Comebacks: we all need them

[Inspired007]

Okay guys, I'm hoping that this thread will be one of those funny ones that only we pregnant women will understand and when something like this happens to us that we secretly and inwardly laugh about it knowing that our MDC sisters are rooting us on.

Most of you all will relate to my issue at hand. Being that me and DH have totally planned this pg (charting, etc) I have been very well informed from the very beginning. I am an avid reader anyway so for me this is like heaven b/c there is so much information to learn out there. Of course, one of the things a newly pg woman is thinking of is her health and by that she is thinking of foods and what to avoid/limit during her pg. I've come up with a list of things that I should avoid/limit and have made a mental list of them. For ex.

1. Tuna (limit to 1-2 times weekly due to Hg)
2. Deli Meats (listeria risk)
3. Unpasteurized cheeses (listeria)
4. Diet anything (due to phenylalanine)

and the list goes on.

Now the other day, I was offered three out of four of those items (diet gum, tuna and deli meat) all in the same day (at church). When I refuse I usually say something like "No thank you, this gum has phenylalanine in it and it's not good for pg women." Or "Feta has a high risk of harboring listeria" and of course I am doing it sweetly so as to not offend the offerer. The reply I ALWAYS get back is "Well my two kids are healthy" or something to that effect. Like what I am abstaining from is criticizing them for what they ate in their pg's. It makes me a little irritated b/c I think to myself, that just b/c your kids are fine doesn't make it less of a risk. I mean, my mother smoked cigs w/ me (gasp!) and I went on to be a Ph.D chemist but does that make it a healthy thing to do? And whose to say that any health problems I have later on in life won't be a direct result of it.

People can be so content to remain ignorant sometimes that it kills me. Why wouldn't anyone be anxious to know something that could potentially help or harm their baby?

This turned into a vent but what I need from you guys is some more good comebacks to replies like these and if you have your own pet peeves about what people are saying to you feel free to list them.

Oh, I also hate the "Don't you DARE let that baby sleep with you!" Are you kidding?

[ASusan]

Hi Inspired,

I'm not sure I have any good comebacks. I have had at least one person tell me, "Well, you're not eating any tuna or salmon." I didn't bother to correct her, because I believe that salmon is fine. Tuna, that's another thing. (This is one person out of the three who know I am pregnant.)

I PM'd you about an earlier posting of yours.

Susan

[firstkid4me]

I think I would just blame morning sickness or irritable bowels. I can't eat much canned tuna or I get really bad diarrhea, so I use that to my advantage (oh, no thank you, canned tuna doesn't agree with me.) With cheese, tell them that this pregnancy has made you intolerant of whey (so this releases you from having to worry about who you drink milk and eat ice cream in front of.) I've been known to go off on people about the dangers of diet (and their unnatural sweeteners) so no one offers me a diet anything anymore, lol.

[ASusan]

Even when I'm not pg, people know that I don't eat/drink diet things. If I'm offered something diet (or non-fat), I either politely refuse, or I say, "Diet (non-fat) things scare me - if they take the fat out, what do they put in?" What I say depends on the company - and I say it lightheartedly.

[Brisen]

I just stick to "no thanks, I'm fine." I can see how you would want to explain your reasons so it's not mistaken for "I've always hated your tuna loaf," but if you want to avoid the defensive reactions, I would just stick to a brief no thanks. It must be difficult to have your childbearing years behind you and keep on finding out that you were doing all of these dangerous things, and I can see them getting defensive. Less said is best said, IMO. But I'm not much of a talker by nature, anyway.

FWIW, not all pg women today who are informed decide to limit everything mainstream docs tell you to. I know there are women on here who don't see an occasional glass of alcohol as a problem (citing European docs who say it's fine). I'm not one of them, but then I never drink alcohol for religious reasons anyway. I'm fine with unpasteurized cheese if it's from a source I trust. Everyone has their own comfort levels.

ASusan, I'm the same with diet stuff. When dh gets the groceries, it's always low fat this, fat free that. Then I go out and get the full fat versions of everything, and just make his stuff with the low fat stuff. Like pb -- he got a "lite" pb recently, which was of course full of hydrogenated oils and had sugar in it. I got a "just peanuts" style of pb next time I was out, and keep the lite pb for his sandwiches. The kids get the real stuff.

[Inspired007]

FWIW, not all pg women today who are informed decide to limit everything mainstream docs tell you to. I know there are women on here who don't see an occasional glass of alcohol as a problem (citing European docs who say it's fine). I'm not one of them, but then I never drink alcohol for religious reasons anyway. I'm fine with unpasteurized cheese if it's from a source I trust. Everyone has their own comfort levels.


Oh, of course. I even ate a little bit of that tuna so I know that everyone will decide when the time comes what is right for them. The risk for me outweighs the benefit of certain things so that is why I am strictly abstaining from unpasteurized cheeses and diet foods(containing aspartame). The thing is for examp, that not every child who sleeps on their stomach will get SIDS but the point is that the risk is heavy so why chance it (I have a cousin who insisted with her newborn that this wasn't dangerous!)?. I don't mean to start defending my choices (or get you to defend yours) its just that I get tired of other women who aren't informed, making comments about what I should or shouldn't care about. When your decision is informed (whether you decide to go with the advice or not) it's one thing but when someone makes a comment that isn't based on facts to defend their choices (and criticize yours) -- it really ticks!

In the end it's all about risk vs. benefit. Statistics are statistics b/c they take into account the cases in which the adverse reaction has actually happened while at the same time considering the percentage of the population it doesn't happen to. It is very difficulte to analyze scientific data b/c you have to take into account factors that you may not even be aware of. You can never eliminate all risk but why not do what you can?

I just wonder why people are so resistant to learn? I probably will keep my mouth shut on why I am doing certain things (my dh suggested the same thing). I have been researching circumcision lately (in case of a boy) and have been leaning towards non-circ and I KNOW this is an issue that many people (family esp) won't let me get out of a convo w/o defending myself since it's against the grain and everyone THINKS they know (again w/o having true scientific evidence to support their arguements). I guess it's human nature to defend your choices even if you aren't asked for them :irked:

sigh... maybe I'm just emotional today.

[Brisen]

Inspired, as I was washing our huge mound of dishes (so I had lots of time to think about things) I thought about this thread and realized you were specifically asking for comebacks, not a commentary on how you were approaching the subject. :o Sorry, I got off topic there. Feel free to ignore me (of course that goes without saying whenever I post, I'm just pointing it out in particular here :wink).

[stacey2061]

i don't bother with comebacks to those kinds of statements. people who tell me not to sleep with my kids know that i already do and it seems to me they are just looking for a debate, for a chance to be "right" so i just say, "yes we do cosleep." and if they say "you'll never get him out of your bed!" i tell them that's not something i'm worried about. the look in their eyes is priceless, and they know that they won't get the fight they're looking for, and even if they did, they wouldn't get anywhere.


as for the meat/cheese, for the most part i don't avoid those, but if someone were to offer, i'm not uncomfortable declining with a simple "no, thank you" i don't know anyone who would push the issue past that. sorry, i'm no help at all! i've never been one for comebacks :duck:

[Hippiemommie]

If someone says to me "Well I put my baby in the crib the first night" or "I drank diet coke" "My baby drank forumla from day 1" "My son is circumsized" I just say, "Well you did the best you knew how to do and I'm doing the best I know how."

[Inspired007]

Inspired, as I was washing our huge mound of dishes (so I had lots of time to think about things) I thought about this thread and realized you were specifically asking for comebacks, not a commentary on how you were approaching the subject. :o Sorry, I got off topic there. Feel free to ignore me (of course that goes without saying whenever I post, I'm just pointing it out in particular here :wink).
No prob whatsoever. My husband really said the same thing, to just say no thanks and keep going. I am such a nerd that I think that everyone wants to know what I know!
If someone says to me "Well I put my baby in the crib the first night" or "I drank diet coke" "My baby drank forumla from day 1" "My son is circumsized" I just say, "Well you did the best you knew how to do and I'm doing the best I know how."
This is great! You did your best and now I'm doing my best. Great.