I feel like you-know-what

[Jada Mae]

I just want to complain to people I hope understand.

I feel like crap, but much worse. I am sick all day long, and any time that I wake up in the night. Nothing sounds good to eat and I hate eating right now. It is such a chore and I dread waking up every morning knowing there is nothing in this house or any restaurant or any store that I want to eat. I have been loosing weight and I am a pretty small lady to begin with. I know baby is o.k. because baby will take what ever reserve I have. But in reality, I don't have much reserve and it makes this whole 1st trimester thing even harder. I had this with my last pregnancy, but it wasn't as hard as this.

I have tried all kinds of things, nothing is working for me.

Every day I eat less. I was at a birth over the weekend that lasted for two days. I ate twice on Saturday, but couldn't eat anything from 8 pm Saturday night to 1pm on Sunday morning. There was really no difference in my "crap" feeling while eating food or eating nothing for hours. Thank goddess I am not doing another birth until June (for a friend of mine)!

I have a midwifery pursuing friend whom I thought would be more of a support system than what she has. A couple of weeks ago she called me to see how I am and I started to tell her how hard it has been so far and how sick I am. She kept on coming back with "well, that's pregnancy, welcome to it!" and "You'll get over it, don't worry." and the worst yet was "This is something you have to go through, it's just a part of it, you need to experience this. Take it in and actually enjoy the time you have right now." :irked:
What I have taken from this is true disappointment. I thought she would be more of someone who would just listen to me and give me support. Instead I feel discredited in my experience and that I am not heard at all. I feel hurt over this. I guess the hardest part of it is not just being disappointed and hurt, but rather that I have to rearrange my thinking process of what kind of friend she is. She is a great person and I love her a lot, but I realize she is not the person who can give me what I am needing. This is really big for me because I have always seen her as a support person. She still is, just not in my pregnancy. But this also changes my thoughts of her as a support person at my labor and birth...realizing she is not the person to be there. It is not all bad, just sad and disappointing.

I am suppose to be excited about this pregnancy, but all I can think of is how horrible I am feeling. I really really really hate this part of pregnancy and I am just hoping and praying that it will please please go away very soon!

I feel like I am in a dual role. I am a midwife, but incapable of midwifing myself. And truthfully, I don't want to. The hard thing is talking to my friends. I feel like they don't understand me because of career. It is almost like they see me as only a midwife and forget I am a woman just like any other woman. That some how my experience is "less than" because of my profession, like I should know what to do and therefore would not be having the problems I am having. I have to admit I do have a couple of midwifery friends that do not see me this way and are willing to listen and I do have a friend who hears me out as her friend, not just a midwife. I guess I would like my world of friends to be different in their reactions to me instead of me processing in my brain rational thinking like "well, that is just who they are, so I guess I won't talk to them about this. It's not their fault." I guess over all I feel really lonely in this process. I am thankful to have a partner that is open and listens to me the best he can even though he cannot relate with what I am going through. I am very thankful that he is who he is and not another person that I have to think rationally over.

Thanks for listening to my "crap."

[SleepyMamaBear]

do you eat eggs? i found that eating one hardboiled egg in the morning right after i get out of bed (that i eat a few crackers in) helps ALOT. getting protien into me right away helps me to not feel sick. also yogurt, fruits, like orange slices help me to not feel so nauseous.
as a midwife you know that getting food into your body will eventually help your body feel better. low blood sugar can lead to some NASTY feelings, and make the nausea worse. try to snack all day long. once an hour eat something, a small handfull of crackers, a boiled egg, a cup o yogurt, half a sandwich, and drink a cup of water with it.
i am sorry you dont feel like your friend didnt give you support and validation. :hug that BITES. yes, it is a part of pregnancy, but still a little validation of your feelings would help! try to keep eating as often as possible.
i am sorry you are feeling so crappy.

[Cujobunny]

:hug I bet that felt awful to have your feelings dismissed. I remember when I was nauseous constantly for 6 wks during my first pregnancy that I felt it would never end. During that time I think I survived on yogurt, fruit and cereal. It did help to munch a bit here and there regularly, if my blood sugar got low, I felt even worse. Still, it was tough to get through.

[queendom lady]

Different situation but essentially the same. I feel absolutely horrible too. Finally was able to tell my family and a few close friends the news but it was exhausting. They kept wanting me to call other people and tell them but I'm not ready for everyone to know quite yet. Especially my employers. I'm a waitress and I know what's expected of me and I dread going to work now b/c it's so draining and I have to rest up the whole day to get ready for it. I can't eat anything or hear about food so suggesting what other people should order is torture. The chef's wife was pregnant through the summer last year and working by his side in the kitchen and no one really gave her a break even when it was boiling hot in there. I'm scared of what they'll expect of me and the consequences if I don't deliver.
Anyways. Don't worry mama, this too will pass. Right? And for the eternity that is now and very, very hard there's all of us here struggling right by your side.

[shell024]

:hug :hug :hug I so know how you feel mama. I mentioned in another thread, and I'm not sure how you feel about it, but when I tried "everything" and nothing was working to keep food down, or get food in, period...I started vaporizing (instead of smoking) organic cannabis. It changed everything from there on out. Not only was I eating voraciously AND not feeling like puking it up, but my moods were balanced out and hormones didn't seem so horrible from that point. Just throwing that out there!