Want a VBAC but scared--help

[PJsmomma]

Hey --I'm not pg yet but I go back and forth about a VBAC--maybe you can point me in the right direction.

With my son born 11-00 we planned for a natural birth--took Bradley classes etc but agreed to be induced (I wasn't really thinking and have learned sooo much since then) I don't feel that the induction was really necessary but it was almost thanksgiving you see!!

I was induced with Cytotec (what was wrong with me?) nothing happened--we went home and my water broke an hour later--we stayed home for 7 hrs and contractions (immediately after water broke) were 1 and 2 min apart--when we got to the hosp at 3 a.m. I was 4 cm and stayed there although contracting--at noon I was put on pit (over my dead body will I ever do that again!) I had been actively laboring and handling it but the pit sent me over the edge I couldn't handle it and was throwing up, crying, hyperventilating, yelling at people (I had been calm up to this time) and the contractions never let up at all.

At 2 they took me off pit and I was still 4 and the contractions didn't let up.

At 3 something I had an epidural cause I had been in labor for 20 hrs and after the pit I had lost it--the epidural didnt' touch one darn contraction and now I got to lay still through them!!
At 4 I was wheeled in for a csect (and I cheered about it that's how awful it had gotten) and at that time I was still 4

Now, I realize that the induction was the downhill spiral but I believe it was only the beginning and it was one thing after another that led to a csect. I don't have any conflicting feeling about the birth except that I shouldn't have agreed to be induced--I don't regret the csect I however don't want another one--I know it's not the best for the baby (or myself)

Well PJ was having trouble staying warm and I didn't get to see him for 4 hrs!! when we saw him finally he was so sleepy and didn't want to nurse and a couple times at night he didnt' want to either.

When he was 18 hrs old he was transferred to another city NICU cause he was vomitting blood it turned out to be an ulcer from the stress of the labor (poor little baby!) he was there 5 days and was discharged as a healthy newborn. (nursing was a mess let me tell you!!)

So here is our dilemma

one I'm afraid to try a VBAC cause I"m afraid of the pain (imagine that!!) I was most afraid of a csect when I was pg--but he never dropped below a -1 station so I do not know how it feels to have a baby drop and what we went through was awful!!!

two--I'm afraid that if something terrible goes wrong (like it did--blood vomitting) we won't get to a hospital fast enough

three--I"m afraid to do all that work and still have a csect

I know in my heart that agreeing to the induction was the cause of all of it including the stress on the baby causing his NICU stay
so if we had a baby at home all the interventions wouldn't be in the picture--I'd be relaxed I wouldn't be threatened with pit--my son could be there--I feel like he should be for some of it since he's part of the family!! but then I'm afraid of the what if's .
My dh said no way to a homebirth after all we went through--but then I think it's going to be a vicious circle and another csect if we go to the hospital--

Also in Wi birthing centers are illegal and homebirth is alegal (is that how you spell it?)

Can you read between the lines and hear something I"m not saying or can you point me in the right direction?

any HBAC that were scared of a homebirth and were successful?

Thanks
Malissa

[annasmom]

I don't know if I can read between the lines...I tend to think everyone feels and thinks like I do...so my reading between the lines will be more of a mirror.

OUr story is that we agreed to a c-section due to breech. I do not want another one either...so much so that if I had to sign up for a repeat I would not have another child. We are planning a homebirth and I am grateful that it was dh that suggested it. I do have a lot of things to sort through...but I feel that it is the only way I will have a successful VBAC.

I am starting to firmly believe in absolutely no intervention adn that especially means no induction. Everything you experienced from the intense pain to your child vomiting blood is a result of interventions. DId they give your child formula?

I am not sure what you mean when you say homebirth is alegal.

I think it is in your best interest to have a birth with no interventions.

I am in the middle of reading this article...

http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/acog.asp

Of course, mothering has VBAC articles and I strongly recommend you get in touch with the INternational cesarean Awareness Network
http://www.ican-online.org/

and if you choose to have a homebirth a doula is a must...and try to find one who is passionate and experienced in VBACs.

You also may want to consider shadow care. You see both a midwife and a doctor...getting the emotional support from the midwife and then you can labor at home for a significant before going to the hospital. ANd maybe even you will find that you are so comfortable at home that you just stay there the whole time...but dh will be comforted in that you could go to the hospital at any time.

I wish you peace in your decision. It is a hard time...dealing with a traumatic situation...but you can take control and make your next birth exactly what you want it to be. Just learn more and more...I have learned even more since dd was born and I though I knew a lot before! (I took Bradley too)

Kirsten

[Mom2baldie]

Malissa,

Hi! I dont know if anything I say is going to be helpful in the least, but I wanted to try.

My opinion is that you should not be afraid to have a VBAC! You were induced with your 1st child, which started all the interventions that led to the csection. Its never a good idea to induce a VBAC so you wont have to worry about that. Your body will go into labor when it is ready.

If you hire a doula, she will be able to help you with pain coping techniques as well as give emotional support. There are lots of things that you can do to make yourself as comfortable as possible when you are in labor - being in the tub and on my hands and knees were the most helpful to me. Dont be afraid of the pain, it just means your body is doing what its supposed to do!

I dont know how far you live from the hospital, but I dont think that homebirth transports are usually emergencies. I think that generally the midwife will know ahead of time if things are not going well.

I know what you mean about worrying about going through another labor and ending up with another csection. I worried about that too, and my csection was scheduled for breech presentation! The thing is that if you just let things go along naturally, you have a GREAT chance of having a fabulous VBAC. Labors without interventions are almost always successful. Your body knows what to do and it will do it. Just trust yourself!

Some really informative websites to go to are:
www.ican-online.org
www.vbac.com
On the ICAN website there is an email list that anyone can subscribe to. The people there are brilliant and Ive learned so much in just the short time that Ive known about it. Maybe there is also an ICAN chapter in your area and you could go to meet others in your situation.

[RainCityMama]

Malissa -

Oh my! your story sounds shockingly simelar to my first birth experience, right down to the almost thanksgiving:eek

I can't really write right now as babies are calling but I had a successful HBAC 6 months ago and it was the most wonderful experience!!! :love

I will come back and elaborate when I have a moment - feel free to PM me if you want to talk privately :)

[annasmom]

I meant to say if you choose to have a hospital birth a doula will be helpful. With a homebirth the midwife would help wiht the pain management, etc

[PJsmomma]

thanks for all your replies--Rain city Mama (?) I'd love to hear your story.

I'll try to read those articles--if I get started now whenever we're actually pg I'll be prepared.

What I meant by alegal is that in Wi homebirths are not legal (so they're not sanctioned by the gov) and they are not illegal--nothing on the books that says they're illegal--hope that makes sense.

thanks again!
Malissa

[RainCityMama]

PJsmomma -

For me the most important thing I think I did was surround myself with supoortive people :love
I joined my local chapter of ICAN and attended meetings every month, I chose a midwife and a doula that believed in HBAC 100% and I read anything and everything I could on the subject of natural birth - not just VBAC but normal natural uncomplicated birth - just to remind myself that birth was a natural process and one I was completely capable of :thumb

My homebirth was absolutely incredible and not once during the labor did I even think about the fact that I had a scar or worry about problems, I also never once felt I couldn't do it - It was a lot of hard work but I just felt a sense of faith in my bodies ability to birth my baby.

Here is a link to my birth story:
http://216.92.20.151/discussions/showthread.php?s=&threadid=28683

Unfortunately VBAC is under a great deal of fire these days *BUT* there are some really awesome people out there that still believe in it and support it - it usually just takes a little bit of extra looking :)

[PJsmomma]

Hey--thanks--guess what I had just read your story but since I"m new here didn't put two and two together!

Thanks for the support
Malissa

[julie128]

I just started taking a HypnoBirthing class and it be something that helps with your anxiety. I wasn't anxious about a vbac until I actually met the ob yesterday who would be attending our birth. I hated her and didn't make another appointment and am looking for a better dr. But, anyway, now I am anxious (I'm not going to tell you what she told me. It will just make things worse for you.), so this class that we are taking might be just the thing to help me get rid of the anxiety, and it might help you. There are two ads for HypnoBirthing in the ads section of Mothering. I think at hypnobirthingnyc.com. Our class is at hypnobirthsj.com, I think. HB is about learning to hypnotize yourself to relax and have a good birth.

[wolfmom]

You might want to read "Ina May Gaskin's guide to childbirth". I just read it and it has a whole section on vbac. It is a wonderful book and has invaluable information that might help you in your decision. Good luck!