Hi, all. I saw this posted somewhere and thought it was too funny. Stop me if you've already seen it --

EXCERCISES TO PREPARE FOR YOUR HOSPITAL EXPERIENCE
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1. Lay nude on the front lawn and ask the weed man to probe you with
his applicator.
2. Drink a quart of Sherwin-Williams Eggshell One-Coat Coverage
Interior Flat White #2. Then have your child stuff his slinky down your
throat.
3. Put a real estate agent's 'Open House' sign on your front yard and
lie on your bed dressed in a paper napkin with straws stuck up your nose.
4. Put your hand down the garbage disposal while practicing your smile
and repeating: "mild discomfort."
5. Set your alarm to go off every ten minutes from ten PM to seven AM,
at which times you will alternately puncture your wrist with a Craftsman
(square-head) screwdriver and stab yourself with a knitting needle.
6. Remove all actual food from the house.
7. With several strands of Christmas lights strung from a coat tree and
onto yourself, walk slowly up and down the hall.
8. Urinate into an empty lipstick tube.

Thank you so much for that! I laughed so hard I squirted tears! I've had a bad week (miscarriage) so I really needed that. I've never given birth in hospital, but I spent a night in one when ds was almost premature. I can't begin to figure out what the paint and slinky thing refers to. Anybody know?

Oh, wait... was the paint supposed to refer to vomit? I just threw up chiles rellenos and orange juice, so I wouldn't know!

Oh, that's what it means. Sorry you had to experience that first hand to get it. I didn't get it. Thank you for explaining. It was the only thing I didn't get. Maybe the slinky is that swab they do to women?

Also, I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I hope you have time to be gentle to yourself. My thoughts are with you.

Peace & Blessings to your family.

I think the white paint and slinky refers to someone getting a endoscopy. This list doesn't refer to birth; it refers to any sort of hospitalization, seems to me.

I was going to say it refers to drinking barium - I had to do that with an appendix episode and it is thick, chalky, nasty nasty stuff, and literally I had to drink a gallon!!! I washed it down with tapioca pudding... :Puke


the christmas lights thing makes me laugh... same appy episode my dh (boyfriend at the time) walked me and my monitors and IV around the halls of the very tiny local hospital.