe getting a divorce at the age of twenty-one, and although I never put much stock in the opinions of those who don't know and love me, it is going to be really hard to face the people who think this is all b/c I married young, instead of seeing that I put my all into a marriage to a man who doesn't even seem to know how to say a kind word to me anymore...

[DJs Mommy]

Hi, Try not to think about what everyone else thinks right now, focus on you and youre child(ren). See if there is some way that maybe you and He can get into some sort of counceling to figure out what went wrong, and maybe fix it. And if it doesnt help, then its possible that this relationship wasnt meant to work out. But you will still have 2 wonderful children from it, and those WERE meant to work out, otherwise, you and he wouldnt have been able to concieve children together. A child is a blessing, and you need to make sure you keep that in sight at all times. Dont put yourself in a situation that will be dangerous, or harmful (mentally or physically) and say its for "the kids sake". My mother did that, with my father, who sounds an awful lot like youre husband, and I was fortunate enough to move out when I was 16, but I am still in need of counceling myself because of everything that I went through watching my father treat my mother the way he did, and because I look like my mother, and act like her, I was also treated the same way.

I wish you Luck

[lesleesmom]

Bella Babe,

I feel your pain. No matter what great(or awful) advice I or anyone else may give you, you have to do what you know is best for your family. Having some time apart is a giant step in the right direction, this will allow you the freedom to think without him threatening you. As for him becoming bitter and mean, almost all men do that (with the exception of the rare who know it's okay to show how they're feeling). In order to make this as cordial as possible, my suggestion would be to try talking to him as if you were talking to a fragile child. Men tend to take everything personally.
I am going to tell you about my marriage, because it might help. But I am not guaranteeing anything:rolleyes:
We got married when I was 17 and he was 21, because I got pregnant. He was never around, we rarely talked, and we never had sex. It was horrible. By the time I asked him to leave (after 1 year of marriage), my self esteem was pretty shot. We were sparated for six months, and during that time I was able to figure out a lot of things. I realized that I deserved someone who knew how special I was, and appreciated how much my daughter meant to me. I also realized that I was centering everything around my daughter and not taking anything for me. During this time I found myself, and my husband was able to do the same. But I don't think that we would have survived if we hadn't split up. Also, we wouldn't have gotten back together if he hadn't come to me and wanted to work things out. He realized that his family was important, more important than his friends-and he wanted to make it work.
No matter how you feel, what you want, or what you do-nothing will make him change but him. If you think that your marriage can be saved without him changing, and you want to make it work-then give it all you got. But, if you need him to change then there's nothing more you can do except for state what you want. (Try not to make sound like an ultimatum, that will make him mean for sure) If you're not sure what to do, then don't do anything. There is absolutely nothing wrong with staying where you are until you figure out exactly what you want. Another thing that works for me is this: If I decide to do something, and I stick with that decision for a day or so, I usually get this sense of relief that everything is finally resolved. If, after making that decision, I don't feel that sense of relief then I reevalute the decision (and I usually find something else that works better).
All in all, just follow your intuition and I am confident things will fall into place. Don't be afraid to ask God (yhe Universe, whoever you believe in) for a little help!

Summer:hippie

[Bella Babe]

Thanks Summer.
We got married when I was 19 and he was 20. I got pregnant days after the wedding and I was thrilled, I thought he was excited too but... I think the early pregnancy and everything just accelerated what was bound to happen someday. Stuff really started coming out after I had dd. He would make fun of me behind my back to my mother. He would never help out with dd. 1 week postpartum my mom and sis came up to help me clean house, and he was being a jerk about something. I was crying in the bedroom and my mom went and told him that if he didn't want me to be that way he needed to be more understanding of the fact that I just had a baby for pete's sake. Anyway, he never did try to make me feel better. that kind of stuff seems small, but when it happens nearly every day for almost 2 years, it weighs on you. He has a friend and business partner that comes above and between us. He would rather go to the bar or work with this friend than come home and spend time with us. He says now that all the work and everything was for me but I never wanted it! I wanted less stuff and more time. He wanted money.
I know I am rambling but I feel like I have all of this pent up, and it hurts so much. I just wish I could talk it all out of me and stop hurting.

[Greaseball]

I just had my first 5 mos ago - a month before my 23rd bday. It's kind of hard not knowing any other parents.

[lckrause]

I'm not as young as some of you, but still younger than average. I got married at 22 and had my first exactly 10 months later at 23. At the time I lived in a very yuppie, suburban area, and I was the youngest in my childbirth class by a good ten years easy. All the moms I knew there with kids the same age as mine were in their late 30s or early 40s., and most of them were very professional (college professors, scientists, etc). They were still my friends but needless to say I felt a bit out of place seeing as how I dropped out of college to get married and have kids.

Anyway to make a long story short I am now 29 (my kids are 6 and 4), divorced, and living back where I grew up. I still look like a teenager (a family trait) so I get the "looks" all the time... I'm sure you all know what I mean. LOL. One good thing about having my kids young is that not only do they get to know their grandmother, but their great grandmother and their great-great grandmother! (Most women in my family have their kids before age 21) And they will both be grown up when I'm in my early 40s. I try to look on the bright side, hehe.

If anyone wants to talk I am always available. :-) I know I'm a bit older than some of you but maybe my accrued wisdom counts for something? :D

Lisa

[mellie-bellie]

Hi everyone,

It sure is refreshing to see so many young mamas on this great site. I'm a young mama myself, was 19 when I had my ds, and I'm preggo again (due in Oct) w/ #2..I'm 21 right now. These days it's hard finding like-minded mamas in the real world (as opposed to in cyberspace), but it's even harder to find like-minded mamas my age. I'd love to chat and get to know some of ya!!

[Mavournin]

Wow, it's so nice to find others out there. I just turned 23 this week, and have an 8 month old. I only know one other young mama, but she and I have VERY different views on what is appropriate when raising children.

My husband is 37, and while our age difference has never been an issue in either of our familes, it still makes me feel strange when I try to talk about mama issues with his fam. His sister has 2 and is due with #3 anyday now, and while we share a lot of the same mothering styles, it feels weird when the topic changes to her going back to her job (big mega lawyer) and me trying to squeeze in classes so I can finish my degree. I've had a bad bout of PPD, and I keep getting the feeling that people assume I'm depressed because I had a baby "too young".
I wouldn't trade my family for anything. My friends feel sorry for me for having to change stinky diapers and not being able to go out on a whim, and I feel sorry for them for not knowing what it's like to have a baby snuggle into your shoulder and leave big sloppy baby kisses all over your face.

-Gillian

[lesleesmom]

I just wanted to share with you all some of the reactions I get when out in public with my kids:

How old are you?
to my daugher: Oh are you having fun with your sister?
to which she replies "Um, that's MY mommy!" (duh)
Do they have the same father?
Are you married?
I bet it's hard having kids so young?

Sometimes people don't think before they speak! I used to be a nanny for a lady with two kids (before I had my son) and when I would take all three kids out in public it was pretty fun.

ARe they all yours?
Yep and each one has a different daddy!

How old were you when you had your first?
Twelve

Also, I have noticed that people treat me differently when I am wearing my wedding ring. I get more respect.

Now on the flip side--I have had some really great comments while carrying my babies or nursing in public:

Wow! It's great to see someone so young nursing.

Don't you just love carrying your babies!

I envy you, I could never carry my babies.

Anyway, I just thought you all might laugh at some of these things that I know have been said to you.

Summer:hippie

[umbrella]

Hi all! I'm new to this board, and it's nice to see so many level-headed younger mommies.

I conceived by choice when I was 19 years old, roughly 7 months after I got married. So my dd was born when I was 20.

As many of you understand, some people can be unsupportitve in the silliest ways.

I was constantly asked how long I'd been married when I was pregnant (people really care so much?), and constantly asked if my baby was planned (does it matter? I'm having her, aren't I?).

The funniest one that I was asked frequently was, "Oh, is this your first?" After I replied "yes," then, I almost always heard, "Oh, Gooood!" I had to wonder, why is that so good?

Then, with labor, why is it assumed that younger mothers just won't be able to go natural? That was one of the things I found to be disheartening. People would always ask, and then tell me that I won't be able to do it. Their only reasoning was that they didn't know anyone who had, except for maybe this one woman who had already had 4 children.

Even the ob nurses gave me a hard time for not taking pain relief in the form of medication. I was induced with pitocin (out of necessity, not convenience), and they kept telling me that I really should change my mind because the pitocin would make pain management nearly impossible. Well, I guess they were wrong :)

Thanks for letting me share with you all!

[lesleesmom]

Hi Umbrella,

We are glad to have you here. Everyone here knows exactly what you are talking about, and can probably totally relate to you. Too bad we don't all live by each other--anyone want to start communal living with me?....
As to why people assume young mothers cannot give birth naturally--they assume that we are ignorant like them. A forty-five year old woman with three kuds does not want to believe that someone half her age knows what it took her years to figure out (if she even has). As for medical professionals, they just assume that we are like every other young mother and don't have a clue what we are talking about. There are a lot of people who do the same things we do (co sleep, not vaccinating) because they don't know any better. Unfortunately, that is why our decisions are not respected. Also, many medical professionals are not used to having their routine procedures questioned, especially not by teenagers. I was punished during my labor because the doctor felt threatened by my knowledge. I was lucky to have nurses who understood what I was trying to do, and a wonderful support system to help. But again, we are going against the grain--whether it's choosing to have babies young, or breastfeeding until they're 10. And change scares people, even if it's really the oldest and most natural way of doing things. Our society no longer does what we know in our hearts is right, we do what "Dr.Spok" says we should do. But you and I are changing that. Every day we breastfeed our babies we are working towards a different world. Every time we encourage others to stand up for what they believe in, we are changing things. We just have to remember that even one person doing one small task can make a big change!

Anyway, gotta go! Dinner's burning and babies are awake! Glad that you have joined us and I look forward to many more chats with you.

Summer:hippie

[arismama!]

ahh! a breath of fresh air! nice to find you all...
im a regular @ www.girlmom.com too but i needed to find a place like mothering, where ap-bf-cs is the norm.
im emily, 21 years old(got pg @ 19, just turned 21) and my beautiful boy is 9 months old. i was born @ home, grew up on breastmilk, going to waldorf school, eating tempeh and brown rice and all that, so this style of parenting has always seemed normal to me. i always knew i wanted to have babies young, i just couldnt wait! i found a similar-minded man (my fiances 34) and became pg-happily. but ive always kinda felt guilty about wanting this life cause thats the message ive often gotten-you know "wait until yr 25 or older, married, educated and have a high paying job" line of crap.
i've tried to find a "tribe" here in mpls and slowly im creating one but it has been very isolating. ive gone to ecfe classes but all the moms were @ least 30, educated, married and working a "career". not that theres anything wrong w/the above mentioned adjectives but as a young, partnered, hs grad whos just entering college this fall i felt very out of place. @ my local la leche group there were a couple younger moms but the majority were married over 30, blah blah. i even went to a baby-mom yoga class but just not my people, ya know.
sorry about the ranting. im so happy yr all here. anyone in minneapolis,minnesota? a pg friend and i are forming a young ap moms group here, i know there are some other cool mamas out there and im finnally meeting them! well, take care grrls, thanks for the support,
emily

[lesleesmom]

Hi Emily!:D

We're glad to have you here. Hopefully you will find a ton of support, no matter which thread you look at. This is a great board for non-judgemental discussion. Every once in a while the discussions about particularly sensitive issues get a little heated, but on the whole you will find that everybody gets along real well. Just one problem, we're all friends in cyberspace, but we live so far away from each other :crying
But anyway, I am really glad that this thread was started because now we know that there are so many more of us out there. I think we have always known, but it's nice to have other people tell us they're doing the same things we are.
Look forward to chatting with you.

Summer:hippie

[3babes]

Another young mama here, and soooo proud of it!

I had my first child, dd Madeleine, when I was 17, finished high school on time, exclusively breastfed til 8 mo, then continued breastfeeding til 22 mo, at which time I weaned because I was pregnant again. Baby #2, my ds Jordan arrived when I was 19, is not circumsised and I nursed him til he was 2 1/2 at which time I weaned him because I was pregnant with baby #3. My dd Isabella was born at home when I was 22. Soon after I discovered the joys of cloth diapering and made the decision to not vaccinate. I am 23 now, and I LOVE being a mother. I am married to the love of my life (coincidentally, my high school sweetheart, father of all of my children) and just celebrated my 5 year wedding anniversary with him.

I feel so blessed to be young and experiencing this fullness of life that is the gift of mothering. I too have had frustrations with others' misconceptions of me and my choices as a young parent, but I am confident in my ablitity as a mother, and frankly I feel more aware and in tune with my kids needs than most mothers I know who operate a bit more mainstream, regardless of their age. I don't mistrust parenting from the heart. To me it just makes perfect sense. Sure I struggle, just like anyone, but the joys far out weigh the hardships.

A warm hello to all you other young mamas. You are fabulous women!

Kaylah

[lesleesmom]

Hi Kaylah,

Thanks for joining our little board. I look forward to chatting with you, as I'm sure the other moms do too. I love having my babies at this age, and can't imagine having it any other way! They are the reson I get up in the mornings!!!

:hippie

[Greaseball]

Once I heard my sister on the phone telling her friend I was pg. There was a pause and then she said "Yeah, she's married."

Also I had to go to the hospital a few times and instead of asking "Marital status?" they'd ask "Are you married?" with that ominous tone.

And at church, these people were asking how far along I was:

"7 mo."

"And how long have you been married?"

"4 mo."

"But...well...how long were you together before you got married? Years and years?"

"No...months and months."

Ha Haaa!

[grisletine]

{{{bella babe}}} oh im so sorry its so rough for you! you defintely do NOT deserve to be treated that way; no one does. that kind of abuse hurts so much, and the pain takes so long to fade away. im so glad for you that you have such a supportive family! my family thinks im nuts for the way i parent. if you wanta long distance shoulder to cry on, or just wanta talk you can pm me anytime!

i too, turned 21 soon after dd was born, and on my bday sat and sipped A glass of wine.:rolleyes:
i get sick of the way people just expect you, as a young mother to mistreat your kids. it just makes me more protective in public!

[SueZVudu]

I'm 24 and had my first baby four months ago. Back in Oklahoma, that might be considered "old" for a first birth, but here in Massachusetts, I'm quite young. I felt out of place at the childbirth education classes with a bunch of 30-something first-time moms with careers and mortgages and all that grown-up stuff.

My mom was 19 when she had her first, and my grandmother was 16 (she was married at 15,) so I feel like a geezer compared to them!

[Momof3Girlz]

I'm 25, but still consider myself a young mama. I'm young compared to most anyway. I had my first at 19, second at 24 and third at 25!

[tabitha]

and happy to be a new mom! i know what all af you mean...

i fear i will be dissapointed tomorrow when my new mom's group starts...

it isn't that i automatically discount older moms, it's just that my life is completeley centered around tristan and his father... i have no desire to change it, either. i find it hard to have a Pleasant conversation with the older mothers/ pregnant women i have met. i don't have anything to Complain about with them!

i was happy while pregnant, and now i am happy as a new mother! i wonder sometimes why i haven't met many older moms that can say the same. The exceptions are a few i met at LLL.

i would love to meet and be friends with any moms of any age that feel that way!

love, tabitha

[jeca]

I will be 25 this november. I don't have ANY friends where I live, I would love to meet some people in my are that share my views. Wishful thinking I guess.:(

[lesleesmom]

Hi ladies,

I haven't posted in awhile. Glad to see some new names among us "old folks". Just a reminder that even though we sometimes feel alone, there are others like us---just not always close enough to lean on physically. But we can still try our best to bond in cyberspace!

:hippie
Summer

[Gendenwitha]

I got married at 20, had my first son 18mos later, at 21. I love my husband, and believe we'll be together for the rest of our lives or longer, but I have also seriously thought about lying about my age just because the last words I want to hear out of my children's mouths are "but mom/dad, you were only 20/22 when you got married..." or "only 21/23 when you had Alaric..."

Not under 25 anymore though... ds1 will be 6 in December! Where does the time go!

[Gendenwitha]

oops:rolleyes:

[grisandole]

Heehee...I've been trying to find people my age, saw this and was excited, then I realized, hey, I'm NOT under 25 anymore, I'm 27! Yikes, where didi the time go?:eek Anyway, I can relate to all you young-uns because I had ds1 when I was 17. I just had ds2 in June! I wish that I had the resources (Mothering, internet, etc.) then that I do now. I would've been a much better parent to ds1........I did alot of things right w/him (mostly co-slept, was with him constantly, etc.) but there are regrets that I have, most from simply going with the flow and not realizing that there were other options (like NOT vaxing). It was a learning experience for me, and the longer I tuned out society the more I tuned into my child, and he's the greatest, most intelligent, compassionate kid I know :love With my new little one, I have the wonderful support of dh, ds1, and all you mamas here! It really makes a world of difference. And it helps when dh can read posts over my shoulder and see that I'm not the only "nut"! :D

[mamabeard]

hey.. i just recently got my computer fixed up again after a few years of waiting. and am thrilled because this board is what i missed the most.

just a warning; i desperately need some of this: :coffee , so if i sound incoherent or more unusual than usual (not that you'd know!), i'm sorry..

i'm 23 now, and had my son a month before i turned 21. the city i lived in when he was born seemed potentially like a place more conducive to all the radical, wacky beliefs i have about parenting, but i moved back to my hometown just before he turned one, and i swear i live in the least progressive city in all of canada... so here's hoping i find at least one mama to bond with around here. there have been a few i've met that seemed as tho we'd jive, but there's always something.. meateating, tv addiction, lifestyle differences (eg excessive partying), ignorance in general.. sometimes i feel i'm too idealistic, but i mean *really*! where are we? evolve, people!

so yeah, i know how you all feel. i guess it's up to us, to keep on doing what we feel is right, and try to direct our energies to bring the people we want and need into our lives..

nice to meet you all!

[April 2007]

I can't tell you all how great it is to see other people like me that believe the same things I do! I'm 20 and a single mom to my son, Noah, who will be 7 weeks old on Monday. I don't ever really get depressed or anything, but every now and then I think how sad it is that there are so many other moms my age around here, but NONE of whom actually believe in doing what's ebst for their child, and not only believing it, but SEEKING information on the best ways to raise their children. I am on WIC and had to go to a little class so I could get Noah on it. There were only two out of seven of use breastfeeding our babies, and I was the only one without one of those bulky and dumb plastic carriers (no offense to anyone who likes them, but I think it's one of the most REDICULOUS inventions in the baby world ever!). I am willing to bet a million dollars that none of those girls has ever even thought about co-sleeping, or breastfeeding, or anything that could possibly bring them closer to their children.

Anyway, I'm just so glad I've found this place...it's such a relief!!

-Devin and Noah
8/19/02

[tabitha]

that i could find young moms like me in this area! it's so hard. when i hear about a friend of a friend young mom, i'm like, "why don't i know these people?"

in my new mom's group every other woman there could be MY mother. they are all talking about their careers and weight loss programs, and i want to talk about our babies, and how wonderful it is to be a mother. i was really pleased to see most of them were breastfeeding, but this last week most of them quit. not because it was too hard, or they had problems, but for reasons like " i want to be able to get out more", and "i have to go to my jazzersize classes." i am not kidding!

and it's hard to make friends with moms like that.

i do have a few young mommy friends that have good ideas of parenting, and that helps. i am also on WIC and they think i'm a wacky hippie gal for wearing a sling :-) love, tabitha

[April 2007]

I think it would be nice for everyone to post what city and state they live in.(unless of course you don't want to give out that info) sometimes, the right friend is "right under your nose" and you never know it till that actually say, "oh, I live here____" and then voila! and revelation of friends!

I'll start and if anyone wants to follow, please do!


I live in Winter Garden, Florida....right outside of Orlando

-Devin and Noah
8/19/02

[tabitha]

good idea!

[mamamoo]

I just turned 25 and I have a son who will be 5 next month, my daughter is 3.5 and I am due with #3 in Dec:)

[Quaniliaz]

Just thought I'd introduce myself: I'm 22 right now, and due with my first on Nov 22. My delusions of finding common-ground on parenting with my pregnant cousin of the same age were quickly destroyed after a single conversation discussing how we chose our pre-natal careproviders. To top it off, we just moved back to my hometown, and in with my parents for the time being because I just graduated from college in june, and was with out health insurance (unless I lived with my parents, then I could still be on their health insurance) at the extremely inconvenient time of being 4 mos pregnant. My friends here only serve as a constant reminder of why I went across the country to school in the first place. Fortunately my parents are extremely supportive of my decisions, and my mom especially has tried really hard to become more educated about the things that concern me. She fully supports my decision to have a homebirth, and is looking forward to being there.

Anyways, it's nice to see that you all exist! :)

Marisa

BTW, I live in the St. Paul, MN area.

[snailmama]

i was 19 when I had Sabai.
I am 20 now.
I am co sleeping, non vaxx, non circing, exclusively pumper of my mommy milk for 16 months.
i also find it nearly impossible to find friends!

[snailmama]

oops,
we live in eastern ,pa.
we are als o vegetarian, organic food eatin people.

[jessikate]

I feel a little out of place here, being 25 and expecting my first, but oh well. I think it's great to see so many people younger than me doing what's right and loving being a parent - I am not sure I'd have done as well had I gotten pregnant when we first started TTC (3 years ago). I do see so many young people with kids who are not necessarily mistreated, but maybe the mom's not happy with her circumstances and resents the kids.

I don't know many people my age with kids, either - most are building their careers before kids or still looking for the right person. The one friend I have who's got a child is definitely more conservative and doesn't practice AP, but she did breastfeed for a year (kiddo lost interest - more interesting things to do elsewhere) and still uses the sling at 2 when necessary.

Hugs to everyone having partner problems, luckily we're still happy here after 7 years together (married 4). Everything will work out in the end, although it may take a while for you to accept what happens.

Warm thoughts,
Jessikate, in St. Paul, MN

[MarsupialMama]

No one in Ohio? Ds, dh and I live in Avon, OH, and the only parents near our age are bottle proping partiers. They only mommeis I can relate to are my mother's friends. Once they get to know me, they can beging to take me seriously, but most people treat me like a kid. I hate that!

It's hard to find young mama's around, let alone Ap, vegan, organic, cloth diapering, non-vaxing, unschooling, non-violent, animal loving, co-sleeping, extended nursing, baby wearing, mother earth loving, home birthing, homeopathic, herb using, music making, belly dancing, reflexologist, long haired nature fanatics!

(I've been dying to say that.)

But it's great to meet some here!

[birthinglau]

Hey MarsupialMama,

I'm a pregant mommy who is all about AP, 95% vegetarian, organic, stocking-up-cloth-diapers, non-vaxing, unschooling (have been doing it for myself the past 10 years, plans are for the kiddo escape schooling as well), non-violent, animal loving, soon to be co-sleeping and extended nursing (this baby has a still practicing LLL leader grandmommy), stocking up on slings for me and partner and g-parents so we can all be baby wearing, mother earth loving, homebirthing with a non-nurse midwife, herb using, belly dancing, alexander technique student and avid supporter of therapeutic massage and ayurvedic breema. don't know much about reflexology except that I'm sure I would enjoy it and it's philosophy, haven't explored music making talents lately - but my honey is a bass player and plays electric guitar sometimes too. he outstrips me in the hair department (a leo) with 3 years of dreadlock growth, but I am getting there slowly but surely with my hair farmering. I think it's going to be more of one of those long and straight and shiny midwife hairdo deals though.

um.... I'm 21. first baby. sort of an accident, but really not. due on the vernal equinox, March 21. getting married next month when the inlaws are in town for a visit. aspiring midwife, somewhat of a doula (but really not wanting to do the hospital birth experience with mamas, which is all there is here, it's so hard to keep your chin up and keep birth normal in a place full of sick and injured people. and I am not just speaking of the patients). just started my new volunteer career as an activist for birth options in Ohio w/ Ohio Friends of Midwives (www.ofom.org).

where is Avon?

-lau

[MarsupialMama]

birthinglau,
I think we are not only the same person, but our lovers are the same person, too! Well, dh doesn't have dreads, only because he can't talk me into it doing them for him, but he has some seriousely long hippy hair.
My mother is also still an involved LLL leader, even though her baby is six and no longer nursing. I'm interested in midwifery as well, but I have the same issues with the dula thing. This is too weird!

How pregnant will you be for your wedding? I was 8 months! It was beautiful!

Avon is near Cleveland. Kind of far from you, but it's still closer than anyone else! But hey, if you're looking to move, let me know! It would be so great to have like minded people around!

DH wanted to say:
:sick

Hi i'm the MOTH (man of the house) hee hee, I'm a long haired, carpet laying, tile setting, ps2 playing, MASTER GAMER!! Fastfood eating, Ford Focus Driving, WWF... I mean ah.. WWE watching, hogan Hating!! Pizza ordering, lil sister in-law teasing, movie watching, wife loving, son huging, coolest DAD around. And I am WDWTMWST (WAY DOWN WITH THE MOTHERING WEB SITE THING)

He just wanted to contradict me. The things I put up with!

[Jazlyn's mommy]

Hi, Wow this post has been going on a long time!
I was 22 when my dd Jazlyn was born in April, 02.
It's nice to know you are all going through the same things as I. I don't have any friends who share my beliefs! But I do have an aunt who is also an AP mom. So she is my only support (besides you ladies and my husband). I am constantly trying to explain to family members why we co-sleep and don't vaccinate, etc. They just make it seem like I don't know what I am doing! Oh well! eventually they will see how healthy, smart and independant my dd is!Hopefully they will understand that we only did what was best for her!!! :love

[Jazlyn's mommy]

I think you and my husband are twins separated at birth!:banana
He has all of the same interests, except he plays X-Box not PS2!!
He really wants dreads too, but he hasn't talked me into it yet!
:dreads (Sorry, this icon is dreads but it looks like a girl)ha!

[sunshinesmomma]

Amen sisters!

Wow.. It is so nice to read all those posts! I had our dd shortly after I turned 20. And not only am I still young (24) but I look like I'm 12 (apparently, according to all the random strangers in my town that try to guess my age). I even had a women come up to me at the grocery store and ask me if I was there alone!? Okay, I was wearing overalls... but for crissake! :rolleyes: Anyways, it is "refreshing" as one of you wonderful mommas put it to see som many young AP mommas out there. Now if a couple of you could just relocate to my town... ;)

[busybusymomma]

Wow~ so great to 'meet' so many like-minded young moms! I married three months before I turned 18 and had dd four days after I turned 20. I'm now 21 and due with #2 in April (I'll be 22 by then). Dh is 40, LOL. When people meet me they think I'm 12 (short 5'2" and look like my mom who people think is my sister!), but then once people get to know me they think I'm in my mid to late 20's. LOL

I'm on WIC too (long story, dh lost his job of 12 years due to downsizing, new job pays 30% less) and will be required to go to the bf'ing class. The woman (caseworker or whatever they're called) told me maybe she'd just have me teach the class seeing as how I exclusively breastfed for 20 months. :huh

I did meet one mom who has a dd a few months older than mine and just had a baby, but she's 30. I do get along with her really well though despite our age difference. A coworker (I work p/t still due to financial constraints) is pg and due in Jan and she'll be doing the bf and cd thing, but I don't think she'll cosleep. And of course her poor baby will go to daycare. Too bad one needs money to survive, huh?

I'm getting windy... sorry. You guys are lucky to have a LLL in your town... closest one to me is 30 minutes away. I figure I'll go and train to become a Leader so I can start a group in my county!

[MarsupialMama]

That actually a really good idea, busybusymomma!
My LLL is about 20 mins. away, but it is really worth it! A few of the women drive an hour to get there, not because there isn't a closer group, but because the group near them is just so differant. I guess we're fortunet to have such a great group.
You really should start one!

[busybusymomma]

MarsupialMama,

I think I will! I should be a sahm sometime in the next six months, so I will be working on it soon! :)

[sparkeze]

I'm 24 and DS is 7.5 mo. I too have found that most of my friends are not married and having kids is the farthest thing from their mind! It was really hard to find other people to socialize with who were around my age with babies, and although I now have other moms to socialize with, none of them are my age. The age factor doesn't seem to matter too much though if the other moms have similar ideas on parenting. Most of the time I don't really notice any differences due to age, except when they talk about everything they did before their baby and I think to myself "woW, she's done so much! What have I done?" but then realize that they had about 10 more years to do those things in!

One thing that does bother me about being a younger mom is that people seem to feel that they should ask me how old I am. Do most moms get asked how old they are? I mean, 24 isn't even THAT young to be a mom! Once at the grocery store the cashier asked me how old I was and when I asked her why she asked she replied that I looked way too young to be a mom. I don't know if I should feel offended or flattered, but nonetheless, I don't think anyone would ask me if I was 30.

[Gendenwitha]

Originally posted by sparkeze
One thing that does bother me about being a younger mom is that people seem to feel that they should ask me how old I am. Do most moms get asked how old they are? I mean, 24 isn't even THAT young to be a mom! Once at the grocery store the cashier asked me how old I was and when I asked her why she asked she replied that I looked way too young to be a mom. I don't know if I should feel offended or flattered, but nonetheless, I don't think anyone would ask me if I was 30.

Just enjoy it while it lasts... I remember the first day I felt OLD--as in that I'm getting over the hill type old... I was only about 23 or 24 and the clerk at the grocery store didn't ask me for my ID for buying alcohol. Granted at 23 we owned a home and had 2 kids, but c'mon, it wasn't THAT long ago I was buying alcohol for parties. It depends on how old you look.

The other way to look at it isn't necessarily that they're condeming you for being young and pregnant, maybe they just think the younger people are more likely to need some help. (Okay, it's a stretch, but give them the benefit of the doubt.) I've offered my outgrown kids clothes to total strangers before who looked like they could use them. (Repayment for a friend who sent me a huge box of hand-me-downs from out of state just when we really needed them most.)

[MarsupialMama]

I know what you mean, sparkeze!
When that first happened to me I was just so shocked that someone would be so rude, (like you said, would they be asking if they thought I was older?) Now, I'm just insalted. People have been REALLY nasty about this to me. What are they trying to say? I think useualy people just asume I'm not the mother. I've about had it with this whole thing! :splat

[radish]

hi-
i am 25 - 22 weeks pg with baby#1
married dh july/2001 at age 23.

boy did i get my share off rude comments. doent help that i look about all of 18. dh encouraged me to ask probing questions to the culprits:
"so, how old were YOU when you got married?"
"*when* DO you think is a good time to have kids?"

my main issue now is my family - ALL teen moms, and very mainstream parents. i have nothing in common with any of them, other than blood and it is draining my energy everytiem i have to explain myself, i inevitably end up on my soapbox and stope when i see the blank look on everyones face! :)

we are vegan (couple slip ups w/ dairy :( ), bf-ing, free standing birth centering, cloth diapering parents and everyone keeps flooding me with negative info.

"you know, not EVERYONE can breastfeed"
"cloth diapers! ha! you'll change your mind"
"natural?! youll want an epideral after 2 cm"

i could scream!!! its upsetting, dissapointing and annoying.

just venting :)

i am in san diego, any mothering.com mamas nearby????

[Starfire]

I have to first addmit that I did not read all the post, but so far I see that most of you at least waited till 18.

When i was a kid, 5-6-7, and that is the age people love asking what you wanted to be, my answer was always a mother. And they would say no "what do you want to do?" And I would say raise my kids!

I was also taught because of all the STD's and things that sex was only to reproduce, and I needed to make sure my partner didn't have anything. So at age 16 when I found out I could get tested with out permission, me and my partner went in, and six months later I got pg! I was so happy, and now I am 24 (my birthday was tuesday), I have a 7 year old step daughter, a 6 year old son, and due in April. Who knows if I will ever be married, that was never in my plans growing up, but I have been with my partner for almost 2 years now and he asks if we should get married. I always say there is plenty of time. My mom started having her kids at age 24, I have no rush for anything. I know I am happy with what I got now and I still have time to plan 20 years from now!

I laugh because I have met other moms who parent like do, but I am the yongest person with the oldest child :D

[momatheart23]

I am new to this thread, it is refreshing to see younger like minded mommas. I am 22 with a 16 month old and probably due with #2 in September( havent confirmed it with an actual pregnancy test, but know I am) My now husband and I bought a house together when I was 20, and everybody thought we were crazy. I was 6 months pregnant on my 21st birthday, didn't celebrate it the traditional way. I told my mom the other day I am very happy and content with my life and am doing exactly what I want to be doing, she said wow, not many 22 year olds could say that. I dont really know anybody my age who is a mom, and if they are they definitely aren't a momthering mom. I always say I am the youngest mom I know that chose to be. I just knew what I wanted to do was have children, and raise them how I wanted. I have met some moms that are kind of like minded as me. older of course which is fine, but none that I really click with. so it is nice to have these boards to talk on. I told my mom about them, and she said if she had had them when she was raising me it would have been a sanity saver

[Ceceliasmama]

I am 21, my Baby Girl will be 9 months on Tuesday. I got pg on my 20th birthday. The best birthday present I ever got minus all the nausia. My husband and I got married young, by choice. We are a very happy family! We are also very broke since I am staying home with baby amd he is in school. I get so sick of people not taking us seriously due to our age. I am thrilled to find some other like minded young mamas out there. We go to LLL here in Eureka CA but have yet to meet any young mamas who breastfeed and share the same parenting values we do. I am attempting to go back to school a few hours a week, baby will be with her papa. Any other young mamas in Northern California want to network??

[birthinglau]

ceceliasmama,

am not in CA (live in OH) but I am about to be in a similar situation - staying home w/ baby while partner goes to school. we're expecting our little one in march, and I am lucky enough to have a friend who needs care for her 8 mo. old, and is cool with me taking time off for having my baby, then watching both kids. best of all, she is a single mom, I get to help her out, and welfare and school pay for her childcare, so it isn't a hardship for her. still, it's hard to live on 2 part time incomes and buy books AND food.

-Lau

[MarsupialMama]

I can completely relate to being 'poor' because I'm at home with baby! It wasn't too bad while dh had steady work - but this is the slow time, and we have NO MONEY! However, I am very proud to say that I found a way to bring in a little, without leaving our 15 month old!

I am now a PAID yoga instructer!!!!!:D I am very happy about this!

Just today I went and talked to the people at our local arts studios, and they did everything but get on their knees and beg me to teach there - I was so excited at this reaction! I'll be renting a room for almost nothing!

Ds will be with daddy while I teach 1 night a week. I think this is going to work really well for us, because ds is at an age where he is happy to go and do things with daddy for a while. Not that I wouldn't prepher having him with me always, but I do think this will be good (I'm REALLY hoping, anyway.)

If my midwife and I can ever get a hold of eachother, I'll be working with her also (ds will be with me for that;) )

Sorry, I just had to get that out. I really have a good feeling about this. ....Does it sound bad to you ladies?

-Anna

[birthinglau]

Hi Anna,

Congrats on the yoga gig! It sounds great to me, baby and dad get to hang out together, and you get time to do something nurturing that makes you some money. sounds like everyone wins.

I need to email you... it's been in the back of my mind this whole past month, but nov and dec was a barrage of one crisis after another. the only stable thing was baby in the belly, she is growing away, strong and healthy.

are you going to be assisting your midwife? that sounds really wonderful too. let me know what happens there. (and did you hear freida miller is out of jail?)

-Lau

[April 2007]

from now on whenever someone asks, "how old are you?" , I'm gonna ask, "well how old are you?" and if they ask y i wanna know, i'll just say something like, "i just wondered if it was as offensive to you as it was to me."

of course i will only say this if i know they're asking me cause they wanna know if im "another one of those teen moms"

i just wanted to say that...

-devin

[MarsupialMama]

I have been saying that, Blessed81902 - and it works really well!
Ok, I've only said it once or twice, but they were offended, and hopefully they thought about how I felt, too!

[Louise]

What a great thread ladies!

I am 22 and have three beautiful little boys. We had our first when i was 17 and my partner/ now husband was 23. Our second when I was 19 and third at 21. I feel the greatest amount of discrimination came from my family. My sister especially. Even though she had a daughter at 20( alone). Our relationship is a bit of a long story but summed up- she has always belittled me inorder for herself to shine. She is very judgemental. I tend to avoid her altogether inorder to save myself from the emotional torture she bestows on me. To her I am nothing for not having an education. She managed( of course sacrificing her daughter) to finish a degree in nursing and pursue a sucessful career. To her I am nothing. I am stupid and niave. She has no idea who I truly am for I keep my true self far away from her scrutiny. Sorry for venting. @*$! sister.....

Since the homebirth of our third son I have managed to meet a great network of friends. For many years I had no friends. None to which are as young as I ,however, that is fine by me. I tend to avoid the discussion of my age. And unfortunately due to my own personal struggle whith my age usually lie. I have had many turning points within the past year and a half that have encouraged me to open up and accept myself for who I am and in that I am grateful. In an odd way I am grateful to our midwife for talking about me behind my back to another member of " the homebirthing community". I was confronted about my age by this other woman and was devastated. However, have recieved nothing but praise and admiration for what I have accomplished. Life is a journey and may we all grow and prosper from it.

Thanks for all that have remained patient through my ramblings. Now I should return to my motherly duties!( Malcolm is screaming at me to nurse) Louise

ps A little off topic but have any of you had an Unassisted birth? We are hoping to have one with our next and would love to hear from any other young mamas and their path to free birth. Feel free to pm me.

[April 2007]

I am very curious about unassisted births. What is the point? I mean, what is the desire and motivation behind having a an unassisted birth? I ask because my midwife was involved more thana dr would be, but not really involved at all...which is how I wanted it. I did have 2 doulas and my mom. Is the reason that ppl don't want the intereference of someone doing all this "medical stuff?"

-Devin

[MarsupialMama]

I had a midwife at my birthing, but I considered having it unattended. I wanted my midwife to be very 'hands-off,' (that's one reason a chose the midwife I did.) But that's just how I want it.
I want dh to be there emotionally, and physicaly, and the midwife to stay out of the way (unless I ask for something) and just do what is completely necessary - and then cleaned up!

I can completely see how an unassisted birthing would be great, (in fact I know many people who are quite pleased with them,) but for me, I want someone to catch and clean up!


-ana

mama and more to Jonas 10/01

[Nursingnaturalmom]

Hi Mama's
I am 25 now,but had my DD when I was 20 and just my 2nd in April. NONE of my friends (that are my age anyway) are anything like me. They think I am CRAZY!

Nice to see so many of us :)

Chandi

[3_opihi]

ceceliasmama,

Hey there! I don't live in Arcata anymore, but I know there are lots of young mamas up there, and even if they aren't young, most of them parent like you probably do. Just go hang out in the plaza one afternoon, or up at Redwood Park and you're bound to meet someone. Also, when the Farmer's Market starts up in the spring, there's always lots of families there. Wish I lived there still...I'd hang out with you!

I'm 22, with a three year old, planning a homebirth with number 2 in early march/late february. I love being a young mama. I couldn't imagine waiting for so much of my life to go by (like another 15 years or something) before having my little ones. Anyway, I'm glad to hear from you all, (I've been lurking on the boards for awhile but never post...!)

Just remember that its only been for the past thirty years or so that people have been "waiting" to have families. Its us "young mamas" that have been birthin' for thousands of years.

[mammabear]

I am also new to this thread...boy, it is great to see that I am not the only one who feels like the only one...did you get that?

I just can't wait for my best friend to have her baby. She is only four months pregnant, but we think much alike and I think I influenced her a bit. lol

Anyways, I was 19 when I had my first baby. I didn't know as much as I do now, but I did nurse her until she self weaned at 10 months. I had hoped it would have lasted longer though.
I heard it all, from family members to medical professionals...I always felt that they treated me as if I were completely ignorant because of my age. But I was doing what felt right and what was working for us (my famiy) Now what could be wrong about that?

Now we have a little boy, 6 months old. He is nursing strong and is 100% attached. Thanks to our AP practices he is a very happy baby. Oh, and I don't listen to other peoples ignorant comments anymore. The only responce from me is "Mind you business!"
Unless of course they have something good to say ;)

[angela&avery]

Originally posted by Allana
My problem is that all of our close friends aren't even married yet, and if they are the don't want kids until later.

ugghh i have the same problem, except one of them (not knowing i birthed naturally) stated how she thinks people are stupid for going through unnecessary pain and that she will definately have an epidural (someday when they actually get to having kids!!)

[angela&avery]

hi!! i got married when i was 22 and i had my ds at 23.. my family thought it was wonderful, but i remember going to check out a pediatrician, and i was looking for one open to my not vaccinating and he was so happily surprised at how educated i was and was happy to support me....

i am 25 now and am trying for my 2nd..

[Pigpen]

I feel like I'm 21, does that count? No? I'm 34 w/2 boys aged 2 & 4. I started reading this thread just out of curiosity. I always thought that it would have been nice to have children when I was younger because I had more energy way back then...but I honestly think I would have been a rotten mom. I'm reading your posts and I'm so happy to see so many young moms who have it together. Some of us needed to wait to be better moms :wink You will make wonderful, young grandparents too!

[busybusymomma]

Originally posted by omegamama
You will make wonderful, young grandparents too!
My parents are wonderful grandparents and they're young (42 and 40).

I haven't quite managed to get past the thought that I'll have 2-3 teenagers when I'm in my 30s. :eek

[mommy2Aalicia]

I had my daughter when I was 18 (got pregnant at 17) and I am so not a mainstream mom. I bf (plan to let her self-wean), cloth diaper, baby wear, etc. I'm a true granola mama, and I wouldn't have it anyother way.

I am so glad to know that I am not alone in my crunchy ways :)

[baileysmommy]

My DD was born 2 weeks before I turned 22. She is now 5.5 months old.

I agree with the other posts. Most people that I know are formula feeding, letting grandparents raise their children, and basically detachment parenting.

I am married to a wonderful 29 year old man. Part of our reason for deciding to have children when I am still so young.

I love my little girl and am only making my decisions based on what I feel is best for her. We cd, bf, ap, co-sleep, baby wear because this is what works for us. Even if my friends think I am crazy.

Lets be proud of ourselves and not let anyone make us think that what we do is wrong.

I look forwad to getting to know all of you better. I am new to MDC.:wink

[Ceceliasmama]

I am glad for our children that there are so many of us mothers who actually care enough to put our children first. Attachment parenting means raising your own children and keeping them close at all times, not droping them at grandma's or daycare! So, thanks mamas, for being there for your kids. What goes around comes around, someday these sweet little babies will be nursing their own on damand round the clock-the way it should be!!

[lisaryansmommy]

My son is 5 months old and I am nearly 25. I always respect what advice older moms give, but always do my research before practicing anything.Last week I was chatting online with a friend who is32 and her youngest is 7. She asked what I was doing, I replied 'visiting sites about AP" , then I had to explain the entire concept to her, to which she answered " whatever happened to independance?, must be something new.' I really don't know anyone who adopts natural ways and AP, the only person I know who has a baby is my sil who believes whatever her doc tells her.
lisa

[annakiss]

Hi! I had my son at age 23. I've been married since DH & I were 19, so we've been the first ones we know to do any of this stuff. All of our friends are still unmarried & I have a terrible time trying to find moms who are like-minded, let alone moms that are my age. My son was born with a cleft lip & palate, so I get a lot of crap from health professionals as well who act like I don't know anything. That's a whole other story, but my age seems to play a part in people's perception of me everywhere I go. Glad to see there are other mamas like me out there!

[busybusymomma]

Originally posted by annakiss
My son was born with a cleft lip & palate, so I get a lot of crap from health professionals as well who act like I don't know anything. That's a whole other story, but my age seems to play a part in people's perception of me everywhere I go. Glad to see there are other mamas like me out there!

Some moms posted on the I'm Pregnant board awhile back having trouble like that. The nurses were mean and actually lied about some stuff to one mom. :angry

Most people think I'm older than I am (22) when they meet me, so that saves me a lot of trouble. My dh is 40, but looks younger so the two of use together look in our late 20s or so I think.

[TalkToMeNow]

Hi, everyone! I had my daughter at 21 and I am 22 now. I seem to be in the same situation here... its been almost a year and I still don't know any other moms, let alone moms my age. Its good to see that "likeminded" mamas my age exist... even if just in cyberspace. :)

Amanda

[April 2007]

I thought I'd repost and "introduction" since there are a lot of new people since I first posted.

I had my son, Noah exactly two weeks after my 20th birthday. Through La Leche League, and another similar group, I've met a few moms who are likeminded, but I have yet to meet someone IRL who is like that. It makes it even harder for me because I look no older than 16!

I'm a little concerned about it in some ways "professionally" because this summer I'm working on my Post-Partum Doula certification, and hopefully my leader stuff for La Leche League. I'm trying to think realistically about who will actually hire someone who looks like a teenager, to give her support/advice, etc. But then of course my other side comes in and says that I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing, and God will put me where He wats me :)

[JesseMomme]

Hi Mommas
I could have written so many of these posts. I had my first at 20 and just turned 24 in April. I don't know any other mothers my age, let alone non-maintream-minded ones. There is just one mom who is my mother's age, actually my mother's friend, but she is a half hour away now (she exbf's, knows a lot about birth, had a VBAC, back when they "let" you. She had wanted a homebirth but transported at the last minute.) she's regarded by the town as "out there".

I tried going to LLL last year but after a few meetings that I thoroughly enjoyed, Dh had the only car to work most nights and I couldn't get there again. What a bummer! Also the group was a 25 minute drive away. The next closest group is 30 mins in the other direction. :rolleyes: I also was not the only young person there, though most mommas were in their thirties and the leaders were 40+, and all professionals.

Anyhow, I do get a little tired of the typical stereotypes, and tired of keeping queit about what I believe in and my opinions on parenting, etc.

Well I have to go help ds find his cup. Just wanted to add to the legion of young mommas out there.

[LaffNowCryLater]

I got pregnant at 17, had ds at 18. Everyone thinks I'm just some teen who accidentally got pregnant. When people find out I cloth diaper they say rude comments like"Eww! They poop in those and you wash them!" and roll their eyes. I have yet to find someone with my parenting beliefs, let alone a mother my age (I will be 19 in a couple of weeks) who shares my views.
Edited to add: I live in Va Beach, Virginia!

[sonya_mamafor4]

Hi,
Finally some young mammas!O.K.I had my first five months before my 18th birthday.My second was born a month after I turned 19 and my lovely twins were born a month after my 21st birthday.
I get tons of comments and most of them negative.You should have heard the Dr.'s when I had the twins!None of the girls around here my age are married or if they are and have kids they give them to their parents to keep.Nobody can understand that I want to stay at home with my kids.
If anybody wants to talk my e-mail is:sonyacooper@comcast.net
it would be great to talk to other like minded mammas.
Hope to talk to you soon.
Sonya

[Celestial]

Thought you might find this interesting!

http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?s=&threadid=91354

http://www.empowerteenparents.org

http://www.girlmom.com/

[Tracy]

granolamom needs some help. that you 20> mommies can assist...

http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?s=&threadid=94936

[Oceanmamma77]

Hi there,

I am also a young mom of three little kidlets and I have found one mom who thinks along the same lines as myself...but it took a good THREE years of living here :(

I guess i am getting 'older' now, lol...but I had my son in Grade 12 when I was 17yrs and my husband (then boyfriend) was 18yrs old. We are still together...11yrs this Halloween!! and had amazing support when finishing highschool. My parents would drop off my son when he needed to nurse and would not take a bottle of EBM. The 'sick' room became my personal 'nursing' room. The teachers, staff, principal (being friends with his son did help there) everyone just supported me to be the best mother a 17yr old could be.

My girls were born when I was 21 and 24yrs old....now I am 26 and am done!!....it feels AWESOME!

[DalaiMama]

Hey there mamas! I have not read this whole thread, but it looks like there are a lot of us! And it seems like I have a lot of the same issues that I see here. I got pregnant when I was 21, had Mylo when I was 22, got married on my 23rd bday. Now Mylo is 20 months old, and dh and I are trying for #2. I also don't know any mommies, and definitely don't know any ap mommies my age. It seems like a lot of older women I have met want to talk down to me, like I can't possibly be a good mom, you know? Same thing with the doctors. At first, our ped was very condescending to me, but once I made it clear that I had done my research and didn't need his advice on how to raise my son, things got much better. :LOL Now every time we go for well baby checkups, he tells me how proud he is of my son and I. I think it also doesn't help that we got to a low income clinic, and I think he doesn't see a lot of moms there nursing toddlers. Our son was a surprise, but he's the best thing that ever happened to us. I always said through high school and college that I NEVER wanted kids, and now I want at least four. :) Anyways, I'm SO glad to see that there are many moms out there somewhere who are a lot like me.

[onegr8mom03]

I'm 20 and have a 5 month old and recently have really been looking for other like minded gals out there! But would really love to have my rl friends suport some of my decisions! Like my best friend, i always pictured us pg together (At least for the next one) when i first told her i was going to bf she said "isn't that going to hurt!" I was so sad by her comment because she really should bf...she herself was bf until she was 3 and that was 20 years ago!!! I think i have about 5 years to talk her in to it though. She just heard comments from these older woman we are friends with and all they told her is how much it hurt...but i hope i'm proof enough that it's the greatest thing ever! I'd also like to get her into other AP ideas....but i have time, heck she's not even married yet (prolly soon though!)
But even if i can't have rl AP momma friends at least i got you all here! YAY :wave

[Juliakra]

Nice to realize we are not alone. I am 22 yrs, married at 20, our daughter is 17 months now. Never been happier. It's a real blessing.

[birthjunkie27]

Hi Julia. This thread is pretty old isn't it? :lol I'm 25 and have a 5 yr old dd, 3yo ds, and a 6mo old dd. Nice to see there are lots of other like minded young moms. :wink

[cfiddlinmama]

Hi! Ya, this thread is definately old! There is another new one that is Young AP moms or something and also an under 30 tribe!

I'll go ahead and post since I can really relate to this thread! I had my first at 16 and my 4th at 21. I'm 22 currently. My dh is the father of all 4 of my kids and we've been married for 6.5 years. This is my life, what I was meant to do, and I love it! I'm a good mother and my kids are healthy and well adjusted and it pi$$es me off that people judge me for my age. I'm a better mother that a lot of later 20's people I know. I think that they compare me to other selfish kids my age and assume I'm the same way. I had my two middle kids in the hospital and I got treated so poorly, like I didn't know my own mind. My parents AP'd me, and because of it, I am incredibly confident and independent and I am very well educated! Even in my community where there are some young moms, I'm just about the only one who parents the way I do. My baby gift to everyone is the Sears' Baby Book and so far I've been able to influence some moms. Right now I'm fighting the "To Train Up a Child" battle. Man, I hate that book. :irked: Anyway, sorry for the legnthy vent, glad to see I'm not alone! :rocks

[Juliakra]

Hi Julia. This thread is pretty old isn't it? :lol I'm 25 and have a 5 yr old dd, 3yo ds, and a 6mo old dd. Nice to see there are lots of other like minded young moms. :wink


I am new to this site, but i assume this thread is pretty old.