Finding a Doula - WWYD?

[Surfacing]

(X-posted in Birth Stories after my birth story with dd#1 http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=633390&page=2 )

WWYD - my sister-in-law is now studying to be a doula. She is great - empathetic and super keen. She's 45, has two teenagers, has been working at women's shelters for years. I think she'd be a great support. Plus she'd be free ($) :lol

I have been interviewing doulas since finding out I'm PG with bb#2.
I have deliberately been trying to find someone who has experience working with mothers who had a traumatic birth and have postpartum mood issues. I need that person to be supportive and not judgemental, no matter which way the birth and postpartum goes.

I think my sister-in-law could be helpful..........I've thought about asking her to read that Penny Simpkin book for birth professionals working with abuse survivors.........and telling her very specifically about the kind of words I need her to use during the birth.

So my dilemma is this: Do I ask my sister-in-law to do a bit of preparing and studying and give her a try? Or do I stick specifically to someone who already has a proven track record????

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. :hug

[DoulaLMT]

This is a tough one. As I consider giving birth myself, I think I would have to choose someone I feel I could trust given the situation. If you choose your sister-in-law, but have doubt in the back of your mind, she's going to be less helpful to you than if you have someone you feel you can trust completely. However, having a competent doula, no matter if they have experience with tramatic birth or not, will probably prove to be incredibly helpful to you this time around.

:Hug Goodluck choosing a doula.....follow what your heart is telling you!!

[zenma]

i don't have a decisive answer, but i do think you should take your time. your first trimester instinct could vary wildly from how you feel closer to birth. trust yourself!

[Surfacing]

- deleted my previous post in which I talked about being afraid to trust anyone that much...

I think the best thing to do is to try to get the best out of the situation. It's not all or nothing. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it can still be good. I can still benefit from some support. Not fair to expect anyone to give me ALL the support I need.

Thanks!

[zenma]

I read your post before you deleted it. It was really honest and thoughtful! I think knowing what you need for labor will get you closer to having it. I also wondered that if your SIL couldn't pull through to the level you need, would it get in the way of your relationship? For some people it would make the family bond stronger and for some it could get in the way.

[Surfacing]

:blush Thanks Zenma. I deleted it because I was embarassed by how raw it was. I also think it's problematic to have too high or unrealistic expectations and to do the whole 'poor me wah-wah' thing. :lol I think my post had some of that...I was uncomfortable...it was raw and honest...but I also reflected on those thoughts/feelings and decided they needed some adjustment.:duck:

Agreed -- the more I know what I want the closer I will be to getting it.

As for my SIL maybe not being able to 'step up'....I think ANYTHING would be an improvement over what I had the last time (which was NOTHING). I *do* think she could contribute something valuable....

I will take more time to decide, of course. Thanks for the feedback.

[umsami]

What about trying to find a doula with experience but asking your sister-in-law to be there as well?? She may appreciate the learning opportunity. :)

[Surfacing]

Yes I thought of the same thing. I just need to confirm how many people I am allowed to have at the birth. Great minds.... :dust

[abbieandlady]

As a doula the primary issue is that you have someone there that you can trust and who has a similar birthing philosophy to you.

As you interview doulas you might ask if they are willing to let your sil attend as a "student doula". Typically hospitals are more than willing to accomodate the extra body in the event of a "student". I have had student doulas allowed to break almost every rule in the book. I introduce them to staff as "shadowing" me.

[Surfacing]

Okay. When I see the midwife in mid-June I will ask about bringing her as a student if I have another doula and hubby in attendance.

[gratefulbambina]

How about searching for a post partum Doula? One that can be there for you more after you give birth rather than during and have your sister in law there for you during birth?