I am scared

[kaje62]

I am 28 weeks, heavy set and 41. My first was born c/s two years ago. I did everything to have a natural birth, bradley, prenatal movement, doula etc......but found out he was breech, lotus position at 39.5 weeks. I think I found a doula, I am working with midwives. But I am scared, scared of uterine rupture, scared of pain, scared of tearing, scared I will die, scared baby will die, scared I can't do it. I am scared of a c/s too. I need help from other vbac mom's. Tell me I can do this and all will be okay.

[zombiemommie]

Kathy, I will cheer you on. You CAN do it. Your body was made to birth your baby and every cell in your beautiful, woman body knows exactly what to do in order to birth that baby.

I am sure you have done your reasearch. If you are a non-interventive labor (meaning not being induced) your chances of uterine rupture are pretty much the same as a non c/s mom. You have more of a risk of something like placental abruption than you do of uterine rupture.

Have faith, my friend. Trust your body, trust your caregivers, trust the process. Give yourself over to your body. Let yourself labor and birth the way you were meant to.

I am heavy set (well more than heavy set LOL) I had pre-eclampsia with my last and my BP was high my last week AND I was on bed rest that last week. I also had GD. My baby was measuring 3 weeks ahead and wound up 9 lbs (not a big MDC baby, but KWIM). I never even labored with my first. I had a FIFTY SIX hour labor this time (prodromal/stalled labor), was exhausted beyond belief, had meconium in my water AND a distressed baby. I STILL had a VBAC and if *I* did, you can too. I trusted my body, I trusted the PROCESS. Let your body do what it needs to do. It took me at least half if not more of my pregnancy to get to the point that I just "gave it up" to whoever is upstairs and let it go.

And don't be scared of the tearing. In retrospect, it wasn't that bad and I am only 3 months post-partum. The c/s was much, much worse for me.

(((((hugs)))))

[wolfmom]

You can do it! Anxiety is normal but have faith. I have not had a c-sec but I found extremely interesting info about vbacs in Ina May Gaskin's new book "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth". I think every woman should read it, especially if they have had a section before. Good luck and treat yourself gently!
-wolfmom

[kaje62]

thank you to both of you. any other books you all recommed?

[dotcommama]

kaje62:hug - I hear you. I am aiming for a VBAC with this baby due in a month or less and tonight I just started to panic thinking, "What if I die. . . what if the baby dies. . . ."

But I just have to remind myself that statistically there is less chance something will go wrong during a VBAC than during a c-section. I know in my heart I can do this - like someone said previously - my body was made to birth a baby. Everything is going to go fine.

[kaje62]

dotcomma blessings to you and i look forward to hearing how it all goes for you

[RainCityMama]

Hello -

Birth is a normal and natural process, you are totally capable of having a beautiful VBAC, you must trust in your body and find a grounding place in which your mind can rest. :)

Believe in yourself, your ability to deal with what your body must do to birth a baby and in the knowledge that a vaginal birth, even after a surgical birth, is safer and healthier for both you and your baby.

I am overweight and I was about 30 pounds heavier when I gave birth to my daughter, a VBAC, at home - I believe that birth is a mind over matter experience and has less to do with how thin you are and more to do with how much you are willing to allow your body to take over and let your mind follow.

Take time for yourself right now, put some time aside each day and pamper yourself - take a warm bath, make yourself some raspberry leaf tea and try to imagine the birth you are going to have, imagine each step of the way from early labor to crowning and hold those images with you, it's amazing what the mind can help the body to do - have faith in the amazing ability your body has to grow, nurture and birth a baby :love

I am sending you my best wishes!

[kaje62]

thank you!

[kindmomma]

The first thing to remember is your body is fully capable of having this baby.
The number one thing to work on is trying to relax. I know it sounds easy, I know it is not, but it is VERY VERY important!
I practiced hypnobirthing with my last VBAC and it really works. Spend some quiet time with your body and your baby, Remember you CAN!
I loved the book active birth and primal mothering..
If you want to talk VBAC I have done it twice and feel free to PM me
Shelly

[kaje62]

gosh thank you.
I need to buy the VBAC companion.

[CanOBeans]

Originally posted by zombiemommie
I am sure you have done your reasearch. If you are a non-interventive labor (meaning not being induced) your chances of uterine rupture are pretty much the same as a non c/s mom. You have more of a risk of something like placental abruption than you do of uterine rupture.

I hate to add a negative word here, but it isn't true that a woman with a c/s who has a non-interventive labor has the same risk of uterine rupture as a non-c/s mom. Sadly, any woman who has had an incision on her uterus (whether c/s or other surgery) has an increased risk of rupture relative to one who has not. BUT -- the risk IS very, very small when labor is not interfered with.

kaje62, I strongly urge you to check out the info at this site: www.plus-size-pregnancy.org -- one of the top three sites I would recommend for someone planning a VBAC, whether overweight or not. There are many inspirational birth stories there as well as loads of information. You might also consider joining the ICAN list to talk to other women who are in your same situation. Here's a link to more info including how to subscribe. http://www.ican-online.org/community/emailsupport.htm

A second book recommendation would be Birthing From Within. Truly excellent for any woman, but especially VBAC moms.

The antidote to fear is knowledge and faith. You can do this.

[kaje62]

I actually have Birthing Within and am a part of the Plus Sized Mom's Site

and.......my doula and my dh is helping me to increase my faith that includes higher power and me.

Thank you.

[Lucky Charm]

Kathy...just wanted to say good luck. I have read the thread a few times, and wanted to say my thoughts are with you!

[zombiemommie]

Jill/CanO'Beans - when I said "pretty much the same" I guess I phrased it incorrectly/misleadingly. When I did the research for myself, the statistical risk in the non-interventive VBAC vs. non-vbac categoreis was **to me** so slight, that for me I saw it as pretty much the same" being <1% and all... And unless the research has changed, you still have a greater risk of something like abruption occuring then you do of rupture, altho your OB/midwife/ACOG doesn't write hospital policy and procedure and use scare tactics to talk you out of a vaginal birth because you might have an abruption, KWIM ? That's how I saw/see it, and I guess that's where I am coming from with the quote you addressed.

Just to clarify

:D:D
edited to say I just read the above and it sounds snotty, its not supposed to be LOL - my point is that since Kathy Jo had posted about being "scared" what helped me get over the scaredness was by doing research, and realizing that there are other things that can happen to ANY mother, and that occur more frequently in ALL births than rupture occurs in a VBAC mom, meaning that these other things occur at a higher statistical frequency than uterine rupture, but nobody is making a huge fuss and doing things like banning vaginal birth because you might have an abruption, or making there be an anesthesiologist on call 24/7 because you may need c/s for abruption *(and using abruption as an example because that stat stuck in my head LOL)...I hope that makes sense I'm done now

[CanOBeans]

Julie/zombiemommie, I see where you are coming from (you didn't sound snotty at all :) ), and I agree that knowing the risks was important for me too in dealing with my fear. But in fact, the statistical risk of rupture for a non-c/s mom and a previous c/s mom are not "pretty much the same." Even the most liberal interpretation of the statistics will show that a c/s mom has 50 to 100 times the risk of rupture than a non-c/s mom. (.005 vs. .1 %). I think that to deny there is a risk of rupture is as detrimental as overinflating the risk. I find it more safe and useful -- and less fearful -- to acknowledge the risk, understand the factors that raise the risk, and do everything possible to minimize it.

And although it is technically correct to say that abruption is more likely than rupture, this is very dependent on an individual woman's risk factors for abruption. If a woman does not have placenta previa and does not smoke, her chances of abruption are much lower; possibly lower than or equal to that of rupture. But your point is well taken that abruption is as much a medical emergency as rupture, and it is hypocritical of hospitals to demand a higher standard of "safety" for VBACs than for any other mother. And that's more important than quibbling over statistics any day!

[AlohaDeb]

Ya know what? I'm pretty scared myself. I hit 32 weeks the day after tomorrow, and ever since 30 weeks, I've been a lot more freaked out about this whole thing.

But we CAN do it, I know we can! Although I've done my research, I found some mw's that I am very comfortable with, etc... it comes down to faith. Faith in ourselves and our bodies, and even a little bit of faith in the universe or God or whatever you want to call it.

I think being heavy (I am too) has also really demoralized our belief in our bodies, aside from our c/sec experience. Our culture really emphasizes that being thin is superior in every way, not only aesthetically but in just about every other way as well. If you have any of that baggage, lay it aside.

It's completely normal to be scared; like I said, I am too. That doesn't mean you are weak or are going to fail. Don't be afraid of being afraid. It's okay, and by recognizing your fear, you are closer to mastering it.

I see my body as strong and capable, and yours is too. I've also decided that our spirits are even stronger than they were before the c/sec, because they have been tested! So you can do it! You will be okay, and the baby will be okay.

Okay? Okay! ;)

[kvoynar]

Hi,

I'm new to this board, sitting here in the hospital on bedrest for preterm labor with Bambino #5, and wanted to offer you some support, Kathy. I totally understand your fear around VBAC, I've had two HBACs and will have a VBAC with this little guy (but not for a few more weeks). You can do it, work past your fear and trust in your body and yourself, surround yourself with people who believe in you, and trust the birth process.

That said, I wanted to also offer that a couple years ago when I was pregnant with #4 there were some new studies out around measuring the thickness of the c-sect scar via ultrasound at around 37 weeks as a way to predict increased risk for uterine rupture. If the scar was so thick, and more importantly if it was uniformly thick with no area of thinning, the risk of rupture was much smaller.

If you can find an ultrasound doc who knows of these studies and who knows how to measure scar thickness it can be reassuring. Look for an ultrasound office that specializes in higher risk stuff, with actual docs and not techs. If you were in Seattle I'd know just who to recommend. :-) Anyhow, this was reassuring to me last time around, so thought I'd mention it. Good luck!

[kaje62]

you all are so great! thanks

[pamamidwife]

Originally posted by CanOBeans
[B]I hate to add a negative word here, but it isn't true that a woman with a c/s who has a non-interventive labor has the same risk of uterine rupture as a non-c/s mom. Sadly, any woman who has had an incision on her uterus (whether c/s or other surgery) has an increased risk of rupture relative to one who has not. BUT -- the risk IS very, very small when labor is not interfered with.


Actually, they're finding that women who are induced with cytotec have at least as high a rupture rate - WITHOUT A FORMER CESAREAN. These are women that are rupturing that have had NO surgical incisions on their uterus. None.

Pretty scary, huh?

And, I guess it depends upon what is defined as "rupture" - which isn't clear always in the literature. A small separation of the scar is far, far different from a full blown rupture.

[spero]

"Silent Knife"
by Nancy Cohen & Lois Estner


"The VBAC Experience...Very Beautiful and Courageous"
by Lynn Baptisti Richards & Contributors


Best wishes to you.

[pamamidwife]

doh! I got so carried away with the Cytotec stuff that I forgot the main reason why I wanted to reply:

The book Pregnant Feelings by Rahima Baldwin is an excellent examination of your emotions and feelings for birth! It's wonderful!

Also, along the same lines is Easing Labor Pain by Adrienne...umm..I think it's Lieberman....

[bec]

I've been saying over and over to myself every day, "I can do this. I believe in my body. I trust my body. I can do it. I will do it."

I've also been analyzing every little bit of my first labor. While it might seem (especially to dh) that I am second guessing myself and my decisions the first time, I am really just trying to understand what happened.

At the time it just seemed that everything happened so fast, and I didn't have a choice in the matter. I might not have had that choice, either. We weren't in a terribly friendly environment, and we were both completely inexperienced and were forced to trust our care providers.

Well, I have the time and inclination to think about it I'm making a lot of different choices. I'm putting the control for my care back into my hands. I'm not giving it up.

And I'm working on my self-confidence. As another heavy-set mama, I am also fighting our culture's opinion that large people are somehow less capable than thin people. Having to combat that in addition to the feelings of inadequacy I got when I had to have a c/s is a daunting task sometimes. But I'm facing it none the less.

I can do this. I have faith in my body to do it's job. I can do this...