kezia
05-20-2003, 12:51 PM
My mother is driving me insane! I'm days away from my due date, and she's been calling me at least twice a day. We have caller ID, so I don't always answer the phone when I see it's her, and when I do I usually regret it. First, she asks how I'm "feeling", then, when tell her nothing is happening, she acts like I'm trying to keep something from her and starts asking a million questions about what happened at my last checkup, what's going to happen at my next checkup, am I having contractions, has the baby dropped, have I lost my mucous plug, ad nauseum.
Then, last night she started in on me again about how much it would mean to her to be at the birth. AAAAHHHHH! I had this whole heart-to-heart with her MONTHS ago and explained why I needed it to be just me, dh, midwife, and doula . She was in the room with us when I was in labor with ds, but not as a support person, just as an observer. When I started pushing, she went over and sat in a chair across the room from me so she could get a good view of the birth, which was fine. I didn't even notice her until after I'd been pushing for several hours and she started giving me these "poor baby, I feel so bad for you, this isn't going to happen" looks--I told her to LEAVE at that point.
I know she was upset when we talked about it before, but I thought she understood and accepted that she wouldn't be with me this time. Now, it's becoming apparent that she thought that I had been sufficiently guilt-tripped, and realized that I couldn't "exclude" her. But, she's still afraid that I might not call her when I go into labor, so she's continuing to lay on the guilt. And to make things worse, my dad calls today to tell me how much it's upsetting her that I don't want to talk to her about my pregnancy/birth, and how being 9 mos pregnant doesn't give me the right to be totally selfish and disregard everybody else's feelings.
Excuse me, but I'M the one having the baby here, right?! Why should anyone else have any "feelings" about it? Why should anyone feel like they have a right to witness the birth of my child? It's not even like she wants to be there for ME, to support ME during my labor--she wants to be there for HERSELF, because she's gotten it into her head that it will be this wonderful, special, life-changing experience for her to see her grandchild come out of her daughter's vagina. Plus, she's on the whole thing now where she thinks I'm blaming her for my c/s with ds, and that if she's there with me this time and I deliver vaginally, that will make me realize it wasn't her fault
I am at the end of my rope, and I don't have the energy to continue to try explaining my need for privacy to her. She only hears what she wants to hear and twists everything I say. But on the other hand, it's really stressing me out to not be able to talk to her right now. She's my mom and I love her, and we've always been very close. I've always enjoyed talking with her on the phone, but now when I see her number on the caller ID my blood pressure goes up and I get totally stressed out.
Okay, I know I'm rambling, but if anyone has any suggestions or sympathy for me, please share. Just please, please don't tell me to "get over myself", or I will truly lose it!
Then, last night she started in on me again about how much it would mean to her to be at the birth. AAAAHHHHH! I had this whole heart-to-heart with her MONTHS ago and explained why I needed it to be just me, dh, midwife, and doula . She was in the room with us when I was in labor with ds, but not as a support person, just as an observer. When I started pushing, she went over and sat in a chair across the room from me so she could get a good view of the birth, which was fine. I didn't even notice her until after I'd been pushing for several hours and she started giving me these "poor baby, I feel so bad for you, this isn't going to happen" looks--I told her to LEAVE at that point.
I know she was upset when we talked about it before, but I thought she understood and accepted that she wouldn't be with me this time. Now, it's becoming apparent that she thought that I had been sufficiently guilt-tripped, and realized that I couldn't "exclude" her. But, she's still afraid that I might not call her when I go into labor, so she's continuing to lay on the guilt. And to make things worse, my dad calls today to tell me how much it's upsetting her that I don't want to talk to her about my pregnancy/birth, and how being 9 mos pregnant doesn't give me the right to be totally selfish and disregard everybody else's feelings.
Excuse me, but I'M the one having the baby here, right?! Why should anyone else have any "feelings" about it? Why should anyone feel like they have a right to witness the birth of my child? It's not even like she wants to be there for ME, to support ME during my labor--she wants to be there for HERSELF, because she's gotten it into her head that it will be this wonderful, special, life-changing experience for her to see her grandchild come out of her daughter's vagina. Plus, she's on the whole thing now where she thinks I'm blaming her for my c/s with ds, and that if she's there with me this time and I deliver vaginally, that will make me realize it wasn't her fault
I am at the end of my rope, and I don't have the energy to continue to try explaining my need for privacy to her. She only hears what she wants to hear and twists everything I say. But on the other hand, it's really stressing me out to not be able to talk to her right now. She's my mom and I love her, and we've always been very close. I've always enjoyed talking with her on the phone, but now when I see her number on the caller ID my blood pressure goes up and I get totally stressed out.
Okay, I know I'm rambling, but if anyone has any suggestions or sympathy for me, please share. Just please, please don't tell me to "get over myself", or I will truly lose it!