want to adopt with 3 little guys already

[fromscatteredtribe]

I realize that this might not sound right if there are a lot of formerly ttc people here, and i don't want to appear like i am not thankful for my fertility. even though i have only one ovary (after 2 ectopics) and dh has half the fertile organs too, we keep having babies. Our first choice was ALWAYS adoption but none of our bc worked and therefore we have been blessed with three lovely boys who keep us busier than we sometimes feel comfortable with but whom we adore on multiple levels. We want now to consider ourselves finished with conception and birth (we are waiting on vasectomy only because my sister has been ttc for over one year and we are reserving the ability to be donors for her conception--she seems uninterested in adoption). SOOOO, I have been doing a lot more research lately about adoption and feel a lottle frustrated at how difficult it really is. I know that it should take effort, but where do I start??? ALso, all the adoption sites seems to be geared toward those with fertility issues. We thought about adopting an older child but realized that with other issues and having little ones who will put role model pressures on an older child it might not be a good idea. We are thinking maybe a toddler. We have no funds for foreign adoption and would go through dcfs if we could. we are anglo but are interested in adopting any child (in some ways we would prefer transracial adoption despite its challenges) I am not sure when we should begin this and when we should aim for completing our family with another child being brought in our home. we want our baby to be a little older and we want some time to get some financial stuff in order and think about permanent plans for our family, but we know it can take a long time (unlike on friends). Any ideas would be much appreciated. Have a blessed day folks.

[EFmom]

Find a local adoption support group. If you have trouble finding one, pm me and I'll try to help.

First thing is to decide on the type of adoption. Pick up a copy of Adoption for Dummies or some other similar basic book at the public library. It will describe the categories of adoptions in general terms. There are pros and cons to each type of adoption and you need to figure out what is best for your family.

If you decide to adopt through DFS, the procedure and likelihood of that happening depends hugely on where you live, even down to what county you are in, which is why having a local group can be very helpful. Many of the children available for adoption through DFS will have "issues," most are school aged, and you will need to work through what kind of situations your family is willing and able to handle. In theory, that's something your homestudy social worker will help you with, but in reality you want to decide that ahead of time so that you don't waste your time and money on a homestudy that won't match the kind of adoption you need to do.

A local group can probably also give you a more realistic picture of the likely wait, which can be very, very long if you are looking for a young and relatively healthy child. If that's the type of adoption you want to do, then it might make sense to get in the queue now rather than waiting.

[OnTheFence]

I would strongly recommend adopting through Department of Human Resources, especially since you are willing to open your home to a toddler. I know several people who have adopted babies around 1 in the foster to adopt program. This might be something for you to consider. Though there is some risk involved with fost to adopt, I do know that infants and toddlers are put on the fast track to adoption.

There are some great books about Toddler Adoption but some have some scarey stuff in them. Know they are talking about the extremes and not always the norm.

Kim

[fromscatteredtribe]

i think that the department of human resources is sort of what i meant...in chicago they were included in the department of children and family servies (dcfs) but each state call it something different. I think in az iit is under the department of economic security ir something that sounds bizarre like that. (i have it bookmarked.) we are really overwhelmed at the process now but would like to expand our family. the ideal child would be under four and would be living in our home in two years or so. We really need time to think and pray and research and prepare, but all of this is helpful. thanks. we are TOTALLY 100% for OPEN adoption, because we believe that in most cases (particularly tiny babies) it is the best option for all involved and ensures that the birth parents will be reassured that they made the right decision. maybe if they saw all my clutter and heard all the noisy kids here they would reconsider......??

[geekmom]

I'm a foster/adopt parent. All my kids come in as foster kids and most leave to go back home, but not all. I've had 13 kids and 3 will stay permanently.

Anyway, if you call your local dcfs (or whatever it's called) they'll tell you how to apply, get signed up for classes and whatever. It's all free so you might as well go ahead and do it. Having three birth children shouldn't cause any problems at all.

The big thing you'll have to think about is how much "risk" you want. Some kids will be able to be placed in an "adopt" home even though their parents rights haven't been terminated. In that case you might get a child who you may not be able to adopt if the judge sends him or her back to their birth family. You can also ask for children whose parental rights have already been terminated and you're facing little to no risk. The tradeoff, of course, is that the children will be a bit older since they'll have been in a foster home for awhile.

Also, they'll probably tell you that it's hard to get younger children. Let that go in one ear and out the other. They always say that, but then tons of little kids get placed. Although many of the younger kids get adopted by their foster parents (like me).

One other thing I have to mention is that although the older kids might seem a bit "scary" many are not as troubled as the myths say. Some certainly are, but I know one little 6 1/2 year old who is just fantastic and sweet and has no major behavior problems and they're having a heck of a time finding a home for him.

Write to me if you have any questions or anything. Good luck. going straight to adoption is harder than fostering then adopting, but it's not really all that hard. Just do one step at a time.

[steph]

i just want to put out there that while this is commonly accepted as truth:

a more realistic picture of the likely wait, which can be very, very long if you are looking for a young and relatively healthy child

it isn't necessarily so... so much depends on the agency you use and the type of adoption you want. the agency we used accepts prospective adoptive parents from all over the country - the wait time is around 9 mos. average. we waited 9 mos. friends of ours waited 8 weeks and 6 weeks respectively for each of their adoptions. this is for basically healthy, usually caucasian infants (newborns)... of course if what you really want is a toddler, they don't seem to place as many of those, so it may not help you....anyway, if you want more info. pm me... i just feel compelled to let people know that the huge wait for healthy infants isn't always a given. best wishes!!